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Ann-Marie on Do-ing Community
Being in action is Do-ing community
Judging by the comments, Wilma struck a cord in all of us with her post on Community is Dead – Long live Community.
We all agreed that there is an incongruency between independence, money and fear
and community, favor bank and love.
Megan captured what is true for many of us when she shared how she became Ms Independence;
I was raised, especially after my father left and we went “broke,” to be fiercely independent. Letting people help me out was not something I was comfortable doing, especially not without attaching some sort of payback schedule to it. I learned very early on how to take care of myself… As a result, in my 20’s I was Scrooge-like in many ways, guarding what I earned and sharing it only with those closest to me.
As well as learning to be independent, for many of us there is another common thread; we start off with, as Patty said of her student days; having “a built-in community“. This built-in community also comes with children as Jodi said; “When I first had my boys, I made some really good friends…” and Jillian who currently has three boisterous boys acknowledged; “I couldn’t live without the network I have in my neighborhood.”
Those of you who, like Wilma, have grown up children recognized how community shrinks and as SuZen said, “That fear of isolation motivated me and I’ve been busy ever since.”
Tess too noticed the isolation issue and its insidious nature to creep up on us;
“I found myself isolating myself a couple of months ago… Funny thing is I didn’t even know what was causing my slump…silly me!”
Wilma in her post suggested that as a consequence of our thirst for independence; “we have virtually lost our ability to DO community.”
Nadia too noticed this when she said; “People are okay with waving to one another but talking seems to scare a lot of people“
So what are we Do-ing to stay in touch with our community? And what are we Do-ing to practice our community building skills?
Wilma and I are about ‘do-ing life differently’ and there were many examples of that happening from your comments.
SuZen set the scene by saying how she takes her lead from Gandhi and is ‘being the change she wants to see in the world’. And her “only wish is that I had time and energy to do more.” SuZen, I’m sure Gandhi would be very proud of you.
Tess too, a woman of action; “connected with a new group of women twice last week. I’m planning on hiking with them this weekend.”
Nadia said “It is my hope to be able to create a community in my area that is willing to be supportive and loving.”
Jodi too said; “I’m working on getting to know my neighbors.”
So what about you?
Tell us how you’re going with this. Many of us would appreciate examples to follow.
Angelia said;
I have a new neighbor that I haven’t met yet. Our paths haven’t crossed. I need to just walk across the grass to meet her, and yet that is so hard to reach out.
It looks so easy to do when written down and yet… Angelia, where are you at with this? Do tell us what happens.
As for Wilma, who started all this, she was George’s driver for the first time yesterday. She is off to the local Music Hall show on Saturday night, a real rural community night out in the old fashioned sense of the word. And she is having the neighbors over for lunch on Sunday; another first. Yippee!
You rock girl. You are in action. You are Do-ing community.
Now that we have a deeper understanding of community; a clearer explanation, I ask the question, what steps are you taking right now to create a sustainable community for you?
So where is Wilma taking us next with this conversation? Well she’s had one heck of a realization. I’ll leave you with a line from next week’s post; “I think I’ve said enough to show how dysfunctional we all really are.”
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18 Comments to “Ann-Marie on Do-ing Community”
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As Ann-Marie mentioned, I went out with George and what an experience it was. It is unbelievable how dependent some people are and how wonderful it is to be able to contribute.
I learned a lot as well as I observed that George has to think about what he does and as a result he is present.
He does not get distracted by visual information as I do AND he has to prepare himself well as he can never do anything spontaniously.
If he doesn’t plan it, it won’t happen.
Thus I noticed his incredible alertness and focus and intent and being in-integrity.
Hmm, it sure has made ME think about how slack I am.
It was a priceless experience.
Oh Ann-Marie, but you know that I still had to be prompted as I did not think I had time to drive George as I had to work and comment on my community of blogs and blah blah blah.
Thankfully I have you in my community too and all you people who commented on Monday’s post. Oh how it helps to reveal what is going on in daily life and thanks to that I got into action, did things differently and I got to withdraw and deposit and use the favor bank full on!
AND THAT is all that counts, being love in action, walking the talk.
So everybody, thanks again, I can hold my head up high, phew.
Wilma, you can indeed hold your head up high… look out you might become the ‘community queen’ in your local area. You have been playing full out girl.
When we met this morning you were buzzing from your day out with George and his blind friend Craig. Being love in action is something you cannot buy with money, you got to BE it and you rocked at it.
If prompting and prodding is what it takes, then I will keep doing it, as you are important to me and I will back you every step of the way to have community be very much alive in your life. You are well on your way buddy… enjoy Saturday night.
And I request that you and everyone else out there prod me back. x
Your post, and my desire for community lately, have me acting in much more connected ways these days. I find myself reaching out more than I ever have – asking for emotional support, mostly, but also other forms of support, too, when needed.
When Andy left for the Middle East again, I was able to reach out to this incredible blogging community for support, and my gosh, did I ever receive it! (In spades!)
I have a growing network where I live, too, that is starting to feel more like family, and they invite me in for meals, hugs, and laughs… It feels so good!
I’m also trying to reach out, as well, and when new neighbors moved in across the hall, I brought them a welcome basket and introduced myself. That’s nothing I would have done five years ago, even. Somehow I see myself more and more in everyone I meet — what used to be merely a concept (Oneness) is quickly becoming the way my eyes see, how my ears hear, and what my heart feels.
I sure do love these posts, so thank you, Wilma & Ann Marie!
Megan “JoyGirl!” Bord´s last blog ..In Favor of Friendlier Foods
Megan
Getting into other people’s worlds; reaching out to them, connecting and seeing yourself being reflected back – oneness – THIS is beautiful. Describing your journey into being love in action really moved me. You made requests, you gained an understanding, took steps and you created a loving enviroment. You did it girl, YOU.
I love that you are part of these posts, part of the conversation, part of this community. x
Hi there Ann-Marie and Wilma! What a dynamic duo you two are! Your choice of topics cause us all to really look at ourselves and how we are living – or not – the lives we are meant to live. As Thanksgiving Day is closing at our house tonite, I must say how thankful I am to count you as friends!
Hugs,
suZen
suzen´s last blog ..Monkey Goes Bananas on Banana Schpeels
“The lives we are meant to live”
SuZen you too see that change is needed, that life can be lived differently. That is what these topics lend themselves to and together we all get to see how life can be. We get glimpses of a new paradigm, a way of living where we all live in our greatness. That is where we are going to through these conversations.
And I am thankful that you are standing alongside us.
Hi Wilma and Ann-Marie!
I reached out to a sick friend yesterday. I think for me it’s the small and consistent things that will help me “be” community. Thanks for encouraging us to reach out in a world that seems so isolated.
Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..Interview Original Faith Author Paul Maurice Martin
Hey Tess
This is such a YOU response; to the point, in action and doing life. It always inspires me how you take things, run with them and share what happened.
Small steps at some point create massive impact. I love that you ‘be’ community
You contribute hugely to women doing life differently.
Hugs to you
Ann-Marie
p.s. how did your hiking weekend go?
Hi Ann-Marie!
Wilma, how lovely that you got to impart on one of George’s adventures. The things he opened YOUR EYES too, breathtaking awesomeness! It warmed my heart to read.
Ann-Marie- Not going like I hoped with the neighbor. I, typically, dash to get ready and head to Jason’s house (my mom is there) and when I get back home it’s 11 or 12 at night. Not real conducive to meeting a neighbor.
However, I will say that at Jason’s family gathering, there has a been a standoffish person that I intentionally have reached out to – many times – and this time, she finally responded. I was very glad I did not give up and turn sour at being rejected. It was worth the patience.
Thank you dear ladies, as always insightful to read your blog.
Angelia Sims´s last blog ..I don’t “do” Black Friday
Hello Angelia
Thanks so much for the update. Hey, there is no need to give any excuses about your neighbor. YOU get to choose to connect with her in any given moment – you either do or you don’t and that is that. It is up to you. So go gentle on yourself.
However, I will say that if you are feeling fearful about this or feeling stopped at reaching out, as we often are, then we can work though it together. I’m with you all the way.
Angelia, you chose to still do community with the woman in Jason’s family despite there being no initial agreement from her. And look, it has paid off. You were committed to having that relationship work and I applaud you for not giving up and for taking a stand for it . You Rock!
No doubt you are having a blast with your Mum being around.
Hugs to you
Ann-Marie,
I have one story to share. It’s one that began several months ago, and brought myself and my family together with a family who lived about an hour away from us. At the time, it really just looked like it would be a one-time meeting, although we would still stay in touch. And then another opportunity presented itself for us to travel together a couple of hours away. It would have been easy to say “I’m too busy” – for either of us. We didn’t, though – and had a fantastic day together. And it also introduced us to someone else who just so happened to live near us. Earlier this week, we all got together – for an evening filled with laughter and fun – before one of the families moves a long distance away. And to think – none of these meeting would ever have happened, had we not did our first little thing together – really almost on a whim – and it’s developed into a wonderful friendship! And I think that goes a long way toward just what can happen if we reach out and connect – I’m so, so happy on how this has turned out!
And I continue to grow in my belief of just how important community is…
Lance´s last blog ..Exposed
Hey there Lance
Gorgeous. Your story shows how community can show up at any time, you just got to be willing to ‘do it’. It is wonderful to have such a loving resource as this, be present in your life. I hear your joy. We can achieve so much with it.
Thanks for sharing this example of how friendship and community can be created.
It is valuable x
I think community is like love. It’s something we can reach out and share every single day. As I mentioned on the other post I am just compelled to reach out to people. I am so genuinely moved by humanity and having been through sooooooo much in my own life I know what’s like to need help, and I know what it’s like to need help and not have it…..as well as have it.
But it’s something deeper than that for me. I am going to post part of a comment I wrote on my blog (in response to a reader’s comment a couple of post back) the reader said that my “expressions of affection for strangers” seemed “excessive” to them from their background. Now, although I ocasionally run across someone who feels this way due to upbringing or culture or fear or any number of reasons I realize I STILL have to be me. I cannot let their fear or beliefs stop me from living mine. I CAN however give them space and let them go their way, but I CANNOT stop reaching out and loving. What I told this reader is WHY I’m compelled to reach out:
“I reach out the way I do because I live in a world full of people starved for love, starved for compassion and understanding, starved for a single act of kindness, a world full of people hanging on by a single thread. I do it because I live in a world filled with suffering, wars, murders, prisons, child abuse, homeless, hungry. I do it because I am compelled to LIVE the change I want to see in the world. I do it because maybe it is what I was born to do. I do it because most days it’s all I know how to do. I am not good with speaking or writing concepts and telling people how to live. I can share my own experiences but beyond that… One day I asked myself, what do I have to offer the world? Honestly? The only thing I could come up with was: I could love people. I do know how to love. Oddly, that day I found great peace. Loving was enough for me.”
It makes me think of a line in my book, I reach out because I live in “a world that cries out like a child in the dark of night.” I must rise up and go to comfort that child. A healthy person would not leave their child to cry alone in the dark.
For me community is something I do in a hundred little ways all day long, with my husband, my friends, the world I move through, with people at the bank, the store, on the road…Everywhere I go I see people screaming out for love and help and a kind word, a smile, a hug. And it takes so little to give SO much.
I have tears in my eyes right now and can’t seee the screen really well. It’s all blurry. So I will sgin off and visit again later. Thank for touching my deepest heart, Ann Marie. Love, Robin.
Robin Easton´s last blog ..Lifting the Lid on Age and Death
Robin, you again go beyond the simple words that are written here and paint the ultimate compelling image about community and its human resource and what is possible.
That, my friend is incredible valuable as we need someone who can paint us an image about community that we can aim for.
Most of us cannot see what is possible and someone needs to lift the veil and I am so immensely grateful that you are doing that for me and for everybody here who desires to see.
Robin, you are a treasure and your singing an image is beautiful beyond words.
The biggest hug, Wilma
Robin, my heart is pounding as I read your words.
To express the world – community and humanity as a ‘child crying out in the dark’, is a strong image. The need to be understood, to be comforted, to be hugged, to feel safe and to be loved is huge in this world. Our world is starving! And you are there feeding it, nurturing it and sponsoring it to flourish. As you say ‘it takes so little to give SO much’.
I agree with Wilma, you paint a picture of huge possibility when it comes to community. And I too am grateful for that.
Thank you Robin for being the love that you are. x
Hi Ann-Marie and Wilma,
You’re right. Community is very important and is something that often gets overlooked with everyone being so busy with their own lives.
About two weeks ago one of the ladies in our neighborhood arranged a get together for all of the people who live in our subdivision. Some of us brought treats and even though the food was good, it was the conversation and sense of community that made all of us feel closer to each other. It’s like we started an unofficial neighborhood watch and now when we see each other we sense we’re seeing a “friend”, not just the unnamed neighbor who “lives in the blue house”.
Barbara Swafford´s last blog ..The Battle Over Comments – Part 2
Hello there Barbara.
Great to have you here. Is this the beginning of community in your neighborhood?
I love that you now have a name for each neighbor and no longer a description of their house to identify them by.
One idea, one gesture, one action and this lady in your neighborhood created connectedness. She reached out, she had courage and she made it happen. Wonderful!
So when is the next get together or is this a one off?
Hugs to you.
Hi Wilma and Anne-Marie .. these are really interesting comments and ring true here – and it’s something that the future holds for me I believe: I just have to work out the best way to help when the time comes, once I’ve spent the time with my Ma. My uncle fell over in August, triggered his prostate cancer straight into his bones, making him blind first, and he was dead within two months: however I was there as much as possible for him, as well as continuing to care for my mother. Both of them were/are extremely considerate of others – others come first.
There were things that right family wise and I felt like a pariah, though I know I was correct – but never acknowledged .. the blame gets thrown .. why didn’t you let me help – well he was always there to visit etc etc
Since then in December – people have been falling over like nine-pins and frankly I haven’t been able to cope as much as I could .. especially as they aren’t family or friends as such and my energies have been sapped. I had to rescue a neighbour by breaking a window – fortunately she is ok – but that was 3 days in the hospital or here I could have done without. Another neighbour fell and is bruised and battered .. she needs time too .. another neighbour of 80+ had his wife with alzheimer’s in hospital .. and he was totally depressed etc etc (he’d been coping with her for years) – he had flu, fell over at home & died – they had to break in there too. Then a friend of my father’s in Cornwall of 90+ fell and cracked her head open – she’s ok too, but had got bronchitis just before Christmas .. now I’d go and look after her – but obviously I have my Ma here and we are 275 miles away.
Life is life – but your do-ing community rings home – we are intrinsically lazy, thoughtless, selfish – I see it at the Home the time people give to their loved ones .. when so much more could be done.
I could go on – but enough for now … sometimes just a little idea helps – I took some daffodils and a couple of tulips for the two ladies’ who’d fallen over, and the vase I’d made for Charles I gave to a young couple (she is a Jehovah’s Witness and doesn’t celebrate Christmas – I hadn’t realised) .. but that lightened up their days. Sometimes a card to say hi and welcome .. it doesn’t have to be a physical connection, even if someone’s new .. with a brief explanation and a comment I hope to meet you soon.
Once my life is mine – I have some ideas, which direction I’ll go I don’t know – I’m a wanderer .. so it’ll have to be something I can do on the move, until I settle down .. I’m not short of ideas or being positive fortunately!
Go well – Hilary Melton-Butcher
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Hilary´s last blog ..Pantomime – Lord of Misrule – Grand Dame …