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Wilma on Paying Attention.
Traffic in Vietnam makes you pay attention.
There was a wide range of comments to this Monday’s post; Do you Pay Attention?
My simple example of dragging the kayaks through the mud when the tide was out was to demonstrate that failing to pay attention has consequences and one of them is that we fail to see what there is to prepare for to have life work out. There are many more consequences when we fail to pay attention and although some comments touched on preparation only, it was not preparation I wanted to draw your attention to, the point of this post was about ‘pay attention to paying attention’.
Aysel could certainly see the issues when she explained how it is for her;
I don’t pay enough attention to what’s happening around me because I am too preoccupied with all the thoughts and ideas inside my head, all the ‘why?’ and “how?’ and ‘what it means?’ questions… Sometimes I get annoyed when I am distracted from this thinking process, even if it’s by son who is asking for some attention. But I switch my mind and dive into the daily routine; before I know it all those very “important” questions shed their significance, they fade away. Maybe instead of thinking too hard, I could live “harder”? I fear that a lot of precious moments are lost because I was too absorbed in my own thinking.
Children are a great resource in this way, reminding us that paying attention only happens within our daily routine and not in our heads. Aysel also recognized when she paid attention what would serve her;
I need some alone time to figure things out.
I agree that ‘alone time’ is very useful and noise, busyness and modern technology are the enemy of being attentive as Tess pointed out in her disarmingly honest comment;
Oh dear I’m into Facebook and texting these days and I’m not paying attention like I used to because I get these things on my phone…
Yes Tess, the iphone is the final nail in the coffin of being present. Is there any hope Tess?
Despite being distracted and not paying attention rapidly becoming an universal addiction, the opportunities when you do pay attention are very attractive indeed. As Gail put it;
When I started paying attention, my life was transformed. I have gotten to the point where I don’t take one single thing for granted… Actually being present for my life is so rich – it is not about what I imagine and how I think things should be. It is about being alive to what is actually happening. When I stopped all the concepts, the struggle with reality ended. So much happiness…
And Gail also said; We don’t get to choose much, but we can choose where we put our attention – or if we put it anywhere.
So there is nothing holding us back, we do get to choose where we put our attention. But as The Exception observed, there are plenty of consequences and therefore seemingly good reasons why we might not want to pay attention;
…it is easier not to pay attention than to consider the reality of what is happening and have to live consciously in that awareness – to take responsibility for the choices we are making.
I have noticed, of late, that when my ego starts chattering, I trip or run into something or… there is a physical reminder to wake up and let go… oh yeah, it isn’t all about me… oh yeah, this is what is really going on… oh yea, if I am complaining then it is time to do something about it… live consciously
TE, you are spot on, with the awareness which inevitably comes with paying attention also comes taking responsibility. No more referring to luck or unfairness, it is US who make the world go round by keeping our eyes open and thus living consciously, taking responsibility. And I am still holding my position that most of the time we don’t. The world could not be in the mess it is if we did pay attention.
I so want to ask you, please be honest, in our honesty with each other, big hug to Tess, we might have a chance to wake each other up. You, me, we need to encourage each other to pay attention and authentically observe what is going on so we have a chance to become the change we aspire to be. That won’t happen with our eyes closed.
As always my dear friends, thank you so much for this dialog, we are each other’s treasures.
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22 Comments to “Wilma on Paying Attention.”
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Wilma: I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that we are the ones that get to choose to make the world go round by living consciously. I really do think it is a choice and as Gail mentioned in her comment, once you choose to pay attention, life unfolds in so many amazing ways. I also appreciate your recommendation that we can encourage each other and wake up together. I really think that is what it is all about. I
Sibyl – alternaview´s last blog ..How to Be Immune to Unfair Criticism
Hi Sibyl,
The issue is that I often cannot see that I am not paying attention when I slide into automatic because I can. Life has become so comfortable that I can sleep walk without visible consequences. There are of course consequences as Gail points out and which you picked up, we do miss out on amazing moments when we are asleep.
I am pleased you agree, we need each other to nudge us when we fall asleep. We don’t want to be found snoring during the show which is our life, do we? xox Wilma
Hi WIlma .. Janice, the special massage, healing therapist who visits my Ma, says she settles down and puts herself In The Now – holding all thoughts at bay .. while she treats my mother. I’ve always remembered those words .. and my intention is to become like that – but for now .. the brain ticks away with innumerable other things .. even now my mother tells me to sit down & not fuss!!!!! I don’t think I do ..but she doesn’t appear comfortable, so I do whatever adjustment I see might be needed .. and get ticked off!!! Oh well – such is life. I do laugh!
Paying attention is one of the most difficult things to do – especially for any period of time .. it is an art that needs learning .. and from being around Janice for over 2.5 years .. and knowing her spiritual leanings, and her qualifications of butterfly massage, reiki, yoga, meditation etc etc there’s a lot behind the ability.
A wonderful attribute to have .. Have a great weekend .. and hugs – Hilary
Hilary´s last blog ..Food, Food, Glorious Food … What could possibly go wrong …?
Dear Hilary, I so love that you do not brush these things aside by saying “oh yes I can do that and do it all the time”. I absolutely appreciate your honest self observation. We can’t and it would be a gross denial when we thought we could. Our world around us in so noisy, grabbing our attention left right and center and when we give it, another distraction comes along before we are fully finished with processing and we are being told to hurry up.
Hilary, the world is absolutely not geared to have us pay attention, we are over stimulated and even when we do I agree with TE, what on earth do we do with what we see????????
BTW you do pay attention to Janice though, you do
All we need is a context that allows us to at least observe what paying attention can achieve, just as this blog is a context for all of us to pay attention that there are different, more useful ways that make us strong basecamps.
You too have a great peaceful weekend, many hugs back, xox Wilma
Dear Wilma,
I am not paying attention – not in the way that matters. As I wrote on the WomenLikeMe forum, “I am here, I am there, I do this, I do that…and I realize that once again, I’ve spread myself too thin.” How can I possibly be paying attention with my “know it all mind?”
A year after I started practicing yoga, I remember telling my yoga teacher, “I quit…and I’m starting over from scratch…it’s time to get back to basics and forget about the “perfect pose.”
That was seven years ago.
I may not need to start again from scratch, but is certainly is time for me to get back to basics and pay attention.
Love,
Peggy
Peggy´s last blog ..Relinquishing Hostility Revisited
OH Peggy, as I said to Hilary, the world is absolutely too busy and too noisy to allow us to pay attention too often. We have been set up to go, go, go. It requires a lot of paying attention to see how much we are snowed under with tasks, jobs, family, thoughts, with just plain living.
.
I too keep being astounded how much I still don’t observe how many of my own actions are out of whack, I too want to start my life from scratch sometimes and learning to live the ego-less divine way straight from the start
However I am pleased we have a chance to come together at the WomenLikeMe Well and help each other out to indeed get back to basics and pay attention.
All is not lost and you have paid attention to some things during your seven years otherwise you would not be who you are today, xox Wilma
Paying attention and being present is something I have been working on for the past year or so, and much of my progress is due to blogs like yours that have helped me see myself more clearly. My yoga practice is now focused on body awareness, on doing the poses correctly rather than simply throwing myself from one pose to another without paying attention to the quality of the pose and the quality of my presentness.
There still has to be a balance, though, between paying attention to what is important and avoiding the overwhelming feeling that scares many of us when we look around and feel like we have to take responsibility for too much. The times I am most withdrawn are those times when the information around me is so daunting that I cannot find a way to move forward, I choose not to take responsibility. I have to remind myself that what I am doing right now is the best that I can do right now. I still strive to be better, but I also forgive myself for not being able to do more.
Paying attention is about acting according to our values. It means taking responsibility for those things that are most important to us. And it means letting everything else go.
Daphne´s last blog ..My Marriage Comes First
Oh Daphne you share some wise observations here in this comment as well as your recent blog post BTW :~).
I hardly know where to start so I might as well start with the last one;
Yes, overwhelm of information or taking on responsibility for too much will not serve us at all. However discerning what to pay attention to, my needs, your needs, is the next step we need to learn and that often requires to let go of ego based thoughts.
Your yoga example is another beauty of what paying attention can provide you with, the same as Peggy discovered, doing things for the wrong reason, to be right, to get to the other end quickly, to get quantity before quality; these are all things to question and keep an eye on for sure.
And to come to this is of course gold;
Daphne, you got it in one, now we need to practice this knowing with the help of our friends and loved ones. It seems you are paying attention to useful things in your life and that will pay off hugely for you and Donald and your future children. xox Wilma
HI Wilma and everyone,
I guess the traditional sense of paying attention is watching what is going on around us in our environment. This is obviously important as a survival tool so we don’t have a piano fall on our head when walking down the street.
But there is also paying attention from a more internal perspective. Since doing the Landmark courses I am quick to notice when I feel thing are “unfair” or that “I’m entitled to more”. This can sometimes leave me feeling a little exhausted because I will expect to much from certain situations and then deal with the low when it doesn’t go how I planned. I’m quick to bounce back but I am always thinking about what my experiences would be like if I bypassed the whole disappointment downer phase and took responsibility without trying to blame everything else and just let it go.
Let us know your thoughts on this one Wilma. Its hard to admit in here that I can throw my toys like a kid when things go against me. All I am missing is a customer made cot.
Say hi to John for us.
Hi Blair.
The point of paying attention is to realize the scale of how far off the game we have strayed. We are so far off the possibility of how we could be as human beings. We are playing such a pathetic and small game and we need to wake up to that first. We need to become aware of what we are NOT doing to stay in such a state of blindness about what is possible.
I think that in the original ‘Heaven on Earth’ as created by God, we were safe and did NOT have to pay attention in a fearful way. We were well provided for, animals and people were not aggressive as the ego based thoughts which are destructive and focused on attack were not developed and food was abundant.
That left us free to have co-creative aspiration to make the earth an even more splendid place for everybody.
Our tragedy as far as I can see is that somehow we could not stay with these divine co-creative thoughts and we stooped down to very basic thoughts about survival. We have succumbed to very destructive ego thoughts that have taken us on the path of separateness, fear and attack and are now we hardly pay attention to anything worthwhile. THAT is what I am wanting to point out. Once we stop letting our attention be corrupted by outside noise we have a chance to think at the level of Einstein. Einstein was an ordinary human being who paid attention to pure non-ego based thoughts and let himself be guided by his heart to where to put his attention. Blair, now pay attention to THAT. Much love to you and Janai from John and me, xox Wilma
Wilma, learning to pay attention is such an important practice. I have been “paying attention on purpose” (mindfulness) for a long time now (16 years) and
I was in my garden the other day, celebrating all the new flowers, really looking and paying attention. Much to my surprise when I turned to go back to the house, seeing the garden from a distance, I had completely failed to notice that the peonies had popped! How could I have missed them when I was so intent on paying attention? This lesson showed me that there is always more, and always new ways for us to deepen, to grow. Thanks for this touching post and more…
Oh Jan, thank you for hearing what I am pointing at;
Indeed, there is so much that escapes our attention, I only touched upon a very small example. I think we are totally missing the fact that we are already living in ‘Heaven on Earth’, if only we would pay attention to what is stopping us from seeing that.
If it is taking you 16 years to get to this point it is obvious that this is not something that we will get overnight and that is something to pay attention to. Much love to you, Wilma
Hi Wilma! So strange, but there are times I am paying so much attention to every darn thing that I cannot FOCUS – I blame this on Monkey Mind who is always oh so busy and easily distracted. I was thinking about your post as I was multi-tasking the other day – several things all clamoring for my immediate attention – and I thought whoa, nellie, shut up already! Had to put my butt in my chair on the porch and commune with nature a bit to settle down the crazies!
Balance is key – that’s what I’m after!
hugs
suZen
Oh SuZen, first of all I want to give you a huge hug, busy as you are to finish the renovations.
And at least you paid attention to how the world is consistently coming at you. It sure is relentless with its noise, its demands, its obligations.
Unless we pay attention to that first, we will never see the scale of how little time we have for contemplation and reflection. We just knee-jerk our way through life if we are not careful.
So good on you for stopping and realizing this;
Yes, settling down the crazies is what is on order for a lot of us.
Millie would be proud of you and I think your dog and Mrs Duck too. xox Wilma
Hi Wilma
I am just catching up on my reading for this week, so I am going to head over to your original post. The thoughts here and the title alone stirred a lot with in me instantly, as I think this is perhaps the most critical time in our lives and the lives of the planet to pay attention.
There is a lot that is going on right in front of our eyes, that we are missing exactly because of all the distractions that have been put before us, not to mention the fact that many of us as some commentators noted are absorbed in our own minds the most, unable or willing to look at the bigger picture of it all, as things transpire around us.
Anyhow, I am heading over to your other post on this…
Evita Ochel´s last blog ..Spas, Spirit and Lasting Wellness: How to Make That Great Spa Feeling Last
Oh Evita, I too think it is crucial to pay attention. For me it is actually about realizing we are already living in ‘Heaven on Earth’. Everything is already here for us, IF only we would pay attention and we would stop looking somewhere else. For example we have fruit whole year round, I never buy fruit or veggies. We now eat bananas, guavas, macademia nuts and of course oranges, mandarins and lemons.
We could have waited with moving to the country until we had enough money to do it, like some friends of us are doing. We paid attention and went anyway and are provided for.
Oh Evita, we do not see anything that is possible, we are learning from Machaelle Small Wright about nature spirits, we are learning about heritage plants, we are learning how even our home grown veggies are not having enough nutrition because of the poor soil, we are finally understanding the lack of nutrition we all suffer from. It is huge!!!!!
John and I are learning to pay attention to so much and it is all so exciting. THAT is indeed what I am pointing at, we are sooooooo blind to soooooo many amazing things because our mind is indeed absorbed at our peril as you say here;
Oh Evita, imagine the world when we finally start to pay attention where we live, in ‘Heaven on Earth’. Much love to you, Wilma
Hi WIlma,
Paying attention is living present to the moment as it is, not as I wish it to be; and interacting with others as they are in this moment, not as they were in the past or as I wish them to be now…. I think many people might find paying attention difficult because as a society there is potential to be bombarded with so much…and one needs to turn *that* all off to focus on actually living. When we live on autopilot, or multitask, or allow music or TV to be the background noise in our homes…we are squelching the ability to allow our sense to lead. When our senses become dull, our lives become dull, and it may take a while to notice this…..Fortunately awareness allows us to make the important shift to enliven our senses:)
Joy´s last blog ..Fearless Fun Friday: Celebrate!
Hi Joy, yes living in the moment certainly is a good start to give us an unadulterated look at the wholesome ‘what is so’. When preoccupied with the past or the future you sure will miss opportunities that present themselves but do not fit your past or future thoughts. OH how tragic.
I agree;
That is why John and I are now very protective of our quietness. No television, no newspapers, we stay in our sanctuary and guard our peacefulness now we have placed ourselves in a position where we can by having moved away from all the noise. You can only smell the sewerage when you are no longer in it.And from this peacefulness I can observe and share my observations in my blog and on the WomenLikeMe program. You as a light worker will understand this, we need to become a strong basecamp to guide expeditions to ‘A New Earth’ and that can only happen when we pay attention.
This too is a good observation;
It is in this peace and quietness that we can reclaim our senses and create an image of what is possible, living in ‘Heaven on Earth’. Until we reclaim paying attention to our own thoughts while being fully alert, ‘Heaven on Earth’ will stay invisible to us and we stay in our private hell.
Much love and peace, Wilma
Hi Wilma — my sense is that one reason people have difficulty paying attention to what’s happening right now is that what’s coming up now is often uncomfortable — the fear or sadness we might be feeling, for instance, that we’ve shoved away and never acknowledged. The vast raft of applications and devices we can use to keep our attention bouncing around only feeds this need to get away from the pain of the present, but diving into it is so essential if we want to do the things that really matter to us.
Hi Chris, I was once like that;
I didn’t know what to do next, how to do things differently so I did quickly retreat back into my cave and pretending “I hear nothing, I see nothing”. What could I do?
I had no idea what I could possibly do about it until people I trusted hold my hand while I dared to come face to face with this painful present. The next step was finding a way to create an image that would lead me away from this uncomfortable present.
There was a lot involved to arrive at the realization and then the doing of living a life that was having me thrive instead of cower in fear and resignation.
You and I have not come to this place overnight and without some hairy moments. We know the territory of becoming the change you want to see and it sure is bumpy at times but always doable when you are in good company. xox Wilma
Great post, Wilma! I think paying attention is putting yourself in other’s shoes. It’s more than being a passive listener. An individual should empathize as well. It’s important to know what the other person’s underlying values are. This would allow a person to gain a new perspective on things (e.g. opinions of others).
Hi Kat. Paying attention is going for the wholesome ‘what is so’ rather than indeed only listening to your own ego based judgments and opinions. Listening is a skill that is mostly underdeveloped as we seldom take the time and the effort to go beyond the surface and our assumptions. It would be a different world if we would pay more attention indeed. Love Wilma