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Don’t let change in your circumstances fool you.
Even this was not enough to change me, it has been the daily conversations that really made me change.
We want to live fearlessly in pursuit of our dreams. Don’t we?
We want to let go of the struggle of daily life. Don’t we?
We want to have our daily lives be different from what we are doing? Don’t we?
How come, being the change I want to see, is not as easy as it sounds?
How come I cannot do things differently and keep doing things I do not want to do?
Because Context is King.
WomenLikeMe on ‘Context is King; How to use it powerfully’ has this to say;
“The context is determined by our daily conversations.”
Huh?
Although we all want to be free from our money worries, although we all want to be free from diseases, although we all want to be free to follow our passion, it is our context -which is our everyday conversations about what preoccupies us in our daily life- that is firmly holding us where we are.
Let me illustrate the power of our context, the power of our daily conversations.
When I lived in Holland I was fascinated with nature.
In that time there was also a flurry of publications promoting healthy, organic living off the land.
All this tickled my fancy hugely.
On some weekends I’d have passionate conversations about it with my husband.
But during the week while we were busy with daily life, we did not talk or think about it at all.
On our holidays though we would talk about it again.
I would look at books filled with photos of beautiful vegetable gardens and at those times we’d dreamed once again about having more space and being in nature.
These conversations although infrequently somehow really touched my heart and then one day, armed with books full of gardening tips and inspiring pictures, we moved to the promised land called New Zealand with the ultimate goal to live differently; to live off the land.
I had every intention to remove myself from my current context of concrete jungle, a career in the city and middle class.
I had every intention to enter a new context of nature, country living and non-materialistic idealism.
I was so ready for the change I wanted to see!
Nature, vegetables and different living here I come!
Arriving in New Zealand changed my circumstances, that’s for sure.
Eight times bigger than Holland, the population was nearly 4 times smaller.
It changed from over 14 million to only 4 million, which meant that nature was plentiful and extremely abundant.
There were lots of little rural settlements; they were there for the picking. We could have had anyone we liked. We could have bought a piece of land, kept the conversation about living life differently going and started growing our own food.
Ha! Easy, one would think.
But it was not to be.
Our daily conversations were NOT about living life differently, instead our daily conversations were about settling in as fast as we could and recreating our familiar world!
Our huge change in circumstance was NOT a precursor to change.
I was fooled into thinking that I was changing because the environment was different. It felt as if I was doing things differently.
I had to learn to speak English.
I was preoccupied with getting my head around all these new daily things in New Zealand; how the schooling system worked and how I could get back into my profession of career consultancy.
On top of that we started another conversation; I got pregnant.
In the end I was totally unaware that my busyness and conversations about how to make sense of my new surroundings was overshadowing a conversation about living life differently.
Instead of taking the time to explore, to give myself a chance to taste the different ways of life and to dream about what was possible, I forged ahead and eagerly had conversations about how to settle down, feel at home and make a nest.
Instead of letting another context envelop me in this new country, in my haste I reverted back to my old context with the same old conversations about careers and jobs, money and mortgages and where to find Dutch liquorice.
Before I knew it I was living in a suburb surrounded by middle class moms who only talked about how soon they could return to real life; their careers.
Soon the whole reason for coming here became a forgotten conversation, parked in the back of my mind.
Thus despite all these changes in circumstances, I found myself having the same old familiar talks, nags and upsets and I began doing the same things that I used to do back in Holland.
Nothing had changed!
Here I was once again rushing out of the door in the morning to a job, being frustrated in traffic, coming home exhausted and having the same conversations and complaints about work and being too tired to pay the girls much attention.
Doing things differently? Ha!
Not a chance if the daily context of daily conversations stays the same and covers the same topics!
Although I had traveled all the way to the other side of the world, my daily conversations did not change, my preoccupations did not change and thus nothing changed AND that took me a very long time to realize.
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51 Comments to “Don’t let change in your circumstances fool you.”
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Wilma I hear you. I too came to NZ without realizing how to create a new world, how to create a new beginning.
While my life too had the appearance that change was afoot; my husband is Kiwi, my surroundings were unfamiliar and friends were new, I was still the same; my context was still the same. I struggled for so long to understand why I did certain things and why I found it so difficult to change even though I believed I knew how to do it.
I can now see that my conversations with myself and others did not change, they were all about my previous life on the other side of the world, my old life in Ireland.
I did not initiate any conversations around what I wanted to create here in this new country I was living in.
Having this explanation ‘Context is the conversation I am having’ gives me tremendous clarity as to why I struggle to make something happening that is different and ME.
This take on ‘Context’ shows me why I can be incapable of actually doing change.
Wilma, you and I are waking up to this fact and even though it’s taken some time to realize it, we have now and that is a major step forward.
Through WomenLikeMe my context, my conversations are now full of possibility, full of creativity and full of change. And I am so grateful for that. x
Hey Ann-Marie, for me too this has been a whack on the head for me.
Of course it is in the conversation, I only have to look at why I come away from certain people feeling yuck.
It is about what we are talking about!
Friends with talk about struggle and how hard life is, do bring me down and yet I still did not till recently really appreciate how conversation effects my life!!!!!!!
Wow, however now we know we can be vigilant because knowing IS still NOT do-ing.
John just caught me out the other day and he could catch me out nearly every hour.
I was talking about how something was NOT possible and of course it was possible, if only I thought it through!!!!!!!!! I needed to pick up a book in the city and I was talking about not doing it because of the difficulty with parking. I did it though and of course I found the best parking after changing my talk!!!!!!!
Ha, we sure have to watch each other too, buddy, as I know we both can wriggle out of this type of creative conversation by telling each other how hard it is to change.
Work in progress, that is what we are but at least we know what to progress with, OUR conversations.
Wow. Another marvelous post. I would like to say that in part you weren’t yet ready “to explore, taste different ways of life, to dream” and that’s okay. You were in a stage of life focusing most on setting up your family and adjusting to changes. We need to be gentle with ourselves and honor our natural life cycles/seasons. When we are ready, change is almost effortless.
You are absolutely right on to suggest context needs to change and that jump starts life changes. Your world remains as small as you let it, and sometimes it needs to be small so you can confidently be your best before stepping out in some way to enlargen. I know what I want to convey, but perhaps my words aren’t matching the sentiment. I just think that so often we are hard on ourselves for the moments we feel we missed without recognizing that they are still available– only perhaps more richer for us–when we are ready to be in them.
Hi Joy.
I hear your love and gentleness and sure we are not here to flog basecamp to get on with it.
What I am delighted about is that I have found out what stops me when I am ready for change, when I feel that I can take on more.
As you say change is effortless, and I realize that is the result of supportive and serving conversations that really encouraged me to go for what was possible and conversations that made my inner voice agree so I could stand tall in the face of no agreement from the status quo or when I had to go for unusual solutions.
What I noticed is that I had many desires to change before, but they all disappeared because I did not keep them alive with conversations and thus I could not follow through.
As a result I settled for a lot less, did not follow through AND that is what I so want to prevent from now on.
Before I would have beaten myself up for having settled for less and yet I did not know what stopped me from going out there and living differently.
I am so relieved that I now know how to make my life happen, I am delighted because I feel I have my power back.
At last I am living in New Zealand doing what I have set out to do and yes maybe I was not ready then and that is okay. But now I am and there is still no guarantee unless I keep the conversation alive.
What an interesting point you’ve brought up here, and one that has me thinking about my own life and where I’ve failed to create the proper contexts for change. I remember earlier this fall when my boyfriend came home from the Middle East for two months – specifically to be with me. I thought, “How lovely! Our days will be filled with adventure and our nights will be romantic.” What I failed to realize, despite how much we emailed about those things every day while he was gone, is that the two of us were dreaming about that type of life while living very rote, work-obsessed lives. Our daily email breaks with one another, during which we’d fantasize about how great it would be when he returned home, lasted an hour a day, tops. So what happened when he did return home? We’d carve out about an hour of time for each other each day, but spend the rest of the time doing very rote, work-obsessed types of things.
Humans are creatures of habit, and I think it takes not only dreaming of and then introducing a new way of life, but also repeating supportive behaviors over and over until they take hold and a noticeable shift has taken place.
Thanks for making me think!
Megan “JoyGirl!” Bord´s last blog ..7 Steps for Climbing the Staircase to Joy
Megan, what a brilliant observation!
I love how you pinpointed this;
What has baffled me is that I was never able to see so clearly in my own life what habits I had. They are so invisible and until they are pointed out, I was just stuck in a rut, I just followed the same track without even knowing it AND failed to see another track that I could follow.
So good on you for seeing what is going on, that is half the battle. The other one for me was to see what other way of doing things were available and then practicing them over and over again with the support of my contexts, my conversations.
You have to laugh if it wasn’t for the sadness of it all.
Love to you and thanks for this lovely insight that illustrates it so well
Like you, I went thru decades of circumstances changing, addresses changing, and in general I think that is pretty standard. We have jobs, children, homes to care for and the list of what we talk about depends on, many times, just surviving where we are – at least it was for me. It felt like life was changing/evolving me without my permission. A lot of times what was going on the outside was not at all in sync with what was on the inside of me. I think everybody goes thru this, it’s part of life.
Maybe the benefit of the crone stage is being able to finally figure out, with all our years of living experience, just how we might make that finally pay off? The dialogues here on your blog are so much from the heart, so real, challenging us all to search our souls, speak our minds, and love it all. Thanks so much for being you!
Hugs,
suZen
suzen´s last blog ..Messages to Cuddle With
Hi SuZen.
Yes change sure happens, with or without our consent.
And as you say, it certainly is not always in sync with what is going on inside.
But if it was in sync earlier on in life, wouldn’t that have been marvelous?
The dialogues here are indeed treasures and arent’ we blessed with such wonderful people in our lives.
Hugs to you too, Wilma.
Hi there SuZen
Change is inevitable and I’m all for being in sync with ourselves as soon as we possibly can. I believe that all women have a massive opportunity to stop the ’survival’ mode; kids, work, mortgages in their lives NOW and to create a context, a conversation that supports the life they desire. I’m in my thirties and smack in the middle of it all.
Through this WomenLikeMe conversation and the gifts that are shared by you all on this site, a new context is becoming a reality and I am so thankful for that.
What a legacy it would be to leave the upcoming generation, to have them live in a daily context that is in sync with their dreams and purpose in life! x
Hi Wilma,
Wonderful post! Have you heard the quote “wherever you go, there you are”? I’m not sure who penned it, I’ve heard it repeated by so many. It is crazy how our mind craves habitual behavior and circumstances. It takes a lot to rise above the fray. Sometimes even stopping to stand still and contemplate the state of things feels like swimming against the current! Thank you for sharing your story! Jodi
Jodi at Joy Discovered´s last blog ..Happy Thanksgiving!
Jodi – great quote! Sounds like something AA Milne would have written for Winnie the Pooh to say (because Pooh is the quintessential Uncarved Block!) I think this has been written every which way for millenia – it boils down to experiencing it with awareness – and realizing with awesome profoundness, wherever you go…there you are!
Peggy at Serendipity Smiles´s last blog ..Your Moment of Bliss
Hi Jodi.
Yes
AND as Peggy says, being mindful and being aware of where you want to go becomes very important indeed. AND that is what I noticed I was not. I went alright but not mindfully. I went to New Zealand but I took Holland and all my old beliefs with me and so I actually did not go anywhere?!
Like you say;
We do have the ability to eventually rise above that fray AND I discovered that that takes conversations, because it needs to be in our thoughts and words first before the do-ing and go-ing can happen. I needed to first have continuous conversations about for example letting go of fear before I could even imagine to deviate from the same familiar path of fear driven actions.
Those conversations eventually gave me the confidence to DO differently and go somewhere totally new without being stopped by fear or being driven by fear.
THAT was what has astounded me, the enormous power of different conversations that created awareness that then created a new future for me.
Now I am finally capable of being where I desired to go AND that is such a mind blowing beautiful way to live life. As you say it takes a LOT to rise above the fray, do not underestimate the power of beliefs and the status quo and yes, it is worth every effort.
Love to you for contemplating change and for bringing up this quote, it all helps us to reach a tipping point, Wilma xox
Hi Wilma,
What a fascinating topic. You know, this is something I hadn’t even thought of even though I’ve moved many times. Like you said, we get wrapped up in our daily events and those thoughts of making a change go by the wayside.
“They” (who ever they are) say it takes 21 days to establish a new habit (or break an old one), and for me, I can get started and am all gung ho, but at about day ten, I start sliding backwards. I realize it’s because I don’t want “It” bad enough. On the other hand, when I look back to when I started blogging, I was at my computer daily, cranking out posts and doing all those bloggie things and loving every minute of it (and I continue to) For me, it comes down to priorities and find I can talk myself out of those things I once thought were important.
Now you got me thinking about what I gave up and if I need to revisit it.
Barbara Swafford´s last blog ..If I Said It First, Is It Mine
Hi Barbara,
I am sure we all relate to what you say here;
and you are right on the dot there.
It is your Little Voice and your environment who is doing their darn hardest to talk you out of any change if you let them.
I do not think it is a matter of wanting it badly enough, I did want change, but it was about keeping the different conversation -about the new possibilities I wanted to create- alive.
Our lives are so busy, to take on new habits is a major undertaking that requires more effort than we think, that is the catch.
If you try to think about all the things you normally do automatically and then try to think about them consciously, I bet you go crazy.
Now to change we need to interrupt all that automatic be-ing and do-ing and once you can see what that takes, you finally might have a chance. It takes a lot of vigilance through consistent conversations and corrected self talk as a result of those different conversations to change our automatic behavior.
Try driving a car on the other side of the road and you get an idea.
However with all of us in this conversation we are up to it hey Barbara, love Wilma
Hi Wilma – What a wonderful post. This is the part that captured me: “Instead of taking the time to explore…I forged ahead.” For years this is what I did. I’d make a quick decision, and move ahead. I thought I had the answers. But in the end there was always this restlessness, this seeking of some unknown something. My decisions never seemed complete, and like you, I would get caught up in the routine of a life I didn’t really want. So a few years ago I decided to slow it down, to take a more experimental approach to life. To allow myself to try things out. It was hard at first, because it required me to admit that I didn’t have the answers. The best thing I did was to take a lease on a tiny studio (300 square feet) in the hills of Sonoma County. My husband balked at first, but soon discovered it was a wonderful place to rest and recharge on long weekends. It definitely changed the conversations, and got us back in touch with nature, each other, and our individual selves. Now the fog has lifted, and because of this experiment we can see how and where we want to be for the next chapter of our lives. And now I’ve also launched experiments in other areas of my life too.
Patty – Why Not Start Now?´s last blog ..The Ritual of Return
Oh Patty, what you say here is glorious;
That is exactly what happens and why nothing changes.
Good on you though to then arrive at this;
You interrupted life and old conversations to have new ones and as a result you are experiencing life differently and isn’t that in the end what we are here for.
Daring to deviate from the railway track we are on by default through interrupting the same old conversation is indeed a wonderful experience.
Way to go Patty, love Wilma
Patty,
You have shared the journey from life coming at you and just happening to life becoming experimental and having a life that works for you. How wonderful.
You words “My decisions never seemed complete” touched a button within me and things are making tremendous sense now. Thank You Patty.
Hi Wilma,
This is so interesting to read. Really, it’s making me think about the conversation I have, the life steps I take, and if they are all speaking the language of what I desire as opposed to where I am. I like to think that I am. Although, I know too, that it can be easy to talk about the mundane, the daily happenings – and the dreams, the desires, the beauty, the love – they can get dropped by the wayside. Maybe it’s time I more actively think and talk (and “be”) what I really desire…
Lance´s last blog ..Sunday Thought For The Day
Hi Lance
Isn’t it indeed interesting how life happens to us, rather than us being constantly aware of how we are creating it.
It has been amazing to notice the conversations I have with my critical Little Voice and what comes out of my mouth when I talk to others.
It is also amazing to notice how our conversations can influence moods.
If you have a deliberate negative, doom and gloom conversation, you will notice how it effects your and other people’s mood. I can get John down in no time if I am not careful and he is not a doom and gloom person at all! But I can do it just by talking.
You say;
I do not know, it is up to you to observe the conversations you are having and what actions you are do-ing and if you like what you see . . .
THAT was the starting point for me, actively thinking by talking and hearing out loud what I said and having input from other points of view that I trusted; even if they were initially hard for me to accept.
Like living fearlessly, yeah right, but eventually those continuous conversations had me trust that it is possible, and I have to tell you that it took me a long time and lots of conversations, going over and over the same thing before it really sank in.
It certainly did not happen overnight for me.
The course you attended recently for example sounds wonderful, now you have to stay in a conversation to keep that spark alive, don’t you agree?
So go Lance go, the opportunity for us is there, we just need to create a right growth environment for these seeds, like seeds in nature need the right context.
Love Wilma
Wima,
This is so interesting. I’ve been in AZ for two years and three months. In the beginning I kept looking for friends like my old ones. Ha! Not a chance. I kept looking for places, people and things to change to fit me. Is that funny or what. I discovered I wouldn’t embrace the new until I let go of the old.
It takes time! I agree with Joy to some point but what if I’m never ready to change. What if it never becomes effortless. Auggghhh!
I think I need a balance of acceptance, change and being gentle on myself. If I can’t do it in 21 days then what? I don’t beat myself up…I keep going for the next 21 and eventually I’ll get there.
You are correct it takes more than planning, dreaming and talking. It takes doing and nothing changes until something changes.
Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..Work Happy Now
Hey Tess, it is funny indeed, we keep looking for the same old same old. People go on holiday and expect the same brand of beer, otherwise they are disappointed.
Hello, hello.
Changing habits is preceded by a conversation, even a thought is a conversation in our head.
However for me it was; where to find people who could initiate a different conversation, that resonated with me.
I did want to do things differently but who could I talk to to support me?
Who was not too busy and would think with me often?
Who also was courageous enough to even dare to question the status quo and look for a different untrodden path?
In the end location is not the issue, the conversations you are having is the key to keep doing things differently, whatever time it takes to get there.
Achieving change in 21 days is also a conversation, but do we ever ask “who said???? Let’s change the tape!”
I love this, your changing conversation about when it takes longer, “If it takes longer so what????? I know I will eventually get there.”
Having been very careful this last year with what I am saying and with whom I am talking about what has really paid off and it will continue to do so.
Let’s rock next year with new conversations about possibilities and let’s challenge all the old ones, love Wilma
Hey there Tess
I too have looked for the familiar, even when I came to live in NZ. Embracing the new and letting go of the old, is taking me some doing. How long it will take, who knows?
I only know that it WILL happen because when I slip back into old conversations with myself, I have Wilma there, supporting my new context and conversations, I have you and this blog, strengthening my basecamp. And in these surroundings I am set up powerfully to continue on.
Like Wilma, I too am looking forward to the new conversations and possibilities in the New Year.
Much Love x
Wilma,
You have so brought up something so so so SO important!
I will never forget the moment I decided to sell my house and move six miles down the road. My divorce had just been inked and my divorce diploma had arrived in the mail. I wanted out of the house that saw so much pain.
So I moved.
Just six miles down the road.
And my life, my pain, my suffering followed me.
I unpacked my boxes and cried. and cried. and cried.
I did not change the context in which I viewed my life.
It took a dope slap of epic proportion for me to change the sphere in which I lived my life. Just darn glad I did
Peggy at Serendipity Smiles´s last blog ..Your Moment of Bliss
Oh Peggy, yes we take our conversations with us, and yes it takes epic proportions to really think, talk and do things differently.
But once we are aware of what we create with our conversations it is a real eye opener and a relief in one way and a great responsibility in another.
Ann-Marie and I now no longer can be out of integrity and blame or be in denial about who is causing what
We still sometimes slide back and go on a lovely rant about how hard we work and how we have to juggle so many balls, until one of us gets with it and says; “Hang on a minute what pitiful conversation are we having here?”
Oh it is so good to have the explanation and the language to quickly pinpoint what is going on.
I just have to think about the conversation you had about ex wives and then that you actually had a conversation with the ex-wife on radio. How amazing and different is that?
As I said, let’s have new conversations in the New Year and see what wonderful lives that creates, love Wilma.
PS I do think you have a major conversation about Richard and his deployment coming up, haven’t you? Oh Peggy, that is a big one to deal with.
Hi Wilma!
You can count me in with having new conversations in 2010!
The conversation I had with my ex-wife-in-law (new term…to describe a friendly ex-wife!) was a fabulous experience. We were both asked what we learned from each other and her response to me was monumental, “I never thought another woman could love my kids as much as I do.” That right there is one of the biggest fears birth moms have when they have to share their kids with the “other mother.”
One another note, Richard’s deployment may be looming but we are prepared. Right now his mission is to Kuwait, so he won’t be in the war zone – where he’d rather be – I’m happy with him in Kuwait! We do have plans to meet in some exotic locale during his two week leave, so planning and dreaming that keeps my mind off missing him
Peggy´s last blog ..Merry SITSmas & Christmas!
Hi Wilma,
One thing that kept me going when I was a kid was that I would dream of all the places that I wanted to visit. I thought that if I changed location, everything that was wrong in my life would be made right. So as soon as I could, I ended up traveling the world in search of this perfect place where I would feel blissfully happy. In the beginning, I would swear that each new found city and country was paradise only to be made to return home because I needed to get more money or whatever.
Eventually, I ended up traveling to five of the seven continents. It was not until the very last continent did I realize that no matter where I went, I took myself with me. So paradise was essentially a state of mind. Once I got that fully, everything came together which forced me to do the required inner work and happiness did set in.
Ironically, now I live about ten minutes from where I grew up and life has never been more awesome.
Kudos to you for moving to a new land and learning a new language. Not an easy task to do. I am happy that you found your way and share your wisdom with all of us.
Love and hugs to you!
Nadia – Happy Lotus´s last blog ..When in Doubt: To Be Like John or Jesus? Part Two
Hi Nadia,
).
You made me laugh, we all think if we get out of the place we are to somewhere else, life will be different.
I must say it does give you amazing experiences, but in the end it is never a guarantee that you as a person will grow from it.
It can just as well happen at home, however I am grateful to have moved to New Zealand all the same.
That I am changing my inner conversations makes New Zealand finally paradise, heaven on earth for me.
Isn’t it indeed ironic that you now live about ten minutes from where you grew up and that life never has been more awesome.
You have to laugh about our antics we go through to change life while it is all possible, right there where we are.
Never mind, at least you have seen wonderful places in the process and an interesting resume to blow somebody’s mind away with (if they let it
Lets keep our conversations going, change will come and imagine what happens when we all have conversations about love and acceptance and co-creation.
Hugs and love back.
Wilma,
Great idea for the New Year. Count me in!
Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..Work Happy Now
Your post reminded me of Susan Scott’s Fierce Conversations, in which she says, “The conversation is the relationship.” Everything we do either improves, flat-lines, or undermines the relationship we have with our context. If we only speak and do not act, then change does not occur.
I think it can be very tempting to believe that simply changing our surroundings will solve all of our problems. Our environment can have a huge impact on what we do, yet it can also lead us to believe that change has occurred when it actually has not.
What a thought-provoking post, thank you!
Daphne´s last blog ..An Update
Hi Daphne.
It is amazing to become aware of the power of conversations as they indeed are the preamble to doing things.
From conversations come different thoughts which CAN lead to different, often more productive actions.
Yes, you are spot on, conversations per se are not causing results, actions are.
Different conversations lead to acting differently which leads to change.
The different conversation about completion with parents for example has led to different actions when Ann-Marie visited her parents in Ireland this year. She created a totally different, more satisfying visit as a result.
It has been such an eye opener to observe the conversations I am having now as a result of what I am discovering and the different actions they are causing.
Oh Daphne, I so hope they will make a difference for you too, and great that Donald is working.
Hey there Daphne
Conversations that support us doing life differently can impact our lives and have us really fly. My trip to Ireland in Sept was one like no other before it. The conversations I had with Wilma and John before I went set me up powerfully to have the visit that I so wanted to have; to complete with my parents and to enjoy spending time with them. We also set the pace of our visit with my husband and I doing the things that we had planned instead of falling into everybody else’s plans. And when I felt myself reverting back to old habits and old conversations with my family, I’d call Wilma in New Zealand for support. We’d recreate possibilities and I’d once again feel strong to continue having the best time.
Daphne you’re spot on. It is the actions that we take as a result of our conversations that make the difference. It certainly did for me and my parents. x
Kia ora Wilma,
When I moved to New Zealand I thought I was undertaking my great adventure, living the worthy and interesting life. Yet times were tough back then, and I found myself driving a truck long hours, raising a child, being a husband, buying a house, feeling trapped by the very things I was trying to escape from in the states. It wasn’t until I discovered the mountains and certain places in particular that I realized I was indeed home, and from there my life began to change as that flowed into all the other areas of my life and made me realize the change for me must come from within me. I am still a work in progress but I smile a lot more these days. Kia kaha Wilma.
Aroha,
Robb
Robb´s last blog ..Thankful
Oh Robb, we both came to the promised land to miss out on the promise.
But it seems we are redeeming ourselves and we do have to thank awesome nature for that. It has drawn us to have a different conversation in the presence of its beauty, conversations about what we came here for and what is important.
And yes, smiling is definitely a great indicator of doing things differently, coming from the heart.
Robb, life can be priceless, the beauty of the earth is priceless, and finally having different conversations is priceless.
How are the conversations going with your son? I so trust they are being priceless too.
Thanks for this Wilma. Yes, “wherever you go, there you are,” as they say. Wherever we are, we can always find a way to play out our old scripts if we aren’t conscious that they’re running in the background. I think the work you’re doing on this blog is so important for helping us get unstuck — to take the broken record off our mental turntable and play a fresh one.
Hi Chris.
There was so much invisible to me and it has been such a blessing to finally uncover the extend of my ignorance, denial and resistence.
Thoughts become things, of course, but how do you change your thoughts when you are not even aware of most of them?
The conversations and then the encouragement to experiment with the different doings has been priceless to change the internal record.
I think we are both doing a wonderful job Chris, because thanks to you I am checking my breathing and that allows me to have the conversation about slowing down and become present.
Wilma,
I think change occurs when we’re ready for it. Our conversations and dialogues about what we want to do, etc. help prepare us, but we have to be ready to take the “leap of faith” to actually make the change.
I once knew a woman who had an interesting about change. She believed that all major life changes required a grieving time. She didn’t mean that you sobbed your way through a change, but that change requires letting go of something before you can make the transition, whatever it might be. I’m not sure how this fits with the conversation in the comment box, but I always thought it was an interesting idea. Certainly, it might explain why we struggle with change, at times:~)
Sara´s last blog ..Picture Story: The Dead Tree
Hi Sara.
For me the question is no longer about being ready, it is about how to prepare to become ready.
Being ready is about the result and an attachment to a certain time frame while this is about conversations to have us reach a state of readiness.
I can imagine that a conversation about grieving can support letting go and becoming ready to do things differently, for sure.
There is no prescription to what conversations are right or wrong, it is about learning to discern what conversations are useful and speak to your heart.
Wilma, Like Jodi above, I instantly thought of the phrase “wherever you go, there you are”, although I also don’t know where it came from. But I think you described the issue so well – we so often focus on outer change, and that will only get us so far if we haven’t addressed inner change. But the insidiousness of how this can occur – as in your case, where it seemed like you were just ’settling in’ is interesting. I hadn’t really thought of that in terms of the word ‘context’, but I like it…
Lisa (mommymystic)´s last blog ..Spiritual Processing,Transits and Empowerments
Hi Lisa
Doing things differently can lead to different conversations but they do not often last.
The issue is that these different conversations only last so long then our normal busy life takes over and we revert back to our old familiar conversations. We can so quickly revert back to a routine we know and can do with the least effort.
It depends how much time we create to talk and keep these conversations going within ourselves and with others.
These conversations take effort and time and commitment, something that is in short supply in most of our lives.
And yes how our busyness creeps up on us is insidious indeed, until we become aware.
Hmmmm. Yes, this is quite true. I had a similar experience moving from the US to Austria. New context, new language, new culture, old me.
Change had to come from within, not from without. It took many years for me to make the leap – and I’m still working on it (will I ever be done?).
Yes, we have to be the change we wish to live. We really do have to change the focus of our consciousness in our everyday lives – the regular boring thoughts that circle through our heads, and this rarely happens through a change in circumstances (unless it is very severe).
Isn’t it strange how life can get in the way of life? – if you know what I mean.
Lisa´s last blog ..Hills and Doll Houses
Hi Lisa, you too, new culture, old me.
Yes, it is quite a realization what it takes to do things consciously different, however becoming aware is already one giant step forward.
I so resonate with what you say here; Isn’t it strange how life can get in the way of life?”
Life indeed does that, keeping us occupied with its demands and before we know it we are totally engrossed in life’s regular conversations.
I do know what you mean, for sure.
HI Wilma,
This such a wonderful topic..and so close to my heart for the same reason it was close to your heart when you initially moved to NZ.
I have recently relocated to Hyderabad fro another City. Ok its not continents..so there isnt much difference. But, My hubby and I had both decided to simplify our lives. The simplifying of life has been with me for a long time….but thats story is for another conversation
But as you would have it…its 2 months since we relocated. We have managed to DO as in simplify our lives…..and we are happy with that…but somehow as time is passing by new entanglements do keep propping up. Whats important for me at this point is that the change and the decision to simplify our lives is still with us at all times in all our decisions. The minute either of us forget…the other reminds…so its working for now..and i hope that it keeps working.
I suppose change is when the heart wants it. Wherever you are and whatever you do..the decision to make that change from the heart is all thats needed. The rest usually follows…and a great support system doesnt hurt either
Come to think of it…I think i couldve simplified our lives even before we relocated…but somehow the Need or belief wasnt this Urgent or Important.
Zeenat{Positive Provocations}´s last blog ..The Decision To Be You
Hi Z,
I love how you and your husband work together in creating a great life, it seems both you and I went for a great relationship this time round.
It shows in what you are saying here; ” The minute either of us forget…the other reminds…so its working for now..and i hope that it keeps working.”
I really believe that that is the clue, to keep the desire to change alive by your conversations.
You got it in one!
I also believe that our heart is in the right place, who really wants to deliberately be fearful, be overworked or be a slave of money and yet . . .
Strong relationships like yours with strong purposeful conversations are the key as far as I can tell AND as far as I can tell this is not common.
In this moment in time anyway.
Oh your little daughter is having a good chance to live life differently with you and your hubby around.
Hugs Wilma
Wilma, I enjoyed every word and can’t help but nodding all the way down.
There were many times I talked about making changes, but most of it, my husband and I went back to the old lifestyle and did the same old things again and again. In June, this year, I finally made up my mind to quit my job and go full force on doing the things I love – freelancing (graphic/writing)/full time blogging. I couldn’t be happier! It’s a tough road at first, but I’m starting to enjoy the process more now; reaping all the side-benefits I gained from my passion. I’m currently on day-24, the longest vacation I ever had with my parents. Although it’ll soon come to an end, I hope to bring back the determination to shift my life for the better, be more productive and meaningful. Life is an adventure and I’m ready to explore it!
Best wishes to you, Wilma and everyone who reads and inspired by this post.
@wchingya
Social/Blogging Tracker
Ching Ya´s last blog ..8 Lessons Derived from Vacation to Boost Your Blogging Experience
Hi Ching Ya, isn’t it interesting how we are inclined to do the same thing over an over again, until something snaps and we can change and then experience what you say here; I finally made up my mind to quit my job and go full force on doing the things I love – freelancing (graphic/writing)/full time blogging. I couldn’t be happier! It’s a tough road at first, but I’m starting to enjoy the process more now.
Change should be fun and exciting, instead we make it a big deal and worry about teh consequences. Oh what are we missing out on, so well done and thumbs up for going for it and enjoying it finally.
I trust that 2010 will be a wonderful one, now you know to go for what you want and you will inspire others around you as well. And having such a long time with your parents is priceless.
Go Ching Ya, go you deserve it, love Wilma
I think that being the change you want to see takes practice and as an artist and intuitive my life has been carved out to do this. Through many trials and tribulations
I have become a different person. I have a biracial daughter and I am a single parent,I work with the elderly and children.I have had so many ups and downs that if I did not accept the “new vision” I was being given by my personal growth then I would be ignoring my life. If you ask yourself what you can do you will be led. I guarantee you. Spirit is always there for you.We are in a huge shift in consciousness today. Blessings, Deb
Hi Deb, I absolutely agree that being the change you want to see takes courage and practice and will be rewarding. It also takes trust and faith in the unseen as we have no idea of the bigger picture.
AND trust takes practice too, even if we have examples it sometimes still doesn’t encourage us to do it again. Hmm.
Oh Deb, you do have a lot of things to take care of and yes a new vision that appeals to the heart is worth pursuing and will be supported by Spirit, that is the law of the universe.
Thanks Deb for your input, love Wilma
Hi Anne-Marie and Wilma .. I like the context bit .. we tend to slot into where we are, what we need to do .. and forget the things we’d like to create.
One advantage about now – is that we can aspire here with blogging friends, see the wood for the trees, learn new perspectives, think about others’ thoughts, see the life we could move to .. and that desire will be at the forefront of our minds – rather than as in the old days pre blogging .. just stuck & probably not actioned in a productive way.
Positive conversation with like-minded people is essential to following your chosen path .. you get support, ideas, etc
Interesting – I’ll bear context in mind in future ..
Hilary Melton-Butcher
Positive Letters Inspirational Stories
Hilary´s last blog ..Pantomime – Lord of Misrule – Grand Dame …
Hi Hilary, yes context and the conversations therein are not to be underestimated.
Old context and conversations can certainly drag you down and once aware, we can walk away from it or at least not be so effected by them.
That is why it is so difficult in families to get a change of conversation, it is always the same old same old and they will treat you like you have not done anything else since you left home.
Oh Hilary, go for an inspiring context, you are so worth it, xox Wilma
Hi Wilma .. thanks .. I’m on the right track – and inspiring context is there – just waiting to come forward .. I know what I want to do and I’ll do ..
So -thank you for your support .. Hilary
Hilary´s last blog ..Three Wise Men – Gold, Frankincense, Myrrh and Chalk
Hilary, I am so pleased to hear it, YOU are creating a future and that is awesome and also an honor to your mother to not blame her for your current life.
You accept what is so and you won’t let it stop the flow of your life, THAT is creating coming from acceptance. I salute you for that. Much love, Wilma