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Community is dead, long live community
George with his sponsor Beryl
Money as a currency is not evil, but society’s illusion that money is our primary and only currency IS evil.
To give us the illusion that to be safe and secure we need lots of money to buy our independence is a cruel myth.
Because of that very obsession with independence we live fearfully and alone and we are NOT splendidly playing a big game.
To think we can be independent is our downfall AND a far bigger goldmine has been taken away from us; that being our communities and other people.
It is community that gives us access to a far more reliable and valuable currency, the soft currency of the universal ‘favor bank’.
As our quest for money and independence has taken over our lives, we no longer need to practice community and now we have virtually lost our ability to DO community.
Instead of benefiting from community as a resource we ignore it.
We are reduced to only getting along with our circle of friends and immediate family, if that. Actually most families are no longer crash hot communities these days.
Has our obsessive quest for money led to financial freedom and independence?
No certainly not.
As the financial institutions are crumbling around us, they take our hard earned cash with them and we’re left stranded, distressed and alone with hardly any resources to solve our survival issues.
Hello! Hello! Where is the money and our independence now?
Gone, washed away like sandcastles. And there’s no community to fall back on. Nice!
And even when our money is intact, we are still very vulnerable without community and therefore have little access to the universal ‘favor bank’.
Miracles, serendipity, they all happen when we connect with community and people around us. They will never happen when we are self absorbed and focused entirely on money making.
The benefits of community are obvious when you look at people who have miraculous lives and who have a lot of good things happen to them.
These people invest in the soft currency of the universal favor bank. They never snubbed community when chasing the mighty dollar.
They are not affected by all this hoopla, their currency cannot be inflated or indeed disappear.
They are still as wealthy and joyful as ever.
Why? Because instead of focusing on material assets and bank accounts their main focus is community, generosity and doing things coming from love.
They love where they live and by being love-in-action they freely use the universal ‘favor bank’ to withdraw from and deposit into.
Let us look at George because I consider him one of the richest men I know. You may remember that he is the blind farmer in our neighborhood.
George lives in a very modest house and has very few earthly possessions apart from the roof over his head, a road worthy car and a good computer with the latest voice software.
He is not money obsessed. He never fell for this cruel myth as he of course could never buy independence anyway, even if he wanted to.
George could have stayed small, happy to live on his disability allowance and NOT put in the tremendous effort it took to become a self employed farmer.
See George found out about the value of soft currency at a very early age.
He learned the value of being love-in-action. He got to understand the universal ‘favor bank’ and thus George created a splendid life.
At 87 he still is using the universal ‘favor bank’ flat out, still having a fantastic life and I share one example of how he does it.
As a blind person George needs drivers to get around the place.
He has one called Beryl. Beryl in her sixties lives with her retired husband and having time on her hands she volunteered to become his driver.
As Beryl comes from love, she is attentive; she listens and thus beautifully coordinates action with George. Therefore she noticed that he is no longer that keen on cooking for himself and she noticed his trouble with vacuuming.
So Beryl, being love-in-action now brings George his meals and cleans his house as well as driving and helping him with his community work and home visits to the blind.
In return George provides her with a purpose in life.
Imagine if George had insisted on his independence and only used taxis.
Both Beryl and George would be a lot poorer for it.
I have never given the universal ‘favor bank’ a lot of thought.
I too have lived with the myth that money and independence were my safety net to guaranteeing me a good life.
I too have let my communities shrink to the bare minimum and have not been that bothered about my ‘favor bank’.
And that does not bode well for my sponsorship and my life expeditions.
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41 Comments to “Community is dead, long live community”
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Hi Wilma
I too have not given the favor bank much thought. I never considered my community as a soft currency; a way to make bigger things happen for all. Yes I’ve been involved in fundraising events and the likes where the ‘community’ comes together for a cause and it is a great experience all round. There is excitement in the air, energy is in motion, people are buzzing and then everyone goes home. It is very short lived.
To have this happen on a daily basis would be truly extraordinary.
I see the rat race to perceived richness through financial freedom all around me. I live in the suburbs for god’s sake. I hear the next door neighbors garage door open in the morning when he goes off to work and close in the evening time when he comes home. Do I know that my neighbor’s wife has given birth to her third child? I do now. FOUR months later! Do I create an opportunity so she can have some timeout from her other two kids by having them over to play with my toddler? No, I don’t. Would it benefit all of us? Yes. However I am in isolation.
Ooh and I consider myself as someone who is familiar with community. I grew up in the most extraordinary neighborhood. I have seen it, breathed it, lived it and I loved it. So why haven’t I created it now, here in New Zealand? Why have others around me not created it either? I have questions, many questions….
Hi Ann-Marie
Isn’t it interesting that right here in front of our very own eyes we can observe how seperate we are from each other.
We can all talk about we are all one and yet the ‘walking the talk’ starts right here with the people who show up in my daily life.
It does of course not mean that I have to become friends and a helper to anybody I come across, but what it means for me is paying attention, becoming aware of possibilities and then choosing the ones that add value to everyone.
For me it shows how unskilled and how unaware we have become and how that is limiting us.
Granted as I said in the post, George cannot for the life of him be as independent as I am, but in the end it got nothing to do with any of that, in the end we all need the universal favor bank too.
Like your neighbor, she could not buy another neighbor who would take the children off her hands. And I am sure Molly would love playing with the other kids too.
As you say, oh drat!
I too had many, many questions AND I am eternally grateful that I am getting a sense of what is possible and how we can do things differently.
So lets keep questioning and questioning and observing and observing . . . and be gentle on ourselves because sometimes I do want to scream when I see how far off the game we are.
It is all onwards and upwards, hey buddy.
Hi Wilma! Hi Ann-Marie too!
I know what you are saying. There is indeed a great deal of isolation these days, and while I can sometimes feel it around me, I do not personally experience it. I’m engaged in my neighborhood, work in the food pantry, serve meals to the homeless, and do visitations at the hospitals and senior centers. Creating that support group when my son was in Iraq really made me realize the dark side of isolation need not be what I live and breathe. Prior to that I was probably way more reclusive than I am today. Strange things happen for a reason. That fear of isolation motivated me and I’ve been busy ever since. I only wish I had the time and energy to do more. People need people!
Hi SuZen
This is what struck me;
That is beautifully said, thank you!
We all live surrounded by people and yet it is usually a real wake up call that will get us into action.
Before that we think we are secure and do not give isolation a thought.
How would it be if we all stopped being so busy and stopped being in denial about how through our shrinking immediate communities we are becoming isolated and vulnerable and fearful.
I bet that no money in the world would have given you the support you gained from the other women you connected with when your son was in Iraq.
But as Ann-Marie said too, why not connect with a neighbor who also has children and could do with support?
You say you no longer feel isolated and could I assume that your engaging in your neighborhood has made you connect with a lot of others you did not know lived there too? Can I assume that you can see how warm the human heart is and has the simple fact that you are making new friends anything to do with you feeling less isolated and vulnerable?
Does it mean you again know people to call when you need something and you know those people are willing to help because they see your generosity?
People need people at a very basic connected level to feel secure, NOT money.
Thanks SuZen, your yellow ribbons are still needed is all I can say. We all need support even if many of us do not know it yet.
Love to you, Wilma
Dearest Wilma,
I am doing my version of the “Gandhi thing” – Be the change you want to see in the world” as much as time and energy will allow. You are definitely spot on – I wouldn’t trade the support group community I had created for all the money in the world! Giving from the heart costs nothing, yet it is the most precious of commodities. Were your questions to me rhetorical?
suzen´s last blog ..Monkey Goes Bananas on Banana Schpeels
Hey there SuZen
No Wilma’s questions were not rhetorical. I for one would love to hear your answers.
How about it? x
Ann-Marie is right, I am not in favor of rhetorical questions, waste of my typing efforts :0
Hi Wilma – This is such a deep, profound issue. Very wise of you to link the quest for money and independence with the loss of community. Seems like that quest values houses, stuff, goodies, cars, and workaholism. Not much left over for community. Just the repeating story of do more, be more, have more. Personally, I remember times in my life when I had full-on community, like when I lived in a brownstone in Brooklyn or studied theatre in college. Built-in community, it seemed. And time. There was always time to gather on the roof or get together and just hang out. So for me, time is another form of soft currency. Anyway, as much as I would love to have those days of built-in community back, I know I have to take the initiative to create it, like SuZen did. And you know, I think the world is hungry for it. Maybe we don’t hear about it on the news, but deep down we feel it, even if we can’t articulate it yet.
Patty – Why Not Start Now?´s last blog ..The House of Belonging
Hi Patty
The world is indeed hungry for it.
Until we again have time for real connection there will be no brother or sisterhood, we will stay separate and we will never ever be ‘all one’.
When you think back on the time when you had your built in community, what do you feel?
Does it bring back wonderful warm memories?
Does it bring back feelings of joy and feelings of being supported?
Does it make you feel you could conquer the world in that time with the help of your friends?
In these days of our mobility and adulthood we cannot take community for granted and we indeed have to build it and I too am learning how to do it again.
Thanks Patty, your student community sounds like fun and how come we have let that go?
I absolutely loved this post and had to share it with friends. Thank you for writing it. I was raised, especially after my father left and we went “broke,” to be fiercely independent. Letting people help me out was not something I was comfortable doing, especially not without attaching some sort of payback schedule to it. I learned very early on how to take care of myself, and started working odd jobs around town at age 12. As a result, in my 20’s I was Scrooge-like in many ways, guarding what I earned and sharing it only with those closest to me.
Then one day my mind opened up and my heart softened, and I began giving more than I received. In doing so, I noticed more people wanting to give to me. The Universal laws wouldn’t have it any other way! I was still all about the money, though — trying to exact what people did for me with cash gifts back to them. (Old habits die hard.) These days, though, I’m loosening my grip on finances, and independence, and beginning to embrace the idea of community – both as a noun and a verb. I’m giving more freely of my time, and I find that in return, people are giving me theirs. Time has become more important than money, in many ways. I don’t have a house of my own and I live by myself, and I’ll admit that it gets lonely here. But now I have a handful of other homes I know I’m always welcome in, and meals to enjoy if I want or need them, not to mention hugs… All the things I can’t always supply for or by myself. Community has stepped in and embraced me, but only when I was willing to first embrace it.
So I really resonated with what you wrote about George, but also what you said about the community favor bank. Independence at the cost of isolation won’t work for me anymore. I need the security that only community can offer.
Love & joy to you!
Megan “JoyGirl!” Bord´s last blog ..Read. LAUGH! Repeat.
Oh Megan, it is hard to break out of the context and its beliefs that you have grown up in.
I congratulate you on having found a way to let go of that ingrained independence goal.
It is hard to imagine how life would be when we really can trade in soft currency.
It must be magic, it must feel so safe and it must feel so warm.
It must be how children can feel in a safe and loving and warm nest before there is the rude awakening, like as it must have felt for you.
Oh, how quickly you must have grown up and lost that feeling.
Megan, it must have been a mega effort to come to where you are now AND I love that you have found other warm homes.
Would living in a world in which soft currency is more of a focus than money, not have been the creator’s intention all along?
Is that not what the concepts; sisterhood, brotherhood and ‘all is one’ referring to?
As always, thank you Megan for playing community, it takes all of us who can see the opportunity to make it happen.
A big hug from this blog community, love Wilma
Hey Megan
It is unbelievable how much community can help us to really fly in life. I’m so happy to hear that you have embraced it Megan. Your words about embracing community reminded me of when I first came to live in NZ. I didn’t want to connect with anyone as I already had a warm loving community, only challenge was that it was in Ireland – 12,000 miles away.
Can you see how I was setting myself up for misery and isolation here? Yuk
And I ended up being ’scrooge-like’ to everyone around me.
On New Years Eve 2003 I decided enough was enough, I needed to get over myself. I made a commitment that night to participate, I was going to really go for it and I did. I met the most wonderful women and my community was born, one that has provided me with so much.
Trading in this soft currency can have our lives be very different.
Megan there’s always a meal at my table for you anytime.
Hugs to you
Hi Wilma,
I love the George and Beryl story. What a wonderful example of just how truly important community is…and what it can really mean. The older I get, the more I am starting to understand this idea of how valuable and connecting community is. Especially when it comes from the heart. It has certainly not always been that way for me – money and independence have both felt like my community in the past. Today, though, I’m much more drawn into what community means. And it just simply feels really good to connect this way. Really, in a way, I’ve learned so much from blogging and connecting at a deeper level with visitors to my site. And then in taking that out into the offline world, I’ve really experienced just how moving community is.
Wonderful, wonderful thoughts Wilma. So good to read today…
Lance´s last blog ..Sunday Thought For The Day
Lance, I do not think we have any idea how life can be when we live in a community in which our hearts rule.
I can hardly imagine it, it is like imagining how coffee taste without ever tasting it.
However I am with you when you say we can get glimpses of it through this new blogging medium. You certainly have created a community around your blog.
Isn’t it exciting as we have a chance to do it our way as we are inventing the game here, together?
Isn’t this a great chance for us to experience playing together according to a new set of agreements and with integrity?
Isn’t this a great chance to let go of competition, lack and scarcity by supporting each other freely and lovingly?
Yes Lance, the way we play here is the way we can play in real life as we are blessed to have a training field right here in our blogging comunity.
Oh it is exciting, wouldn’t you say?
Love to you for playing, Wilma
Wonderful! What makes our lives rich? The people we know, and love, the encouragement we freely give and bringing out the very best in each other. We cannot have rich lives living all alone. Celebrate the family of man! (and woman)!
Erin´s last blog ..What Do We Deserve?
Hi Erin.
I resonate wholeHEARTedly with what you say about rich lives are created by our connectedness.
In nature there is a whole eco-system that thrives because of togetherness.
How come we think we are different?
Do we think nature’s eco system is inferior because of the inter dependence?
Do we think needing community makes us vulnerable?
Erin. thanks for your validation, it is only through our declarations we will set things in motion.
Love Wilma
Hi Wilma,
My husband and I were talking about how no one seems to know their neighbors anymore. Whenever we try to talk to our neigbors, you can see they get nervous and purposely try to make the conversation really short. People are okay with waving to one another but talking seems to scare a lot of people. It is as if they do not have the time to talk. It is kind of sad. I think people have become so isolated these days that people forget that we are all part of a community. So I think it is wonderful that you wrote what you did and told us about George.
It is my hope to be able to create a community in my area that is willing to be supportive and loving. Maybe because of where I live, not many people are open to being loving and generous. There is a lot of fear in this area which makes me sad but also gives me an opportunity to do what I can to spread love.
Love and hugs to you!
Nadia – Happy Lotus´s last blog ..The Happy Lotus Diaries Begin – Please Share Your Thoughts
Hi Nadia
As with many other things that are good in life, many people have no clue how to do them anymore.
Your neighbors do not know how to do neighborly things, neither did mine until we role modeled them and they only did it with us.
They still did not talk to each other, but at least they started to wave and smile and eventually talk to us.
Oh, and then there is all that talk about ‘being one’ while at the very basic level we cannot even be one with the person next door.
However as you have noticed at work, in the context of no agreement, you can keep aiming for making a difference without being attached to the outcome and see what happens.
I too am challenged to ‘do’ community. As a people pleaser I have to watch that I do not ‘go under’ with the demands of people.
As I said, we are pretty unskilled and unaware, however we learn from practicing.
Nadia, it is great that you are giving doing community with your immediate neighborhood a go and I assume that it will be a challenge.
However if you need a hug to counter the initial cold shoulders you might be getting, we at your blogging community are here.
Hugs to you for being love in action, Wilma
Hi Wilma,
This is something I need to work on and so I’m glad you wrote about it. I have lived in my city for about ten years. When I first had my boys, I made some really good friends who were in a neighborhood about fifteen minutes away. There was a big group of us. It was really fun to get the kids together and go out on “mom’s night out” dinners. We even took some weekend trips. As our kids grew older and started to attend elementary school, we’ve been spending much less time together. I miss that feeling of community so very much. The other thing I’ve noticed is that in investing so much of my time into this group of friends, I neglected to build bonds in my own neighborhood. Sometimes I meet mothers at my sons’ school and we discover we live on the same street. I am always asked if we just moved in–but we are original owners just like them! How’s that for meaningful connection and community?! I’m working on getting to know my neighbors. I am hopeful. This article helps me a lot. Thanks for the inspiration!
Jodi at Joy Discovered´s last blog ..Forgiveness, Letting Go, and Freedom
Aw Jodi, sometimes I get a shock from my own blog posts and this is one of them.
We are so focused on things removed from daily life, removed from things that are right under our nose, while life ticks on nicely until… we might need community and have none.
Children were my community life savers too, via the kids I too met most of my friends.
Now that I have moved to rural isolation and having no kids to help me connect with the community, it is ME and I am too complacent, thinking John’s company is enough.
So the thought of being totally dependent on him scares me because I might end up very alone, as my friend did whose husband recently died!
On the other hand I also love to contribute and I love company of good friends once I have it; your mother’s group sounds bliss to me.
What sponsorship must have been going on in there!
Yes, like you I too got a wake up call from this post.
However that is what counts, becoming aware, observe how it relates to you and then with support correct.
THAT is what we can do to create a life that we can be proud of and every new day when we do new ‘love-in-actions’ it counts.
Go for it, Jodi, go for creating a warm neighborhood that can envelope your kids and you with warmth and give you all security. Let us know when you have had your first awesome street party
Love Wilma
Hi Jodi
Gosh, I just realized that I’m following the same path that you did. Through your generous sharing we get to see what is possible for us. Thank you so much for this insight.
I have wonderful friends in our mother-toddler group. It is a loving place to be. I see that always being there however, may be not. As I said above I too have neglected to get to know my neighbors. There are toddlers in the immediate 5 houses around me and yet I don’t know any of them.
I have been blinded to that fact. As Wilma said it is in becoming aware that we can then choose to do something about it.
So Jodi go for it, build your warm, loving, supportive neighborhood community, as will I.
How about we egg each other on? xx
Hi Wilma!
It’s so wonderful to see a picture of George after all the blogs about him. I love it!
I love the story of his. I can’t thank you enough for sharing him with us. So we could learn from patrons like him, who lead not by sight at all, but by their big ole heart.
The “favor bank” is a wealth of love and support. It brightens my day to read that. It is very hard in the city. I always do my best to smile, wave, and hold doors. It’s not enough, I know. I have a new neighbor that I haven’t met yet. Our paths haven’t crossed. I need to just walk across the grass to meet her, and yet that is so hard to reach out. As Nadia said, they are suspicious and wondering what you want from them.
I have a list of lights in the neighborhood things to do. I also have a book called, “The Complete Book of Questions: A 1001 conversation starters”. It’s really a great way to start up intimacy. I just need to utilize it more.
Thanks for a great post, with many possibilities to “draw” from.
Angelia Sims´s last blog ..Healthy Reflection on Monday
Hey there Angelia.
Yes George is a patron to us all. He is a wonderful example of how using our favor bank can have our lives be truly rich and fulfilled.
The city can be scary if you let it.
What is stopping you from ‘reaching out’ and meeting your neighbor?
It is in who we are being that people will respond to you.
And you’ll be surprised, maybe you won’t get a ’suspicious’ response.
Go do it, be love in action, extend a hand, begin the social integration conversation and before long YOU will have created a loving intimate community around you.
Go… be the possibility you see around community.
Your blogging community is cheering you on all the way
Let us know how you go xx.
HI Angelia and Ann-Marie
I know that in Rotterdam where I used to live people nearly rang the police if you as much looked at them. Hmm.
However if the neighbor responds to your kindness, they sure are lucky to have you living next door and if not, so be it.
We can extend a hand and if it is not taken, no play and move on.
However I know you do a lot for your clients and as they are the people who are right in front of you, that is what counts.
We do not have to hug the whole world, just take care of the people in your daily life, your immediate world, your neighbors if they let you and everybody else who gets in front of you, and us of course.
Love Wilma xox
PS enjoy exploring your neighborhood.
Hi Wilma
A truly intelligent observation and post. Certainly brings my attention to that which is important. It lifted my spirits greatly to read. Thanks
Hey Lorraine cool to see you in cyberspace and what is it that lifted your spirit?
Hello Wilma,
Finally we meet.
I have always enjoyed your comments on SuZen’s website but it was your comment on Patty’s – Why Not Start Now, that compelled me to visit you.
I love your words, especially “I make my home whereever I am and I take the place I live always serious”.
As for giving back to the community, I couldn’t live without the network I have in my neighborhood. It constantly weighs on me that I don’t help others as much as I would like to but I do get consumed with raising the boys and all else falls to the wayside.
Thank you for reminding me to put myself out there more, after all I have a lot more love to give and my boys do too.
Jillian´s last blog ..The High Activity Level of Boys
Hi Jillian.
Thanks for introducing yourself, you answered the question what brought you here beautifully.
I think the favor bank thank goodness is NOT like the ordinary linear bank who demands payments on their terms regardless of our circumstances.
Paying attention and observing what is going on right under your nose is a good thing and it is good to appreciate your network.
If you look at your network Jillian, do you think they keep score?
Do you think you actually do your network a favor and put credit in YOUR favor bank for that matter, when you think this;
Do you think that finding a way that really suits you and that gives you the freedom to decide when you can do this;
on your terms, will please everybody and YOU a lot more?
Jillian as you can see, we all appreciate comments to add value to our understanding.
Love Wilma
Hi Women Like Me,
What you say is so true. I found myself isolating myself a couple of months ago and have made an extra effort to come out of my shell and get connecting again. Funny thing is I didn’t even know what was causing my slump…silly me!
I connected with a new group of women twice last week. I’m planning on hiking with them this weekend. I love the story of George.
When I married my husband he had $1 in his wallet. If we didn’t have a community of family and friends we wouldn’t have made it for 38 years (January14)!
I think one of our lessons with everything crumbling is we are going to get more connected or not survive! I’ll go for connecting and community. Another great post ladies;) Oh and thanks for being part of my blogging community. I smile each time I see your photos.
Hi Tess.
Interesting that you actually observe and notice the difference when you isolate yourself.
For me it creeps in slowly and it takes a lot longer to identify the cause of my unsettled feelings. A LOT longer.
A dose of women friends is such a good antidote to daily living and hiking is fun!
You are such an action girl, I wish I was your neighbor too, I can do with an action girl next door.
George could appear in every post if I let him, that man is a legend!
Yes, I could see from your book how you got sponsored and it certainly makes a huge difference.
Good on you for letting them sponsor you, I see a lot of families which would not allow that.
I too have no problems having my family sponsor me, my siblings all paid the airfare for the four of us, so we could visit my mom back in Holland. I absolutely adore them for that.
I too have no problems with these crumbling times, together we still have huge resources, and if it makes us have talks about connecting to eventually do something differently and work together, bring it on recession, bring it on.
Thanks Tess, we love you too and lets continue to grow our intimate communities that add value to each other.
Hi Wilma,
My husband refers to this as the relationship bank – in our case, we have a marriage bank where we both are frequent, if not daily, depositors. The investment in our relationships only increase our relationship wealth.
My exhusband has told my oldest daughter that he is jealous of the relationship she has with me. She and I both realize that we make the deposits into our relationship. Like any mother and daughter, we’ve had our fights – we’ve both withdrawn from the account, but because it is so investment rich, we’ve bounced back from those withdrawals.
It’s in my best interest to support my community – whether it’s my blog community or my neighborhood, or even my martial arts community. We need each other. We come to rely on each other. It’s in our collective best interest to grow our investments in each other.
Fabulous post Wilma!
xo
Peggy
Peggy at Serendipity Smiles´s last blog ..Happy Thanksgiving!
Hi Peggy
Isn’t it great to look at relationships in that way and to really get a sense that there is an investment to be made?
I have to congratulate you on practicing that and it must be for other people, like your ex husband, a sight to see how all that ‘wealth’ is accumulating.
I too do think that when there is enough deposit, rough times can be overcome very easily.
I love the collective interest, no more going it alone for you, and you have more to give to others as well which is obvious from your blogs, love Wilma
Wilma — I loved how you wove the story of George and Beryl with the importance of community. I loved how they gave each other purpose.
I also loved the “favor bank” concept. It reminded me of a story about my dad. He was a family doctor. He believed providing medical care in him community was more important than making money, but he also understood the need for dignity in his patients. So, if a patient couldn’t pay using money; they paid him with whatever they could. I still have two afghans a patient made him and well remember the many we ate the home grown vegetables a patient provided him.
Thanks for this post and reminding me of this story about my dad:~)
Sara´s last blog ..Picture Story: A Park Bench
Hi Sara
To see a favor bank in action and to be part of it, people always have great stories to tell when that happens.
How wonderful to have grown up in an environment like that.
Your father must indeed have contributed hugely and the favor bank fully in use.
A former doctor in the little village we now live also was like your dad. When he died, the community collected money to pay off his mortgage.
I think these transactions are the best, everybody’s wins and love flows to be remembered forever and I am sure you will have felt surrounded by love, Wilma xox
There is so much wisdom in what you say here about community. For my small family (husband and two daughters and me) we depend greatly on our religious community for support these days. I have been ill and they prepare meals for us, help driving me to appointments, and kids to and fro…even help with our laundry so my husband can continue to work full time to support us. Both sides of our families live far away so without our loving network of friends we would be struggling more than we need to at an already difficult time.
Yes, community is essential…it is a wealth more valuable than gold!
Laura
Hi Laura.
What you share here is amazing and you so show us your courage to let go of your independence.
I take my hat off for you!
I have seen your audacity and now I see you courage
Most of us do have some inkling of the favor bank concept but guess what, we rather deposit than withdraw. We all want to save for what????
But if there is noone so gracious to accept contributions, we cannot deposit.
Oh Laura, I am sure you will contribute back as George has contributed hugely to me.
Nothing with the favor bank works as linear as the normal financial banks where everything is tit for tat and what is in it for me.
With your sharing here, you have contributed hugely to this conversation, thank you for that, love Wilma
Okay, I am very late to this conversation. I love the energy from interacting with people so in every area of life I’ve set up community. I say “I set it up” because I am usually the catalyst–the person actively involving others. On my dock, within my church, at work, within parenting, whateve I’m involved in. And after a while we know each other well enough, and trust each other well enough, that there is someone to call or ask if you need something. I begin by sharing something of mine–usually food, time, encouragement of some sort, some kind of energy–which breaks the ice enough to allow someone to share back, which is then cyclical and grows to reach others. I believe I do this to create some sort of pseudo family since my family and I are geographically distant. Having pseudo family makes those areas of life comfortable enough for me to either relax completely or to challenge myself to grow (depending upon the area of life). When I learned of energy and the flow of positive energy I began to understand that is the concept I apply. It allows my life to be much larger and much “richer” in depth than I could have conceived possible.
Joy, I see you as a creator. To make life work on a boat you have to be different and you are. John lived for 9 years on a boat, so he knows too.
You are not reactive and wait for things to happen, you indeed go out there and make them happen with other people and from your blog I see that while you are DO-ing that, you observe AND dare to think authentically about what is going on.
You are looking with as much innocent perception as you can muster at things around you, at the people resources around you and in the meantime you are becoming more and more aware.
Your children will also learn to think for themselves, see how you can do things differently AND that is in the end what counts for a mother in my books.
AND that is what will make each person’s life extraordinary and unique as you say;
Joy, you got it and I cannot wait until we are all free to think and act this way and create peace and joy via the universal bank.
Love Wilma
Dear beautiful Wilma, I am finally up and running again and am catching up on what you and Ann Marie are sharing. As always when I come here I read this with tears in my eyes, tears of great joy and tears of such intense love for who you are. You are deeply wise Wilma. This whole post is spoken with such a bold voice. It’s like a good clean wind that blows out all the decay that sits in dark corners. It leaves no dust ball unturned.
This is post speaks of a return to soul. We lose so much soul when we see money as the ONLY contribution, the only thing of value. We lost it ALL, and so many people fall through the cracks. We lose intimacy, interaction, self-esteem, values, creativity and more. Even the creativity aspect is HUGE. When we can share, barter or trade we are forced to start thinking in more creative ways. We are forced to ask ourselves, “What do I have to contribute?” It is no longer as simple as reaching in our wallets and handing over some money. I’m not saying that is bad, but it is soooooooo little compared to what we are capable of giving. And when we can find something we are good at or can give it not feels creative but boosts our self-esteem.
We also lose our stories and our experiences become limited. When everything is based on money things can become much more routine, mechanical, predictable and unchanging. But when we share, trade or barter we interact with both humans and objects (objects: if we become more creative). We discover a deeper sense of self. We are indeed interacting with Life itself (something living as opposed to just handing over money).
When I came out of the rainforest I was one day going to a large supermarket with a friend. She waved her hand at the huge store and all the people going in and out and said, “It must be so nice to finally be back in a community.” I said, “I will have to build my community as what I see is NOT community, but a collective of isolated individuals.” She looked at me stunned and asked, “What do you mean? This IS a community. It’s even a small city.” I said, yes it’s a small city, but it’s NOT a community. Nobody even speaks to each other.” She said, “Well that’s normal, they don’t know each other.”
I just looked at her and didn’t say anything and finally she stopped in her tracks and said, “Oh! I see what you mean.” She had assumed because there were 65+ people living in the same area that that meant it was a community.
It is why as I told Ann Marie in her post on intimacy in blogging that I reach out wherever I go, even to total strangers who look tired, stressed, sad, worried. When I run into those people again, they remember me and I them, even weeks or months later and we connect again.
I am thinking of doing a post about an incident I had in a grocery store a few years ago. A perfect example of how we can create community everywhere we go. Sadly, also a perfect example of what happens when we have no community. OR let’s say it this way, “When the world does not respond to us with a community spirit.”
Thank you from my heart Wilma just for BEING! I am so glad you are here; I am just so glad. More than I have words for. You make so many things more real for me simply by speaking your truth. I’ve missed being and it is good to be back.
You are a rare beauty,
Love, Robin
Robin Easton´s last blog ..Lifting the Lid on Age and Death
Oh Robin.
YOU are adding so much value to the post, you are amazing.
You say it here;
Sure money has its place but oh it is mind blowing what will be possible when we can let go of that currency and what YOU say is so beautiful as I do think the issue is that we hardly can imagine how a different world will look like.
That is why people like you are sooooo important, you sing an image of how life can be, you are the image of how it can be and that is what I am so grateful for.
You paint such an eloquent yet necessary image and I would like to say back to you;
I am so glad you are here; I am just so glad. More than I have words for. You speak the image of the future I have been looking when you be and share your truth. I’ve missed you too and it is soooo good to have you back.
My absolutely wonderful shining Robin, I so appreciate your image building, it pulls me forward and makes my heart sing more than I can say.
Lots of love and a big welcome back hug, Wilma
Hi Wilma and Anne-Marie – lovely story about George and Beryl .. there are lots of people out there who go out of their way to help others, once they have time and some freedom.
Up at the Home, where my mother is, there are lots of other relatives coming and going, when we arrived we ended up connecting with two families across the corridor, they have remained friends (as have some in London & America!) and the long-term ones here I continue to connect with, now my friends have gone as such. 2 years ago, when my uncle was in the room next to my mother for recuperation, we had such fun over Christmas and New Year with 4 rooms & African connections .. so we were always supporting each other and it was good.
I do take time to talk to some of the elderly lonely relatives who come to visit their wife, or husband .. and they appreciate that connection – it’s important. I don’t participate much in the Home as Mum is confined to her room and she enjoys peace and quiet, but I participate by giving for fund raising, bits and bobs for their activity schedules etc etc and always say thank you to the staff & smile – essential, rather than just wandering in and out. I try and find out about the staff and keep up with their families etc .. I haven’t been perfect that way – but with Derek & Mum the last two years + have been pretty busy anyway: I am feeling better now with just my Ma – thank goodness.
I love to hate the thought of stopping at the front of a supermarket and waving & saying I love you people .. I’d probably be rushed off to the local looney bin!
From a soggy wet Eastbourne – Hilary Melton-Butcher
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