Comments on: Part 2. Making requests, an underestimated skill.

By: The Hum and the Buzz of a Great Community « Serendipity Smiles

The Hum and the Buzz of a Great Community « Serendipity Smiles — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 16:27:47 +0000

[...] on Wilma’s blog, the hum is buzzing about asking and listening. The conversation is lively and while I’m really good at asking, my listening [...]

By: Wilma

Wilma — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 22:11:34 +0000

Hi Joy, Isn’t it a treasure to see this willingness to explore this together.
I am not surprised you cannot ask, however I would love if you start making requests because you deserve the resources to make that life of yours fly. You are on to something and while you take the lead, making requests allows others to learn to fly as well in your wake until they are ready to do it themselves.
THAT other side of the coin has amazed me and triggered this inquiry and my determination to sort this as it stops us from moving forward.
And yes, what to do with the answer has many options as well.
Fight, accept, not accept, that is the next layer of looking at the consequences and part of the muddled world we live in.
I think in daily life with each other there is still a lot of clarifying work to be done as we live in a world that is mostly out-of-integrity and we are not playing by clear rules.
That is where for me the muddle comes from and this unraveling lets me discover how far off the game I and most of us are.
Joy, thanks for playing and sharing, may we have our requests soon add value to all.
Love Wilma
PS your time with socks will come, I am sure

By: Wilma

Wilma — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 22:10:23 +0000

Yes Sara doesn’t it get interesting, requests versus commands. In the WomenLikeMe explanation, integrity responses to requests are only; yes, no or counter offer. Everything else is an out-of-integrity response. So for example, the response ‘maybe’ is an out-of-integrity response to a request.
Commands on the other hand are the appropriate behavior of those in authority; for example the captain of a sports team has the authority to call the game while on the field, but has no authority to command team mates when they are not playing.
The world of work is a confusing mixture; does the boss have the authority to command you to do as she says? If the answer is yes, then in integrity with you giving her the authority to be your boss, she has the right to issue commands. However the boss is also free to make requests, in which case you are free to decline them.
The difficulty arises because we don’t know the difference, when are we hearing a request from the boss and when is it a command?
In theory it is possible for a boss to run their business without requiring the ‘authority’ to command their staff and to use only requests, however for this to work it requires integrity and the skills of being-in-integrity to be the basis of working together.

By: Wilma

Wilma — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 21:47:58 +0000

Tom, I do think when you are aligned with your calling you are unstoppable and can make requests. Not attaching meaning is so the thing to do and yet so hard to unlearn for us meaning making machines. That compulsory going to places which does not serve is takes some doing.
And yes I too think women have more trouble with this than men.
However for me having these useful explanations make it a lot easier to find peace while on my way to fulfill on my true calling.
Thanks for all your contributions so far, it all so helps to align my heart and my mind.

By: Wilma

Wilma — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 21:40:01 +0000

Oh Jen, your generosity made me all warm inside and thank you for letting our sharing contribute to you. What more can we all ask, to together move forward and make the world the wonderful place it is.
You champ for being in action AND using your resources by making requests.
How did it go? I know how difficult it can be and how wonderful it feels once it is done and you get a response that is beyond your expectation. I do hope that was your experience too. You know, you are worth contributing too and how great that you could let somebody.
And when the response is not as you expected, well the processing of that is an experience too that will pay off eventually. Then you learn to use resources to help you move on and you still have learned to make requests, namely how to ask for support how to deal with a no.
Ha, if you look there is always a silver lining and Jen I love how we use each other as a resource. Long may that continue, love Wilma