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Wilma on Support for self-care
My brother's granddaughter Tessa supporting a younger bridesmaid.
I have a dream. I dream that we women support each other’s self-care so we become strong basecamps. From being a strong basecamp we then can co-create a new earth where we joyfully embrace each and every day in peace and harmony.
In this Monday’s post; Let other women take care of your self-care, I shared an aspect of that dream which was the regular coming together as we once did at the village *well* to share and receive guidance for our daily troubles and challenges. I lamented that with no longer doing the laundry at the village *well* many of us have lost the intimate connection and shared wisdom that such frequent coming together provided. Instead we are tending to live isolated and distracted lives, with at best superficial connections happening at work and in social contexts.
On the other hand I was heartened to read in your comments that some of you do currently receive support in a variety of places. Belinda recognized that;
I am fortunate to have a strong circle of wise women in my work — women who are intuitively caring, nurturing, accepting and understanding. These wise women around me are like a balm for the figurative cuts and bruises that I sustain every now and then.
Angelia too recognized that through her church she is provided with initiatives such as;
They paired us with a couple that had been married 15+ years to be our mentors. Now and and in the future. What a great idea! Stuff we will be going through, they have been through. They can help guide us and support us.
We are in agreement about the need to connect intimately and you shared your own initiatives to foster connections and to take a lead in providing wise support to other women needing self-care. Initiatives such as Joy’s;
I saw a need among my friends and created a group to fulfill those needs.
Peggy too saw the contribution of her radio show in a new light;
I’m now looking at my radio show as a virtual *well*, helping women, helping stepmoms, helping families.
And Patty has plans for the fall;
Personally, I’m hoping to facilitate a small [wisdom] circle in the fall.
However it was Evita’s comment that I feel brought this discussion into perspective with her very honest observations that;
First off, I know how unsupportive and downright mean women can be towards other women. And I don’t know, was it always like this, through the ages? OR is this something that came out in the last few decades when women were pushed and pulled in too many directions trying to make all ends meet the way society expected them too? Is that what caused this unnatural competition amongst us? Today, perhaps more than ever women need to come together, perhaps like never before.
And then Evita went on to say how it is for her;
In my own personal life… I also cannot say that I have women in my life who I can count on as some awesome support group, at least not offline
Thank you Evita for your honesty, as it is important to speak up how we have lost the supportive connection of chatting at the village *well*. Women need to read that they are not alone in their isolation. That being isolated is common.
It is both my own personal offline experience and my observation of most of the women around me. Busy and surrounded as they are by people, that intimate sharing and knowing is not happening. Who is lovingly encouraging us to take care of ourselves first? That collaborative, caring support for each other that is having us do things differently to take care of our self is not there at the moment.
There is a breakdown and it is not our fault. It is a consequence of our current circumstances and we need to do something about it ourselves. Having us women become strong basecamps is the number one priority. As I’ve said before, the whole expedition falters when basecamp is not strong.
I’m serious when I say; give WomenLikeMe a go for a month and see for yourself, it is only three dollars a day. Let me and the other Women Like Me support you in becoming a strong basecamp, in getting the support to do things differently and having you actively taking care of your SELF.
I have a dream. I dream that we women become strong basecamps so we co-create together a new earth where the whole of humanity joyfully embraces each and every day.
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10 Comments to “Wilma on Support for self-care”
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I love Evita’s comment because it is a perspective I hadn’t considered. Women can be catty and mean, but so can men. i do understand the point; I encounter it throughout life–jealousy where I thought there would be love and support, a well placed comment that is meant to sting instead of a compliment; all fear based o nthe thought there is not enough abundance to go around. So, it is up to me to be responsible for my actions and the energy I share. It is up to me to create the support, love, encouragement that are nurturing to growth. It is up to me to provide those to others around me. The dream you mention is beautiful–it is up to *us* to manifest it:)
Joy´s last blog ..Wisdom Wednesday: Gifts…..
Hi Joy. The battle of the egos amongst human beings causes Eckhart Tolle to call us insane and I agree with him. Who else in their right mind would be so negative and unloving instead of positive and lovingly encouraging. There is nothing hard in doing that, just a different way of thinking.
In one work situation we had a really good team until expansion brought 4 new people on. The whole culture changed from accepting and supportive to catty and competitive overnight. It was really hard to stay positive and to not become nasty back, however in the end it was as you say;
And it is up to me to learn the skills to be able to do that and that is what you and I are doing, standing shoulder to shoulder and encouraging each other to keep ourselves equipped to be able to do.
Thank you Joy, for journeying together. Love Wilma
What an interesting turn the conversation has taken, Wilma. I think the story of the catty, competitive woman has always been around. It’s nothing new. Remember that old movie, “The Women?” (And book by Clare Booth Luce.) Or Cinderella with her evil stepsisters? It’s an ancient story about how women don’t get along and can’t support each other. And while I certainly respect the experiences of Evita and anyone who has had to live this story, I also choose to believe that things have gotten much better in recent years. In fact, I deliberately look for instances of this around me, and believe there is a real sisterhood of women coming together. My perspective may be different because my counseling and coaching work is done mostly with women. And in that space I see the value these women place on their strong bonds with other women. Or if they don’t have that, I see how much they long for it. What I’ve learned from my own experience, though, is that it takes time and patience to build it, and it doesn’t happen overnight. And any group, no matter how committed to one another, will go through the stages of forming, norming, storming, and performing. And storming isn’t very pretty or comfortable. But if we’re willing to ride it out, the results can be spectacular.
Hi Patty. Yes, I agree with this;
It is the ‘being committed’ to build the strong bond that needs to be there in the first place and the knowing of that it is actually a possibility. When you experience cattiness, how can you ever trust women? How will you know that creating a strong supportive bond can be done? The problem is that if you have never seen a strong bond, how can we go for it? If you have competition in education and at work how can we go for collaboration? I never knew when I was struggling in my marriage that a strong bond with other women could support me in seeing what was going on. We all danced around the issue at Playcenter, nobody actually dared to say straight out that we were struggling and most of us highly educated women did struggle! But no stiff upperlip and making snide jokes was all we could come up with.
And yes, there is certainly more awareness growing about how isolated we live, how little heart to heart connection is happening and how that is impoverishing us. And yes bonding is happening in certain circles and obviously in the circles you are moving in and that is great as they can only make ripples.
So lets debunk these cruel myths like Cinderella and that women/human beings cannot get along and showcase that it can be done. You are doing it, Evita is doing it, Peggy is doing it and I am doing it, as many other women (and men) who are commenting here are doing it. xox Wilma
Dear Wilma,
I really wish someone would have “lovingly encouraged me to take care of myself first.” Instead, I had to figure this out on my own. But when I did, it changed everything in me, in my little family, and now in my marriage. When Richard found me, he found a woman who lovingly took care of herself and he saw just how important that was in our relationship. It’s like I have a never ending supply of whatever it is I have that just makes everything around me better.
I’m not worn out, tired, or depleted. And if I start to feel depleted, I know exactly what to do. Stop. Pause. Take a walk, meditate, breathe, make cookies, take pictures, or go to one of my favorite places to be inspired – The Planetarium!
Side note – I thought about Evita’s response and the first thing that came to mind about women not getting along and the power struggles younger women have with older women was a theory I learned when I was in college about the Salem Witch Trials – younger women were pitted againist older women in a community where women had very little power or authority…I’m going to dig in my library for the book that has this thought provoking essay…
(and given that I support the stepmom community, I’m still giggling over Patty’s comment about Cinderella…so true!!)
Peggy´s last blog ..Stop Saying YES When You Really Mean NO
Dear Peggy, this is IT, this is why knowing about self-care is so important;
Yes, for ages society has been taken a strange turn, a turn that is extremely unfriendly to human beings, not only women. In the absence of clarity through inner heart-centered knowing and feelings of indigenous power, the egos of older and younger women can have a feeding frenzy on conflict, competition and misunderstanding, I am sure.
I can understand that Patty’s mention of Cinderella got you going, oh the powerful myth about stepmothers, another one that got us firmly in its clutches if we let it. xox Wilma
Wilma, thank you for this post, and the really meaningful discussion. I truly love your description of “virtual watering wells,” and believe that this will be more and more an actual fount of inspiration and support in our daily lives as we connect and reconnect with those who resonate.
I also have to say that for years I was shell-shocked by the undercutting and meanness I witnessed in far too many Japanese women. Not particularly to me, although I experienced considerable trauma in my personal family situation here – but to each other. Japanese women can be so vindictive and petty and through the little private school we ran for years I saw firsthand how this attitude and ability (for it really is a knack for meanness) starts really young. By the age of 8 the typical Japanese girl is already accomplished at destroying another – mostly behind the back, but also to the face. She is clearly learning all this from her mother and other women in her life, since the Japanese father and other male models are usually absent in daily education. (What happens to Japanese boys as a result is a whole other story).
Interestingly, I established a wise woman’s circle in Japan in 2008. When I handed out my card, many women either went into hysterical laughter or recoiled in mock horror (perhaps it was real), immediately saying they hadn’t a clue what this meant, or didn’t want to know. So many women here, well into their 50’s and 60’s, wish to remain the outwardly cute girl-woman who at the same time cuts other women down ruthlessly. This is the nature of the society here and I have come to understand why and how so many people interact with the world through their false facades.
The loneliness of my years in Japan, while almost despairing at times, has also been great spiritual training for me, however, and I believe those long years have been essential for the work I am doing here – at least for now!
I am very grateful for the virtual watering wells that are springing fresh as the greater web of life embraces the worldwide web. Thank you for your inspiration today, Wilma. Greetings and love to you from the mountains in Japan – Catrien Ross.
Catrien Ross´s last blog ..Catrien Ross on Hitting Your Target at Full Gallop – Personal Growth Inspiration from Samurai Horse Archers at Mount Fuji
Oh Catrien what you describe here about women in Japan is indeed horrifying. OH, it is hard to belief what we, human beings have allowed to have happen, what we all have allowed in relation to how we treat each other. In Japan it happens on a grand scale and is cultural, nobody is connected, they are all treating each other as separate and in personal relationships it happens on a smaller scale but it still happens as it happens at work.
Oh my, I can understand your loneliness, your despairing when all this awful disconnect is happening so glaringly obvious around you.
All this disconnect, all this wayward thinking and behaving has to stop, it is totally undermining a beautiful existence here on this beautiful earth.
I too can understand that your experience is making you a very great teacher and advocate how things can be done differently. In A Course in Miracles it states that the best teachers come from experience and that makes a lot of sense.
So on behalf of all women, thank you Catrien for hanging in there so you now can pass on your wisdom, compassionately and knowingly, Love Wilma
This is my first visit here and I’m so glad I found you..interesting i shall process and come back.
Dorothy from grammology
grammology.com
Dorothy Stahlnecker´s last blog ..On vacation and I’m thinking too much
Thank you Dorothy for seeing the value in what is happening here. Love Wilma