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Ann-Marie on Conversations, the precursor for change
Do your conversations have you do life differently?
Wilma introduced another aspect of change in this week’s post Don’t let change in your circumstances fool you.
We were all in agreement that we can be lulled into a false sense of security, thinking that we are changing just because our environment has.
Jodi captured it beautifully; “Wherever you go, there you are” with Lisa, Chris and Nadia echoing the same sentiments.
We realized that change comes from within first and shows up in our daily ongoing conversations that we have with our self and others.
Yet we could see how our conversations can be so invisible to us at times, how life can plod along on auto pilot and as Wilma put it; “life happens to us, rather than us being constantly aware of how we are creating it”
Jodi also noted; “how our mind craves habitual behavior and circumstances. It takes a lot to rise above the fray” These thoughts were repeated with SuZen feeling “like life was changing/evolving me without my permission” and Patty sharing that “My decisions never seemed complete, … I would get caught up in the routine of a life I didn’t really want”.
It was Peggy’s experience that really enhanced what Wilma was saying; it was so vivid, so real…
I will never forget the moment I decided to sell my house and move six miles down the road. My divorce had just been inked and my divorce diploma had arrived in the mail. I wanted out of the house that saw so much pain.
So I moved.
Just six miles down the road.
And my life, my pain, my suffering followed me.
I unpacked my boxes and cried. and cried. and cried.
I did not change the context in which I viewed my life. It took a dope slap of epic proportion for me to change the sphere in which I lived my life. Just darn glad I did
Nadia too; “thought that if I changed location, everything that was wrong in my life would be made right”. Daphne also felt the same; “it can be very tempting to believe that simply changing our surroundings will solve all of our problems”
It sounds like we were either running from ourselves or too caught up in our ‘normal’ busy lives and routine conversations to notice that change was NOT happening.
Awareness though is more than half the battle, once we observe the conversations we are currently having and notice how our they impact us, then we can determine whether they are serving us or not.
To do different, we first need to think and express our thoughts differently through conversation.
This had Lance think about “the conversation I have, the life steps I take, and if they are all speaking the language of what I desire as opposed to where I am”
Tess discovered “I kept looking for places, people and things to change to fit me. Is that funny or what, I wouldn’t embrace the new until I let go of the old”
The old context and conversations will try their darnedest to prevail; they will do their upmost to take the lead. There comes a point when the old context and the new context will battle it out until one emerges victorious.
So I ask you the question;
Are you determined enough to hold the space AND the conversation in place for long enough to have your new context appear?
Your inner voice can play havoc with this process. Barbara noticed this “I can talk myself out of those things I once thought were important”.
Let’s begin a conversation of change, one that is continuous, one that fully sponsors each other, one that has us observe what is currently so and guides us through the transition into creating new possibilities and fulfilling on our desires.
Patty is doing this by; “taking a more experimental approach to life”
Megan expressed the process as this; “it takes not only dreaming of and then introducing a new way of life, but also repeating supportive behaviors over and over until they take hold and a noticeable shift has taken place”
With Tess summing it up as; “It takes more than planning, dreaming and talking. It takes doing and nothing changes until something changes”.
It is a mammoth task to really think, talk and do things differently; to have our actions be conducive with our conversations. It has been a real eye opener to me to become aware of what I create with my conversations; it’s a relief in one way and a great responsibility in another.
Are you ready to take this on?
Do you choose that your conversations of 2010 will be different from those of this year?
Are you?
37 Comments to “Ann-Marie on Conversations, the precursor for change”
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You already know I’m in and can’t wait
To share what I’ve learned, to learn from others and to create a new context in which I frame my conversations both internally and externally!
Bring. It. On!
Peggy at Serendipity Smiles´s last blog ..The Independence of Solitude
Hey Peggy
Yee Ha. My heart sings to hear you say that.
I am so looking forward to you being on the WomenLikeMe program with us in 2010. Go you for taking yourself on and choosing to play full out with us.
Let’s fly together, challenge all our current thinking, create new possibilites and soar to new heights. It will be an incredible new context.
I’m with you, Bring It On!
Hugs to you.
Hey Ann-Marie,
We all clearly resonated with this subject obviously.
Oh this stands out for me;
Well, you know that that is the case right now with me.
When I am having a different conversation, my Little Voice can go berserk alright. Who needs the status quo when you have one in your own head pulling you back all the time?
I sure put you to work to be the referee in the battle about which conversation can prevail, the old or the new, don’t I?
And the conversation is everywhere, from sharing the workload, to being a bold stand and making each other accountable, to how to deal with the kids, to how to take time for yourself and on and on it goes.
Exciting though, it already has paid off in 2009 hasn’t it, with your highlight being your trip to Ireland and how different that went and me living where I live now and how more peaceful I am becoming.
And Yes 2010 will be different again, oh how exciting.
It feels that I am creating, finally, how is that?
So thanks buddy for a great 2009. Wilma xox.
Wilma, the battle has begun big time.
The Little Voice certainly sides with the old context that’s for sure. You’ve heard mine rant and rave so many times as I have yours. However the new context will prevail, I am sure of that.
Being vigilant with ourselves and each other, keeping our new conversations at the forefront of our mind and our daily do-ing will get us there.
We are playing the game of aligning our lives with our hearts and that is, as I said above a mammoth task. We are faced with choices moment by moment, in every single task we do, every single day, as the old and new context jostles for position.
As you said buddy, we are making inroads and it is paying off for us. My trip to Ireland was one that I had not experienced before. I am finally complete with my parents and my birthplace. And that rocks.
And you, you are creating at a phenomenal rate. How that happened …well… your conversations changed my friend, your new context is emerging victorious.
Thank You too for an incredible year and for sticking by me. I love you for that.
Wilma I look forward to 2010, to the possibility of everyone bringing peace to every area of their daily lives. Ohh it’s going to be one heck of a year.
For now Ann-Marie & Wilma 1 – Little Voice 0 xxx
I am definitely working on changing the conversations I have. My last post alludes to some of this and I will be writing more about the evolving changes that are already coming about in my family members because of the changes I have made. I am very excited to see where this leads and I am so happy to have had your support and this ongoing conversation to encourage me. Thank you!
Daphne´s last blog ..An Update
Hey there Daphne
I am delighted that you are changing your context; your conversations. Go you. Your latest post certainly has a different spin on it than the previous one, a more powerful you is in play. Keep your new conversations at the forefront and keep going with your family, especially your Mom.
To be able to relate to your parents in a totally different way, to really get into their space and have them be present in yours is an incredible experience. It is not an easy road, it can actually be very confronting. Stay in this conversation with us all to gain the support and tools to have the relationship you want with your family emerge.
Much love
I really love the quote “life happens to us, rather than us being constantly aware of how we are creating it” I just trust to let it unfold in the right way and at the moment that works quite well for me
marja´s last blog ..Christmas break
Hello there Marja
It really is a great quote. Being conscious in our daily lives gives us tremendous clarity to create a life that our heart desires. Having trust in the process and being able to follow our hearts and go for it is a big step also!
Hi there Ann-Marie and Wilma
I have just read over your last post Wilma and this follow up post Ann-Marie. A thought provoking and exciting conversation. Great the way so many are joining the conversation and I enjoyed all the replies. I feel a ground swell for real change and that is what is exciting. I need posts like yours and conversations like this to stay on track for what I really want my life to be. I feel like I have made some real change and my context is quite different from how it used to be although I want to stay on track and make sure I am not fooling myself. So I shall do some reflecting on my context and conversations. Lovely to touch base and see the conversation growing.
Hey there Lorraine.
Yes the conversation is expanding and it is very exciting.
Great to hear that you have made ’some real changes and that your context is quite different’. It is an ongoing process for sure and keeping the new context alive does take a conscious effort. That’s why I love this conversation here in the blogging world.
Your words
is music to my ears, my friend. We can con ourselves big time into thinking that we are changing however our daily conversations and daily do-ing are pretty good indicators as to whether we are on course; we either are or we aren’t.
Great to have you here with us and no doubt the new book is going really well xxx
Hi Ann-Marie, What a post! I love how you wove comments from others all throughout the conversation! I am ready for this. I have been doing this–watching my conversation and the direction it takes me in. If I don’t pay attention I will blab about things that aren’t important and I will stray from my authentic self–and I will let the person I’m speaking to off the hook from being authentic with me. I remember back when I was reading “A New Earth” and doing Eckhart Tolle’s webcast about the book, he said to take a breath and center yourself before picking up the phone when it rings, or before entering a meeting with a friend or whomever. I try to remember this and find that it helps an awful lot in keeping me centered on the point. It helps me to be a better and more active listener, too.
This is so fun! Thank you for this great post!
Jodi at Joy Discovered´s last blog ..Planting Seeds for the New Year
Hello Jodi
Go you… It is amazing what we gain access to when we pay attention to the words we are saying. And as you rightly said it takes us on a certain path. Before WomenLikeMe I never really got how our words impact us, they really do create our world; it can appear as more of the same old same old, boring stuff or it can be creative, exciting and filled with purpose.
And you Jodi are conscious of how it impacts others
This is brilliant! Who we are being with other people really does make a difference to them. Our words effect others more than we can imagine.
Your reference to taking a breath and centering yourself before speaking is so valuable. Thanks for that. It is something I am practicing at present. And yes the listener in us does become more skilled.
Good on you Jodi for taking yourself on and for your readiness for new conversations.
Bring it on. x
HI Ann Marie,
I’m Ready…and I’m ready NOW…
Awareness, conscious thinking and loving courtesy for yourself and others….these are kind of my new mantras for my conversations..NOW and in 2010.
I am going to take small gentle steps in making these changes…and hopefully by the time 2010 comes ..we will all be come pros with Yours and Wilma’s loving encouragement.
A beautiful nudge from you gals really makes all the difference
The more you think about change, the more it can frighten you…but the more you DO the change…the easier it gets
I loved this post Ann Marie…really lifted my spirits.
Lots of love
Z
Zeenat{Positive Provocations}´s last blog ..The Decision To Be You
Fantastic Zeenat
To hear that you are ready NOW for this mammoth task is wonderful. And your
is a powerful place to come from. Small daily steps will get you there Zeenat, no matter how long it takes. You’ve made a commitment to yourself to observe your thinking in 2010 and that rocks!
Change can be fearful; however it doesn’t have to be. With ongoing daily conversations on what IS possible and the support from our blogging community, we’ll get there. And our spirits will be on a permanent high.
Much love x
Hey you two brilliant women – You can count me in too. I’m thinking of a quote from Annie Dillard: “How we live our days is how we live our lives.” I want to get to the end of 2010 and say – Now that was a year of life fully lived! Thank you both and the rest of the inspiring women here for creating a climate that truly galvanizes me.
Patty – Why Not Start Now?´s last blog ..A Cat’s Wisdom
Patty
Sounds like 2010 will be a year of do-ing life differently for you. Superb stuff.
I am counting you in. Here’s to your ‘year of life fully lived!’ coming to fruition.
Oh we’re in for one heck of a ride eh! Yee ha!
Hugs to you
Ann-Marie,
Within the last month, I have become closely connected to a group of six other individuals – people who were strangers to me just a little over a month ago. We have developed a tight bond, and are there to support each other in making the life choices that each of us desire. What is so great about this group is that I feel comfortable telling them anything. So – I CAN speak the conversation that is in my heart, without any fear that it won’t be accepted. They may challenge me as to what I really mean, but they will support me, especially if I am indeed speaking of what is deeply meaningful to me. This has been a powerful lesson in what we say, and how it can hold us back, or propel us forward.
So…I DO commit to speaking the language of what I deeply desire. In fact, I choose also to start today. Or really, to continue what I have recently started. I do also know that I can do better at this, and that’s a great reminder I’m getting by reading here today – that this takes my conscious effort to happen.
Here’s to all that 2010 holds for each of us, and for where our authentic and real conversations lead us to.
Ann-Marie and Wilma, you both shine so brightly here…and give so beautifully and caringly to those who visit. What a sweet and wonderful gift from both of you!
Lance´s last blog ..Frank and Me: A Legacy of Mentoring (Giveaway Post)
Way to go Lance
Amazing what you can achieve in a month eh! You have created community my friend, a place where you can speak your hearts desires into a supportive listening, a place for a new context to come forth. Well Done Lance, you are in action and I so applaud you for it.
Being present with the words we speak is an ongoing occurance and I’m all for our ‘authentic and real conversations’ of 2010 leading us to a life we all truly love and deserve.
Thank you Lance for your gift here today; possibility! xxx
Hi there ladies!
I’m a firm believer – whether the conversation is out loud with someone else or in my head, I will become what I think about, and can manifest on many levels. Conversation with someone is just that – its the thoughts in my head coming out. Sometimes I am shocked when I hear my own words – whoa, did I say THAT? – and other times it is a reinforcement of sorts, a confirmation, or even a wrap up of loose ends of thought.
Having said that, 2010 is, to me, just a continuing opportunity to expand awareness and plant more seeds, and nurture the ones already planted.
I wish for all clarity of heart and mind!
Hugs,
suZen
Hey Suzen
You’re right there; the things we think about and talk about we become. And to get that, I mean REALLY get it, can be a massive contribution to ones self. It too has shocked me what has come out of my mouth at times.
You Suzen are playing full out and the more we speak into the life we wish to have for ourself, the more it will appear. The first step is awareness, which you are and with it, eventually comes clarity. You are on course my friend.
Hugs to you
Wow I love reading all the rich comments here. I love what Zeenat says “awareness, conscious thinking and loving courtesy for yourself and others.”
I’m writing this down on an affirmation card, (just did it) What a wonderful gift I can take home for the holidays next week!
Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..Las Vegas Rock n Roll Marathon Finishers
Hey Tess
There is tremendous wealth with what is offered up here by everyone. I agree, the contribution of comments here are rich, very rich.
Zeenat certainly nailed it with ‘conscious thinking and loving courtesy for yourself and others’. What an incredible way of being, especially around your family during the holiday season. Let us know how you go with it! xx
Kia ora Anne-Marie,
Such a fine place of refuge and confirmation this place has become for me. The discussions so relevant to my life. I have begun to talk to my son completely differently than before, fighting through as best I can the urge to react as my own father would have. Not perfect, but at least opening up better lines of communication. Last night he came home with a freshly pierced lip and stud. I was not pleased, but resisted my initial temptation to react probably exactly as he expected me to. Afterall, it is his lip not mine. I am realizing we actually have a pretty solid foundation to build upon and that is good. So I want to carry that on not just with him, but with everyone in my life. To listen differently than I have before.
Happy holidays to you and to Wilma, and thank you for your wonderful place here. Kia kaha.
Aroha,
Robb
Robb´s last blog ..Happy Yuletide
Kia ora Robb
This is it, this is what we have been talking about for some weeks now, how we can do things differently. It sure sounds like you are achieving this with your son. And it all begins with our conversations, they are definitely the precursor for change.
Good on you for not reverting back to old conversations and playing out previous reactions when you saw your son’s piercings. We can do it so often, the words are our of our mouth before we have time to think. By creating your conversation from scratch you got a differet outcome. And that is awesome. Long may it continue…
Aroha to you too xx
Oh Robb, how amazing, you did get challenged there but it looked like you did get hold of a different conversation.
It is not easy when it involves your children and you do like to have them go what we perceive is the ‘normal, safe’ path and guess what, they know there is nothing normal and safe about our path either.
As I said before, when you take your kids to those magical mountains Robb, you cannot expect their souls to stay dormant.
You sure will have a different line of communication opening up, one which you both deserve, one in which you get to the heart of the other.
Robb, thanks so much for taking this on board and making a difference.
Lots of love, Wilma
Hi Ann-Marie and Wilma,
I think what is needed in order to have a conversation of the kind you are describing is to be aware of what is your truth and to speak that truth. Basically to express yourself as you truly are without any fear or apprehension.
A person cannot create a meaningful conversation if they are not aware of what is their truth. You cannot give something you do not have. So for some to engage in a conversation that is rooted in unconditional love, then the person speaking has to love who they are. People are not stupid. They can tell when a person is genuine and speaking from the heart.
As for 2010, I plan to make it the most awesome year ever!
Hi Nadia,
The issue for me was that for so long I found the conversations I was having not that inspiring and they did leave me with a lot of questions, but I did not know where to find another conversation that resonated with me.
It were the different conversations over many years within books, on blogs (like yours), with teachers I trusted that I have finally found the other ones that resonated.
For me it was first which conversations are there, which ones do I want to have, which ones do I not and then indeed have them.
Oh, it has been and still is a journey alright and I am so pleased to have you all here and you too, Nadia. It certainly all supports me to go for the ones that really make sense to my heart.
And you go ahead and make it happen, I am sure it will and then think of all the ripples they will send through the world.
Hello Nadia
Becoming aware of my thoughts and conversations, of who I am has been a massive eye opener. That level of observing myself is a major step into speaking my truth. And for so long I was in a world of confusion, so clouded in old conversations never allowing my heart to speak up.
It is through new explanations and these conversations here with you and everyone else that I have found a place where I can speak my truth. And for that I am so grateful. Thank You Nadia. You contribute so much to me. x
Just speaking something I’ve been noticing about this blog for a while — reading this, I get how committed you both are to teaching, and doing your own, personal transformation. I can tell that personal development is not a casual activity for you — that you live this material from moment to moment. This blog, to me, represents what personal growth is about when we are willing to deeply engage with it. Anyway, just some acknowledgment for y’all.
Thank you, Chris, I really appreciate that acknowledgment and I am sure Ann-Marie will as well. I know that the acknowledgment comes from someone who also knows that transformation indeed takes some do-ing. AND it is worth it, every daily minute of the rest of my life.
Here here. Yes Chris I really do appreciate this acknowledgement. As you know, it does take an enormous amount of effort to do this kind of transformation. And I’m willing to go there, to put the work in to have it happen in my life and others x
Hi All,
Peggy pointed me in this direction and I find myself wishing I had more time to explore this place today. I will come back.
These days I feel I have found myself plopped down in the middle of the sadness I carried as a child. I have to say I feel more than a bit irritated with myself. After fifty years you would think I could see that when my mind twists me into a miserable knot IT ISN’T REAL. I have lived so many beautiful days. Why am I stuck in blackness?
I just spent a while talking with my husband about depression and how he wished I could just stop it, just tell it to leave me alone, and go one with my life. I found myself crying at the thought and longing for lightness. Then I realized the sadness, the longing, was part of the problem. I don’t need longing and sadness. I need lightness, movement, joy and adventure. THAT is what I need to make for myself.
This time last year I got my pilot’s license. Just doing the work to get there changed the way I look at the world and at myself. Never before have I seen myself as a person able to look risk in the face, minimize it to the fullest extent available to me, and then fly in a perfect Zen-like state to my heart’s content. The day I first flew solo my instructor asked if I was afraid. Funny, but I wasn’t. It was more like, “OK, Lizzy. This is what you have been waiting for. Go do it.” And I did. But these days I find myself almost frozen with fear at the thought of flying, at the thought of anything, actually. Yesterday I thought, “How can I fly when I almost assaulted the bank teller the other day because she wouldn’t deposit my check? I am not fit to fly.” Yikes! Way to think, Lizzy. What an untrue thing to tell myself. This time last year I was flying my airplane cross-country, alone, in -35 degrees? I was wearing my furry snow boots and my snowmobile suit, but darned if I wasn’t flying! I have allowed myself to become stuck thinking I am sad, I am anxious, I am useless.
But I am not. Even the most casual observer can see that. So why do I refuse to believe that I am happy, that I am blessed beyond belief, that I am strong? Is this place of misery so comfortable that I won’t risk being happy? And why won’t I?
This is it. I am sick, sick, sick of being sad. I am done wishing and hoping for change. I will live it. Of course, like an alcoholic who has fallen off the wagon, I have said that before. I have. Sheesh. Also like the alcoholic–one day at a time. I will do this.
Hi Lizzy.
You have a great friend in Peggy and she must have a great one in you.
Oh Lizzy, you wrote a story we all can tell, can’t we? The details will differ but the gist will be the same.
One day we all can have a conversation about our greatness and we will act great from that place and than wham, the next day it is all over and we fall back into an old conversation about we can’t and from that place we stop do-ing great.
You are aware though when you say this; I have allowed myself to become stuck thinking I am sad, I am anxious, I am useless.
And of course you continue to have conversations about yourself in a negative way.
Lizzy, we all go back to an old conversation, we are used to it and our ego loves it. Our ego loves drama and will not belief it is as simple as changing the conversation you are having.
However in the end I personally do not care what stops me as long as I have a way to return to a good place and I have now with seeking people who can hold that positive conversation for me.
If we could do it on our own, the world and we would all be in such a different, joyous and flying place, wouldn’t we?
That is why there is the AA, fitness programs and WomenLikeMe; we cannot keep these positive conversations alive in our every day distracted lives on our own.
What is wonderful though Lizzy, that you have great experiences to fall back onto with your conversations, flying solo in -35 degrees is a delightful conversation to have.
It gets me excited, to imagine how you must have felt in that moment.
For me it is a matter of using these new conversations about what is possible daily, I need to be reminded of them daily, they need to become like the air I breath, and that requires quite a lot as you can see from Ann-Marie’s and my experiences we share here on this blog.
Lizzy, you can access your greatness, you have done so and you can do it again.
It is all part of you and you allow it with your conversations.
Great to have you being part of this, it is so worthwhile to get back into having yourself fly, literally and figuratively speaking, because you make others around you fly as well. We need to do it for each other as well.
And your are so right, it can only done one step at the time, one moment by one moment and that is okay.
Who says it needs to go any faster???
Lots of love to you, Wilma
Wilma,
Making the good conversations a daily habit is where I am aiming. I find it so easy to slip into negative self-conversation and not so easy YET to talk about the joyful things in my life.
I started once again on a new track yesterday and today I feel remarkably stronger. All because of the way I talk to myself and others. My husband said to me this afternoon, “It is lifting, isn’t it? I can see it.” And he is right. Today for the first time in quite some time I have energy and interest–in myself, in others.
I have found that talking to people who don’t know I am depressed, strangers basically, actually makes me feel better because I have to keep up the act that I am happy. In doing this I actually feel better. Much better. I believe the effect will be even more powerful if I converse with myself, and those who love me, in the same manner. And so I will.
I have a scientific mind so I think I will use it with a little empirical study. Let us see how far some joyful conversation will take me. The great experiment begins!
Hi Lizzy
I too agree that Peggy is a great friend to have.
I appreciate you sharing this story. We sure can resonate with it. Our Little Voice inside our head can give us such a hard time. These conversations do take effort and time to change however you are aware of them Lizzy and that is a great step forward.
Having conversations that are focused on possibility and joy show up continuously in your day will have you ‘come back’ and say once again say “OK, Lizzy. This is what you have been waiting for. Go do it.” And you will.
One day at a time, one day at a time.
Hugs to you
Anne-Marie,
Yes, that little voice can be quite difficult to deal with. I think for too long I have let myself believe that this voice was my ONLY voice. It isn’t. I can’t be. I just need to not let it scream over all the love and joy I am also trying to express. When I let that voice speak without a counter, without an interjection of reason, without a “So what? I am really content and happy with so much. Just look at how the sun sets behind the mountains! And, by the way, did you see how great that last landing was? I DID THAT! Is that the coolest thing you have ever seen, or what?”
What I love. What makes me smile. What brings me peace. What moves my soul. I was taught as a child to talk of such things was bragging and boring. But I love nothing more than listening to someone talk about what they love, what brings them joy. So I must relearn reflex from childhood. I will.
Hi Wilma & Anne-Marie .. the part that really rang true was your last para:
It is a mammoth task to really think, talk and do things differently; to have our actions be conducive with our conversations. It has been a real eye opener to me to become aware of what I create with my conversations; it’s a relief in one way and a great responsibility in another.
& Tess’ comment that nothing changes til it changes ..
2010 will definitely be different for me than the last 3 difficult years .. and there’s so much hope – I love this blogosphere .. and the support and knowledge that’s available.
Hilary Melton-Butcher
Positive Letters Inspirational Stories
Hilary´s last blog ..Mum and Hardwick – decking out the tinsel ..