Comments on: Wilma on Our out-of-integrity world

By: Wilma

Wilma — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 21:09:16 +0000

Hi Chris.
Blame full stop is a waste of time and an out-of-integrity reaction.
Yes, reacting as being at fault shows our incomprehension with cause and effect, we are so NOT up with the play here.
I do agree that anger or grief are legitimate feelings from the heart and rise up in the moment.
Sustained anger and grief however are past based emotion held in place over time by the mind. Those sentiments will always be out-of-integrity mind games and will stop us from moving on and seeing other possibilities.
Oh, it is interesting to explore all this and to discover the consequences of our ignorance. Thus I keep checking my breathing, keeping myself calm down and peaceful while working on change :~)

By: Chris Edgar

Chris Edgar — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 18:53:45 +0000

Hi Wilma — it’s funny, I tend to be more of a “self-blamer” than an “other-blamer,” but I think it gives rise to the same issues. For me, it’s important to remember that, when someone else feels anger or sadness or something else we normally call a “negative emotion,” even if that’s directed at me, that doesn’t mean I’m “at fault.” It isn’t necessarily “wrong” for someone else to feel angry — it’s just another part of the human emotional range.

By: Wilma

Wilma — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 22:05:40 +0000

Hi Hilary.
You are giving a beautiful example of how out of touch with integrity the world is and how the world with its hierarchical model is NOT about commitment and people but about keeping within uniform rules and prescribed uniform acts.
The nursing home is NOT about caring, it is NOT about commitment to the patients, a hierarchical model is all about itself. The nursing home and every other institution that says it is about people is NOT. Education, health care, politics is all about itself, NOT the ones it says it is serving.
You are absolutely right. Your commitment is totally to your Mum, the nursing home is committed to uniform care, to keep within its budget, has the least staff so it can only provides the least care even if the nurses would like to do otherwise.
They will be told off if they would really commit to all the patients in a way their hearts would like to. Some have become immune to their heart to survive and cope with providing minimal care.
That was why I loved being a volunteer at my daughters kindergarten and schools. As mother-help I could commit to the welfare of the children, a teacher could never do that, never ever.

THAT is why for the moment all we can do is understand the ‘what is so’ and how that is causing our confusion. We know that things can be different and we are stumped why they are as they are.
THAT is what I am starting to see, the huge flaws in our current way of life. I get to see what I need to accept, and also I am learning what is actually possible.
The world has to change drastically to have us all committed to people, rather than to hierarchies and money.
We have a long way to go and in the meantime all we can do is finding the fine line between becoming aware and not going crazy with seeing AND accepting the huge gap between what is so and what is possible at this moment in time.

Oh Hilary, I do understand your frustration, it is your Mum after all and to accept the idiocy of it all is difficult. But hang in there, we are working on change.
Big, big hugs, Wilma

By: Hilary

Hilary — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 14:46:08 +0000

Hi Wilma .. I have another aspect to this – & I’m quite glad Robin hasn’t got here to comment yet .. I totally appreciate what you are both saying .. that is a given – I may not practise it .. but I can understand it and will move in that direction.

My major challenge at the moment is the 3-way scenario .. ie my mother, and the Home who are responsible for her, and me .. when things are not done as they should be, to the best of their ability – it is a Nursing Centre after all .. and that responsibility of commitment is not there – I touched on this in a comment to Tess’ latest post today “The Rewards of Honouring Commitments”.

PS The Nursing Centre is not awful – thank goodness – but with the terminally ill – it should within ‘normal bounds’ be the best possible ..

Thanks for your reply comments .. Hilary
Hilary´s last blog ..Women – how much education have women had in the past 2,000 years?

By: Wilma

Wilma — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 22:57:18 +0000

Hi Sara. Yes I love Robin’s and the quality of all the other comments too. I so appreciate the time and thoughtfulness that you all put into them. It shows we all get that it is our lives we are talking about here and we can learn so much from one another.
There is such richness in all our experiences together; it is so beautiful to have access to it.
Yes, Tess’

I shall judge nothing that occurs today

is a beauty alright and worth working on.
I’d like to repeat Patty, let’s remember, xox Wilma