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Ann-Marie on Do we Learn from our Experiences?
Creating the Experience to Learn is where the gold lies.
The Little Voice, the ego was the topic of this week’s post as Wilma shared how a weekend of guests sent her into a mind spin of upset and how she got herself out of it.
We are all familiar with our ego; the martyr, the doormat, the manipulator, the stronghold, the unknown quantity or as Patty put it; “I like to think of her as my martyred caregiver. She gives and gives and gives, and darn it, why can’t people just see all that I’m doing for them?”
Most of us agreed that in order to be free of the ego we first must be present to it, to be aware of it, what it says and the results it causes. The Little Voice is powerful beyond measure and something not to be taken lightly, it has many ways to hide out and mask its appearance, and it is cunning and operates under the radar.
Some of us are finding ways to diminish the hold the ego can have as it distorts the wholesome ‘what is so’ for us. There is much work to be done here as Lisa pointed out;
I have found that if I let my Little Voice have its say, then we get on better with each other. I let it have its say and then I start questioning it – looking for holes in its logic, undermining its validity. If I ignore it, it gets louder and louder. It wants to be heard.
And if I analyze it enough, or look at it critically enough, then I can generally dismantle its power and make it fizzle out…
It is so very challenging to separate from ego. To step out of yourself and get a look at things from a completely different perspective and to take yourself out of it.
Its not all about us – wow that’s a tough one to get around sometimes.
Thanks for that Lisa; you’ve shown that to question, to NOT automatically accept the ego’s version and to check it against the heart-self is a very useful way to quiet it down. It takes sheer effort and continuous alertness to separate our self from our ego.
It is an enormous undertaking.
The self absorbed, self important ego will fight us tooth and nail all the way. However when we see it for what it is; that it is not significant, we are closer to achieving freedom from our ego.
SuZen shared her technique;
Whenever I feel myself beginning to pull away from joy in the moment, alarms go off and tell me my ego is waking up and about to start trouble. That is enough for me now, but it has taken years of awareness to get to this point.
Again this reiterates how awareness is a vital ally when dealing with the ego.
With that said I’d like to bring another element into this conversation.
While the Little Voice continues to have its say, we continue to be aware of it, but then what?
What do we do with this level of consciousness, how do we turn it into something that is useful, something that we can use as we do life differently and be the change we want to see in our world?
Are we prepared to put ourselves out there, like Wilma did; to learn, to create events no matter what, have experiences where our Little Voice can show up in force, so that we can make progress?
Huuummm!
See Wilma intentionally allowed her guests visit, she intentionally wanted to show them a good time and she prepared herself for the weekend. She didn’t get stopped or cancel out, which was an option when the composting toilet broke down.
No. She carried on and said let’s go, let’s do it!
She certainly was not naïve either, she knew full well that she would have her hands full, she knew it would be a full on event and yet she still did it.
Without the weekend’s mishaps Wilma would not have gained further access to her Little Voice, she wouldn’t have seen the upsetting result it could have caused between her and John. She wouldn’t have gotten the extent to which her Little Voice tends to rattle her. As a result of her weekend experiences, she got to learn how the ego can vent with such force and how utterly insane it actually is.
Even though it unnerves her, she IS willing to put herself firmly in the pathway of her and other people’s Little Voices. She is prepared to experience the full wrath that it unleashes, all in the name of learning to become free from it and seeing the wholesome ‘what is so’.
I look now to myself and this line of thought, learning from our experiences, has uncovered many things for me.
I know that I am skillful at observing and I can indeed observe my Little Voice.
But what’s next?
How do I actually relate to the experiences I am having?
Do I see them as a way of learning, a way of gaining insight into my ego for example or do I set out to avoid them?
We can read all the books we like, however without creating new experiences to practice within, there is no learning, no advancement.
This may seem obvious to you however I am only now getting a sense of how much my daily experiences, no matter how small, have to teach me.
In fact I realize that my relationship to learning is STILL deeply cemented within the confines of traditional learning.
I’ve been educated to look (as my ego does) for right and wrong and certainly NOT to look within, to find the wholesome ‘what is so’; to try things out, to learn from my experiences, to trust myself irrespective of the external answers.
I’m certainly creating new experiences as a result of my separation.
Do you see how much learning is actually available, from the smallest experience, like standing in an orchard watching apples grow to more invasive things like six people practically taking over your personal space and house for a weekend?
Are you conscious to your situations and the learning they provide?
How many of us see that learning is right there in every experience we have?
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28 Comments to “Ann-Marie on Do we Learn from our Experiences?”
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Wow Ann-Marie, I am getting that something is unleashed in you as it has for me.
Learning! Yes, and how little we actually do it from what is there right in front of us.
Until not so long ago I rather avoided things that could cause difficulty, rather than meet them head on and see what would happen.
And if I had no choice and had to meet situations full on, afterwards I would be in denial about what went on, shrugged it off as a lose and tried to forget it as quick as possible.
Well, what a way of living is that? But no more, you and I have cottoned on about this learning opportunity and it helps we have support of course, as alone I would go in circles or would not even notice that there was something to learn.
Complicated, yes, doable yes, xox Wilma
Wilma, it is unbelievable what is available for us to learn every day and I am still stunned at how much I have passed by. Avoiding difficult situations and then not facing up to the wholesome ‘what is so’ about them is a place I have been in many times. And boy oh boy it’s stifling. The outcome is that the same thing happens again and again AND again and the resistance to put ourselves out there grows stronger every time. It’s all great in theory to be conscious to learning, to create deliberate experiences that challenge us but it can be a bit more tricky in the implementation, especially if the Little Voice is going full noise.
So Wilma, let’s both keep our eyes open and let’s experience all that there is xxx
Brilliant, you two! What I take from this is that in order to learn, we have to risk, to put ourselves out there, right smack in the middle of the path of the difficult and uncertain. Into places where we don’t have control, or may very well lose control. Now to me, that’s juicy. I mean, what an adventure. That’s what life is all about. I’ve fallen flat on my face so many times and made so many mistakes and had countless conversations with my little voice (and will continue to do so, I’m quite sure). But without all that? Life would have been terribly boring. Hugs to you both!
Patty – Why Not Start Now?´s last blog ..Why Self-Help Bores Me
Hey Patty,
It is about the stretch alright and the conversation THAT brings up with our Little Voice. I love that you can see learning as an adventure and it is about focusing on the daily occurances.
By consciously creating experiences even though they can cause discomfort at the time is ‘juicy’ and ‘risky’ in the sense that we are prepared to open up our heart self to see the wholesome what is so, once we have gotten past the ego that is.
Patty long may you make mistakes as they only serve you.
Here’s to the adventure continuing xxxx
Interesting, and very right for me. The Little Voice is a bit of a catalyst to begin a learning process with. If the Little Voice wouldn’t say such things to us, then we would have no reason to question. And to question is to grow. To make that Little Voice wrong though, would be to deny myself of myself. There is always some merit in what it has to say, because it shows me where I’m stuck right now.
This is a very interesting topic you both have chosen. There is a wealth of knowledge in it.
Lisa´s last blog ..Tea Time
Lisa, yes, to question deepens our understanding; questions add so much to our learning
You touched on something quite profound when you said
Making the Little Voice wrong is another facet of our Ego looking to dominate.
The Ego has so many many layers and it takes time to hone our recognition skills and see it for what it is.
To be non reactive to the Little Voice and to view it as something that can help us get unstuck can take a massive amount of observing, learning and practice.
Lisa what you have said here opens up a world of possibility. Having this insight and realizing that making the Little Voice wrong is all part of the ego’s charade opens the doorway to the wholesome ‘what is so’, to peace and to honoring oneself. And that is pure magic!!!
I agree with you, there is a wealth of knowledge in this topic and your contribution here has been so valuable xxx.
Hey Ann Marie and WIlma,
You know sometimes its difficult to put on the learning cap when you get so preoccupied with minor issues…I often face that…i get so involved that i actually forget to actually learn from the experience..and then after its all over i will think back and kick myself…..on how i could’ve or should’ve done or said something differently.
Staying fully present in the experience and having an open mind have helped me….OK I may not always have the learning cap on…..But i am getting into the habit of keeping it on at all times.
Slow and steady..:)
Thank you fro this wonderful post…
Much Love,
Z~
Hey Z
Those preoccupations that you talk about are food for the Ego which can easily hamper our learning. They are familiar to me too and result in learning opportunities passing us by. Being prepared and intentional in our experiences gives us a more intense level of learning. And as you so honestly recognize my friend, it is easier said than done.
Creating that open mind when the ego is ranting and raving takes some amount of discipline as the Little Voice tends to side track us if we’re not paying attention.
I’m with you there Z, slow and steady as we go, slow and steady will get us there.
Much Love to you too x
Hi Ann Marie and Wilma,
So much of it, in my opinion, is based on outlook. To me, a lesson is repeated until it is learned. That was a quote from Oprah and I have seen it in my own life. Many times certain situations were repeated throughout my life until I was ready to really look at the situation and learn from it.
In Eastern thought it is believed that we reincarnate in order to become better and learn. It is also stated that the more someone is open to learning, the easier the journey will be. In Zen Buddhism, they use the imagery of a tea cup. If a tea cup is already full of thoughts, it cannot be open to another way of seeing things.
The same is true with being alive. If you see life has having meaning, then you will be open to learning. If you think that this whole existence means nothing, then I think it is harder to learn. At least, that has been my observation.
Being conscious means being aware that there is more to life than we think and with that outlook, we can look at any experience as an opportunity for mastery. Of course, sometimes this is very easy and other times it is not…but at least we can give it our best shot.
Love and blessings to you both!
Nadia – Happy Lotus´s last blog ..The Human Body: The Coolest Machine in the World
Hi Nadia
Attitudes to learning and life differ from person to person, some are open to it and others are not. However the majority of us were taught in the ‘traditional’ education structure of finding the ‘right’ answer which stifles learning from an early age.
And our Little Voice gets most of its opinions from past based experiences so it also keeps us closed off to learning new things.
So finding a conscious, heart centered way to learn that serves us is worth seeking out.
When you said;
Could you take that further and say that being aware there is more to me than I think opens me up to mastering my life. There is so much that we do not know about ourselves and only by creating experience after experience, possibility after possibility can we learn more about the glorious creature that resides within us, free from the Little Voice.
Hi Ann-Marie,
I learn a lot from my experiences. I used to analyse events on the surface and this drove me crazy–it was that age old “analysis-paralysis” problem. As my awareness has grown, my questions have gone deeper within for why something rattled me, or why I reacted too harshly, etc. etc. I have learned so much about myself and what nourishes my soul and what takes away from it. I have also learned that in life there are going to be situations that we go into knowing that it won’t be a fulfilling/safe space–and we have to go there anyway. So I have also learned how to protect my sacred self as I enter these situations. That has been my greatest challenge over the past year–learning to balance my authenticity with those raw social situations where I also need to be on alert for insincerity, negative assumptions, etc. The best part about awareness and learning and new applications as a result of both is that when I encounter a “perfect” moment I feel so connected to life and to The Source and I absolutely do not take it for granted. My gratitude overwhelms me, in the best kind of way!
Jodi at Joy Discovered´s last blog ..A Small Dose of Self-Care
Hi Jodi
This says it all;
.
I so agree, you can be as aware, however there will always be situations coming from left field that hit a raw nerve or some hidden unsolved issues. Also I no longer under-estimate the power of other egos and the power of hierarchy to pull me back.
THAT enormous power that is not to be underestimated. Gloria Steinam also acknowledged that about the status quo that will play dirty to keep itself in existence and knows how to get us.
However once you have tasted what you say here;
You know that it is worth working on accessing your indigenous heart-centered self that lies beyond the ego world.
So let’s support one another to reach these moments more and more, because although our heart is in the right place, doing it alone is incredibly hard. xox Wilma
The best part about awareness and learning and new applications as a result of both is that when I encounter a “perfect” moment I feel so connected to life and to The Source and I absolutely do not take it for granted. My gratitude overwhelms me, in the best kind of way!
Hi Ann Marie & Wilma!
I imagined those letters LEARN blazing like fire to BURN into my brain. It was a great image!
I think I will have ample opportunity this weekend. I am going to a women’s Church retreat in the country at a camp ground. Part of me is singing! I can’t wait to be out in the country. It is going to be very cold this weekend, which I love. I plan on taking my camera and catching some truly glorious moments that I can reflect upon whenever I need them. To swill up a well of peace and gratitude for what’s all around us that I can dip into.
The other part, that I am nervous about, is being around sooo many people. I know my ego will rise. I will feel edgy and want to “get away”. Maybe before my patience is used up. Some ideas can be (shall we say) not so open minded as mine and can rub me the wrong way about my views of GOD and love. Challenging? Yes. But I can handle being firm in who I am.
My lovely stubborn, right ego will have to be kept in check. I will have to be open to learning from this excellent opportunity to make connections and remember “what is so”.
These posts I missed are indeed perfect timing as I forge ahead.
Thank you both so much,
Much Love,
xoxox Angelia
Hi Angelia
You champ! That is it girl, put yourself out there and have the experience. I love that you see the joy and the trepidation that the weekend could bring not to mention the valuable learning.
You are taking the time to prepare yourself and that is soooo great.
Angelia, I hear your intention for your weekend and I hear what you are on the look out for when it comes to your ego and of course the ego’s of others.
Here’s to your learnings and please, please, please do tell us how you get on.
We’re so glad you are here with us! Love to you x
I think it’s about living in a mindfully present way. Then everything is a learning experience. I was just explaining to a friend that every moment you are different than the moment before, so every experience you have is different than the previous one, even if it’s something you do frequently on “rote” mode…let’s say washing dishes. The water temperature is different, the lighting is different, the background noise/music/whatever is different. And it’s that way with everything. I may sleep in my bed every single night, but each night’s sleep is completely different. So, everything in life is a learning experience if I am aware.
The other thought I have is that, in general, I try to fill space with good and beauty so there is no room for negative. So, if I fill space with mindful awareness, there is no room for Ego.
I *hope* I learn from my past experiences, but it sometimes takes me a few tries to learn the entire lesson. Sometimes I am not ready for the whole lesson, sometimes I am resistant, sometimes it just flows, but “it” is always there.
Joy´s last blog ..Full Moon Dream Board…
Hi Joy.
What you say about being present and every moment is different IS the essence of learning and getting the most of this time on earth. THAT is such a great way to make the most of life, it is brilliant, sheer brilliance.
It is learning from your own context relating to who YOU ARE and THAT is what I am finally getting is what learning should be and THAT this kind of learning is exciting and adds value.
Joy, it makes sooooo much sense, that so speaks to both my heart AND my mind; you are amazing.
Having daily experiences and living each moment as if it is your last and first AND that makes life so amazing. It is not all about doing heroic things, it is living daily life heroically.
Oh Joy, you so hit a spot with this, you are so nailing it in such great words.
Thank you, thank you for really getting what we are on about and saying it so clearly.
Big hug, Wilma
Oh Joy
You put it so beautifully ‘living in a mindfully present way’ and you explain it with such clear, everyday examples. There is learning EVERYWHERE. Our experiences are created moment by moment, there is ALWAYS something to discover and you so get that Joy. And yet our ego will have us believe otherwise!
Hugs to you
I liked what you said about noticing those moments when the ego is beginning to take control by observing those feelings of dissatisfaction. For me, it feels like an emptiness is growing in my heart area, and my challenge in those moments is to allow the emptiness to expand and even to envelop me, rather than trying to fill it by doing something. I’ve actually been reading a book by A.H. Almaas recently, The Void, about how we tend to see that inner emptiness as a problem, but in fact it’s just a manifestation of the empty space that’s part of our nature.
Hi Chris, yes we are sometimes afraid of what we see of ‘what is so’ when it is so different from what we think we should see.
Emptiness is kissing the devil’s ear or something, those sayings have a lot to answer for and are leading us astray big time.
As you say, observing and not running away from what you see or feel, but sitting with it until you soak it up, is not what I have been taught as healthy.
AND in the emptiness lies all the power, the blank canvas of all possibilities, AND you get confronted with your own responsibility as well.
Scary stuff and so exciting. It still freaks me out that I can do so much with my life and yet the opportunity is mind blowingly beautiful.
Dearest Ann-Marie, what a joy that you are here even with all that you are going through. How lucky for us. In fact what a gift you give us. It is not one I take for granted. And your writing is superb. I LOVE this part. It is BRILLIANT:
This is SOOOOO key and seemingly so obvious that we often over look it. I am a total experiential learner. I consciously CHOSE this path when I was about 26 years old or so. I have never regretted it. And yes, I have made dozens of wonderful mistakes….BUT the resulting learning from an experiential life is that the lessons and wisdom are NOT in my brain, some concept to try and grasp and remember. No. The lessons and wisdom are stored in every cell of my being. I become the lessons and wisdom.
I no longer walk through life with the attitude that life owes me something “other” or that it even owed me something “back then” (in the past). I now see Life as simply a HUGE school that I am walking through. And this school is a highly intelligent organism, which is tailored to each of us in that the lessons we each need fall at our feet over and over again until we claim the Gift of Wisdom inherent in them. And they REALLY are a gift.
So even though things may look awful, ugly or not what I “think” I want, I now know without doubt that I am walking through a “living” school, one that is literally ALIVE, alive like an entity all around me, an entity that is aware of me and adapting itself (”The Great School of Life”) to meet my needs for growth. I have only to claim the lessons offered. And yet, amazingly and blessedly, if I don’t claim them, they will present themselves again. I just LOVE that.
Such a powerful post that really inspired me deeply. Bless you dear sweet Ann-Marie. Much love, Robin
Robin Easton´s last blog ..The Power of Our Beliefs
Dearest Robin. Thank you for your love and support x x x
You whole heartedly embrace these topics and conversations, process them and then give us your version of where they sit in your life. And by doing so you always take us to a higher level, ALWAYS, without fail! You deepen understanding and contribute immensely to everyone involved.
It was your words here that blew me away.
You consciously chose to learn this way from an early age despite the extreme power of the ego. You chose to follow your heart-centered self, to see the wholesome ‘what is so’ and let your indigenous power guide you in your life. I see by you that ingraining the learning from within not only deepens our connection to others and the earth is also brings us closer to Source – Oneness! And that is glorious. What an adventure of the heart my friend.
Like many others, I cherish that you are here with Wilma and I, we are blessed.
Much love, Ann-Marie
PS I forgot to add that I was THRILLED by the “context” in which you put Wilma’s experience in. WHOA!! I so so so relate to this. Oh my word, I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone else look at things in this light. It set me free!!! I have found that people tend to not like when I look at events in my life in this way. This not only gave me a deeper insight into Wilma and why and how she is the dynamic person she is, but it confirmed SO much about myself and how I live. I tend to be one of these people who doesn’t READ about doing pottery. I just sit down at a potter’s wheel, get my hands messy, clay splattered everywhere and flying off the wheel….until I finally get a sense of the FEEL of it’s center on the wheel. Then my body KNOWS through and through and it doesn’t forget.
Okay, I will stop there. I just get SO excited that I can’t help myself. You and Wilma are headed into beautiful, deep, and untouched forest and I am right there with you. THIS is EXCITING stuff!! It’s ground breaking and I LOVE IT!! Thank you both SO much. Love, Robin
Robin Easton´s last blog ..The Power of Our Beliefs
Robin, Robin, oh I am so THRILLED too as you soooooo say in such beautiful words what Ann-Marie and I are on about when we say learning only happens from experience.
You say what we are finally uncovering and what this earth is given to us for:
This earth and universe lives and breathes and IS intelligent and I did not know that until recently AND this knowing is so profound and so beautiful and so hope giving and a path back to Source. This finally gives me access to a world in which we all can live in peace AND in which every encounter is one that adds value to everything.
Helen Keller and her teacher, Anne Sullivan sensed and lived this and look at their lives.
Oh Robin, imagine, imagine, and it is possible once we observe our daily life and learn to embrace this concept in our daily living.
Joy also puts it beautifully, she also has this knowing that has to be in the core of our BE-ing, even when we do the dishes. NOTHING doesn’t count, EVERYTHING always counts.
ROBIN, you treasure, you leading star, oh I am so blessed that people like you are here for me, for us to role model how life is meant to be lived.
We will get there together, oh we will get there, this beautiful world is so ready to give us this experience, just waiting until we see its intelligence and let it teach us.
That is what Ann-Marie and I are doing, finally discovering what is on offer and equipping basecamp for this ultimate expedition, our life.
Robin, I have no words to say what you mean to me, but I know that you know.
Again the biggest hug ever, you so excite me, xox Wilma
Robin … Yes yes yes! Context is so vitally important to our learning and the experiences we create. I so appreciate that you see how valuable the learning experience was that Wilma set up for herself. And yes it tells us so much more about the champion Wilma is in her life.
We’ve said it before ‘Context is King’. And you Robin have set up a context that is pure beauty, pure magic. xxx
There is so much good food for thought here; thank you, Ann Marie and Wilma!
Last night I had a moment of recognizing my ego at work. Actually, I recognized it ten minutes after it happened, but because of that all-important awareness, I didn’t follow through with what ego was trying to get me to do. I was able to step away from the situation as a third-person observer and say, “Ohhhh, I see what you were trying to do. And no, we’re not going there tonight.”
As you said, awareness is important, but what then? Ego is very powerful, or perhaps it’s that my ability to always live and act from a heart-centered place isn’t well developed enough yet. Sometimes even with awareness, I let ego win. Other times, though, I am able to do as Wilma did and model new behaviors.
What a beautiful journey we’re all on, though, and even better that we can share what we’ve learned with each other.
Thank you both for that!
Megan “JoyGirl!” Bord´s last blog ..Love, the Eternal Law
Hi Megan, isn’t it powerful to do this;
I so love it when that happens as I so no longer want to be reactive and then afterwards have that feeling of regret and guilt while thinking why on earth did I do what I did.
Life becomes so much more light and pleasant without that burden of past behaviors I don’t like.
I also so resonate with what you say here Megan;
For a long time I kind of smelled something wasn’t right, but I couldn’t find where the smell was coming from.
And I also did not know how else to live my life, I could not find ways that sat well with me until now.
So yes, I do agree with you that it is a matter of learning and trying these new behaviors out. AND that takes courage, time, effort and support like Robin said.
Support to make sense of what we are learning and to give it a workable explanation.
Joy also lives life differently and processes the learning to make sense of it.
Oh Megan, I am so excited about it all as I feel that this is the way to the new earth and I too love how we learn together, love Wilma xox
Hi Ann-Marie .. that Little Voice – it is so interesting to be here … because without this particularly special blog world that I have been fortunate enough to come across – none of us would be analysing these thoughts, or seeing how others behave just like us and then how they’ve learnt to adjust to the challenges.
As you say you’re experiencing new things from your own personal challenges – and we can all reap rewards from these new experiences as we go through our daily lives. I certainly have learnt from the experience of my mother in a hospital for three years and my uncle being ill and subsequently dying late last year .. and these have taught me a great deal. Out of adversity there’s always good things .. new friends, new thoughts, new ideas etc
My uncle was amazed that I was able to work things through in my head and knew what was going on – but the thing I find so difficult is dealing with the family .. I’m moving forward and was listening to my Little Voice yesterday – I will keep on growing as a person, I am sure of that.
SuZen’s words make so much sense .. and I must remember that –
Thinking of you and hope all goes well – good to be here – Hilary
Hilary´s last blog ..The Wigmaker, “Cottonpolis” and the first factory
Hi Hilary, I too find it so useful to hear other thoughts, as that allows me to challenge my own.
For a long time I was stuck with my own thoughts that did not serve to live a life that suited me, but I actually did not know what else to think.
However now all these amazing emerging thoughts challenge my old thoughts which of course are my beliefs and then of course I had the next problem, which new thoughts to believe.
THAT made me stuck for a while too.
However that is being solved as well, it they feel good then I try them on.
And yes, that relates to what SuZen says too.
Oh Hilary I am so excited as I feel this makes your and my life so much bearable and so much more loving and worthwhile living, even when you have to deal with so much in your life.
As for family, we are often so imprisoned by their story, there is hardly any escape other than accepting that they live their story and you to look outside for love and encouragement. It sounds silly as your ego might want that acknowledgment to come from them because they reap the benefit and they ARE your closest community, but once you can let that go, they become a lot easier to deal with as the attachment to how they should be is no longer there. John is doing the same with his family and it works a treat, while before that . . . there was a lot of upset.
Hilary, know that most of us here do admire your generosity and see you for who you are, xox Wilma