Comments on: All conversations are not equal in intimacy.

By: Wilma

Wilma — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 23:36:10 +0000

Hi Sara.
Isn’t it a privilege to have these conversations and to get a chance to learn from these shared experiences, I personally too think it is priceless.

Yes. I too did appreciate Tess’ comment AND Lisa’s comment and now yours.
It is good to appreciate that there are all the different levels and that we have when we are open to listening and observing what is so.

If there is a distance in the relationship that we cannot overcome as you too experience isn’t it powerful and valuable that we can accept what is so and then choose our position we feel most comfortable with and which adds the most value. No victim behavior or finger pointing, just accepting what is so at the moment and choose the most effective and productive and loving move forward is such a great thing to do, don’t you think?

It will always be sad to see what is possible while accepting the limitations, but at least you do no onger waste energy on something that you cannot change right now.
Good on you, and thank YOU for adding your experience.
Love Wilma

By: Sara

Sara — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 18:45:39 +0000

Wilma — Sometimes when I come to this site, I feel like I sitting around a table sharing the food of your ideas and then listening to people respond. It’s a very nice feeling.

I always read through the comments of both yours and Ann-Marie’s posts. They deepen the level of the conversation the post started.

Today, I was so struck by the comment from Tess. I have a similar issue with a member of my family. We still talk, but there’s a distance I can’t seem to overcome. I know she feels anger at me, but it’s not a topic we’re allowed to discuss.

So, we talk about other things. Still, I know there’s still an elephant in the living room and it’s hard to not face it. However, no matter how she feels, it doesn’t change the love I feel for her. At this point, I accept the relationship as she wants it to be, but it still makes me sad.

Thank you to both you and Ann-Marie for raising topics that are good for us to ponder and discuss:~)
Sara´s last blog ..The Journey Begins: Part Two

By: Zeenat{Positive Provocations}

Zeenat{Positive Provocations} — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 03:51:33 +0000

HI Wilma,
Thx for this reply. Youre right…we do have that little voice inside that keeps nagging at us…telling us how stupid we are. More so as you say cause we are just not used to being intimate in the true sense of it.
You know what my problem is…I open up too quickly..and somehow i do manage to get the other person to open up as well….but it doesnt last from their end. And now, come to think of it…I think i have been able to hush those negative voices in my head…but i dont think everybody has done that as yet..or even realizes about those voices….and thats why this is such an important issue.
Thank you so much for broaching this topic. You ladies always get my mind jogging
Lots of love
Z
Zeenat{Positive Provocations}´s last blog ..Multiple Personality By Choice!

By: Wilma

Wilma — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 19:53:33 +0000

Hi Zeenat.
You throw up an interesting question, staying in the shared understanding stage without getting uncomfortable.

To really get what you mean, I would have like to tease out more about what you refer to.
However based on what you said I can make an attempt to answer from my perspective. If I am on the wrong tack, Zeenat, please let me know and we can talk more.

For me we cannot hold on for too long to too much intimacy because we are not used to being intimate with anybody. It scares us to be so open as we do not trust other people’s ability to respect and honor what they know about us.
We all have been hurt by people we trusted and confided in at one time or another. I have and so have you no doubt.
So when in a moment of absolute trust we open up, later our little voice will start freaking us out and giving us hell by saying how stupid we were to expose so much of ourselves and it will come up with all the worst scenarios it can think of based on past bad experiences.
So we have a lot of trust to overcome before we all can open up completely and continuously. So we open up a little bit and then we retreat to protect ourselves for getting hurt.
We all do, however some go just a bit further in opening up, like you. But I guess you too will still have things you rather not share for fear of judgment, misunderstanding or prejudice.

That is my take on it, thanks for asking the question Z, much appreciated.
Hugs Wilma.

By: Zeenat{Positive Provocations}

Zeenat{Positive Provocations} — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 04:32:16 +0000

Hi Wilma,
I so agree with you on this issue. All conversations are indeed at different levels..and youre so right…social integration is where we are all getting stuck at without even realizing it.
I personally am more open..so I end up trying hard to get to the 2nd level faster…most of the time that back fires in my face…but i try…cause for some reason i feel staying in that first level isnt really fruitful for either one of us. What on earth are we learning about each other while talking about the freaking weather??
Many a times people are far more open to the more intimate kind of conversations..and feel good when someone takes the initiative to do so. I’ve noticed its mostly people who really do need someone to talk to…or vent.
I guess for me trying to and maintaining to make the other person stay in “shared understanding” is harder. The initial parts of the conversation can healthily get to shared understanding..but staying in that stage..without getting uncomfortable….now thats a deeper issue.
What do you think?
Zeenat{Positive Provocations}´s last blog ..Multiple Personality By Choice!