The world as it stands is not geared to make desires the vocal point of our lives, is it?
Desires are different beasts and differ hugely from everything we have learned about success and goals.
Desires are delicious anticipations of great things to come.
Many of us experienced the feelings of desire when we were children looking forward to Christmas, birthdays and holidays.
As an adult many of us have remained at that ‘childish’ level of desire, looking forward to ‘things’ , but the difference is that once we got what we desired we still were left with feeling unfulfilled.
But once we allow desires to mature from that initial child level they become more like a ‘calling’.
I now prefer the word ‘calling’ over desire as it better describes how adult desire works, it calls us forward.
Saying that I have a ‘calling’ for my return to nature feels more accurate.
‘Calling’ also makes more sense when I look at how my ‘calling’ is taking shape. It is not always fun and I never really associated letting go and having faith and being scared stiff with the word desire from my childhood and for some time that had me confused.
What I have found and understand now that I consider desires to be more like a ‘calling’;
having a ‘calling’ requires a transition into a different way of Be-ing and Do-ing.
In short we, human beings, need to let go, to change how we operate and learn to operate at the level our desires call us.
The biggest thing I have learned from my ‘call’ to live differently in nature is that it requires letting go of the tried and true, it has me jumping into the unknown and having faith.
All things that are unfortunately in short supply if you look around you.
Not many of us seem to have faith and trust; predictability is our middle name and the way we hold on to materialism and our beliefs says it all. I was no exception.
BUT . . . No change, no go.
When following my ‘calling’, I have found myself hanging onto the cliff by my finger nails unwilling to jump. ’Calling’ or not, jumping is never easy, is it?
At one point I had to let go of my job.
Money and my job were at that time my biggest imprisoner of all, they had me NOT aligned with my ‘delicious anticipation’ of doing life differently in nature and yet I hung on for dear life before jumping!
To add insult to injury I was also being out-of-integrity because I ignored John’s income stream and support. Ouch, that wholesome ‘what is so’ was hard to swallow once I saw that.
At that time my job had reached its ‘use by’ date. I started to bite the hand that fed me, I was no longer able to add value as I had withdrawn my support and in such a state I was focused on anything but desires.
Letting go of the job was necessary for me at that time to allow me to focus on more productive things, to pay attention while working out my calling and how to return to who I really am and how to trust.
I could NOT live in the old way and at the same time deliciously anticipate my future.
I needed to jump to operate at the level my desire called me to and while my ego resisted the jump big time I started to realize I could NOT be half pregnant. It was one or the other and finally I jumped and lo and behold John was there to catch me. Me of little faith.
And it didn’t stop with that jump either.
At least I was still in the city living in the house we owned, reasonably close to my daughters and friends. So when worse would come to the worst, I had always somewhere to run to and the chance to earn a bit of money here and there when necessary.
BUT as I became more intimate and knowledgeable about my ‘calling’, another jump awaited me; the jump into the unknown of rural living. In hindsight that seems obvious BUT at that time I wanted the security of the city AND the joy of rural life, what was that about being half pregnant again?
However I have gained a lot from letting go and from jumping, I am pleased to report.
Letting go simplified my life and that makes a huge difference in freedom and finances.
With letting go, liabilities that were an emotional, time and financial drain disappeared.
Commuting, city entertainment, needy friends all gone; it is amazing how a city can drain you.
Since I have increased my time in nature from 7 weeks annual holidays to total emersion, I have become congruent in who I desire to be and who I am. I eat, I work and I live where I love to be and that is awesome AND very healthy.
I have removed distractions such as television, newspapers, neighborhood and work environment noise and in the emerging quiet I can hear what is important.
After jumping I have become a lot smarter, more creative and as a result I see solutions where before I used to see none AND this is helping me to cope with the unknown. I have a growing ability to think for myself and my need to copycat other people’s success is diminishing.
Oh sure, there were times when I was tempted to copycat Leo Babatau of Zen Habits to get his success and those dollars. But as Leo obviously uniquely follows his desires, how could I ‘uniquely’ copy him?????
I am finding my own way in the internet world by paying attention and fighting off the urge to go for quantity rather than quality. I learn from my blogging community by paying attention, NOT by fearfully rushing around. By paying attention I am seeing all your wonderful contributions and I have taken the opportunity to have them add even more value by writing the weekly Friday posts.
I am also realizing that my holy cow of owning a house is no longer that holy. Renting in our current situation allows for flexibility and freedom and it gives us financial relief as the mortgage is gone. THAT was a big one, letting that security blanket go but I sure can see the win in it now.
My ‘calling’ to live differently in co-creation with Nature Intelligence has me learn and unlearn a LOT.
I understand now why desires have NOT lead me down a path of roses. I now realize that until I adjusted to the rhythm of their way of operating we were not collaborating very well!
And all that learning and unlearning is now calling you to WomenLikeMe, if you so desire. I highly recommend you do if you desire a ‘calling’ that deliciously has you anticipating your future. A scary but exciting ride awaits you if you register which if you want to, you can do today.