Are you new here? This explains the blog
RSS
Prefer posts delivered to your inbox? Just pop your email address in below and click 'GO'.
Recent Posts
- I quit blogging.
- Learning takes courage and you knew that, didn’t you?
- Wilma’s Friends on Change starts from within YOU
- I believe in the power of the individual, YOU.
- Wilma’s friends on Following our Calling
- Having faith to LET GO.
- Wilma’s friends on Our desires are the Great Unknown
- She has no desires only goals.
- Wilma’s friends on Intimacy has consequences
- Ego rejects love and intimacy.
- Wilma’s friends on Captaining our own Life
- Allow yourself to be lovable and shine.
- Wilma’s friends on Doing love to be Lovable.
- Are we lovable enough to attract love?
- Wilma’s friends on Honesty in relationships
Further Reading
Where I am coming from
Categories
Search this site
Wilma on Being a strong basecamp
Non ego-based strong base camps, nursing alpacas.
It is great to be back and seeing everyone getting back into the swing of things with the contributions to this Monday’s post on ‘Is martyrdom dead yet?’.
In your comments there was plenty of evidence that martyrdom is still alive and well with Kristie and SuZen recognizing it in their mothers; SuZen even attributing ‘PHD’ status to her mother’s martyrdom. Does that say something or not?
Peggy recognizes only too well that stepmoms are a special case as;
They are sucked into being a martyr – because they think they have to give up everything and give their all to eradicate the cultural stereotype that stepmothers are wicked, evil, nasty vile creatures. Stepmoms beat themselves up, second guess everything, put everyone’s needs in front of their own and seethe with resentment and anger.
Joy observed; “Martyrdom is so alive and rampant–I hear talk among my friends and they are burnt out, exhausted..”
Then went on to observe about herself;
… in all honesty I was falling into my own martyrdom trap, waiting on someone hand and foot because I felt obligated. This helps no one, erodes good, and puts negative energy out there. Once I recognized it–quite quickly–I stopped it.
Even more telling is what Joy went on to say;
If you are caught in the martyrdom cycle, know that as women we’ve all been there at some point–it’s part of our culture, what we’ve been taught is part of a good woman in any role.
Oh the misconceptions about what a ‘good’ woman is still blows my mind away when I finally get to see them.
It is crazy to think that our ego-based culture determines us and dictates what to do as good women. Seeing that for what it is makes the alternatives to letting go of the martyr role certainly much more appealing. Joy sees it this way;
It is my choice to take care of myself so that I may be healthy and whole and offer pure and clean abundance in all that I share with those around me…so that what I do share is full of good energy and Light. It is my choice to teach my children to be responsible and share in household chores so that we may build our home together.
… I’ve recently made it a priority to make sure my morning and evening routines are in place so my own heart whispers are heard…
Yes Joy, you are so speaking what we need to hear. WE HAVE A CHOICE beyond what we have been taught, now that we are getting more and more access to other explanations and gaining our strength and indigenous power once again. That for me is such a compelling reason to work as hard as I can on becoming a strong basecamp. I aspire to choose beyond these ego defined beliefs about how I should act and who I should be. Give me a break please!
Zeenat too is clear about the benefits;
It gives me immense joy that I am happy with myself at the end of the day…and that in turn reflects in my care of everyone and everything around me. It’s the best ripple effect!
I’m with Patty and my mom in valuing;
And I was hooked when you wrote about her insisting on a nap every day. I often think if we could all embrace just that one routine, the world would be a much saner place.
We understand what a martyr is and what martyr behavior looks like, but what we need is a clear alternative, a rallying point that we can talk about and teach our daughters, so they grow up talking and practicing another way.
We NEED to become a strong basecamp and let go of these misconceptions about ourselves.
In the context of our family, it is easy to see how much our families welfare revolves around us and how difficult it is to hold our ground to do things differently.
WE ARE basecamp and we need to get it into our heads that that means that we need to resource ourselves well first and foremost. Taking care of US, ‘the family’s basecamp’ IS NOT a luxury but a NECESSITY. BE CLEAR ABOUT THAT and yes I am shouting as it is important for us to hear this.
The issue for Kristie to be a strong basecamp is to do with managing opportunities;
I am lucky to have a lot of opportunities in my life, but I need to remember to prioritize them and stick with what will make me happy, while all the while seeing the big picture of things.
Zeenat too recognized like my mom that it is a case of being clear in saying ‘no’ to opportunities such as when;
…people ask me why I haven’t started my practice full time since I got married…and I just say “Cause I am Happy with everything.”
A clear example of less is more.
You will hear lots more from me about being a strong basecamp, that is what I am a stand for.
Being a strong basecamp is an antidote to this crippling notion of martyrdom.
Related Posts
8 Comments to “Wilma on Being a strong basecamp”
Leave a reply
Subscribe to comments with RSS or TrackBack to 'Wilma on Being a strong basecamp'.
Gosh Wilma – this message can’t be sung too much or too loud. Women everywhere need to learn the value of creating a strong basecamp. Without it, they’re nothing but a house of cards…it’s our foundation that holds through thick and thin…it’s the care we give ourselves that holds us together when life falls apart. A strong base camp is ESSENTIAL to healthy living and emotional well being!
Standing Ovation!
Peggy´s last blog ..Manifesting Miracles
Peggy. you are a living example of what a strong basecamp can accomplish. Your family and your extended family is thriving and for a great deal thanks to you and your efforts to make yourself strong. Yeah, standing ovation to all women who understand self care and are done with martyrdom.
xox Wilma
I’m with Peggy! I’m looking forward to hearing much more on being a healthy basecamp; to learn more and to be reminded periodically as well
You are doing a great job at working to change the “family tree” by inspiring new ways to be the heart of a family and showing us that it is possible to put ourselves first to benefit those we love.
Bravo!
Hey Kristie, you are very smart to join us and to know that periodic reminders are necessary to keep you on the straight and narrow of self care.
Way to go, Kristie and I give you high five for getting the importance and actually hearing this message. You rock and your family will rock because of you. Think of that Kristie, think of that and you know why my heart sings when I hear women say they understand strong basecamp. Big hug to you for getting this message, xox Wilma
Hi Wilma! It is pretty wide spread isn’t it? Well I think the fact that we are a generation AWARE, perhaps that will help to make better choices in the future – and teach the up and coming women a thing or two about self-confidence and strength!
Love love love those alpacas! I’ve teased hubs a lot about retiring on a farm with alpacas! Of course I’d have horses too! Somehow, he is not convinced, haha! That’s what I get for marrying a city boy! haha!
Hugs
suZen
Hi SuZen, wouldn’t that be wonderful; . . .
Awareness IS the key . . . knowing that there are other ways than we think and belief as a result of what we have been taught AND finding new explanations that make a lot more sense than the old ones.
Oh SuZen, this is so exciting, to know there is a way forward out of this mess most of us live so unhappily in.
Aren’t Alpacas cute, I have never seen any before I visited these. Their wool is soooo beautiful, so soft and silky. It is funny that around here the women are the ones who want and look after the animals after having talked their husband into it who also were city boys. So, SuZen you never know what is possible.
And I again would thank you for your comments and your own commitment to be the change you want to see. We need each other to know it can be do done. xox Wilma
Hi WIlma .. Absolutely that basecamp is for me .. and I need to build my own basecamp, bring in all the necessities to ensure that the base camp is strong for my future – that’s the important thing right now.
And I’ve started .. life is sorting out and I can be with my mother as I build that basecamp of clearheadedness and clarity of mind, so that my route forward has a clean slate and I can be happy knowing that I have done my best while having a future planned.
I look forward to more posts and to hearing everyone’s comments regarding that essential of life .. the base and its camp, it’s no good if it’s not secure ..
Glad you had a good break and it’s lovely having you back – hugs from a getting warmer England .. Hilary
Hilary´s last blog ..Pevensey Castle, Normans Bay, smuggling and family remembrances … Part 1
Oh Hilary, you ARE a cracker to see your current situation like this;
THAT is accepting ‘what is so’ while NOT sacrificing basecamp and losing out on your own future while thinking you have to be a martyr. As I said before, your mother would not have liked that and it IS actually NOT necessary if you are aware of the importance of being a strong basecamp.
Go Hilary go and I am so pleased you are getting warmer. xox Wilma