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Giving myself a second ‘chance’ in life.
Mothers and daughters having fun. I work on a future possibility to have this happen more often.
From writing the last few posts I can see how important it is to take myself seriously.
I can see how it changes my role as a mother and how it makes me proudly accept that I am a woman creating change.
I even dare to acknowledge what the Dalai Lama has said about us, Western Women; how we will save the world.
I am a Western Women and so are my daughters.
I am absolutely certain that I want to give them a new earth, I do want them to live life differently. I want them to have a chance to be one of those women who create change.
And to have that happen, I am prepared to learn like crazy all the things I now know that I need to learn, unlearn and relearn.
One of those things I have learned is letting go of the past so I can role model that to my daughters.
But in families and relationships it is difficult to let go of the past and start afresh.
As you know by now, my relationship with one of my daughters is colored by past stories.
She feels I have failed as a mother during the divorce and she firmly believes I owe her for that time of suffering.
She has taken on the victim role and the victim status her stories provides.
I do agree that during the divorce I certainly was not at my best and I certainly wasn’t the caring mother I wished I had been while I was sorting myself out.
I too had stories. Stories that could make your heart break, stories that could let me off the hook and would give me all the sympathy in the world.
It has been very tempting to hold on to those heart breaking stories as an excuse when confronted with the mess from the past. But what would have been the point of that?
Instead I feel lucky that I learned from that experience and moved on rather than stay stuck in old stories.
I have clarity, I am standing up for myself. I am having a life in which I count as well; I have learned to accept that I am a good mother and that it is okay to make mistakes.
I have completed with the past, I have let go that I did something wrong and I am no longer buying into thoughts that I still have to do penance.
The past has no longer an emotional pull, it no longer predetermines what I do and what I do not do with that gorgeous daughter of mine.
With her clinging to the past she is missing out on a great mother-daughter relationship and if I too would let the past haunt me, we would never have a chance to appreciate each other again. And what chance would she have to live life differently?
This is what WomenLikeMe on Time and Completion has to say about the past;
What we refer to as the ‘past’ is only a memory, which are thoughts or a conversation about those thoughts.
If we do not think or talk about the past then it does not exist.
The past only comes into existence when we reminisce, complain, gossip or repeat the same thoughts about oneself and others over and over again.
Although the past is well and truly over, the past still holds us hostage.
As our ‘reactions’ are influenced by our past, we are hardly ever capable to freely choose our actions in the now and ‘pro-actively’ create a different future, a second chance.
With this new understanding that the past is only a ‘thought’, I have learned to stop my thoughts about the past intruding into the now.
I can freshly approach each moment that I am in contact with my daughter, I am free to decide what would be best for us giving the immediate circumstances in the ‘now’.
If she says ‘yes’ to my proposition to do something together that is fine and the times that she says ‘no’ that is fine too.
A ‘no’ no longer has me slinking back with my tail between my legs reliving the past with my thoughts about how horrible it all has been.
And that is freedom.
It has been interesting to notice how laden mother and daughter relationships are and how the past interferes, stopping many of us from creating something new, something that is a win/win for both of us. What a waste.
All the stories you have heard about me and my daughters have been driven by my desire to break a pattern that was set when we were under-developed and did not know what we were doing.
To give those past based stories such power is sad and unacceptable in my new books.
Living life differently is creating fresh possibilities; fresh possibilities we can only see because we have learned new skills and we have been willing to let go of the filters of the past.
Now that thoughts from the past are not coming up, I am now able to give myself that second chance, a chance to do things differently for me and my daughters.
I am sharing all that I have discovered here and more in depth on WomenLikeMe so we all are able to get a precious second chance to become and act like the woman we potentially can be.
As we clean up our own life, we inadvertently clean up the world.
I am convinced this is what the Dalai Lama meant when he said; “Western Women will save the world”.
It starts with us and our children, with us and our cleaned up relationships within our family.
That is why I love having you join me, either on this blog or on WomenLikeMe, our learning community; I am delighted because we are doing something and doing it together.
I and this blog are about doing things differently to become the change you want to see.
As well as distinguishing what is causing the confusing, I offer suggestions as to how you can change from confusion to clarity in your daily doing;
- Observe how often your thoughts go back to the past and how often you talk about the past.
- Observe your reluctance to let go of feeling bad about past mistakes and how that feeling stops you from being in the present.
- This week forgive yourself immediately when you make a mistake, any mistake will do. See what that takes and how much energy you save when you no longer dwell on mistakes.
Hmm, that is a good one. I mistakenly published this draft two weeks ago and boy did I have a job forgiving myself and NOT go to the past and dwell on all the other mistakes I have made.
To speak as Joy does; let’s all stand ’shoulder to shoulder’. Let’s work together on being the change we want to see.
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35 Comments to “Giving myself a second ‘chance’ in life.”
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Hi Wilma! Do we only GET two chances? Goodness, I’ve given myself permission to have more. Maybe I’m a glutton. I sense a bit of relief in your post so it feels right that you have found it within yourself to give yourself another chance. We have set such a high bar for ourselves, that when we trip up, (and trip up we do! ) the best thing to do is pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again.
I found Eckhart Tolle’s books a few years back and wow, I gave up ALL my stories. None of them mattered and like you said it is all in our head anyway. I was abused as a child, had a VERY heartbreaking succession of gut wrenching sagas. To cling to ANY of that – in any way – does me absolutely NO good, not physically, mentally or emotionally. The thoughts of those stories can fester for decades, all the while depriving us of being who were are meant to be and short changing some relationships. I am SO blessed to have packed the stories up and abandoned them as having any connection to me and my life today.
I sincerely pray that your daughter will learn to let go of HER story. The past is history and the present is a gift! The two of you could have SO much together if you get past the past. Sending hugs and good wishes this will come to pass soon.
hugs
suZen
LOL SuZen,I too feel like you;
I too feel enormously blessed to have been able to get my hands on these new and oh so useful explanations that allow me to make these valuable changes.
I am so excited about all this because it has given me clarity and a guideline what and how to change. THAT is so priceless.
Yes
and what is so beautiful I can start again but this time with new and more appropriate ways of doing, yippeeee.
Yeah for us, hey SuZen and yeah for moving on and being who we are being today.
You are such a generous soul and thanks for your heart warming encouragement and support. You rock and a huge hug back, xox Wilma
“I am having a life in which I count as well” – there’s so much food for thought here… No one really makes women sacrifice a lot for the well-being of their family. It’s something that we do to be perfect wives and mothers. And quite soon those sacrifices are naturally expected of us. Eventually in the eyes of our kids our shoulders “grow” wider and wider to take on any size burden, and our need for happiness “shrinks” to something barely noticeable.
My sister first feeds her husband and kids, then sits down to eat herself claiming she has to finish up after them anyway. What kind of a lesson will her children learn from that – that Mom’s needs are the last to be satisfied? How many single mothers reject the idea of remarrying just to avoid traumatizing the kids? How about their own happiness?
A woman in a family plays the most important role yet gets the least credit for what she does. And it’s up to us to change this narrow mindset and voice not only our need but also right for happiness. My son learned to push the”guilty-button” quite early because I let him. I am working to change that. It’s important to remember that it takes a happy mother to make a kid happy.
Aysel´s last blog ..In The World Of Fantasy
Oh Aysel, when you put it that way it sounds so ridiculous indeed and it made me laugh because the stupidity of what we are doing is so clear in your comment. It is always good to have somebody hold the mirror, isn’t it? and you do that well. Isn’t this remarkable and we so fall for this;
Oh children are crafty to keep waving our past in front of us and knowing how to push our guilty button. As you say there is a dangerous side to all this; loss of our own happiness and teaching our children bad habits in the process.
Nobody is served by us playing small, by us playing our roles out in the same stupid way year after year because that is how we did it in the past or our children, our partners, our family keep us in that place.
Good on you Aysel, good on you, lets go for change and stop having our past or past ways of doing prevent us from changing how we play out our lives. I so agree that a happy mother makes a happy kid and we sure must be alert about what makes us unhappy.
Love Wilma
It was really interesting for me to read SuZen’s quote
“I was abused as a child, had a VERY heartbreaking succession of gut wrenching sagas. To cling to ANY of that – in any way – does me absolutely NO good, not physically, mentally or emotionally. The thoughts of those stories can fester for decades, all the while depriving us of being who were are meant to be and short changing some relationships. I am SO blessed to have packed the stories up and abandoned them as having any connection to me and my life today. ”
As I started reading that I thought, yes! yes! I was abused as a child too and I many gut wrenching sagas! I can relate to you! I then continued reading and realized that she, and you Wilma, are advising that we let go of these past stories and boy did my ego rear up it’s ugly head! My ego said “What do you mean you have to let go of those stories? Those stories define you! You are that sad little girl who was abused by her mother. You are the survivor of a divorce and your failed relationship(s) contributed to who you are today. You can’t let go of those things. They are you.”
Yes, those stories are part of my past but I live with them in the today and almost use them as a benchmark against which I compare all other experiences. For example, I felt bad when my husband sided with my stepdaughter. My mind says “of course you felt bad but it’s b/c you were abused as a child and you are insecure now as a result. It is expected and normal for you to have responded with hurt and jealousy.” I basically make it ok to act and react a certain way based on my past. How limiting this is! Your posts have reminded me that while yes, my past has contributed to who I am today I don’t need to let it define everything I do and think. Much to think about and much to let go of…thanks for your wisdom and insights ladies! XO
Dayle, Dayle, let me give you the biggest hug ever. YOU GOT IT, you got it what we are saying. AND with that Dayle, YOU now decide your life!!!!!!!! You can now make up any possibility for how you want your relationships, your life, your future to be.
You can undo the shackles of the past AND choose your behavior to the ones that will serve what you want to have happen.
Crappy childhood, crappy triggers, crappy repeating behavior over which you have no control . . . what a way to live?! You are so spot on, THAT is not the way of a powerful woman, THAT is the way of a victim, slinking through life, never getting over it, always being a prisoner to her past.
Dayle, what you are doing takes courage, it takes courage to look at the wholesome ‘what is so’ and then take your future in your own hands.
Forgive and move on.
Oh Dayle, as you can see I am soooo excited, it is a hard concept to fully understand BUT once you get it you can act on it and make your life awesome, how you desire it to be, different from the dictates of the past you hated anyway.
Oh Dayle, you will fly now you are working on letting the ego go and completing with the past.
Let me give you another huge hug, love Wilma
Go Dayle Go!!
Peggy´s last blog ..Your Moment of Bliss ~ On Vacation
A few weeks ago a read a lovely thought that stays with me
From the past, I take love and wisdom.
The idea is simple and yet a challenge at times, but the essence rang true for me. I can’t live in the past or allow the past to control my present. I can take the lessons I have learned and that knowledge gained and use them as I travel through each day. The love experienced in the past is a part of who I am just as is the wisdom.
What you say;
I agree it is a lovely thought, but want to suggest that lovely as it is it is very missleading. It sounds good in theory to take ‘wisdom’ from the past, but in practice we have no way to distinguish ‘wisdom’ from ‘rubbish’ and what we take most powerfully from ‘past’ is emotionally laden thoughts that hang around because of the emotion they carry with them. There is not likely to be much ‘wisdom’ to be found there, just unnecessary baggage that stops us being the powerful women we potentially can be.
As for linking ‘love’ with the past, that is not necessary. Love resides on a different plane that is unrelated to time. Completing with the past, putting a stop to past thoughts interrupting our present will impact positively on ‘love’. Love is always present.
Love Wilma
Your thoughts on love – I see that –
The past though – perhaps we are considering the past in different lights or our idea of the concept differs. I don’t think that the past is necessarily emotionally charged as part of moving forward and acceptance is releasing the emotions removing the power and control that they have in our lives, present and future. It is allowing ourselves that second chance or third chance – giving ourselves grace. Part of growing stronger is finding the gems in the experiences we have had as it is the past that allows us to explore more of ourselves.
Could our past be a tool used to help strengthen the women that we are? Could it be used as a means of accepting ourselves and learning that we are humans and full of love – able to give others compassion as well as ourselves? Even as a tool for letting go of emotional attachment, regret, anger, – releasing all of that so that we can find ourselves and live fully – not repeating the past as we can look and see the lessons and wisdom gained?
The past no longer exists – we can’t change it, it has no power over us, allowing it emotional power is a lesson in itself. However, the choices that we have made in the past are a part of our present to some extent.
This is a very interesting topic – Thank you for sharing it.
The Exception´s last blog ..Be Still
Thanks for inquiring further; the topic is worth it as our confusion about ‘the past’ is not serving us.
You ask the question;
I’m suggesting that ‘no’, past based thoughts are not helping us at all, in fact the opposite, they are holding us back big time. Having past thoughts in the present simply limits what is possible right now to ‘more of the past’.
Love Wilma
Hi Wilma – I love these posts .. they are teaching me so much. Sometimes like now I have difficulty relating .. because I’m not out in a normal world as such – dealing with my mother and life that’s not that easy at the moment. But again that’s life and I have my ups and downs .. and bring back in the positives, the loves, the opportunities, the fortune that I have despite the negatives .. just remember the good things.
I’m sure I’ll be stronger once I can get out of my own quagmire .. and then I can be ‘with you all’ and actually properly relate to life .. My second chance is coming ..
You are helping us so much .. to understand ourselves .. and the Dalai Lama quote is very interesting .. Hugs to you and your daughters … Hilary!
Hilary´s last blog ..Spring Cleaning and Passion ….
Thank you Hilary. There is a lot for us to learn isn’t there and a lot we do not understand about ourselves.
I will send you an email with some of my thoughts about the rest of your comment.
Love Wilma
Hi Wilma,
Just as Suzen said….I think we get more than a two chances to evolve and grow. I think in life we get as many chances as we want just as long as we are willing to do the work necessary to move forward.
We all have our stories. It is part of the human experience. However, it is our choice as to how to handle those stories. I spent twenty-five years being defined by my stories. Finally, I got to the point where I realized that those stories really did not mean anything unless I made them mean something.
To be blunt, I think what helped me was that I was tired of carrying the weight of those stories on my back. Being a victim was draining and I wanted a fresh start. So that is what I did. It took a lot of work. Hard work to overcome those stories but it was worth all the sweat and tears.
Due to those efforts, I have come to see that my painful past was a huge blessing. It provided me with insights that I am grateful to have. The beauty in stories is that it is up to the creator to determine the ending. We all have the power to have a happy ending.
Hi Nadia.
We indeed have a life that is full of possibilities and every minute we can choose which way to go, and how powerful is that.
That does require though to really understand what you say here;
THAT is IT, we give the past so much meaning, we love to hang on to it and make it significant. As it gives a meaning to who we are; like a resume shows past experiences to prove we are worthy of the job, we carry our past as a way to entitlement, to get attention, sympathy, admiration or whatever.
However that is always a very selective interpretation of what has gone before and just like a resume is made up.
Nothing entitles me to anything other than what I do in the present.
And if the past does interfere with the present, I need to face that and forgive and complete whatever that entails.
Oh Nadia, we hang on to past glory, we hang on to past sad stories and none of that serves us. Every minute we can become who we choose to be, free of anything that went before and once we get our head around that, we can see how amazing and freeing that really is.
We indeed have the power to have happy endings when we belief in them strongly enough.
hugs Wilma
Hi Wilma,
Lots of pondering going on for me with this one. I’m not sure about letting go of stories. For most of the people I work with, it’s the telling of the stories that brings healing and insight. The experience of connecting with a deeper part of self, seeing the archetypal and universal in the story. And how can we ever let go of an archetype, which is at the root of most stories that cling to us and bring us pain? An archetype is universal, and it just is. It’s there, waiting to be activated in all of us. And it doesn’t go away, but we can certainly change our relationship with it. In fact, it’s imperative that we change our relationship with it, especially if we are walking around feeling victimized, angry, depressed, etc.
But when people say they’ve let go of their stories, my hunch is that what they’ve really done is activated other stories and archetypes in order to change their relationship with it. That’s a very healthy thing to do. The victim story gets moderated by the sage story; the martyr story gets balanced out by the magician story. The original story is still there, but it’s told in a different way. Because every single story, even the victim and martyr, has a beautiful side. The victim, if we let it, teaches us resilience; the martyr, if we let it, teaches us to care for ourselves. We begin to see the gold in the story, and It becomes part of the process of “growing down” that James Hillman talks about, getting to the nut of who we really are.
I think we’re living and breathing our stories each and every day, and I find this to be very hopeful, part of the beauty and mystery of life. And because of that, I’ve learned that what a relationship is today, especially if it is difficult and challenging, has no bearing on what it will be in the future. Its potential is always there, waiting for a new story to be told about it.
Thanks, Wilma, for letting me ponder this. And hugs to you, my friend!
Patty – Why Not Start Now?´s last blog ..Meaning Mondays: The Spring Fever Edition
Hi Patty
I agree; “I think we’re living and breathing our stories each and every day.”
We are meaning making machines; because we are human we will always be creating stories and making meaning of life.
I accept that; “the telling of the stories brings healing and insight.”
Useful and healing as telling stories and therapy is, it is a complex and generally a slow way of letting go of the negative impact of the past.
What I’m suggesting here is an alternative way, which can be viewed as a shortcut. It is not necessary to retell every story from our past to get free from it. The shortcut is to complete with the past all at once, see it for what it is, thoughts (and accompanying feelings) we keep alive in the present moment each time we recall them. The past does not exist, only our memories.
The past is not the only ‘thought’ that tumbles once this view is embraced. All thoughts are up for review including thoughts like; “An archetype is universal, and it just is.” Only God is universal, nothing in language can ever be universal, ideas are interpretations, meaning making that we humans like to do. I’m not for a moment suggesting that the theory of archetypes is not useful, it is useful, but I’d hesitate to suggest that it is universal.
Love and hugs back my friend, Wilma
Great topic Wilma. I believe every day is a new opportunity and a new chance. Forgiving ourselves can be so difficult, but we must keep at it. It is the way to move forward without carrying a bunch of baggage. Forgiveness allows us to set the baggage down. Forgiveness can heal our own hearts, as well as those we choose to forgive. It is completely under-rated in general.
I love how you are so fearless tackling the complexities of relationships. You inspire us all.
Hi Erin, you are spot on,
And that is a beautiful way to live, and the best we can do for others, forgiveness certainly is powerful, I agree.
Love Wilma
Wilma — Good for you to stretch out and reach for that “chance.” We should many of these chances, like springtime, when we get to start anew.
Regarding your daughter, I do understand this. My own experience isn’t so different. I think it’s hard for our children to see us as women separate from our “mom” roles. Moms are often seen as “those who should be perfect.” It takes time for daughters to release this belief…I know it did for me with my mom.
I was so tough on her after my dad died. I know she grieved greatly for my dad and it wasn’t for many years before she was able to consider dating. It couldn’t have been easy for her, but one night she shared her fears about going on her first date with a man she really liked. I was only about sixteen and just starting to date, myself. We shared our uncertainties and I even gave her advice about what to wear:~)
It was the first time I remember seeing my mom as a woman, like me, and not just my mom. I’ve never forgotten that time. Perhaps our daughters will reach this moment and see us as the women we are now.
Sara´s last blog ..Picture Story: The Waltz of Flowers
Oh Sara, releasing our belief about our Mom is a wonderful thing to do for all parties, and your comment is a lovely example of that.
I sure hope that our daughters can see us in a different light as I now know how beneficial that is. It is cool that you have reached that with your own Mom, it is beautiful to enrich relationships this way.
Love Wilma
Hi Wilma,
I can’t wait to dive into this topic, because in Echkart’s world, there is no past…just past moments of Now. Everything is in the Now. And if we’re hanging onto our past and our stories that appear to define who we are, but in reality, cloak us to who we really are, we miss the present moment.
One of my favorite first lines from a book that I’ve long since forgotten the title:
“The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there.”
See you on the WomenLikeMe forum! (Who else wants to join us?)
Peggy
Peggy´s last blog ..Your Moment of Bliss ~ On Vacation
Oh Peggy, once I understood all is ‘now’ I completely understood it but until then I really struggled with getting my head around it.
Of course I only exist in the now, of course only the past get dialed up by me and by my thoughts, but I could only see that when I learned to observe my thoughts and learn to see I could dial up any thought I like!
THAT was an interesting thing to realize as well.
I can understand that you were taken with this line;
It sure illustrates it well, doesn’t it, we have moved on literally, yeah.
Yes, the topic on completion is worth diving into and I too can’t wait till more join us to stand shoulder to shoulder to do life differently.
xox Wilma
This idea of recognizing our stories and letting go of them, or consciously weaving new ones that better serve our new selves, is a very powerful theme for me. I feel it is the essence of the spiritual journey. In a way, that freedom to follow a story or not, to let it take hold of us or let it go, is the ultimate free will. And the story is karma, it is what we really mean when we talk about karma. And we can move beyond karma. We do not have to be beholden to it, we can be free of it.
So for me, your story with your daughter, and your new relationship to the story, and thus her, encapsulates what it takes to transform ourselves on any level. And when we are ultimately able to let go of all the stories, we can see our true, ultimate selves – ourselves as divine source, as enlightenment itself. The spiritual journey is a shedding of stories that kept us tied to the past, and to a fixed idea of ourselves.
Lisa (mommymystic)´s last blog ..The Body-Mind-Spirit Mandala, or 7 Shades of Bliss
Oh Lisa, big hug to you too because you say it so beautifully and eloquently what letting go of past stories means and can do for us;
THAT IS IT; The spiritual journey is a shedding of stories that have kept us tied to the past, and to a fixed idea of ourselves.
And it sure is something that takes some doing to understand. I used to have such a confusion about the past and how to relate to it. For a long time, I could not see how it stopped me from doing things differently and making changes in who I was being.
It has been bliss to understand it finally and to let go of those fixed ideas abut the past and who I am. I can now say for example I am a good mother and the freedom that comes from that is enormous.
Thanks again Lisa for tying it in with our confusion about ‘karma’.
Lots of love xox Wilma
Yes, isn’t that odd — that it’s difficult to let go of constantly rehashing old moments that we cringe about. I get the sense that these moments of guilt or humiliation give us a perversely comforting sense of identity — at least they allow us to say “oh, I know who I am, I’m that guilty jerk.” Letting go of the need to have an identity — to know all these facts about who I supposedly am — can be such a liberating experience, I think.
Yes Chris, isn’t it a perverse aspect of human nature that we have a comforting sense of identity when we hang on to moments from the past that we cringe about just so we have an identity, even an unhelpful identity like ‘guilty jerk’ or as is common in the case of us women, hanging on to a ‘martyr’ or ‘victim’ identity from our past.
I agree that;
I’d go further and suggest that it will not be until we let go of these inherited identities from our past that we will be able to be as Marianne Williamson says;
Love Wilma
Kia ora Wilma,
Until I was the one standing there looking in the mirror actually being the one who had to forgive someone I never understood what true and real forgiveness even was.
That has “liberated” me enough to stop focusing on so many moments in my past that have hurt me, and haunted me, and how I always carried that with me. Until I really looked in the mirror.
Rave on Wilma. Kia kaha.
Aroha,
Robb
Kia ora Robb.
Forgiveness, letting go, it is like lifting the anchor. It is interesting how we sit there weight down by the anchor going nowhere.
And if we pull the anchor up, so we show others to do it, how is that for an example for your sons. Oh Robb, we all make mistakes or whatever we can call them and we do not need all that heaviness to be good people. I bet you like what you see in the mirror.
Ka kite ano, xox Wilma
Wow! This is priceless dearest Wilma, I am stunned! This is THE best post/read article I’ve ever read about setting ourselves free from the past. You have confirmed everything my own true heart tells me, and all that I’ve written about this topic and not yet posted.
You wrote: “I have completed with the past, I have let go that I did something wrong and I am no longer buying into thoughts that I still have to do penance.”
You’ve no idea how much this means to me. YES!! If we hang onto this we never grow AND more importantly we enable those who THINK their pain is dependent on what WE did. This post REALLY got to me. I don’t have kids, but I have gone through this with siblings and thought I was “SUPPOSED” to carry the quilt and shame of having made mistakes or (as you say, done wrong), or let someone down or possibly failed to be what they wanted, or flat out just the fact that I was in the process of sorting or understanding my OWN pain and may have caused others pain. OR flat out that I made mistakes and hurt someone else. Period!
If I let others whip me the rest of my life, my life is TOTALLY wasted and I am basically saying to the other person, “Yes, I will agree to be the source/reason for all your OWN life’s pain. Yes, I will help you be a victim. Yes, it’s okay that you punish me; I’m not worthy of love and forgiveness. Yes, it okay that you live in victim hood. Yes, I will stay in this place and be sick with you. Yes, I don’t love you enough to make you be accountable for your own life, emotions and choices. I don’t love you enough to care whether you pull yourself together or not, so I will continue to let you blame ME.”
To all of that I say, “NO. It takes guts, courage and often deep inner strength to TRULY love ourselves and others. And being bold and brave, and loving ourselves and saying, ‘No I will not carry your lifelong pain.’” That takes great wisdom and much courage.”
Dear Wilma, we are taught that we have no right to make mistakes and STILL love ourselves, STILL forgive ourselves. We are taught that mistakes, human failing and pain are NOT to be part of Life, and when they are we are supposed to be ‘damned’ forever, and are supposed to carry a cross of shame and unforgiveness. Well, I say that mistakes, pain, wrong doing and all of it ARE part of Life. And we can’t grow without them. Your post and words and heart here are sooooooooo powerful that I can’t even express the thrill and freedom my body feels reading and experiencing you here. I have to meet you one day. You are a truly magnificent, alive, aware and bold woman, an unforgettable soul.
Thank you from my deepest heart for seeing what you are choosing to see and the depth that you are choosing to live. I love you for it.
Please give my love and hugs to John as well. I was so touched by your love, words and being seen by two such brilliantly shinning souls. My work load has not even allowed for email or posting or commenting. But you are both with me always. You both shine great freedom into the world. Love, Robin
Robin Easton´s last blog ..How We Shape Our World
Oh Robin, as always you touch me to the core with how you so beautifully expand on what hanging on to the past does to us.
This is IT;
That is what it does and that is what makes it so important to understand what is going on. Oh Robin, you are such a gift, your words are such a gift to me and to everybody else who reads them. Thank you so much for saying so clearly what freedom means, forgiving the past and accepting all of yourself, warts and all.
. I know you are an extremely busy woman right now but still finding time to leave these awesome words that reach right into our hearts.
You sooo get all this, it shines through in your beautiful words and we are blessed to have you sharing your rays of light. Robin, I cannot wait to meet, I see a book tour coming up
Big hugs to you, Wilma
When I first read this by email, I committed myself to being more aware. Little did I know how quickly it would explode. I made a huge mistake two years ago. To me the mistake was made in a greedy pursuit (more $$), I knew I had chose the wrong thing after three months. The economy did allow me to correct my mistake. Rather than beat myself up, I did the best I could. An opportunity arose very recently, and I jumped at it. It was my hearts desire and a way to make things right again. There was a moment when things might go the way I hoped and I would continue to live with my mistake. I wanted to rebel and cry, but instead, I accepted it openly. I gave myself permission to continue to do the best I could and be happy with the decisions I had made, to not be unforgiving to me. The next day, my opportunity came through.
I truly feel it was my acceptance of who I was and the life I was capable of living despite it all that pulled it my way.
In the same way, I suppose I could hold over my moms head the fact that she was an alcoholic while I was growing up. I got cheated out of a “normal” childhood. I could be bitter and hold it over her head. I choose not to do that. And she chooses not be a victim of her past as well. We both grew and learned from it.
It takes guts to rise above. Wilma you are an inspiring woman! And I love, love, love Robin’s comments.
Angelia Sims´s last blog ..Mom in Show
Oh Angelia, I know you are an amazing woman and this comment again shows that you ARE!
Just like Robin’s comment, yours shows too what this really is about.
Let’s stop beating ourselves up, whatever we did we did with who we were and what we knew at that moment in time. What would life be if we were all condemned to life long imprisonment by our past??????
We might as well all give up.
Oh Angelia, you deserve every second of that beautiful life you now live with all those beautiful people around you.
And isn’t it an incredible gift for both your Mom and you, to let the past go and create a new beginning for both of you. Oh Angelia what a wonderful way to live life and it gives me an incredible sense of safety. Whatever I do in my ignorance, there is always another chance, I will NOT have to be shackled to the past.
Thank you my dear friend to give me that reassurance by sharing your own stories. That feeling of safety and peace is priceless, therefore you too are a treasure. Big hug, Wilma
Wilma,
This is so true…every last word. Sometimes we have to let those we love go and hope they return. Maybe they will and maybe it’s not their path. That’s where I’m at right now.
Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..My Dad and His Tool Shop
Oh Tess, yes letting go of the ones we love is not always easy but the only choice we have to stay sane sometimes. AND of course keeping the possibility that they will return and keeping the door open. Thanks Tess and you must have had fun meeting up with the other bloggers. Cool to have seen Jay AND Joy together. xox Wilma