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Let other women take care of your self-care.
Thanks to support with my 'self care' I am now harvesting these pears AND my happiness.
Last week I talked on Peggy Nolan’s The Stepmom’s Toolbox Radio Show about martyrdom. I have included the link as all her and co-host Erin’s radio shows are available for downloads so you can still listen to them. That is a great win as they cover heaps of issues every woman struggles with.
What hit home afterwards was that we have become so isolated, so alone in our quest for a way out of our misery. It is sad to see how little support we are getting. We all seem to be yearning for guidance and wisdom from other women we love and trust to make sense of the things in life that do not seem to be right. Like never being acknowledged, not knowing where to put our love as it often gets thrown back into our faces or misused and last but not least we do not even know how to take care of ourselves.
Has it ever been different? Were there times when we had access to wise women who could help us out?
And that got me dreaming.
In my dream I saw a scene going way back in time. I saw women being together at the village ‘well’ while doing their laundry.
They looked relaxed and out to have a good time while doing what was needed to be done.
Then a youngish woman walked up, joining the group. She looked tired and harassed while dragging two children along behind her.
I noticed that the women stopped and everybody let their warm gaze fall upon the approaching figure, paying her full attention when she joined them. They inquired in gentle tones, obviously desiring to gain insight into what was going on for her. The young woman blossomed under their loving attention, willingly answering and in turn intently listening as the women responded.
The scene oozed love, attention, closeness and connectedness.
While the talking was going on amongst these loving trusting women who knew each other so intimately, another woman entertained the children, giving her uninterrupted time to sort out whatever was bothering her. At the end of my dream I saw her walking home, a different woman with two happy children walking beside her.
There have been many times in my life when I yearned for this support. Those were times when life was leaving me feeling depleted; when I was devoid of all joy and felt totally alone. Where were the women who would instantly see something was wrong, who could put a stop to my misconceptions that had me act in a way that wore me out? Where was that loving community of wise knowing women for whom I would not, could not hide what was going on for me? Where was that support that I trusted to get me back to who I AM.
That dream hung around for days and it made me immensely sad that most of us are feeling the loss of that resource. Today most women are left to their own devices in their own private little houses doing the laundry alone, struggling to make sense of their full on, complicated lives. Most of us are not getting very far on our own with making sense of whom to lavish our love onto, how to take care of ourselves and how to make a happy family.
I myself have moved to the other side of the world, made new friends, but friends who did not know me intimately as the village women would know me and I did not know them. They did not know my struggles and I did not know theirs either. They did not see how in my home my family walked all over me and even if they did notice, they had no idea how to talk to me or how to correct me . Most struggled with the same issues anyway.
BUT what the radio talk also did was give me an immense relief that things are changing for us women who know that things are not right but have no resource to turn to.
I see ‘virtual watering wells’ showing up all over the place, my program WomenLikeMe is one, Peggy Nolan’s The Stepmom’s Toolbox Radio Show is another one and there are many more. Although we do not know each other personally at those ‘wells’, we know our struggles intimately. I feel connectedness, I warm myself in the love of women who participate.
What is more, our collective wisdom that has been suppressed for so long gets encouraged to rise and speak up and I see women blossoming once more, me included.
It is moving to see the preparedness and commitment of women who come together to make the change in themselves. It was inspiring to hear Erin so courageously sharing her confusion on the radio show with how to deal with her own powerlessness and misconceptions about her role within the current complex stepfamily architecture. Her sharing added so much and must have touched many of us in recognition.
Most of us are still fumbling to find ways to do things differently, to do things in a way that relieves us from that inner turmoil that screams to us that things are NOT right the way they are.
Although not always knowing who to trust and what to believe after having so often been fooled by mighty egos, at least we are doing something. At least some of us are prepared to come to the well and respond to each other’s committed inquiry about how life could be done differently, how we could become a strong joyful basecamp.
Those women’s courage and commitment fills me with joy and encourages me to keep opening myself to new wisdom that lifts my heart. It encourages me to keep sharing my experiences with doing things differently and to keep learning with and from other loving women on our learning program called WomenLikeMe.
WomenLikeMe is my business AND it is my life.
The program and its 13 topics are about self-care, it is about taking yourself serious enough to work on becoming a strong, joyful basecamp. As a consequence of reading this post I would love you to have a look at the self-care you allow yourself.
- What is your weak point when it comes to managing your own self-care?
- How many people do you have in your life who strongly encourage you to look after yourself and are actually helping you to achieve that?
- Would you dare to spend $3 per day which is the price of joining WomenLikeMe to become a strong basecamp so you can look after your loved ones in far healthier ways? How many people would be generous enough to encourage you to spend that on yourself?
I know that I am openly promoting WomenLikeMe with this post but it is time that I get over my shyness and start telling you what is on offer. I realize that I am not doing anybody a favor by keeping it quiet thanks to emails from some lovely women, thank you!
I am on my own program and it is making a difference. I am living in the most amazing place in nature, because of it. I have created a relationship that is making me fly, because of it. I have become a woman I am proud of, because of it. I can stand tall in front of my daughters despite all my mistakes, because of it. I am sharing my journey what happened to me because of the program and you can judge for yourself what is possible.
All I ask is that you take a look at your life and feel that you are worth $3 a day. If you are then give WomenLikeMe a go for a month and see for yourself. We need to do something together to become the change we want to see.
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26 Comments to “Let other women take care of your self-care.”
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I love your shameless self promotion because there is such value in what you have to offer. Having worked with your material when it was not an on line experience I can say this. My life changed and continues to change – all for the better as a consequence of seeing and doing life differently as a result of your insightful material. I love hearing you stand up and declare your wisdom and caring loudly and proudly. And I hope lots of people listen and take a look at what you are offering because it is priceless wisdom and support.
Oh Lorraine, what an awesome way to get acknowledged and supported in my efforts to do something differently by a woman in my own community, YOU. How cool is that and thank you.
Your act of generosity, your act of support makes such a difference, seeing you here with your words just blows me away and once again I am experiencing the wonderfulness of support and encouragement from a woman I trust and admire.
Your own journey is fascinating and amazing, so I really appreciate you showing up and egging me on. Lorraine, you are priceless, hugs Wilma.
Lovely post Wilma. Wouldn’t it be great if we can learn to be better at putting these lessons into practice – being in relationship with others and taking down the blinkers that so many of us wear in terms of the others that are around us. Instead of being head down and tail up – pursuing our goals and living our busy lives if we could instead take some time out to connect with others – and in so doing to reconnect with ourselves.
Graham
Yes, daring to face and acknowledge what is beyond our blinkers, daring to admit we have blinkers on, oh Graham, if we did that we would see a whole different world, I am convinced of that. The connection we then could make would so enrich our lives, I love what you say here;
What treasures we would find. xox Wilma
Wilma,
I love your dream and I love your vision! Thank you for sharing so vividly.
As women, we need the well at *all* stages in our life, to learn from those just a few steps ahead of us, or many steps. I am actively involved in mentoring programs both as the guide to someone a few steps behind me, and as I pupil to someone ahead of me on the path. In general life paths, and in spiritual paths. I saw a need among my friends and created a group to fulfill those needs. I also looked for groups that fit what I needed.
What I miss is the love and support of close family members to celebrate with, to commune with, to learn with; so I’ve created a pseudo family around myself and my children. It’s not perfect, but what family is??
Thank you for sharing your program with us. It sounds like a valuable tool for many women; life changing as it changed yours. Lots of good energy for you and the work you do:)
Joy´s last blog ..Fearless Fun Friday…Guest Post by Jill Badonsky..
Joy, thank you and thank you for encouraging my work. Phew, it is nerve wrecking to do something differently as speaking up about the program and for me support is so wonderful then.
I love how you create *wells* in your life, you are so good at acting on what serves others and you as well. I guess that is really understanding our connectedness.
Yes, great family connections can be lovely, knowing where you came from and knowing the particulars of the family group, yes that can be an asset that strangely not many of us have nowadays either. And again it is great how you dealt with that one;
However there are always possibilities when you go beyond what ‘there is’ to ‘what can be so’. Joy, let’s go for good energy for our work and the value it can add to others and us. Much love, Wilma
Dear Wilma,
I love how you’ve described what we’re doing as “virtual wells” – we need that connection and that sponsorship from other women. We need to learn, to share, to experience, together.
I love WomenLikeMe and for the first time yet, I’m now looking at my radio show as a virtual well, helping women, helping stepmoms, helping families.
And what I do in the virtual well teaches me how to create my yoga well – because I want what I do in the virtual community to spill over into my physical community!
xo
Peggy
Peggy´s last blog ..Two New Book Reviews!
Oh Peggy, isn’t it a great vision, a *well* to share love, connectedness and wisdom at and your radio shows are such a *well* of inspiration about such a confusing topic for most women; step parenting. Oh step parenting so amplifies all the issues we have tenfold because of its complexity and what a much needed *well* you are providing!
Yes, physical, virtual, whatever is appropriate let us come together and share at the *well* . . . what a way to let our collective wisdom well up, as Joy said standing shoulder to shoulder.
Yes, world here we come, let’s stop the confusion and use the resources that are there.
Hugs Wilma and your yoga classes will be such a blast too. I hope we can learn tele-transportation soon and I will be there! xox Wilma
Hi Wilma!
Your dream is powerful! We’ve lost the calmer way of supporting each other and caring for one another, that’s for sure. Do you know that the simple fact that I remember to send birthday cards (snail mail) send people into unparallel levels of rapture? Doesn’t that tell you something? We need to get permission to slow down and take care of ourselves without it becoming another source of stress, one more thing to do; and before our bodies get sick. I’m with you: I’m starting a Twitter feed for TBI/PTSD support but also for sharing on the healing journey. Let’s be there for each other!
Maryse
Maryse´s last blog ..A TALE OF TBI
Oh Maryse, you of all people will know how support can be so invaluable especially if you are dealing with a horrendous situation like yours. Thank God we are not all dealing with such a severe issue and yet most of us are struggling one way or another and trying to make sense of it.
I am with you too on this;
Yes we need permission and we need other people to give that to us until we can give it to ourselves.
Using this technology for a support group for your severe brain injury is such a great idea and Maryse all the best and love Wilma
Dearest Wilma, you have such an amazing and wonderful gift to share with the world. When I come to visit and read your words and sip my morning tea, it helps me stop a moment and decide what I want to accomplish today that is truly important, instead of trying to do “everything”. Food for thought. The pears look fantastic, by the way.
We do need to take care of ourselves, being strong and healthy is a more powerful place to start from, and we all have significant things to do with our lives, besides run ourselves ragged. Thanks for all the wisdom you share with women everywhere.
Erin S.´s last blog ..Community Church, Three Steps to Growth
Oh dear Erin, what a delight to have you use this *well* while sipping your tea and setting up your day. I am so wanting all of us support each other to become the divine being we are supposed to be. Oh Erin, we are created with such promises and it is time to honor those, don’t you think?
And I know you agree when I read this;
And yes Erin, that pear tree is amazing, another sample of how we are being cared for and have been given so much.
Hugs Wilma
What a glorious dream, Wilma. You’ve really tapped into ancient and archetypal stories of sisterhood with your vision. There is so much wisdom to be found among a circle of women, and I’m so glad you wrote about it, especially because sitting next to my computer is a stack of books all about women’s wisdom circles! There is such a powerful yearning among women for this, and it’s wonderful that you’re doing what you’re doing. Personally, I’m hoping to facilitate a small circle in the fall. There is also a woman in my area who facilitates women’s wisdom circles using creativity and expressive arts, and that is an experience I very much want to have. And I second what Erin says – thank you, Wilma, for so graciously sharing your wisdom. Hugs to you, wise woman!
Patty – Why Not Start Now?´s last blog ..Meaning Mondays: The Sniffles Edition
Oh Patty, I knew you would respond to this with seeing the magic in women’s coming together. I like how you bring magic to our lives with your writing.
In the current technocratic world where everybody has been taught to fend for themselves there has been little space left for tapping into each other’s and the collective wisdom. We know nothing about life, we know nothing about the magic that is part of the bigger whole and so we stumble along thinking our mind need to figure it out logically. Well, it is not succeeding very well in my books.
Oh Patty, you express it so good;
There is a powerful yearning and for goodness sake let us listen once more to our intuition, let us once more take care of ourselves and take the time and spend some money where it really is important. I do hope with all my heart that your workshop will attract so many women you need to hire a huge venue, you are so much fun and what your workshop will achieve is so needed.
Patty, I am delighted to stand shoulder to shoulder with you in this, let’s women’s wisdom once more make the world a better place and it is not about taking power away from men, but to stand equally amongst all of humanity.
Hugs my friend. Wilma
I can’t wait to hear the show! I have to download it to my iPhone. Jason and I had a marriage foundation class at Church recently. They paired us with a couple that had been married 15+ years to be our mentors. Now and and in the future. What a great idea! Stuff we will be going through, they have been through. They can help guide us and support us. It enables us as a community to come together and ensure success.
Wilma this post reminds me of that. It is so important to reach out and communally be successes. To empower others and in turn empower ourselves.
I know your program has great enrichment and enlightenment. Congrats to you for promoting it (and creating it), for being a part of positive change all around us.
Angelia Sims´s last blog ..How to Raise a Happy Teenage Girl
Angelia, I can see you soon driving around in your new car with your iPhone listening to these wonderful shows. Of course I want to see a picture of that
And yes it is wonderful to share wisdom as your church community does, so I agree; They can help guide us and support us. It enables us as a community to come together and ensure success.
There is such value in getting to know people intimately and having permission to share our knowing and observations when they can add value. There is also great wealth in being open and letting people contribute, which is something I had to learn.
I was so closed down, I did not let much in and I am so grateful I am over that and have learned to trust my own intuition to what is useful for me or not.
Angelia, I love your commitment to you and Jason having a great relationship, you are making yourself a strong basecamp and what a treasure you are for Jason, Sydney and your gorgeous step children. You are making a huge difference with how you are in the world and thanks for encouraging me for being a stand for the WomenLikeMe program. For all this I give you a huge hug. xox Wilma
Yes! I believe your dream can become reality on a larger scale. I am fortunate to have a strong circle of wise women in my work — women who are intuitively caring, nurturing, accepting and understanding. These wise women around me are like a balm for the figurative cuts and bruises that I sustain every now and then. Who says we can’t have this now? I’m convinced that this is the time to look to wise women (and there are many of them) to solve a lot if not all of the world’s problems — to wake up our race, the human race. Systems and institutions that are broken are broken because there’s not enough women participating at equal capacity to men. Here in the U.S. alone, women make up only 17% of Congress. A government like this is incapacitated from the beginning. A wise woman I know put it this way: It’s like a house with 10 men doing what men do, and having a part-time woman come and clean the house a few hours each month. It can’t go on that way or else that house will fall down. This is not male-bashing. This is simply an acknowledgment of the inner strength that women possess.
Oh Belinda, how wonderful to have that support, it is priceless isn’t it?
And Belinda this is beautifully said;
When connectedness happens, we do not think in better, bigger, more, we will think in terms of complimenting each other and working towards a collective whole in which everyone wins by leveraging off each other’s strengths.
For that to happen one has to find one’s own strength though, we women just like men need to access our God given talents and wisdom and I so believe that is coming.
That requires a lot of unlearning as well as learning with the help of loving support.
Thank you for yours, love Wilma
Hi Wilma
Thank you for raising this important topic. I think it has a few really critical layers to it.
First off, I know how unsupportive and downright mean women can be towards other women. And I don’t know, was it always like this, through the ages? OR is this something that came out in the last few decades when women were pushed and pulled in too many directions trying to make all ends meet the way society expected them too? Is that what caused this unnatural competition amongst us?
The society and support you speak of is beautiful. And I loved the dream you share.
Today, perhaps more than ever women need to come together, perhaps like never before. If we are to make a new world, if we are to make changes – we all need to come together as the human species, but it would be extra nice if those of us who really “get” each other would do so especially.
In my own personal life, while I have been fortunate enough to not have women in my life who make life harder for each other, I also cannot say that I have women in my life who I can count on as some awesome support group, at least not offline
But with this type of awareness, I do believe change is inevitable!
Evita Ochel´s last blog ..Expanding Our Evolving Views of Homosexuality
Hi Evita.
I do think like you that society is not at its best right now and certainly does not bring the best out in people;
I do think that the whole of humanity is suffering from this unnatural competition, as Eckhart Tolle so clearly says, we are insane at the moment. WHY on earth would we see each other as competition? But we are set up to feel and act that way don’t you think? Even as children we have to compete to get what we want from our parents; not enough time to give you attention, not enough money for what you want and for the rest of our lives our perceived sense of lack continues to get fed all the time. And a sense of lack is a breeding ground for jealousy, competition, dishonesty, secrecy, just to name a few nice ones.
Only heart centered focus will bring us back to a sense of normality, if you have more that doesn’t mean that what I have is not enough, if you are better looking that doesn’t mean I am ugly. With heart centerdness judgment will go and an honest desire to contribute will eventually have lack and competition disappear and that will rise humanity to a higher level of behaving.
And Evita, like you I cannot wait for that to happen. I loved what you said in your last post, I love that you too has turned to nature and its abundance, I love that I feel connectedness, we WILL create a tipping point, we WILL, xox Wilma
I love this Wilma! I feel like I am being led by the sentiment in that dream…and without my even realizing it, the path of empowering women chose me. I am VERY blessed to have been held up and supported by some amazing women in my life and it saddens me deeply when I see women (or men) not acknowledging or supporting the transformational journey of other women.
You are so right that you MUST NOT play small…your work here is extremely important and it would be a disservice to other women not to make clear how you can assist them in leading the way out of confusion.
Thank you for what you do!
Tisha´s last blog ..Biz Mommy of the Week: Micki Berg
Hi Tisha, I am VERY blessed too by having you talk to me like this;
Oh Tisha, THANK YOU for YOUR words!
It is indeed extremely sad that we currently so miss out on support for our transformational journey because that is the only way to become the change we want to see.
What I also notice is that once you have experienced that support yourself, it is such a joy to then support other women and from there on the ripples can only widen.
To seek and accept that support is not only important for ourselves, it is also important for the wider community of women to grow together to become strong basecamps to lead the world into the next phase.
I loved how you nominated your mother in law for Biz Mommy of the Week, she sure deserves it and how wonderful that besides her busyness she still had time to pay attention to her own daily life and the people in it.
Thanks Tisha for speaking up and encouraging me while standing shoulder to shoulder with me in becoming the change we want to see. XOX Wilma
Hi Wilma .. do women of today, know there’s another option .. there’s another side to the coin – there is a watering well? We’ve become so isolated.
My parents were not supportive of each other .. and I remember my mother at times, as I was away at school .. I’m sure I’d have remembered more often, searching for another way of life – that is there for us today – because it’s more accepted and more out there. They stuck together til I was 19, when they just separated .. neither were really happy, nor were they later on.
Poor countries – seem to have happy people gathering and chatting, not worrying about if they have, or have not – yes obviously the desperate as in some terrible states – but in general they are happy peoples.
Today .. the net has opened doors for us, but there’s still so much – too much – where we’re not encouraged to think for ourselves, to reach out (without being smothered). Luckily for those of us around here we have this support – and we can glean the knowledge from the wealth and wisdom of the bloggers around us .. we can be reassured that if others are commenting, then that blog has real value, those people are real.
I see you all as wonderful people and I know I cope because I’m on my own and I can walk away from difficult situations as I’ve done, while ensuring I do the right things for the people who deserve it. I don’t get the family love which really should be around, but I don’t have to deal with the difficulties created by them.
I have to say my base camp is here with you all … because I couldn’t have got through if I had not taken time out and read, re-read and ‘listened’ to the wise words emanating over the net waves, and then remembering that ‘advice’, those thoughts & applying them when necessary.
I hope once I get through .. that I’ll be able to come from the really strong base camp I’ve learnt because I will again need it, when I go back to the family fold in some way or another .. but the knowledge I’ve acquired and the future I have lined up should see me through, especially as I’ll be more rested and not fraught with the whole situation.
Wilma – it is great what you’re doing .. – it’s your courage and commitment to us that is wonderful .. and we’re so blessed to be able to be with you on these journeys of ours. I’ll be doing the course with you – once I’m through and out the other side of this period .. I do hope loads of women join you .. and perhaps men? ..
– the pears look wonderful & remind me of our old tree years ago .. with hugs Hilary
PS .. I must read the other comments .. a really good conversation going on ..
Hilary´s last blog ..The Okavango Delta – the perfect place to Safari or holiday? = Yes for me! Part 3/3 – Sights and sounds ..
Oh Hilary, yes we have become so isolated and when you are alone you feel extremely vulnerable. That is why people in poor countries are NOT as despairing as we would because they are not in it alone. Circumstances are bearable when you do not have to battle on your own. Oh Hilary, life could be so different when we were all surrounded by love and support everywhere and I think it is the tragedy of this time that we have let ourselves be isolated.
I am so thrilled that hear these words;
Yes, it is all in the sharing, it is all in the generous acts of others, it is all in becoming strong together that we will lift each other up to the level where we belong, joyful, happy, fulfilled human beings, ALL of us, nobody exempt.
I commend your willingness to question, I commend your willingness to search for other ways and I commend your preparedness to listen to what your heart has to say. You are doing extremely well Hilary, giving your circumstances, you are in action and doing things differently. I am so pleased you let us all in, thank YOU, hugs and much love, Wilma
Wilma, thank you for this post, and the really meaningful discussion. I truly love your description of “virtual watering wells,” and believe that this will be more and more an actual fount of inspiration and support in our daily lives as we connect and reconnect with those who resonate.
I also have to say that for years I was shell-shocked by the undercutting and meanness I witnessed in far too many Japanese women. Not particularly to me, although I experienced considerable trauma in my personal family situation here – but to each other. Japanese women can be so vindictive and petty and through the little private school we ran for years I saw firsthand how this attitude and ability (for it really is a knack for meanness) starts really young. By the age of 8 the typical Japanese girl is already accomplished at destroying another – mostly behind the back, but also to the face. She is clearly learning all this from her mother and other women in her life, since the Japanese father and other male models are usually absent in daily education. (What happens to Japanese boys as a result is a whole other story).
Interestingly, I established a wise woman’s circle in Japan in 2008. When I handed out my card, many women either went into hysterical laughter or recoiled in mock horror (perhaps it was real), immediately saying they hadn’t a clue what this meant, or didn’t want to know. So many women here, well into their 50’s and 60’s, wish to remain the outwardly cute girl-woman who at the same time cuts other women down ruthlessly. This is the nature of the society here and I have come to understand why and how so many people interact with the world through their false facades.
The loneliness of my years in Japan, while almost despairing at times, has also been great spiritual training for me, however, and I believe those long years have been essential for the work I am doing here – at least for now!
I am very grateful for the virtual watering wells that are springing fresh as the greater web of life embraces the worldwide web. Thank you for your inspiration today, Wilma. Greetings and love to you from the mountains in Japan – Catrien Ross.
Catrien Ross´s last blog ..Catrien Ross on Hitting Your Target at Full Gallop – Personal Growth Inspiration from Samurai Horse Archers at Mount Fuji
Dear Catrien, yes, it is time to wake up, to honestly see what is going on and to take responsibility that change starts with ourselves. I am seeing it now as my own responsibility to make myself strong to put an end to all this misguided nonsense on how we have to behave to one and other.
Horrendous how we treat each other, horrendous and it needs to stop.
Gandhi not only worked hard on peacefully having change in India, he also worked very hard on himself. If I am going to be a stand for a better human climate on this earth, I better become a better equipped person myself first.
Knowing that is giving me a lot of peace and a lot of ‘healthy’ power, Catrien and it looks you are experiencing that too. Much love, you warrior you, Wilma