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Ann-Marie on Do we actually play ‘Heart Centered’ Team?
- Are we playing heart centered team in all our relationships?
This week’s post ‘What is so’ in relationships talked about looking deep into what is going on with our relationships and no matter how confronting, it is required to get to the wholesome ‘what is so’.
And without this level of ‘what is so’, we don’t get access to acceptance and we miss the opportunity to bypass our ego to get to our heart centered self and be the change we want to see.
Lance highlighted the point with this comment about his marriage
there were moments where accepting “what was so” was not easy at all. I suppose I came into the relationship with preconceived notions, based upon all of my past experiences. There was definitely a period of time where I didn’t want to see beyond my own limited horizon. And while things were never terrible, there were times where our relationship suffered.”
And Wilma’s response gave us lots to think about . . .
We all kind of know we have an opinion and a conditioning that can skew how we perceive life. BUT how are we going to really see how that affects our daily life where it counts?
Who is there to point out that what we see is usually NOT SO as we seldom come from wholeness . . . AND then are we open to really see the ‘what is so’, because normally when you do, you are open for a shock, a big BIG shock . . . as I discovered.
Wholesomeness is about being completely honest with myself and then being willing to accept what that honesty reveals, no matter what it may be.
At the moment what Wilma mentions is happening to me; ’seeing what is so’ is scaring me silly, it has paralyzed me and is rocking the foundations of my world to its core.
And with no place for blame, excuses or denial in this conversation, I find myself in unchartered territory where I have the best intentions to be wholesome but very little skill level to actually achieve it.
Living authentically takes tremendous effort and belief you me, my ego is fighting me every step of the way.
I am currently no different from my two year old Molly, it seems that we are both exploring the world and what is possible. Hmmm.
Patty shared how much work is involved in getting to the wholesome “what is so” and the results she’s had . . .
We’ve been through storms about what is. Particularly around our roles. Deep archetypal roles that we didn’t even know we were playing for a long time . . . But we’ve learned that when the shadows of each of those roles meet . . . we are no longer clear about what truly is. We are no longer for each other, but against”
Joy captured the journey so well “I want to peek first, then I’d kind of like a refund policy before I’d invest” . . . with Walter adding that “it takes courage to face the truth”
Make no mistake, honesty does have it’s consequences, once you see the wholesome ‘what is so’ there is no turning back.
What can lie ahead is uncertainty and while it may seem exciting at the outset it sure is rattling me and Wilma quite a bit and even stops us in our tracks at times, especially when we are letting go of the safe auto pilot.
So I ask the question; who is really willing to go to this place of wholesome ‘what is so’, to observe oneself this rigorously?
Who is willing to observe what comes out of their mouth and how their thoughts are automatically directed by automatic opinions and habits?
And are we resourced to do this?
Do we have the context, the conversations that support us to make sense of what we observe, like I did with Molly?
How many of us do have a support group to keep us steadfast when we quiver and shake, with useful conversations and explanations?
Have we got what it takes to be vigilant with our thinking because as Sara pointed out; “It is very easy to fall into familiar roles, which keep us doing a disaster dance and away from ‘what is so’ in our relationships.“
Peggy reiterated the point;
‘this having to be better than’ aspect of me was rooted deeply inside my psyche, part of my unconscious programming. Every time it cropped up, the result was nearly always the same – my own pain and suffering – caused by the veil of my own ignorance. Only by uncovering the Truth did I gain the correct Knowledge so that the clouds of ignorance on this particular life issue lifted.
Wilma and I really got to see that we do need others to go in to bat for us otherwise we keep skirting round the edges, fearful of rocking the boat.
And it looks like we all know about that!
We do need to learn to take a vested interest in other people, need to learn to dare to stand by someone and support them.
Taking this kind of stand can take courage; Wilma and I found that out as well and there can be consequences for us into the bargain as well.
However all that does not matter when it is done from a genuine loving feeling to have each other fly.
Hilary was spot on with her observation . . .
No-one seems interested and acknowledges us for what we are – yes the opposite may well be true – do we acknowledge others for their work, for who they are, for what they are doing for others etc etc ..?”
Thanks Hilary, this shows again how pre-occupied with self our ego is.
It shamelessly competes full out for attention.
And be under no illusion, our ego let us cowardly bow out of supporting our spouse or sister or friend while it comforts us with; “best not go there, it’s not really your place to say anything, people do not like me to interfere.”
Oh the confusion; who is speaking here, what do we listen to, what am I supposed to think and do with what I observe, what is truly going on?
Wilma and I know all about these questions and obviously so do you looking at the comments.
However these questions are the beginning of change.
Wilma and I are learning to distinguish this innate knowing from what our ego thinks it knows and that is scary and exhilarating and requiring rigor.
It is certainly no walk in the park for the fainthearted as long as;
the current context we live in does NOT support journeys like this; as long as curved balls are thrown at us from all directions that throw us off course, as long as our old beliefs and their remnants keep popping up.
There is a lot of work to be done to keep focused, to stay in the enquiry that leads us to authenticity and having life be a different way.
Jenn Z echoed that; “sometimes I have to keep going back…until it resonates”
For me being resourced has been the most important factor of this enquiry.
I begin to see the wholesome ‘what is so’ in my life and my relationships, particularly my marriage and with Molly . . . and it scares me shitless, big time!
As I am still relatively unskilled at this way of doing life, a supportive context is vital as my ego kicks and screams in resistance.
The WomenLikeMe community provides this for me so I can distinguish the driver of my thoughts, to get to the ‘what is so’ by exploring every facet of how I think and the actions I take as a result . . .
Some of us have demonstrated that we can do this with the ones closest to us; our spouses and partners with Nadia saying this about her husband;
He allows me to shine and I allow him to do the same. We help each other grow and we give each other the freedom to be ourselves.
Sounds awesome?
Wilma and I know something has to give, we need to take our life seriously, we can no longer turn our back on what we are learning and seeing and our desire to share and have many women with us is becoming stronger and stronger.
Jan Lundy once mentioned in her blog post that The Dalai Lama sees women as trailblazers for the new earth. That might explain something, that might explain our passion for this blog and WomenLikeMe
From my heart I ask the question again; ” are you willing to go to this place of wholesome ‘what is so’, to observe yourself this rigorously, to observe what comes out of your mouth and how your thoughts are automatically directed by automatic opinions and habits?
And are you resourced to do this?
Do you have the context, the conversations that support you to make sense of what you observe, like I did with Molly?
And when you are ready and willing, we are holding the space at the WomenLikeMe community for you to join us, you know we would love you to join us.
We are talking business here, this is how we make a living and we are talking life.
To speak as Tess Marshall does; we boldly invite you to join us.
We boldly invite you to go that one step further and all you need to do is to check out the program here and enroll . . .
The 2010 program commences on January 25.
And let’s continue to treasure this open talking and learning that we are doing here on the blog, because if the Dalai Lama had that to say about women, who are we to disappoint him?
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24 Comments to “Ann-Marie on Do we actually play ‘Heart Centered’ Team?”
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Ann-Marie I love this post and so timely! I have had my world ’spun’ as Wilma puts it since the ‘what is so’.,.. though not with regret. I needed that experience to surface some other areas of my life.
Anyway,.. I love this part that you shared in your post:
“Wholesomeness is about being completely honest with myself and then being willing to accept what that honesty reveals, no matter what it may be.
At the moment what Wilma mentions is happening to me; ’seeing what is so’ is scaring me silly, it has paralyzed me and is rocking the foundations of my world to its core. I have the best intentions to be wholesome but very little skill level to actually achieve it.”
I feel that recently i found my foundation on my spiritual journey and then wham, bumped into this and they are a rockin’! I am still well grounded but now it feels the valuable elements, even pillars are being guided into place for a greater structure and illumination to come through like an emerging dawn. I can almost see it! I didn’t know it would be “this intense” but it will be worth it! Right now I can feel I am so close to authenticity and its what I need, and want to experience so badly! When you shared about feeling that you recognized and then struggled in that not many will keep us in check it is completely taking full responsibility for our actions on our own, simply because we know we must. Then, I was like, wow, I don’t have these skills that I need. Panic starts to set in as you shared. So, it wasn’t until Wilma mentioned the word ’spin’ that I got it, for it spoke to my heart. We are not being spun as in an aggression rather it is a chosen spinning like a dance. We are beginning to shine! This is amazing – breakthrough happenings! I am scared and on my seat with anticipation at the same time!!
I also adore this other note which you incorporated, and I enjoyed reading it for the first time on Jan’s site also:
“Jan Lundy once mentioned in her blog post that The Dalai Lama sees the women as trailblazers for the new earth.”
this gives me goosebumps and it is so true! We are birthing through,.. this Sacred Feminine which focuses on quality relationships and purity and returning to who we are.
I am passionate about these topics and so enjoy sharing in this recent topic here with others who are mesmerized and committed as well!
be blessed both of you for such deep topics! I appreciate them so much!
luv Jenn
Jenn Z´s last blog ..LAUNCH and a fun Video Treat! Just Checking in Personally!
Oh Jenn, I am shouting yes and yes all the way while reading your awesome heartfelt comment.
Oh Jenn, I could not have said it like this but I sure feel it like this;
Oh to finally see some clarity in this dense fog of confusion, to finally have some words to describe it, has been my greatest joy. And skills can be learned Jenn, once we have found teachers we can trust. THAT for me was also a big panic, who to turn to who would not end up being exposed as a wizard of oz?
Jenn, now you give me goosebumps with this;
and Marianne Williamson would be proud of you.
Jenn, I am proud of you too, I so appreciate your words describing how it is for you.
Much love, Wilma
Jenn
Go girl, you are certainly laying it on the line by sharing how this all sits with you.
I love that you too see the opportunity that is available to us …
The renaissance has begun my friend… our old ways of being are on the way out and the rebirth is in progress as we oscilate between fear and excitement and build our skill level to play this game of doing life differently.
We can rejoice as we learn together how to have quality relationships and purity and express freely who we are.
My hand remains outstretched my friend… are you ready? Is it the blue pill or the red pill?
Hugs to you Ann-Marie
Oh Ann-Marie, hang in there and Peggy wrote a beautiful post on how it is when our ego gets exposed.
We really have to realize that what we are talking about is no mean feat, it is not like changing your hair color and then being upset because it doesn’t look as you wanted it too.
It is more than that, so much more and so life changing.
As you say it is scary and exhilarating at the same time and I get that Jenn experiences that as well from her comment.
As you and Jenn said in one of your other comments, let’s hold hands, jump and get through this.
We women do have a purpose to get to the ‘what is so’, we do it for whom we birth physically, for our own long overdue feminine rebirth and for a new earth.
We can no longer pretend.
I do admire your courage Ann-Marie, you rock, you will get there as others before you.
Hugs and more hugs, Wilma
Oh Wilma, Peggy’s post was so on the dot for me. To allow my ego to die and have my authentic self rise from the ashes will be exhilarating and liberating. I am certainly not there yet buddy, I’m right in the thick of it at present!
However you said it, “we can no longer pretend”
I agree, women are the key to creating a different world where we can shine brightly with honesty and openness, with clarity and consciousness and with an innate ability to get to the wholesome ‘what is so’!!! What a place that will be!!
Your loving support and encouragement is a huge contribution towards bringing this world into existence. Much love xxx
Kia ora Anne-Marie,
As always when I read here, I have to stop and gather my thoughts, really focus and be truly honest with myself. That is very cool actually, and I should always be doing that anyway.
My beautiful wife and I have sat down over these past few weeks and have had some very honest, real, true, and at times, very blunt, conversations about ourselves, and us, our next 10-15 years. Much of my willingless to Listen to her, without letting all MY stuff inside boil over and not Listen but rather counterpoint her on each word that gets me nailed down, has come from you, Wilma, and your commenters. I thank you. This does mean after 17 years and two kids, and such, that we haven’t been in some difficult places, and some beautiful ones as well, and learned a few things. As a man, it is sometimes easy to become satisfied and comfortable with the current status quo. So to learn and contemplate these much deeper levels means a great deal to me. I must go now as I have two young boys on either side of me, and it is not quiet. Kia kaha!
Aroha,
Robb
Kia Ora Robb
You rock… taking these topics,absorbing them and having them be part of your daily life. That is what we are on about.
You have guts man, to really go for it with your conversations with Tara; to stick with it, to observe what is happening, all in the name of getting to the wholesome ‘what is so’.
And the effort is so worth it, to have your relationships with Tara and your boys operate at this authentic level holds such love and freedom to be.
It is an on going process as we develop the skills needed to live life at this level every day. Not easy however very achievable when you have tools that’ll work for you.
Self honesty and awareness is a huge part of that and you have shared so beautifully where you are with all this …
Go Robb, knock the status quo on the head and go for it.
Oh I am so glad that you are on this journey, I bet the next 10 – 15 years are full of possibility for you and your whanau!
Aroha
Ann-Marie
Kia Ora Robb, there is no greater generous act than listening to others. To really listen openly and with your heart Robb, that is the meaning of being generous. So thank you for your generosity towards us, by listening to all of us, you have really connected and THAT is what will make the change in the world. So thank you Robb, thank you and lots and lots of love to you, Aroha Wilma
Ann-Marie,
I’m drawn to the question “Are we playing heart centered team in all our relationships? There is a certain level of vulnerability in doing this, in really sharing honestly, fully, authentically. If we don’t though, if we hold back – those thoughts that are spoken directly from the heart and with compassion – we only limit where these relationships can grow to. I’ve found that there is an evolving process of getting to there, to a spot where being vulnerable is comfortable. When I am there, though, it feels so right to share those feeling that are spoken from the heart. And I’ve felt that vulnerability. So often, though, I come out with such a more deep and connecting relationship, one that touches upon what truly matters…love, caring, respect.
Lance´s last blog ..Be Remarkable!
Oh Lance, what an observation. It can appear that there is a level of vulnerability to having heart centered relationships that are wholesome and honest and it takes courage to do this as vulnerability can be fear based.
Have you considered that vulnerability comes from being unskilled at playing team at this level?
It is, as you say an on going process; the more we practice it and do it , it will become the only way you desire to play with others.
You’ve gotten a feel for it
I love that you see the enormous benefits of what relationships like this produce, how they can be beyond what we ever thought possible… love, caring and respect is only the beginning my friend.
These relationships allow us to be fully self expressed and aligned with our higher purpose in life. Now that’s something we can all go for together.
Hugs to you
Hi Lance.
I too do think that learning to open up to people and connect at a heart level is what is required and what Ann-Marie and I are learning and practicing.
If you observe children, they are open but they are very soon taught to close down.
Lance, you are on the button, what Ann-Marie and I are finding out is that we seriously lack practical living skills to live a life that let all of us fly.
There is a lot to learn and it sure makes a difference. Love Wilma
This is such an important conversation, one of many you have both started.
I find my support system in bloggers right now because I haven’t quite figured out how to ask my in-person friends to support me and Donald the way I’d like to. I also want to be able to support my friends by asking real questions and listening, truly listening to the answers.
I think our busy schedules distract us from what is SO. The problem is that we choose to let that continue because we are terrified of what we might discover if we slow down and actually see what IS. We’re blinding ourselves, thinking only of the short term, rather than acknowledging what IS and figuring out what can BE.
Daphne´s last blog ..Explaining Myself
Oh Daphne, you are a woman who’s up for playing a BIG game in life.
You have a big heart, you are conscious and questioning and I adore that about YOU.
I delight in the fact that you find support from this community, we are all friends here and this arena is where we can practice what we are learning.
Daphne, being resourced on your journey is essential, as it sets you up to succeed. This heart centered life, is no walk in the park as I’m finding out, the ego is fighting to stay alive and will do it’s utmost to enroll everyone else, like my friends into it’s survival. It can create busyness in our lives and; “distract us from what is SO”. Blame, excuses and denial as I said above have no place in this conversation; ”they are blinding us” to possibility and wholesomeness.
Stay strong girl and we are here cheering you on all the way. xxx
Oh Daphne, way to go, and it is more important than you will ever know. We have to wake up, we really have to, so you keep going beautiful soul. xox Wilma
Hi Wilma! Hi Ann-Marie!
This is a great post. It represents so much of the fear in facing what’s inside and what our potential is, and do we really want to go there? I think if it’s not scary then probably it’s not sinking in. I know a program WomenLikeMe does scare me, but it is also thrilling to discover the potential it can open up within us. This is a wonderful thing you are doing.
I can see where in the beginning of blogging. I was open of myself, but not open to sharing my self on other blogs. When I did release the fear – and stop being scared to leave a comment (scared of what others would or wouldn’t think of what I said-ego anyone?) the blogging community became a vibrant place to be. Full of knowledge and action.
I can’t imagine what would have happened if I had sat still, waiting for visitors to come to me to interact. I picture a very empty land, quiet all around, with just the sound of my own rocking, watching a untravelled road. Peaceful, yet unfufilling. Instead I have flowers, trees, colors, new growth (budding) all aglow – alive. Colorful visitors from all walks of life, and from all over the world. Enriching and bringing me joy and journey – inside and out.
Thank you both and thanks for the info.
Angelia´s last blog ..Buyer’s remorse?
That’s it Angelia… you see it too, how we hold ourselves back, hide out and shy away from our power and glory buying into an ego that wants to keep us small and fearful!
Your blogging experience is a prime example.
Once the fear is overcome a world of possibility becomes available, one that we were uable to see through a fog of uncertainty. To push through that and have life be authentic and thrilling is “a vibrant place to be. Full of knowledge and action”
What would it take for you to have all of your relationships be like this too?
What a extraordinary daily experience that would be! Hugs to you
Oh Angelia, don’t Ann-Marie and I know it and how wonderful that you know it too;
Yes, once the lid is lifted, you will never forget what you have seen, even when you close it again. I still remember the shocks, I still get them.
However the explanations and support help hugely and it is indeed scary and thrilling to see what is possible.
Oh Angelia, scary yes, but lets do it anyway. I find it so cool that you can see it too, you have already gained so much and I do admire you for that. xxo Wilma
Hi WAM! The brilliance here in these open dialogues is music for the soul! I keep thinking of the phrase (was it Nadia’s?) about being allowed to shine. I don’t know why but I am connecting so much of what is so – especially what is so HERE – to the book Chalice and The Blade by Raine Eisler – she wrote the about the cultural evolution of the matriarchy where women would shine again, would teach with gentle souls, would lead with compassion, would govern with a heart open for all.
I read this book probably 20 years ago and felt I would probably not live to see the day when the pendulum would swing toward this. Now that I have connected with you all in the blogosphere I am getting a tingling sensation that this is the beginning – right here and right now! What a joyous journey! Bless you BOTH and Everyone!
Hugs
suZen
Hi SuZen
Yes the awakening has begun for us women and we are so well positioned in this community to contribute hugely to it. It is like a bolt of lightening waking me out of my slumber; shocking at times, confronting, liberating and peaceful all at once.
It IS our time to shine and regain our glory alongside our men, families and friends.
Marianne Williamson in her book A Woman’s Worth described it as this
It sure is happening NOW and we are blessed to have such a conscious, powerful band of women to experience it! xxx
Oh SuZen, your comment made ME tingle. I heard about the book, it is out of print.
BUT what is happening is so exciting, I am with you on this;
Yes, it IS happening and what a treat to be part of it, what a treat. We are blessed and SuZen I just want to give you the biggest hug for sharing this feeling. YES! Wilma xox
Hi Wilma and Ann-Marie .. I picked up a couple of things from John’s site – that was really interesting – and I would love to join the course, really love to – and I hope that you will do it again, or it will be available later on? For now .. I am being with my mother and this life – for the moment I must follow another route.
However – I love the ways we learn from each other .. John’s experience with Calami and the words he uses to describe it – we should all embrace into our hearts and use for ever. These are the words I will take from this post; (Calami had lived all his life on his little atoll where he lived in a community of 6 – so what experience did he have of life – I hear you ask? – think on this …
Such strong words .. such a learning curve .. We do make our decisions based on those we’ve absorbed through life, without thinking it through for ourselves, or just realizing intuitively as Calami does .. a simple choice ..
Thanks Wilma, Ann-Marie and John .. please go across to his “about page” ..it’s well worth it.
Hilary Melton-Butcher
Positive Letters Inspirational Stories
Hilary´s last blog ..Saint Hilary, Happy Anniversary, Hilary Term and ..
Hi Hilary
We are holding your place for you at WomenLikeMe for when the time is right for you.We’ll be here with open arms to welcome you aboard!
So you have read John’s story. It is inspiring the way he has lived as a free man, the experiences he has had and the people he has met. Calami being one of them, is someone we can all certainly learn from. His self expression and way of doing life is indeed rare.
I find it so encouraging to have ‘real life examples’ of people who are free and doing life the way the Creator intended. It strengthens my faith and inherent belief that this is available to everyone including me and you too Hilary.
So here’s to us and our commitment to ourselves to shine brightly.
Hugs to you
Hi Hilary, I absolutely love how you pinpoint this aspect of the Calami story; (Calami had lived all his life on his little atoll where he lived in a community of 6 – so what experience did he have of life – I hear you ask? – think on this . . .
We indeed are filled up with quite a lot of information that is absolutely NOT serving us and the Calamis are rare in this world. John has been very priviliged to have had such an amazing time with him AND have seen Calami for what he was, a free man and a free thinker. Hmmm indeed.
And yes Hilary we would love to have you when you are ready, Wilma xox
Hi Ann-Marie and Wilma .. sounds wonderful .. thank you – I’ll be there anon.
Hugs to you – still cold here, but mostly snow gone from here, though further north I suspect not! So hugs are a necessity! H
Hilary´s last blog ..Turning a team of oxen – any idea how?