I realized recently that I have been acting the martyr … I’m not even sure how long it’s been going on but having a new baby and balancing that responsibility with my husband has really brought it to light … in both of us.

I love your dream too;

A woman who is fearless in creating her best life, who has true affection and love for herself and who is content in *being* herself.

And that means indeed letting go of martyrdom that keeps us behaving in a way that absolutely does not bring the greatness out in us.
At WomenLikeMe we cover 13 topics to deal with how to become a strong basecamp, there are a lot of areas we have to address to become unstuck from habits, behaviors and thinking patterns that are not serving us. I can understand you cannot cover everything you want to say in this comment .
Jen, I am absolutely thrilled that you are getting the importance of working on becoming the indigenous YOU, for you, your husband AND of course your little girl. We can only break the cycle for all of humanity by doing it ourselves first.
The biggest hug back, Wilma

I’m fairly new to your blog and am absorbing as much wisdom from each post that I can This one in particular has really struck me. I feel like I’m in a transitional stage in my life right now. I’m a first-time mom of an 11-month old little girl. That alone has triggered so much that no single comment could cover it. This idea of martyrdom hits me in the gut. I realized recently that I have been acting the martyr … I’m not even sure how long it’s been going on but having a new baby and balancing that responsibility with my husband has really brought it to light … in both of us.

One of my dreams is to be the type of woman my daughter can look up to. A woman who is fearless in creating her best life, who has true affection and love for herself and who is content in *being* herself. I know that for me part of the journey to be this woman includes letting go of martyrdom.

I guess I just want to say Thank You. Thank you for discussing this topic and thank you for offering evidence as to how much better and more peaceful life can be without martyrdom.

((hugs))
Jen

Yes, and we hardly ever question that social pressure and see if it still fits in our own personal private context.

I do agree that babies need our full attention; It is partly even biological – our very bodies will give nutrients to the baby in our womb first when we are pregnant, even to the detriment of our own physical health. So I think the instincts run deep…

BUT as you say children grow up and can take some of the load of us. I too enjoy the idea of ‘family-centered’ living driven by a heart-centered basecamp that can draw its intelligence from the heart NOT from a social conditioned mind.
It is cool that you strive for that because ALL in the family have needs which also keep changing. That way they learn to look out for each other as a team and go beyond themselves.
I am sure you will not always succeed, we are not very skilled at the moment in many people related areas as long as we see ourselves separate. But it sure that you are going a lot more in the right direction than most and anything that helps you to be aware of boundaries is fantastic. Go Lisa go, and ‘Gone Meditatin’ sounds like an awful good post title to me. xox Wilma

But we do have to take our power back as our children grow, or they will never learn how to stand on their own, or how to respect others. If they can’t respect us, their caregivers, who will they respect? I love the idea of ‘family-centered’ living, which is based on assessing and balancing the needs of ALL family members, continually. In modern parenting, there is often talk of ‘child-centered’ living on the one hand, or parent-centered on the other, but never a happy medium. That is what we strive for in our household. I am not sure we always succeed, I also can see the martyrdom tendencies rise up, but it is at least a goal that helps me focus on boundaries…
Lisa (mommymystic)´s last blog ..Gone Meditatin’