Comments on: Me and out-of-integrity family.

By: Wilma

Wilma — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 21:22:03 +0000

Oh Hilary.
Never underestimate the level of out-of-integrity in this world and how frustrating it is to get something done. I know!
There is something at stake here, your Mum and it is really hard to see how the possibility of excellent care and accepting the self-sabotaging of people around you. It requires the acceptance at the level of a Saint!
Yes, that requires an awful lot of acceptance.
People,even doctors do what they do and even when their out-if-integrity behavior is so clear and giving you huge headaches, it is a sheer act of your will power to stay in-integrity yourself.
Speaking up is difficult and takes a lot of courage, as people will NOT thank you for it.
You call them on their dishonesty and their ego will fight rather than listen and become responsible again.
Hilary, especially in your situation when you do need the cooperation of others, the out-of integrity shows up big time.
Just be aware what you see is valid and that there is at this moment in time not a lot to be expected.
It is unbelievable when you really look at what is going on what you see and really hard to believe we can act and survive as we do. Take care of yourself, don’t get too hot under the collar if you can and just trust that things are going to change. As I said, we are working on it, one very tiny step at the time.
Hugs Wilma

By: Hilary

Hilary — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 08:53:11 +0000

Thanks Wilma .. you do write wonderful replies to all of us – yes – we can’t change others can we?! I just get frustrated that people don’t want to improve and learn, and are happy with the status quo, or worse simply can’t be bothered.

I had the doctor saying to me – make a list .. and I said to her I’d been doing this for 2.5 years and I’d had enough .. still I’m just slowly getting on with it ..

My problem is I speak my mind, I am very direct .. don’t mean to be quite so – but just as I am .. and perhaps I daunt them .. just frustrated that so many people don’t think for themselves any more

I’m sure I’ll be a better person .. once I’ve assimilated this time into my life .. and I hope softer and more understanding .. I am both – but it doesn’t come out ..

another ramble .. sorry .. hope you’ve had a good Sunday and have a good week .. Hilary
Hilary´s last blog ..Women – how much education have women had in the past 2,000 years?

By: Wilma

Wilma — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 19:27:51 +0000

HIlary, you are a treasure, a real treasure, I adore your honesty and your integrity.
Yes, it is amazing how out-of-integrity is all around us and making life so complicated.
And it is shocking to realize how people have become immune to their own out-of-integrity and accept it as a way of life. Not amazing if you look at how little we are supported but still and how come society and the world at large has become so slack?
Oh, how hard it must have been to accept that all your preparations and requests about moving your Mum have been ignored and denied. What is going on?????
I love how Robin says that we can go beyond frustration and of course that is the only way to go as I have learned with my daughter but still, not easy to do, I agree!
It takes a lot of practice and for me it took a lot of support that ‘no’ getting frustrated and wanted to fix people’s out-of-integrity was NOT the way to go.
To find peace I had to be above that and oh how my ego fought that for a long time.
If they were allowed to be out-of-integrity, surely I was too?
But in the end I have never gained from lowering my own behavior to the lowest denominator, so here we are, doing our best to stay in-integrity.
It will pay off, Hilary, it will pay off eventually and it is the only way to reach a tipping point.
Lots of love to you again, you add to this conversation as much as you like, you do contribute. Hugs and lots of love, you are a trooper, xox Wilma

By: Hilary

Hilary — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 10:18:07 +0000

Hi Wilma .. I think it’s amazing the subjects you are writing about .. they make so much sense and so few of us elucidate or illuminate them (there’s another better more succinct word for those two – but can’t think of it!), or have the temerity to do so. I’d forgotten I’d commented – but that’s life!!

I’m going to add re-reading the post again .. that we tend to create molehills out of things .. we dramatise, because at that time it inconveniences us and people are different. I got this thought from Hendrik of The Positivity Blog’s latest post .. three small obstacles & related it here.

I didn’t have a good day of moving .. but we did move Mum – but everyone was reacting .. no organisation or pre-planning, albeit I’d asked .. etc etc .. it ends up being a muddle, no-one is in charge, and I get (VERY) frustrated .. so I’d better pull my administrative frustration horns back in!

I’ll get there .. go well and have a good week .. thanks for the hugs for us both!
Hilary´s last blog ..Fussbudget .. a bore, or a boar …

By: Wilma

Wilma — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 01:32:45 +0000

Oh Julie, first of all I had an out-of-integrity response to your loving remark about the blog and my writing by dismissing it with embarrassment. But I caught it and I will now gracefully thank you with a beaming smile.

Yes, as I said to Lisa, as children we must go through a really tough time making sense of all this incongruency that is around us. How on earth can we make sense of all that out-of-integrity willy nilly behavior? And once we have made sense of it, we are corrupted for life as it is very hard to keep integrity alive as you so well said.
Now we are having the hard task to unlearn our out-of-integrity automatic responses, now we are going to have a tough time reclaiming our integrity in the midst of the chaos that still exists.
Now we again have to deal with feelings from why they and not me and so on.
You are right, it is going to be a journey, one that Robin so beautifully describes in her amazing comment.
And I love what you say here as well;

“If we simply stop comparing anyone to anyone else, is we simply accept that we each live in our own world of our own making . . . then it’s much easier to just do what’s best for ourselves and be fully present in all our loving glory for our loved ones and be caring and love-giving to all the rest, at varying distances.

Julie, well said, and I so agree with you and it takes lots of practice, lots.
I am starting to see that it is worth the practice and the determination, it pays off. It is making me into someone I can look in the eye and that is so wonderful.
Julie, thank you for listening and hearing me, for adding to the dialog and lots of love to you, Wilma