Comments on: Ann-Marie on saying NO to requests.

By: Ann-Marie

Ann-Marie — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 22:43:54 +0000

Hey there Daphne
Loved your cleaning out your closet post. “I’m writing a new story now. I can remember the events without having the clutter pulling me backwards into the past. I’m letting it all go so I can move forward”. These lines stood out for me. Brilliant. Looking forward to hearing about the NO’s when you and Donal unpack.
Hugs to you

By: Daphne

Daphne — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 19:00:20 +0000

Ann-Marie, thanks so much for your kind and thoughtful response. I posted about my clothing experience here – http://daphneanddonald.blogspot.com/2009/11/great-clothing-clean-out-project.html. It was a success! I’m looking forward to saying no to many more things when we get the opportunity to unpack.

I’m catching up on the conversation. Thanks again for starting it.
Daphne´s last blog ..The Great Clothing Clean-out Project

By: Ann-Marie

Ann-Marie — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 01:02:19 +0000

Hello there Lisa
I really appreciate you coming back to update us on where you are at with this. It can be a difficult one to work out. I too have been spending time on it, focusing alot on how I communicate with my daughter, paying attention to whether I give her the opportunity to have a right of refusal and when she does, that I respect it.

I commend you on your commitment to your kids learning by placing yourself in your eldest’s classroom to see first hand what occurs there and for looking at other educational philosophies. It is tricky for teachers to create the balance between obedience and freedom of choice for their students given the hierarchy that exists in mainstream or traditional education.

Being a model for your kids at home will give them a solid grounding and a sound frame of reference.
It’s wax on, wax off for both of us as we continue this enquiry.
Lisa, thank you for your thoughts as this is a subject that many of us grapple with.
Hugs to you

By: Wilma

Wilma — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 21:59:16 +0000

Hi Lisa, Have you ever read the Helen Keller book? it is worth a read as her teacher Ann Sullivan describes how she teaches Helen and how every child should be taught like this. And as you can see it has done Helen a lot of good, she learned to think and make the most of life! She describnes it as common sense and she is amazed at how the education establishment wanted to make her approach to teaching far more complicated than she felt it was. She said that she followed Helen's interests and took her clues from that to teach from there. There is a school in Holland who teaches on the same principle and they have a website in English. The information there might validate your own concerns and that you are not alone. Teaching cannot be done uniformly as noone's experience is uniform. It is our need to make everything factory based conveyor belt convenient that has taken education into this direction and your concerns and observations are valid. I can see your difficulty in deciding what to do with this, however awareness is where it starts and there are books like Helen Keller and aventurijn, this dutch school that will help you to find your path. Lots of love and thank you so much for continuing this conversation and seeing its importance. Hugs Wilma

By: Lisa (mommymystic)

Lisa (mommymystic) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 21:17:24 +0000

Ann-Marie – I have been continuing to ponder this one, especially in relationship to my kids. This is a theme that has been on my mind a lot in the last year, both in terms of my parenting, and in terms of education, as I come from a family of teachers, and my eldest just started public kindergarten. I am drawn to a lot of educational philosophies in which the kids are self-directed, such as Montessori and Waldorf, and now I am volunteering in my daughter’s classroom and seeing the traditional ‘rules and obedience’ type atmosphere there instead. I love her teacher, and I understand why she is doing what she does – with 22 5 year olds, her options are limited, and this is how she has been trained. An emphasis on group obedience seems essential, but it really enforces this command-based culture. I can see already the kids whose psyche is built around being the ‘good’ one and following commands (even with resentment) and those whose psyche is built around being the ‘bad’ ones, and rebelling. Either way it is just part of this same way of thinking.
So I am trying to really notice when I am being commanding at home, and when (if ever) it is really necessary to approach things this way, and to listen to my children’s own requests with respect, so they have that model. Lots of old patterns to break, that’s for sure! Thx for your insight. – Lisa
Lisa (mommymystic)´s last blog ..10 Characteristics of Women’s Energy Bodies