Comments on: Ego rejects love and intimacy.

By: Wilma

Wilma — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 21:34:39 +0000

Dear Lisa. What you say here is essential, in this current time we all have to find our own way to who we are, how difficult that might be for others to allow that to happen.

spending so many years developing my own personal power played a big part in my overall growth. I had to break through that, and let go of it at a certain point, but I did learn a lot from it.

So I do see now how family is my journey now, in terms of this intimacy/ego work.

I can see that her own journey is important for my daughter and thank you for describing it that way.
And it is no wonder that we all have to find our own way as at the moment there is no collective wisdom that we can confidently and trustingly transfer into our daily living. We are all taught things we in our core do not agree with because we all intuitively know that in daily life we are NOT living how we could be living. Neither did I, so what example did I give my daughter and what authority have I gained by living like that in the past and then to expect her to accept my current alternative.
Why would she believe my different story all of a sudden?????? She is hanging on to the one she grew up with and how can I expect her to see that there is another way in a blink of an eye??????
I do agree she now needs to work it out for herself but I can still offer her gently another point of view even if she rejects that right now. Like you she might go looking somewhere else and that is perfect too.
I can see all that and as I can see the wholesome ‘what is so’ I do not beat myself up or dominate her with my opinion. For that I am grateful.
Thanks for your validation, it all needs to play itself out and it serves me to carefully pay attention and learn from my observations what role I have played. This honest observing is serving me extremely well, it is being intimate with what is happening, it is sharing intimately what is happening so I can get all your input and together we can grow. That is the only way to learn.
That is what I mean with this post and thank you for sharing back. If my ego driven thoughts would still be in charge, I would not be sharing like this, no way would I intimately come clean. I would be afraid of all your opinions and would feel I would lose respect. I would keep up appearances, but what for??? I am learning a lot from my honest observing and your feedback and obviously so do you. I agree we can all hide behind ‘knowledge’, but in the end how we live our lives is where we show our real wisdom, don’t we?
In this intimacy we all will recognize our wholesome ‘what is so’ and then we can move on. Much love and I appreciate you, Wilma

By: Lisa (mommymystic)

Lisa (mommymystic) — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 18:26:07 +0000

Wilma, well, as I mentioned before, trying to be brave enough ( i.e. quiet my ego enough) to be in true intimacy is a big challenge for me. I have blocks with both the giving and receiving side. I am seeing it is so central to my journey now. Funnily enough, I am seeing how my spiritual studies at times have actually blocked my ability to be intimate – there is a high premium placed on solitude, and ‘finding one’s passion’ and all that, depending on which tradition/philosophy one is ascribed too, and while it is meant to help us become more intimate with ourselves (the precursor to becoming intimate with others I think), it can actually morph into a kind of ’shell’ we place around ourselves, to keep others at bay. And I became an expert at that, prior to marriage and children. So I do see now how family is my journey now, in terms of this intimacy/ego work.

And in that sense, what you have described with your daughter here is so familiar, from both sides. I have resisted my own mother this way. And even with my children so young, I have already had times where I have triggered their resistance to me when I can see something they cannot. On the other hand, I walked the same path as your daughter for many years. And in retrospect, spending so many years developing my own personal power played a big part in my overall growth. I had to break through that, and let go of it at a certain point, but I did learn a lot from it. It is so hard to know, when we sense another’s unhappiness and can see what it stems from, to simply let it play itself out.

Thanks for such a heartfelt and honest post once again XOXO – Lisa
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Lisa (mommymystic)´s last blog ..Helena Blavatsky – Mother of New Age Thought

By: Wilma

Wilma — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 19:48:42 +0000

Hey Farnoosh isn’t that interesting;

I was just embarrassed – I do not know why at all. I was touched, almost brought to tears, but just a bit embarrassed. I guess I did not know how my writing voice would come across to my mom who is so close to me.

If you would be close to your mom you would know, wouldn’t you?
Farnoosh, intimacy is extremely important, we all want it and yet where is it really?
It means paying attention, it means you cannot be intimate with a whole lot of people. it means noticing and sharing what you notice in that safe and loving haven of intimate relationships we hardly ever experience in our lives.
But we do not do it because we are not safe. We have all reasons to believe we are not honest, we all know that the emperor has no clothes on and we all see that nobody is telling. WHAT is that saying and how does that invite intimacy, who can you trust?
We do not realize the level of mistrust we live in, would you like to be the emperor, would you like to be the person who pretends and yet we all are the emperor and the person who pretends. Think about that and you know why we are afraid of intimacy.
Much love to you, Wilma.

By: Wilma

Wilma — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 19:43:17 +0000

Dear Z. Great to have you back and well settled in your greener pastures.
Well, I do not know if I do best, what I got to see is that what I said to Angelia, we as mothers have to intimately face the wholesome ‘what is so’ of ourselves when we are confronted with our loved ones. I do not want to fix her but I am intimately observing and daring to face what I am seeing and how it reflects back on me. I bought into that as well and now I can see in a mirror, my daughter’s life, how awful it looks I have to do something. I have to change and then my daughter can see in me the changes if she wants to or not. That I cannot influence.
Oh Z, when will we see that the emperor has no clothes on, that life how we are being taught is NOT how it is best for us and the planet and what is more when will we intimately support each other in making the change. We need each other’s intimate attention so they can reflect back in love what they notice. I cannot notice on my own but I am finally prepared to hear and see and let others in. That is what I have gained from watching my daughter, my brother and me. Without intimacy which we are all afraid of, we will not grow and do things differently.
And isn’t it great that you have reached a certain level of intimacy with your mother, she notices and you let her in, win/win for both of you. Awesome, hugs Wilma

By: Wilma

Wilma — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 19:37:03 +0000

Dear Angelia, your words of encouragement are sweet and thank you.
I know we all have to live our lives how we see fit however I am sure that we all could fly a lot sooner if we and I mean WE, the whole of humanity can get their head around intimacy. Teachers, friends, parents, if the whole lot would NOT be afraid of really listening and really noticing and sharing, we would all be more capable of taking things in that are good for us. I am not solely responsible for how my daughter thinks although a big part of me is as I learned exactly what she learned.
Until somebody dares to be intimate and shares what is really there to see “that the emperor has no clothes on”, and dares to face all all the consequences that that will bring, we are all still pretending that the old way is the only and best way.
There will be consequences when we expose the way we all pursue success, money and security BUT someone has to do it and I am at least doing it in my own life and facing the consequences of a daughter making the mistakes I made.
However I do love your kind words of love, much love to you too and YOUR wonderful daughter, you did well. xox Wilma