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Wilma’s friends on Doing love to be Lovable.
John being Love-in-action because I am lovable of course.
What a glorious abundant love-in-action flowed from your comments on this Monday’s post; Are we lovable enough to attract love?
I absolutely adored the level of honesty that shone through in your comments. It is only through honesty that we get closer to the wholesome ‘what is so’ of our lives. Your honesty is such a loving contribution as we all get a chance to reflect on our own wholesome ’what is so’ when we read each other’s comments.
In particular I’m acknowledging the honesty of Dorothy and Joyce who echoed Michaele’s observation of how difficult it is to be love-in-action;
it can be hard to remember in the thick of things… and easy to forget.. and sometimes I find myself wondering how to *be* love-able in my current situation.
The honesty didn’t stop there as Tess shared;
as soon as I’m off kilter I find myself attacking hubs for no reason at all.
With Chris Edgar following up with a telling observation of human beings;
yes, it’s odd how the ones we’re in relationship with tend to be, paradoxically, the ones who get the most of our anger and defensiveness — even more weirdly, because they’ve helped us to feel safe enough with them to release those parts. Being human gets more odd each time I think about it.
Yes Chris, being human can seem very odd but we can thank Megan Bord for an useful insight into all this oddness;
“Maybe it’s not a matter of ‘you are’ or ‘you aren’t.’ We imprison ourselves with our dualistic viewpoints — things are either black or they’re white, we’re loving ourselves or we’re not… Maybe you’re always loving yourself, but because you’ve trained your mind to believe that love looks a certain way, you don’t recognize it when you’re doing it.”
That’s when it all came together for me, and I could see how “in my head” I’ve been for the last two months.
When I’m in my head, ego’s running around like a bratty child, wreaking havoc and wearing me out. I think that love’s abandoned me, or I’ve abandoned it. I try in vain to analyze how to love myself — as if it’s a step by step formula I could adhere to, which would magically make everything in life better.
But what if I softened my gaze a bit, and changed my perspective and started to FEEL that since I am made of love, everything I do is an act of loving myself? Love is what’s at my core — what’s bubbling beneath the surface at all times. I just choose to cover it up with mind games, judgments, resistance (ohhhh, resistance!), when all it ever takes is surrendering back to my most natural state in order for love to shine through again.
… Much gratitude, as I practice surrendering, and affirming that I AM ALWAYS LOVING MYSELF!
Thank you Megan for stating it so clearly. I too are getting to understand that it is our ego and its limiting preference to see things as black and white that is the culprit for us being such ‘odd’ human beings.
There was a recurring theme in your comments that it is firstly and always a case of loving ourselves;
Peggy said; I understood that in order for me to be loved, really loved the way I wanted to be loved that I had to love myself just like that FIRST.
Michaele said; I knew that taking care of myself would be the best long-term strategy.
SuZen said; If I truly do love myself, it gives me nothing but love to give out – and I love that!
Megan was not the only one to bring up the issue of ‘ego’ and love. The Exception’s perspective is;
the way people view it [love] and treat it as if it is territory or possession or something that has strings and locks and keys…
love… so simple and yet so full of nuances and depth because it is filtered and often defined by the ego and individual experiences.
I’d go a step further and suggest that when love is “territory or possession or something that has strings and locks and keys’ it is NOT love at all but 100% ego at work, anchoring its needs rather than being and doing love.
Mark’s observation regarding love and ego states;
This should be easy because love is our core being. The reason it appears to be difficult is because we have hidden our core being beneath layers of ego.
Aysel has the measure of an ego-centric self;
I know now that despite living in this imperfect world, I want and I can be lovable. I don’t want to go backwards to being a demanding, selfish, ego-centric woman, because that’s when I stop being lovable – I simply cannot love myself when I am that way.
As does The Exception;
It is when we stop, open ourselves, and allow our loving selves to shine that we have a more accurate read on the situation or we realize that it isn’t about us as much as it is about something else.
When we are going beyond the ego and its tendency to only fulfill its personal needs, that is when we are ‘Do-ing love to be lovable’ and we are allowing ourselves to shine without having to think it is all about ME.
Only our ego needs to have it be all about me. Our heart-centered selves on the other hand can simply get on with what needs to be done while taking the wholesome ‘what is so’ for everybody into account and thus making all the acts lovable towards everybody, ourselves included!
In the end though it all starts with what Megan said; “I AM ALWAYS LOVING MYSELF!” but has my ego-self allowed me to notice?
Often the ego voice is louder and will not let you notice.
Peggy and I are talking about that very issue on her (Step)mom’s Toolbox Radio Show and you can download it now to hear how the martyrdom myth feeds the ego and has nothing to do with being Love-in-action. Love yourself and have a listen to the show; get the measure of martyrdom and how it stops you from being lovable.
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18 Comments to “Wilma’s friends on Doing love to be Lovable.”
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Hi Wilma,
I wanted to thank you for your kind words in response to my comment on your post. It brought tears to my eyes. Your post and the discussion that followed came at a time when I most needed it.
Each day this week week I’ve been remembering and reflecting on your words, asking myself, “Is this behaviour loving towards myself?”. I feel a lot less guilty about the “selfish” things I do in my life, although the discussion following your post made me question the differences between being “selfish”, “ego-centric” and “self-centred”. Are they all the same? Just bad words used to describe the same thing? Perhaps not. Perhaps being loving towards yourself automatically makes you loving and therefore considerate towards others.
Whenever I’ve felt sad or scared or lost in the last few days I’ve tried to think “What would I do if I was my own mother? How would I comfort this child?” And that’s helped me be more loving towards myself. For me, this is the best I can do right now, but it’s a start. I’m going to keep coming back to this post and to the discussion that followed to keep me on the loving path…
Thank you again…..
Dorothy´s last blog ..Things I learnt from Facebook
Sweetest Dorothy, we are all so deprived of love, it takes a while to get love going again. Let me first tell you, for women like you there is no selfishness, or ego centric or self-centeredness at the moment. You are just looking after yourself and that is never wrong. You are looking after yourself because you had a tough time and you have children to look after. It shows however how confused we are about Self-Care.
You are doing the best thing you can do and you are a champ for putting it this way;
That is brilliant and very helpful and very clever of you especially because it works and it is what you need right now, nurturing.
Dearest Dorothy, loving yourself is filling your love tank so you can eventually function lovingly. It is the best thing you can do and never make it wrong. Big hug again, Wilma
Wilma, once more thank you for shining a light on this topic. It’s one I was in the thick of, so to speak, earlier in the week when you wrote your initial post. Such a pure energy, love is, yet so easy to pollute with our thoughts on what it is or is not!
I loved reading everyone’s comments — we live among some very wise souls, which makes my heart happy. Everyone who visits here is so loving, and it always feels good to interact with friends.
Have a wonderful Friday, Wilma!
Dear Megan, thank you too again for your wonderful contribution and yes you wonder why this happens;
Isn’t it indeed a treasure to have these conversations amongst us so we all are getting a greater understanding of how life can be done differently in such a way that it feels good to be alive. All the struggle is so not necessary.
I will have a great Friday and you have one too.
A huge hug to you and much love, xox Wilma
Hi Wilma! I love how you tie it all together! You should replace Oprah! I could so see you doing your own show! Cool you are doing the radio – the brat me wants more! haha!
hugs
suZen
p.s. Caught that comma John pointed out!
suzen´s last blog ..Taking On McDonalds
Dear SuZen, it is amazing what is on offer to tie together.
Replacing Oprah, now you are talking and you will be my staple guest, you being an old hand at showing up on shows like that :~).
You can hear my strange accent on that show, and I always thought my English wasn’t that bad. Never mind, as long as people understand what I am saying. BTW Peggy is a wonderful radio host and she has some amazing great women as guests.
Good you got the comma, at least the old postman could read an address no matter how you spelled it or where you put commas.
Hugs Wilma and enjoy your ‘real’ painting. xox
Wilma: I really appreciated this topic and post. I think we are all trying to find the softer side of life where the love that is at our core exudes from us continually. However, the reality and challenges of life can really suck you in and dim our loving light and essence. It is such a human challenge and I thank you for speaking on it and sharing other people’s insights because it is helpful to hear how other people manage through. I really found this post helpful and filled with so many amazing insights from all your commenters. Thakns for sharing it and have a great weekend.
Sibyl – alternaview´s last blog ..How To Ensure That You Get Out of Life Everything You Want
Hi Sibyl, I so agree with you; . . .
We sure have organized our current society in such a way that dims our loving essence.
Nowhere is there unconditional loving energy in a continuous flow. We get a bit here and a bit there, but then whammo something happens to burst the bubble and we get the mightiest fright and we feel no longer loved.
It sure is a challenge to keep that loving energy on the surface when that happens.
There has been a time when love was very prevalent and society supported love in action in a continuous flow and that is what I aspire to have back. In the meantime we need to become aware what is currently missing and what is currently throwing us off course.
And yes, the dialog we are having here is extremely valuable.
I wish you too to have a great weekend, xox Wilma
At the risk of repeating my self I will say that the only reason we can notice that we are loving ourselves is because our ego is there to take notice. A warm and healthy ego that knows to take second place to divine love and kindness. An ego that, because it is connected to its source, is sending the message ‘I’m loved, I’m lovable, I’m able to love.’ When we get to that stage, as Megan so wisely states, all our actions are just part of all that is, all that we are, in a reality of love.
I’m grieving and I’m struggling to regain my health. It’s all part of my journey of learning to love more whether I’m whining or giving thanks.
Lovely to read you -and your friends, Wilma. ♥
Maryse´s last blog ..WOULD I…
Dear Maryse, divine love is absolutely what there is to aspire to, as you say;
It is hard to imagine what is possible but I can get some glimpses of how that must feel to us humans. Divine, I’d say!We would feel safe, completely supported and we would become powerful creators, manifesting only results that are benefiting everybody. No longer hunger, or lack for anybody and it is soooo possible once we all come and act from love.
I admire how you keep looking for love while you lost and struggle to regain your health, that is a great aspiration. Much love, Wilma
PS Maryse, we are giving the word ‘ego’ two quite different meanings. The meaning I’m giving ‘ego’ is; it represents a body of thoughts derived from our separateness from God. This body of thought (ego) uses ‘fear’ as its tool for holding separateness in place. This body of thought is very powerful as once we have internalized it (and we have) we think we ARE those body of thoughts.
The body of thoughts we call ‘ego’ are invented and are not necessary, in fact counter productive to creating a world of love.
It is extensively explained in the writing of Eckhart Tolle, especially his book; ‘A New Earth’. I’ve added this clarification as ‘ego’ is one of the most tricky and easily misunderstood of words.
Dear Wilma,
I second SuZen’s comment on how you tie everything together so well
And never mind your accent – I LOVE having you on the radio show and your accent is a joy to hear (psssst, so is John’s!)
Martrydom in all it’s twisted appearances must relinquish the foreground of our minds and retreat to some far away place. Awareness is the beginning of the end
xo
Peggy
Peggy Nolan´s last blog ..Resentment is a Relationship Killer
Hey Peggy, I really love busting the martyrdom myth with you on your awesome radio shows. It is such an interesting thing to notice how NOT aware we are of our own twisted behavior. It is good to hold the mirror up to each other and tell them to have a good look at what they see. It worked for us big time so it will for others as well.
I so appreciate to have you walking beside me on this journey towards awareness and a great life full of great relationships, xox Wilma
Hi Wilma .. I hope I’m becoming self-sufficient in myself .. I watch Janice, our therapist practitioner (nurse, spiritual guider, reiki, yoga) who spends time with my mother .. and would like to be like her = secure in her thoughts, her actions .. she is nearly always exuding a quiet strength … a natural source of belief in herself .. that is my aim – once I’m through this phase and have time to think, read and concentrate on some higher ideals of improvement. I will be interested to see how I become, how I cope .. and sincerely hope I don’t go back to my old ways … and when I do become free .. I sincerely hope I can take with me a great big helping of forgiveness .. as that I will need to have to fulfil my quiet self-sufficiency and not revert to past ways ..
Thanks and I so look forward to participating more .. hope you’ve had a good weekend and have a good week ahead .. with hugs xoxo HIlary
Hilary´s last blog ..A Century of Aces Afghanistan to Zimbabwe
Dear Hilary, you describe Janice beautifully;
We all should have that, we all should have been able to develop this while we were growing up. But alas, not many of us have that yet, that belief in oneself and it is no mystery to see why not. It is good to recognize it in others who do have it, at least we get to know that something good exists that we can also thrive for.
And as those people are rare, it is great that you have the chance to observe her and at least know the difference. Hilary, it is really hard to keep one’s peace of mind when you are in the midst of all that you are in. You are doing fine though and the universe is on your side, always. And we will NOT let you revert back and we will know when you have forgiven what there is to forgive, it will be visible in your language, it will be visible in what you say for the people who are paying attention. I will be :~). You too have a great week ahead and the weekend was grand with sun.
xox Wilma
How did I miss that post? I have to start getting up earlier and paying more attention to keep up with all your good stuff, Wilma!
Speaking of Chris Edgar, my mind keeps coming back to a quote he references in his “Inner Productivity” book, and I’ll be paraphrasing… It’s not about the love I cannot find, but the love that’s always there that I’m blocking. Ain’t that the truth!
I agree with SuZen — you are the next Oprah! Well, you ARE the current Oprah of the blogosphere!
xo
Jannie Funster´s last blog ..21 Donuts Of Love
Dear Jannie, you can only do so much and you are here now. You need to nurture the muse in you!
Yes, Love is all around us and it is actually astounding what we are blocking so we keep yearning for it and yet never receive it. Chris knows what he is talking about alright.
It is a case of becoming less busy and paying more attention to unblock all that what is in the way of living a magnificent life. I’d say there will be a lot to unblock.
Wouldn’t that be cool, all of us appearing on our own cyber space Oprah show. Well, as you declare it, so be it and that will make your next song a smashing hit.
Hugs Wilma
Wilma,
I love the way you crafted this post. So much wisdom from so many people! Thank-you, we have so much to remember about who we truly are. Love to you!
Mark´s last blog ..Mr Fix-it to Mr Vulnerability
Hi Mark, yes it is amazing how we all can contribute to each other and how it all supports getting clarity in this muddled world. We are indeed nowhere in the know yet about who we truly are but we are working on it. Love to you too and the title of your new post is encouraging. xox Wilma