Are you new here? This explains the blog
RSS
Prefer posts delivered to your inbox? Just pop your email address in below and click 'GO'.
Recent Posts
- I quit blogging.
- Learning takes courage and you knew that, didn’t you?
- Wilma’s Friends on Change starts from within YOU
- I believe in the power of the individual, YOU.
- Wilma’s friends on Following our Calling
- Having faith to LET GO.
- Wilma’s friends on Our desires are the Great Unknown
- She has no desires only goals.
- Wilma’s friends on Intimacy has consequences
- Ego rejects love and intimacy.
- Wilma’s friends on Captaining our own Life
- Allow yourself to be lovable and shine.
- Wilma’s friends on Doing love to be Lovable.
- Are we lovable enough to attract love?
- Wilma’s friends on Honesty in relationships
Further Reading
Where I am coming from
Categories
Search this site
Learning to observe my Little Voice, my ego.
We did live happily ever after, phew.
Well, with the worm compost toilet fixed I thought I was ready for the guests.
I had picked all the veggies and prepared all the food as much as I could. The beds were made and John had put up the tent for the twins to sleep in.
And then it was time for the troops to arrive. And arrive they did.
First three delightful and boisterous boys aged between two and nine tumbled out of the car and shot off in all directions, followed more calmly by their sister.
Behind the kids came their parents and immediately the house was filled with their presence.
Within seconds there was chaos, which is what you expect with live wire kids and two adults who are not present.
Part of the preparation to receive our guests was to mentally psyche myself up for the fact that I would be on duty the whole weekend and that I would be observing my ego, my Little Voice.
Thus I started out by cheerfully being love-in-action while watching out for my Little Voice.
I watered and fed everybody as well as trying to keep up with the adult conversations.
So far so good, but not for long.
Slowly but surely the commentary of the pesky Little Voice started and became louder AND more opinionated as time went on.
I observed that my ego found more and more nasties to say about everybody and everything and that it was doing its darnedest to align me with its version of reality; that I was being treated as a doormat.
I personally love paying children a lot of attention so of course I started off accommodating their wishes and seeing how I could make the weekend fun for them.
However when it appeared to my Little Voice that the adults were just sitting around and having a good time, while I was running around after their kids AND them, it started ‘meaning making’ galore.
One incident in particular provided my Little Voice with plenty to say.
Close to dinner time, I was asked where the glasses were and I expected I too would be poured a glass of wine. But no, only one glass appeared and only one glass got filled and it wasn’t for me.
My heart centered self feebly argued that that was okay. If I wanted a glass of wine, I could ask or I could get my own bottle couldn’t I? Not a big deal really.
But my ego didn’t want to have a bar of that. My Little Voice went for it and it was adamant that I bought its view on reality, which was filled with opinions and judgments about how rude our guest was.
I observed that from then on my Little Voice was on the look out for anything to support its view and my heart self got quieter and quieter during this onslaught.
The more demands I thought were being put on me, the more the ego talk of our guests prevailed, the more chance my Little Voice had to wear me down and tighten it’s grip on me.
And I observed how very good at fault finding my ego is, once it is on a roll;
“Oh, why should they get to sit down while I am doing all the work and why did John not notice I could do with some help.”
“Why do they allow their kids to tear around, if they were mine I would keep them in check”
I could see that I was getting closer to boiling point as each minute passed and although I still looked like love-in-action I certainly was no longer be-ing it.
I felt like a Jekyll and Hyde and I ended up fuming in helplessness.
What havoc the ego and its Little Voice created!
It sure shows that the reality which the ego creates, is limited, self oriented, opinionated and full of judgments.
WomenLikeMe shares this useful observation;
Your Little Voice has something to say about everything, it is always commenting, always judging, going for right or wrong and always expressing a thought in your head. This conversation happens automatically and usually you do not even notice how it is influencing your view of reality. The ego creates its own view of reality coming from its own self centered orientation.
Go to WomenLikeMe for more on ‘Learning from Our Experiences’.
The next day, after the guests had gone, I felt relief. Feeling rattled wasn’t my idea of fun and I so wanted my sanity back.
I was looking forward to debriefing the whole experience with John once we had the house back in order, ready for the next guests.
But while I was tidying up I felt myself slipping into a foul mood that grew darker and darker.
I could feel it rising and instead of being ready for a debrief, my Little Voice was ready for a fight with John of all people.
Although I could not stop the mood, I did observe it and recognized what Eckhart Tolle explains when he says; “the ego is NOT you. “
Thus our debrief started with me blaming John for anything and everything and if John’s ego would have been triggered too, we would have had a fight.
And that would have added insult to injury, a tough weekend followed by a tough aftermath, upsetting me even more!
That was what happened in my previous relationship and I so hated that.
However John’s ego did not bite and the wind was immediately blown out of my ego’s sail; our debrief could begin for real, defusing what my ego saw as reality and defusing all that it was judging as wrong and bad.
I have certainly learned that my ego can never see beyond its own ‘meaning making’ appearances and that my ego will never be able to unveil the wholesome ‘what is so’.
Related Posts
45 Comments to “Learning to observe my Little Voice, my ego.”
Leave a reply
Subscribe to comments with RSS or TrackBack to 'Learning to observe my Little Voice, my ego.'.
Wilma, no wonder you looked so drained and tired when I saw you after that weekend. Your Little Voice fighting with you every minute, not to mention your guests King Size and Queen Size Ego’s in full flight!
That’s a recipe for total unpleasantness: Ego’s feeding off each other, egging each other on until there is unrest and upheaval in the camp and the ironic thing is that it can go unnoticed by so many. To be conscious and observe how the Little Voice always directs us towards fighting or flight and never towards a heart centered solution is so insightful.
John’s reaction to your Little Voice’s upset is a beautiful example of how fights can be diffused WHEN we are wizened up to the Ego’s tactics, WHEN we recognize it and ARE NOT reactive to it. This is how harmony can once again be restored. BUT it takes some grounding, some understanding and some amount of practice to get to this space; to see the Ego as being separate from the person.
It is such an asset that you have the ability to self observe; to let the Little Voice have it’s say and to then see it for what it is – a sh*t stirrer! And although you did react you were aware of what was happening and that, Wilma is the hidden gold. That is how we break free from the Ego’s nasty ways and it is no mean feat.
You’ve been on this mission to keep your Little Voice in check for some years now which tells me that I am in for a most challenging ride to quiet down my own Ego. I can be so strong one minute and yet so fragile the next as the Little Voice plays a game of cat and mouse. I’ve realized that, for now, the Ego is always there and I am the only one who can bring about its downfall so there is lot of observing and lots of new learning to be done.
Wilma, your experience has highlighted just how important it is to choose carefully whom we engage with and spend our time with. It is so useful to identify the people who can nurture our heart and those who fuel our Little Voice.
Huumm…
Much love xxx
Hi Ann-Marie, it sure did feel like I had just returned from a bootcamp.
Oh the emotional ride I went through, making everybody wrong all the time, myself included and piling up the guilt for feeling like I did. AND the confusion about what I should feel and what I should have done. I so often did not know if I was coming or going. AND is that not weird that I could not discern what I should think or how I should BE? Gheez, and this is MY life?
Oh man, it sure is a mission to keep an eye on that Little Voice and to get over the confusion and trusting that eventually your heart WILL get to the wholesome ‘what is so’.
And that is when doing things differently can kick in, having the ability to go to a wholesome ‘what is so’ coming from the heart and than doing things differently from a different Be-ing, acting like it is MY life; doing things while Be-ing peaceful with an innate knowledge that all is well and feeling good about myself.
I can really do without a war in my head, thanks.
And I still need people to point out what my ego is up to, it still can confuse me, unbelievable, humm indeed, hummm indeed.
Oh Ann-Marie, you still will have to nurture my heart self for some time to come and you still will have to keep telling me that I have lipstick on my teeth, xox Wilma
Hi Wilma and Ann Marie,
I think it is awesome that you are being so open and honest in sharing your adventures with your ego when you had people visiting your home.
There are some members in my family who I have never managed to get along with ever since I can remember. Some years ago after a horrible encounter with them for the billionth time, someone asked me what was it about my relatives that irritated me so much. Their point to me was that if I was secure in how I was, I would not be so worked up when dealing with them.
I was not pleased with this line of thinking because I felt I was justified in being angry. However, I took the comment to heart and I thought about it a lot. I realized that the reason I would get so upset with my relatives is because they mirrored back to me the things I felt about myself.
This was not a pleasant realization but it made sense. My sense of self was non-existent back then and my relatives just mirrored that back to me. I felt that I had been punched in the stomach with that one.
So I began to work on loving myself. Things with my relatives are still not ideal but I no longer get so worked up. When I do talk to them now, I do not get as upset as I used to do. However, if I talk to them when I am tired or worried about something, things go bad.
I think how our ego reacts is in relation to how at peace we are with ourselves. The more at peace someone is the less likely their ego will be so easily activated.
By the way, I think it is wonderful how John kept his ego in check when you were venting. You two have a beautiful relationship.
Hi Nadia,
I sure was grateful that John was secure enough NOT to react to my ego, because I’ll tell you, I was in for the kill.
Oh Nadia, how wonderful that you were able to hear the ‘what is so’ and take that comment about you and your reaction to your relatives to heart. THAT is difficult when all your ego wants to do is to make them wrong for making you wrong.
AND it needs another observer who can tell you what is going on.
THAT is so valuable as in the beginning we alone have no show in catching up with the ego game. AND yes those realizations are initially not the most pleasant ones, I agree.
I also do agree that dealing with big egos, like family ones, does require us to be in a good space. Egos are powerful, I compare big ones with terrorists; they fight dirty and go where you and I would not think of going.
Never underestimate the ego, and always face them prepared if you can and with allies. Even then as you can see from my story that is still not yet a guarantee, arggghhh.
However it seems you and I have found allies and for that I am so grateful, so very grateful. Hugs Wilma
Welcome to my world!
Don’t be hard on yourself. I’m sure that by the time everybody left you were getting into the groove.
I love that photograph!
Jillian´s last blog ..Getting Your Children to Help
Hi Jillian, I love how us women support each other and yes I can see that most of us can relate to this. However I do desire to change it and although I no longer beat myself up for these slip ups, I do want the freedom to be who I am and peacefully and joyfully deal with what life throws at me.
Especially I want to learn where it concerns egos of people, and as I am going to have two son in laws at some stage, I want to be prepared
Oh Wilma, I love your stories! Always so real and raw. And I adore that photo too. The two of you are quite the pair.
Yep, I’ve been in your shoes before. I like to think of her as my martyred caregiver. She gives and gives and gives, and darn it,” why can’t people just see all that I’m doing for them?”
Thanks for bringing humor and life to a situation that all of us are probably familiar with.
p.s. There is a wonderful movie called, “Little Voice.” Not about ego exactly but quite a wild ride with some amazing singing.
Patty – Why Not Start Now?´s last blog ..Meaning Mondays: The Hummingbird Edition
Oh Patty, thanks for your kind words, I love acknowledgments, so that is lovely balm on the wound of having the ego win.
Oh aren’t we something with that behavior? I so detest that type of manipulation, I want it to stop, it does not serve anybody.
And sometimes humor is the best way to get over it while licking your wounds.
Never heard of that movie and what a title! xox Wilma
Hi Wilma and Ann-Marie .. I could relate so easily to you Wilma – so much the martyr .. me doing everything and getting no thanks, no consideration – we can be so easily smoothed, with a little pat on the back and thank you through the duration. Women seem to do more with entertaining in the home – cooking, tidying, preparing, washing up and washing afterwards, cleaning etc .. – when we do it ‘easily’ of course it’s taken for granted, because we do accomplish what we need to .. for preparation – then the whole lots gets taken apart .. enjoyed, eaten, messes made, no discipline from the kids or by the parents ..
It’s easy to include the person who’s running around in the background in the conversation .. by at least giving them a synopsis of the discussion, as they might be interested in the topic and can discuss it then or later; it also brings them into the group, not leaving them out.
Little Voice is a wonderful movie – Michael Caine, Brenda Blethyn, Jane Horrocks, Jim Broadbent, Ewan McGregor 1998 ..
Thankgoodness for John .. send his clone over please!!
Enjoy the week and the start of your course .. & I love the wellies .. orange = excellent sunny colour!
Hilary Melton-Butcher
Positive Letters Inspirational Stories
Hilary´s last blog ..A bet on the Eleven Cities Tour or the Winter Olympics being held?
Hi Hilary
Amazing isn’t it that we still fall into this trap of martyrdom.
The interesting bit is though that I did not know for a long time what was going on.
I always felt annoyed when the guests were gone, but could not totally put the finger on what I was annoyed about and with whom. I liked having guests, I love doing things for other people, so what was the problem, why did I feel cranky with EVERYBODY, myself included??????
Now I know that there were a whole lot of me’s involved, the people-pleaser ego, the trouble seeking ego, the obligation trained ego, the wonder-woman ego etc etc, no wonder there was confusion with such a committee in my head.
So I am learning to see the wholesome ‘what is so’ and all that is involved, the committee included.
However now I have to do the next step; how is a peaceful and aware Wilma going to do things differently with guests?
Well, that is through preparation and deciding how I want the next weekend with guests to go. But that is another story and another topic.
Oh Hilary, at one level I am so amazed what we do not know and how we keep falling into making life hard and at the other level I am sooo excited that it is possible to see light at the end of the tunnel.
I know there is a way to live life light and joyous and feeling we are all in this together and it is NOT them against me and I am NOT alone.
I so desire for you to have the same, you are soo generous and soo loving and you soo deserve peacefulness and sponsorship for your basecamp.
Well you have my support, Hilary, you have mine and I am sure you will have generated that from other people in your blogging community as well.
Hugs Wilma.
Hi Wilma,
Awareness. I see that as a real key here, and something I have really been focusing on recently. It doesn’t mean I always get it right, but I have felt more aware. Even when I’m acting in ways that are not what I would like them to be – awareness, for me, is that first step toward recognizing when I’ve veered off the path. I may stay off that path – being aware, though has been a huge step toward getting me back there. And I see that in you, Wilma, and that’s a good thing.
Lance´s last blog ..Sunday Thought For The Day
Hi Lance.
Yes awareness does NOT mean you are getting it right, I am with you on that one.
And awareness about that is also freeing. Knowing that there is a lot to learn AND that it is not something that can be learned in a day or two has created peace for me.
However Lance, my big question has been for a long time; how do I become aware of ‘what is so’ and how do I make sense of what I am seeing.
However all this sharing makes a huge difference for all of us who are work in progress.
Love Wilma
Hi WAM! Great story Wilma, and haven’t we all been there? That stinking little voice? Crapping up a day and exhausting you? Yep.
But you have the key – awareness. Nadia’s comment is precious – and so true! Whenever I feel myself beginning to pull away from joy in the moment, alarms go off and tell me my ego is waking up and about to start trouble. That is enough for me now, but it has taken years of awareness to get to this point. And lots of reflections as Nadia had as to what is REALLY going on in my head.
It may sound absurd, but to acknowledge and embrace it, diffuses it. Tolle is absolutely the best teacher for this ego thing. You had a great practice run, fully aware of what was going on – that’s more than half the battle already!!! Yay you!!!! Key operative word: practice.
You are also a great teacher, Wilma. You share so openly all of the things we are all going thru and it is our collective support that shows up here that is so magical. There is a healing quality about sharing and exchanging – it’s all good!!!
Hugs
suZen
Oh SuZen, I so love all this connectedness, man does it feel good to not be alone in all this, you are spot on to say that this collective support is priceless.
Will we live into the Dalai Lama’s prediction we women will change the world, because we are not afraid to share and connect? As you said before, what a possibility, yipppeeeee.
Crapping up a day is right alright, unbelievable actually!
If we would watch it on TV we would not think someone could be that stupid.
And yes, it takes a lot of doing as both you and Nadia obviously know too.
Amazing isn’t it how that Little Voice/ego takes all joy away and what a good indicator that is. However as Eckhart Tolle says, if the pain body wants to have fun, it is that fun against your heart fun, man what a mess.
However as you say, practicing awareness is a great start and also having a buddy to do that with helps enormously.
So good that your husband went along to the classes with you, is that because there is still some sergeant major left in you yet
But seriously, thank you for your lovely words and there is indeed a lot of power in openly sharing and learning from each other.
Bless us all is all I can say and a big hug back to you, xox
A story here that so many of us can relate to. We don’t have weekend guests as often as we used to because my little voice can only be quiet for a short time.
When we do have guests, I find myself doing less as inn keeper than in my younger days. I sit more with them and talk. I will make a lovely pot of soup, or order pizza delivered, or even suggest we all go out. They may think less of me, but I am much happier. It can be difficult to set boundaries and I am the worst. Awareness is the key as you have outlined in this story.
Erin´s last blog ..Be Strong and Courageous
Hi Erin, the perfect host syndrom, the perfect anything syndrom of the ego sure gets us into trouble, doesn’t it. Being an inn keeper, I love it!
Once you can let that go, of course there are ways to have guests and have a great time. I can have a great time with everything when I let go of that Little Voice nonsense.
Makes a lot of sense how you deal with your guests these days and yes setting boundaries is really hard for me too, I still have no balanced sense of what is realistic or not. But I am learning and practicing and next time I will certainly set boundaries and then see how that feels and how do we know what they think of us anyway?
As long as I do my best, that is all that counts, isn’t it?
Oh how I know it all and how do I still get caught out arggghh.
Love Wilma
Hi Wilma,
I love your stories–always open. You describe it well. I’ve had the same experience, even when we’re alert to the ego, it often finds ways to build up and take control. Sometimes it wants to pull others in on the drama, sometimes it’s just an internal conversation that goes on. It’s always about being right, being heard, being vindicated.
In the end, it’s about doing exactly what you’re doing–watching the ego, with acceptance, loving it into surrender.
Thanks, very illuminating article.
k
Kaushik´s last blog ..Why we don’t do the things that are good for us?
Hi Kaushik, the ego has a lot to answer for and I cannot believe how destructive it is if it goes unnoticed. Of course once we see through the game it is playing it really loses its power.
However some egos can use the intelligence of our own mind against ourselves and play a very subtle game that is really hard to detect and very dangerous for the indigenous ME.
That scares me somewhat, how some egos are hard to detect, however as SuZen said, feelings are a good guideline to start with as the ego involvement always leave a foul taste in our mouth.
And yes fighting the ego is just giving it more ammunition; observing, surrender and accepting what is there is sure to disempower the ego.
Love Wilma
Wilma,
This certainly is a place all women have been for sure. I think men don’t get as caught up because they don’t over think things when guests are coming, don’t get as riled, aren’t the caretakers and don’t conjure up the idea of perfection ahead of time.
How’s that for one long opinion. I think it was the desire to make all things perfect that got in the way. Or maybe expecting too much of yourself by putting yourself on duty all weekend. We women are so good at this crap!
Anyway your honesty shines and we can all relate.
Here is a mMantra the next time your little voice gets out of hand:
Ego ego go away
Holy Spirit come out and play.
A musician friend of mine made up this little ditty in A Course In Miracles Class! xo
Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..The Time Of My Life
Hi Tess, I am very impressed with your long opinion and yes whatever the reason we get riled, in the end it is all crap and mostly about me looking good instead of BE-ing good.
I realize that all that ego talk really makes things worse and will NOT let me find a great way that works for all of us.
I think Robin says it well in her comment that the ego will override every sensible decision and even a ‘no’ when a ‘no’ would be the best thing for everyone.
THAT annoys me as well, the ego is making me stupid and that I soooooo hate, it makes me so less than I AM and colors the world around me that my heart doesn’t like at all.
I love your mantra, I love mantras as they sure help me to remember, so listen Tess if you can here me, because I am sure I will sing it often
Well sister, lets watch that ego, not with garlic around our neck but with the jingle.
xox, hugs Wilma
Dear Wilma, I just adore you. You are just no insightful and honest, AND hysterically funny. I laughed and hugged you through this whole thing. I doubt there is a woman alive who won’t relate to this. What makes you EXCEPTIONALLY delightful is that you are SO alive. You just are what you are.
I have been in the place you describe here so many times in my life, and usually it is this same situation. The thing that came to me while reading this wasn’t so much about my ego, although I could certainly relate to that part of it, but was something a bit different.
I have grown to recognize that when I am feeling “pissy” and “petty” and want to blame others or “chew them out” if only in my mind, LOL!!
) that I am really upset with myself for something. And for ME, that “something” is usually that I have over extended. I have done something, agreed to something, taken in company, family, friends, or agreed to go somewhere, do something etc, that was really more than I could handle at the time….or EVER. LOL!! But I tried to do it anyway. And THAT is my down fall…And it doesn’t mean that I don’t LOVE the people or would actually REALLY like to do or be whatever it is that is asked of me. It just means that deep inside it really isn’t the right thing for me. (Of course sometimes there ARE people whom I don’t want to be around. LOL!!:)
But I do this “over extending” anyway, out of social pressure, family pressure, friend’s pressure or my own feeling that I am a somehow letting everyone down if I calmly, firmly but kindly say, “NO. I can’t do that now.” And the worst one is: sometimes I really WANT to do whatever it is, but it is STILL more than I can do, be, embrace….with EASE, without draining myself, without over extending myself.
I think that saying “no” is one of the hardest things for women. I was just thinking about this the other day. Traditionally women we given very little say in the social and family hierarchy and it is still so in MANY countries today. Even as recent as the Victorian era women were given little or NO say in sex, money matters, voting, smoking, the work place and so on. The little say that they did have was usually in regard children, food and household.
So I think in light of THAT there are two things we need to do for ourselves. One is to be gentle and forgiving. Realize that we ARE learning (as women) to shed generations of various types of repression, where we weren’t allowed “voice”. Number two, I think we can ALL encourage each other to speak up and say, “No.” Say, “I want you to come and help me.” Say (to company), “In this house everyone pitches in and NO one sits down until ALL the cleaning up, the cooking and the chores are done. Then we ALL can sit down and enjoy.” Say, “I can’t do this on my own. I need help. Will you help me?” Say, “I don’t WANT to do this.”…..and so on. And number three, yes, there’s always a three, LOL!! I think we all can look at the uncomfortable feelings we get when we need to say the phrases above. What is it that prevents us from saying them. I know I am going to be more aware of this after reading your EXCELLENT post here.
You are a dynamo, Wilma. I just LOVE you soooooo much!!! I find more of myself here every time I share, every time I walk into this room of amazing women. A HUGE hug to you, dear love, and one to your dear John as well. You both are changing my world. Love, Robin
Oh Robin, shall we do a group hug with everybody as I sooo love to hear how we all relate to this.
I can also relate to your over extending tendency and what you say here;
I am learning that that is all about setting boundaries and knowing that the consequences are NOT always as hurtful as our ego or other egos are saying.
Saying ‘no’ to people will dent the ego for a little while, theirs AND ours, but when we understand the right of refusal, than our ego’s wind gets taken out of its sail.
Then we also get to see that there IS no pressure, our egos make that up; pressure is about egos who want to have it their own way and egos responding back.
Just as; is a tantrum of a child in a supermarket pressure? Yes and no, depends on everybody’s ego perception, your own as well.
I am getting to see that only my heart can say an honest heart felt ‘no’ and will be okay with it as it knows it comes from a loving place towards myself and to the others. Because your heart knows that it will not be in anybody’s interest to say ‘yes’ when ‘no’ is more appropriate. That gives me the strength to lovingly say ‘no’ and not cave in to the ego pressure. The heart is strong like that. Only the ego talks about how it can hurt other people’s feelings, your heart will not go there funnily enough, because it will distinguish real hurt from tantrum hurt. Egos don’t know the difference.
Only egos use feelings like that in a distorted dramatic way.
Oh Robin, it is a mind field and yet so good to get a handle on and I love your three suggestions. You are spot on as we need to really also know what to do with our awareness and your suggestions are real gems, love, encouraging support and observe yourself.
And that is what we have here and I feel soooo privileged with all of us here working on making progress with seeing ourselves as basecamp.
Big, big hugs, my EXCEPTIONAL loving friend, xox Wilma
Dearest Wilma, I LOVE your response to my comment here. YES!! It is all ego when we feel we let others down and so on. This is so wisely expressed. I just love what you are saying here. Wow! Way back I told you about my current VERY intense work load due to my book coming out and mentioned how many of the people I’ve known for sometime don’t understand the shift in my life to really focus and fulfill this dream. Even though I’ve sent emails letting people know what is happening they tend to take it as something I am “doing” to THEM. I am not continuing to fulfill my social duty.
At first I was so caught up in this and on top of my already maxed our schedule I would try to maintain the phones calls, personal emails and so on. I would try to set them at ease over and over, until I crashed from it. Then you said something to me about letting go, listening to my heart right now.
I have realized that my choice to just let myself have the room and rest I need has nothing to do with their needs not being real or less than mine, nor does it speak of judgment placed on them by me. It only speaks to the fact that right now i cannot be all things to all people. Financially we need this book, but it’s waaaay more than that, this is a deep “calling” for me. I can either continue as I was, trying to be all things for all people, or I can let them go with love, send them love with my heart thoughts ….and then let my 56 year old heart fallow this deep calling or destiny, one I’ve heard calling me since I was a child. I don’t even yet know where it will lead, other than I know it is so similar to the calling I had when I went INTO the rainforest. But I don’t need to know, I only need to follow. In following it I feel a great wide road open before me. I feel like an explorer going into uncharted territory, and I cannot live with myself if i don’t step upon this path and start walking. Because in my heart I KNOW I am walking home to Robin, to Love, to the Divine that is in all of us.
…..AND back to ego: with my ego out of the way I begin to see all this through new eyes, I see my friends as safe and loving and know they will find THEIR own way. That I do no harm to them in letting go. And I see them and ME as all free. Relationships are NOT dependent on how MUCH, how OFTEN, or WHEN, or WHERE. I have found that the truest relationship are timeless. Just writing this I feel a great weight lifted off me and a sense of ALL being in peace and wellness, both for me and my friends.
Thank you for letting me work through this here on these pages. Our egos not only cripple ourselves but those we love. If we let them our egos can even enable those we love. You are indeed one wise woman. All my love, Robin xoxo
Forgive the length.
Robin Easton´s last blog ..The Power of Our Beliefs
Robin, I have goose pimples, I soooooo get what you are saying here. Oh, once you get this ego thing sorted we are free. Once we got that it wants to make us dependent in a stifling way which has nothing to do with the love that we are, we are free to pursue our dreams.
Robin, you so get this. Oh I am so excited for you because you don’t need this pressure of others who want you to be in a way which is not even touching upon the wholesome ‘what is so’ about how you can contribute to them. Most of the time people do not even know what they want, all they want is attention in a way that is neither healthy for them nor for you.
YOU so will get the freedom and of course you will always contribute to others, always but in ways that benefit everybody.
Robin, fly free as an eagle and do not let others clip your wings. xox Wilma
Dear sweet friend, I just had to pop back and tell you that I cried reading your ASTOUNDING response here. You have one of the largest and most vastly open hearts I’ve ever seen, and innately wise off the charts. I cannot tell you how much you are doing for my soul. Deep deep confirmation (of a state of being that I live) that I have found in few places but nature. You are doing truly GREAT work here, above and beyond. You’re on a powerful journey and I am THRILLED, BLESSED, AWED to be part of it. Hugging you a big one, Robin xoxo — PS You don’t need to reply to this. Just know that you are pure magic.
Robin Easton´s last blog ..The Power of Our Beliefs
Fantastic, once again. You are so good at bringing these themes home to us, through your full stories. That ‘little voice’ is something we can all relate to. I would love to know what John said to you, how he turned the defusing into something helpful…that is a gift we can all use too!!
Lisa (mommymystic)´s last blog ..Keep Your Sense of Humor…
Hi Lisa, thanks and my Little Voice wishes that my stories would be a bit more angelic, however that is up to IT really, isn’t it.
The main thing that John did was NOT making me wrong, when I opened the vent and let all the muck come out.
If he would have given me one little titbit that I could have interpreted as criticism, that would have been it and I would have not calmed down for days.
But he let me rant and rave first, while paying attention to the underlying issue, which was that I was upset. I felt that, he heard that, I felt no judging, no patronizing, I felt his presence and good will I guess.
THAT is what defused my Little Voice, I knew he was present and I saw no body language that told me otherwise, There was no smirk on his face or irritating twitching or any other sign of disapprovement of or uncomfortableness with my ‘bad’ thoughts.
I felt bad and uncomfortable enough as it was and if he would have been uncomfortable with my outburst, that would have thrown and upset me even more.
So he did not say much but it was more about how he took my ranting. THAT is what works for me.
I don’t know how that is for you, but when I am upset and other people cannot handle that, THAT makes it worse. John just quietly took my upset and THAT was enough to calm me down and to make me able to have a conversation. I then just asked how the weekend was for him now he had heard my version and then he explained his take and from there we explored the whole happening without accusing anybody anymore. From then on we started to explore how we could do things better, what I would like him to do and how we could work as a team.
Hmm, the ego is just like a little child sometimes, it needs to be guided out off its tantrums.
I was not joking when I said that that book you reviewed lately applies to adult egos as well.
Thanks for asking Lisa, love Wilma
Dear WAM Ladies –
right now, I’m doing everything to keep my ego in check because that Little Nasty Voice wants to go fight with Richard’s ex-wife’s ego. (I realize this is a cryptic comment to the rest of the readers, but let me just say, Richard’s ex-wife, whom I have a decent relationship with tried to barge in on our vacation – very long story)
Getting on the crazy train serves no purpose, especially when someone else is struggling with her own choices and decisions and soothing her own wounded ego.
It’s not that I’m “taking the high road” because that would mean, to me at least, that I must be seen as better than Richard’s ex-wife – which was one of my struggles for the first two years Richard and I were married. I am simply staying true to myself because the drama that her ego creates is more than enough. I already know that mine can create just as much, if not more, and I just don’t want to go there.
xxoo
Peggy
Peggy at Serendipity Smiles´s last blog ..Struggle
Dear Peggy
What a gem of an insight – the crazy train doesn’t serve us and yet every day so many of us are determined to ride the journey of madness… we fight to get our bum on that seat. All aboard!!
When you said
I hear such freedom in your words, I hear your heart speaking up and having it’s say and I love that you see that you have a choice here and that you just don’t want to go there! And that is sheer class, my friend! You rock!!!
Much love x
Peggy, you did an ace job in defusing your ego, and you can take credit for that.
You did a really good job of peeling layer of layer to come to the wholesome ‘what is so’, and you cannot get there with the ego still firmly stirring.
What this experience has really taight me is that the ego is not to be underestimated. It is a huge presence and extremely cunning, cunning beyond belief and sooo dramatic, it creates more drama than any script witer can come up with.
We think Mrs Bucket is over the top, well take a good look at your ego and she becomes average.
Observing is the first thing and being gentle on yourself is a close second, because again we do not need to add fuel to the fire ourselves.
Peggy, you were bl*dy good, you were a class act, and you deserve the BEST holiday ever, you created it, YOU created it and now go and enjoy it to the full.
XOX Wilma.
Excellent post. This Little Voice can be so destructive. But even so, I have found that if I let my Little Voice have its say, then we get on better with each other. I let it have its say and then I start questioning it – looking for holes in its logic, undermining its validity. If I ignore it, it gets louder and louder. It wants to be heard.
And if I analyze it enough, or look at it critically enough, then I can generally dismantle its power and make it fizzle out.
I so feel what I imagined you felt on that weekend. Its especially difficult when you were absolutely intending to feel and experience something else.
It is so very challenging to separate from ego. To step out of yourself and get a look at things from a completely different perspective and to take yourself out of it.
Its not all about us – wow that’s a tough one to get around sometimes.
Lisa´s last blog ..Tea Time
Hi Lisa
Question, question, question! I love that you do that with your Little Voice.
Because we have come to rely so heavily on our Little Voice we tend to believe what it says, it keeps us prisoner. But to recognize when the Little Voice is in full flight and then to check it against what your heart is saying is such a useful tool that loosens the grip.
Lisa you recognize the sheer effort it takes to separate us from our ego’s and that is awesome. It is an enormous undertaking.
It’s not all about us … you’ve definitely touched on something there. The self absorbed, extremely important ego will fight us tooth and nail on this one. However when we see it for what it is – not significant we are one step closer to separation.
Hugs to you
I was just thinking again about that sentence ‘it’s not all about us’ and took that thought a bit farther.
Perhaps as soon as we have realized that it is not all about us, then suddenly we realize how it really is all somehow about us, but in a much different way than we thought. It’s all about us in the way that we really can use everything as a handhold or a foothold to work our way up to the heavens, so to speak.
Listening to and questioning that Little Voice is also really just a method to gain new insights and grow and in that way everything really does (somehow) have to do with us, but maybe not the way we thought.
That was pretty confusing, sorry, it’s 6:30 in the morning here.
Lisa´s last blog ..Tea Time
Hi Lisa.It is very interesting what you are touching upon here.
The ego is only out to see what is in it for itself, never contemplating a bigger picture ot other people and thus always going for a win/lose solutions as it never can look for a win/win for everybody.
When however when you can see the us, then of course what you do for you, you do for us.
And as us is a greater resource, you will create a greater result with greater ease.
Going for being rich on your own for example is not much fun, as the rest around you stays poor or feels ripped off. But if you are going for being rich with the intention to make others prosperous as well, you can see the win in there, it is the gateway for heaven on earth.
So I think it is a great distinction you are making here.
Yes, this is very interesting because it has to do with sustainability (although I hate to use that word). Contemplating the ‘us’ instead of the ‘me’ is the long-term more stable choice as it creates a wider base. My advantages are more likely to reach into the future if I am able to achieve a stable and advantageous atmosphere and environment. Therefore, however, contemplating the ‘us’ instead of the ‘me’ comes around to my own advantage, and seen from that side is actually a contemplation of the ‘me’.
In that sense, creating lasting win/win (not compromise/compromise) and not following the first desires of the ego, creates an environment in which I am more likely to prosper and grow. And in this positive environment I can continue to develop past the Little Voice.
Again, sorry for the disjointed thoughts, it’s morning here.
Lisa´s last blog ..Tea Time
Hi Lisa, what you are saying here is quite profound and absolutely why all is one and really understanding the power of us, is for the greater good of everybody, the “ME” included.
No need to apologize, I think you said it beautifully and it is so on the dot.
And once you realize this you see proof all over. People who are generous create great wealth, abundance and prosperity around them on all fronts.
AND once you know you have created sponsorship, you do not have to be afraid as there are always enough resources to support you.
Oh Lisa, this is sooooo great but boy do I need support to live my life like that as the ego is determined to NOT see the greater wholesome way of BE-ing and does not believe in this interconnectedness. Argghhh.
However it is important to NOT underestimate how far off the game we are and how little we really have been privvy to this ‘all is one’ concept.
When I accept how hard it is though, I can be more gentle on myself and that will make me less defensive and more open to learning.
Lisa, thanks so much for your early morning contributions, they are astounding, hugs Wilma
Hi Lisa.
The Little Voice is enormously destructive and always out to pick a fight and indeed when it gets listened to, when it gets observed it will loose steam because if feeds on controversy.
And when I was not as clever as you and when I could not diffuse it myself, that is what John did for me, by hearing it and not going into battle with it first off.
When I am beating myself up for my bad ego thoughts, then of course I also feed the ego and then all of a sudden it becomes gentle and kind. It is realy hard to win this cunning entity and I like your strategy, it is a great one.
The ego is all about itself and it will not leave center stage without a fight, lucky us.
But as you say there are ways to fizzle it out and that is for us to practice.
And believe you me, Ann-Marie and I are working hard on that one, xox Wilma
This is something that occured to me when my son was still young. If he made a fuss and then I made a fuss, then we had a giant fuss and got nowhere with it. But if I let him let off his steam and have his fit, then I could begin to work with it. I could always pick strings and thoughts out of his emotional outbreak and help him weave them into a new cloth. He felt better afterward because I understood where he was coming from. And that is probably the only thing we really want – to have the feeling that we are understood. The Little Voice isn’t much different than a ranting 6 year old, is it?
Lisa´s last blog ..Tea Time
Lisa, you got it in one. The ego is like a ranting tantrum thrower and the more you look at it the more you actually can see that.
Gosh I’ve been where you are and I think it’s great you were able to keep being loving during the visit despite what your ego was whipping up. Awareness helps an awful lot. After that I always wonder what I can do that will really make the ego go away in those instances. Sometimes a breath is not enough, sometimes it would be odd for me to up and go for a jog (!), sometimes thinking the best of my visitors doesn’t chase it away…and so it comes back to awareness and just observing our thoughts but trying not to react to them. I suppose with time we will get better and better at not reacting. Practice makes “peace”!
Jodi at Joy Discovered´s last blog ..A Small Dose of Self-Care
Oh Jodi, I absolutely loooooove this;
Lets forget about perfect puleez and lets go for peace instead.
Yes it is really hard not to make myself wrong when I notice all these judging thoughts.
It has been absolutely wonderful to calmly observe without going into a raging inner battle to make things even worse.
Oh my, I can see you getting up and say; “sorry egos I just have to go for a run, you are just a bit too much for me”. Wouldn’t it be glorious if we could, I bet it would save us a lot of fighting.
As you say it starts with noticing the ego antics and staying gentle with yourself and then on to the next step.
Practice makes peace, YES! xox Wilma
Intuition is the wisdom with us, we must all listen to and act upon. Ignorance of this vessel leads to a crash landing. Be the change you want to see in the world as Gandhi says, and it starts with self realization.
Great post!
Hi Jonathan, intuition is sure the wisdom within us but it has been buried underneath so many layers of wayward thinking. However it looks like the layers are being peeled, one by one, to once again access uur innate and indigenous knowing and our connection to source. AND that is very exciting. Love Wilma
Ahhhh, so here is how the weekend went. So sorry, I am late catching up.
Wilma, I can totally imagine the quiet and solitude your lovely country home brings, to the sudden NOISY reign of children and extra adult energies bopping about. No WONDER your ego kicked in. That would be like you visiting the rather large city I live in, and not having some effect from the HUGE change of pace.
I think you keeping your cool and ego in check was awesome. I can imagine the pent up feelings of intrusions had to go somewhere and who else but our sponsor who loves us unconditionally and we can do and say what we feel without being afraid.
I truly am seeing the good of the situation. I had two roommates for NINE months. What a relief, and slight breakdown when they left. The energy WHOOSHED out of the house and I whooshed along a lot of pent up emotions with it.
I don’t even think whooshed is a word but that’s how I felt.
I LOVE how you handled it and I think you are much better prepared for next time. Plus, we all got so much out of this experience with our friend/enemy the ego.
Blessings to you!
xoxox
Oh Angelia, your roommates have gone, have they? And I can well imagine how things whooshed for you, the word explains it perfectly
.
I must say it was a contrast from quiet to busyness but most of all it became so clear how little we are aware of each others energy and how we compete and want to steal the show instead of knowing how to create a harmonious energy for everybody.
The ego is incredible in how it can distort and create unrest and unpleasant feelings.
It also puts you off the scent, because it can flick in a second from being loving to being nasty as in my case and you think what is going on, who to believe. And the ego never creates a solution in how to deal with people issues.
It simply cannot get a handle on them.
The heart can, I am sure of it, the heart-centered self can set boundaries, can say ‘no’ as it never gets sucked in by ego stories and can say; “clean up” without feeling bad.
The heart-centered self is secure and fair and in integrity and dares to declare the wholesome ‘what is so’ and is not afraid of losing a popularity contest.
Oh Angelia, I am so pleased to be getting the measure of this, so now I can begin to develop my heart-centered self in daily living with daily people as that is where normally the trouble happens.
And yes, just like you have your sponsor Jason, it sure makes a big difference I have Ann-Marie and John.
Great to see you again, that must mean you are getting on top of all the clowns?
XOX, hugs Wilma