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What happens when instead of an old fashioned partner I become a sponsor.
John being encouraged by Wilma.
In last week’s post I wrote; “Great base camps understand sponsorship.”
Bringing up that whole idea of sponsorship and making ’ME’ - base camp – a prosperous structure has unlocked something huge in me.
I never considered that any personal relationship could have a sponsorship theme as well.
If I look back, most relationships, be it with partners, relatives, friends or with works colleagues have been one of limited possibilities because of that.
As I went through life, I have learned to look after myself, not to expect too much, to keep score so I would not become a doormat or a victim and to compete for mostly everything from attention and love to promotion and opportunities.
Most of my adult life I have been going it alone, I relied on myself and in my previous marriage I never considered my needs.
Now when I look at sponsorship, I get a whole new view on how a relationship could be.
I could become the sponsored one as well as a sponsor AND have everyone in the relationship fly.
That is so in contrast with the old fashioned way of relating in which instead of sponsoring each other we clip each other wings, we jealously guard our rights and we never believe in and bring out each others greatness.
We nag, we accuse, we disappoint and ultimately we are going it alone, being secretive, mistrusting and never daring to ask for much.
We try not to rely on one another and yet we call what we have together . . . ’a relationship’.
Hmm.
Now look at a the description of sponsor in WomenLikeMe;
“A sponsor is someone who supports and champions people, causes and projects.
They can be relied on to give a great deal of support and comfort, to encourage courage and to back the person all the way. They fully believe in the people they so generously contribute to.”
(WomenLikeMe – Who am I)
Hmm again.
While sports people get championed and the relationship contributes to all parties, I’ve never seen ‘ordinary’ relationships in that light.
But what if we would?
Would consciously bringing in the element of sponsorship change how we prosper from being together?
It sure does. I am noticing the difference right now as John champions me and I am learning to champion him.
Looking back I have a great example to illustrate this.
When John declared he wanted to complete with his father and mentioned his intention to take him on a three day trip, he went blessed with my sponsorship and in the end we all have prospered from this experience.
Although I am still having my training wheels on (as Ann-Marie would say); by looking back on what I did, I can now clearly see how being a great base camp and sponsoring people is the way to go.
When John first mentioned his plan, he nearly did not get my support and my first stingy, non sponsoring reaction was;
” What? Excuse me, you do not particularly like being in your father’s company, so what is this all about?”
I am sure that my body language and facial expression showed my disbelief and disapproval loud and clear.
No championing of his cause there!
Then I followed this up with thoughts like;
“That is all good and well for you buster, but what about me? I am not going off to see my daughter on a whim, and I find her actually more important than your father.”
I honestly went there albeit not for long. I so can see how this reeks of competition and guarding my rights and how I totally disregarded John’s and his father’s interests.
And if that was not enough I went to questioning his intentions and telling him how hypocritical this all was.
I even complained how this would leave me holding the fort, all alone in this isolated house and for what?
Who was more important here, me, my daughter or his Dad?!
I do not have to say more as I am sure you are getting the picture of non sponsoring behavior.
My; and this is going on in relationships all the time!
Oh; no wonder why I used to have trouble feeling good about myself.
However living with John and having lapped up his generous contributions has obviously made me a far more generous and effective base camp.
My stronger and wealthier base gave me a chance to change tack and correct this base camp’s output.
Having gone through these first old fashioned stingy, clipping wings reactions I then changed to;
“Oh? Completion, what do you mean?” taking an interest rather than automatically judging something I had no idea about. After John had explained his intention, I used it to look at my own parental completion issues, leveraging his to sort out mine.
I then corrected my thinking about my own daughter’s visits. John has never stopped me, it was I who stopped myself. His taking the trip with his Dad was completely separate and did not take anything away from me and did NOT make my daughters less important. Hmm, here I was unnecessarily jealously guarding what?
It was this constantly correcting my position that in the end had me freely choosing to sponsor John’s trip.
I could totally and freely contribute with being genuinely and generously supportive in the preparation of this completion. This was love in action.
I provided most of the food so they had one less detail to worry about and to give them more time to enjoy themselves.
John and I looked at how to get work sorted and I got over the fact that I had to get used to rural loneliness and isolation.
Needless to say that this experience has deepened our relationship as well as making all of us more aware about completions.
Seeing the change in my relationship behavior has been fascinating.
Over the years I have been accepting his sponsorship more and more.
I allow him to contribute to me by accepting the good things he says about me and I am going it alone less and less. I even let him help with the cleaning as I no longer feel the need to be a victim or a martyr.
I start to trust him to back me, I start to believe in the integrity of his intentions.
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45 Comments to “What happens when instead of an old fashioned partner I become a sponsor.”
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Oh Wilma, this is a beautiful story/post! I am learning new words and phrases from you. This sponsor concept is terrific! I can see that hubs and I have stumbled into it without realizing what to call it. We, like you two, had many competitive years – too many! It’s nice to just be an encouragement for one another. The ARE good things about growing older, and in old relationships too!
Thank you for sharing these thoughts – you are a wonderfully wise and delightful lady!
Hugs
SuZen
Hi SuZen, I too so love this word sponsorship. Strange how words have a power to put things in a certain light. Langauge does make our world. Amazing how life changes when we can move from competition to championing each other. The bliss it brings and I too am soo grateful to have it, better late than never.
You and I are both delightful and wonderful, and therefor a big hug back to you.
Hi Wilma – That word is so lovely. I’ve always thought we all need our partners to fully believe in us and support us. But I like your word sponsor more than support. And the absolute best is when it’s sponsorship meeting sponsorship, a truly collaborative alliance. But so often it does not happen that way, as you say. And it leads to so much heart ache. I feel lucky to have been well-sponsored for 31 years (and I hope I have given that back as well). Thanks!
Oh Patty, you say it so well, a true collaborative alliance as a result of mutual sponsorship. Somehow even when we live with others we love, we still feel separation and lack and as a result we still not totally trust and collaborate.
However when it happens it is so wonderful and then when we can do it at this level we can do it with others and then the world and the universe and all our lives will become abundant and peaceful.
THAT is a very compelling reason for me to work at this level first and then expand outwards.
And how great that you have been sponsored well for so many years and you know what, when you are a strong basecamp you cannot but give to others because you have plenty to give.
Thank you too, love Wilma
Hi Wilma,
My husband was raised by a single mother and grew up in a very healthy home environment. His mother was the perfect example of unconditional love and was exactly like your description of a sponsor.
I, on the other hand, who grew up in a two parent home was raised in a totally different manner. When I was newly married, my husband’s support and unconditional love were truly shocking to me because I had never seen it before. So I had to learn a new language and learned to see things from a different perspective.
At first, when he would tell me something that I did not like, my reaction was similar to yours too. However, with time, I learned to ask questions and understand the intentions. I learned to take things less personally and to love unconditionally.
It was not easy at first but it has been a great healer of a painful past. Reading your story reminded me of that so thank you!
Hugs and love to you!
Aw Nadia, isn’t it amazing how our basic skill in relating to others is not even well developed most of the time. That made me really think that we had to do something different here or otherwise we are totally stopped in ever gaining peace for all of us. Because if the whole world doesn’t know how to relate how will we ever stop wars and the bickering that is going on?
Isn”t it funny when you experience such a difference in relating to each other how that shocks you at first. It did that to me too.
To cope with it and then to change my own ways has been a real process and having the language to have useful explanations that make sense about what was going on has helped me tremendously. What I love is that I also can explain it clearly to my daughters
This whole struggle with relating also explains to me why we feel seperate and why we are so afraid. Imagine the whole world sponsoring everybody.
I can’t wait till that happens. However somehow in the blogging world I see glimpses of it and your contributions, your own relationship and your blog are examples of it.
And isn’t it a great source for love and abundance and generosity to be sponsored well in a great relationship with partners and friends.
Blessings to you and a big hug, Wilma
Hi Wilma — I get that it takes strength to admit that some of the ways you communicate are really just forms of self-defense that come out of a basic feeling of being unsafe. And, like I hear you saying, acknowledging that we’re feeling afraid and vulnerable can create so much more connection with others than trying to be right. I admire the openness of your blog.
Hi Chris. Yes, being defensive is usually not getting me very far.
However I am grateful that a loving and generous relationship is allowing me to open up and blossom and that I have found a partner who knew about sponsoring himself.
To come out of one’s shell, it is only love that will allow and encourages that and that love needs to come from a person who has enough to give.
That is why I start to see that sponsoring base camp is so important and that having great generous sponsors who ahve enough love themselves is so important as well.
Two needy people cannot sponsor each other unfortunately.
So thank you for your kind acknowledgments but I know I would never have been able to do it alone.
And yes feeling unsafe is a very big issue for all of us and so unnecessary if we could stop competing for everything, love included.
As always, thank you for adding value to the topic, love Wilma
Hi Wilma
What they don’t tell us about love and generosity in school, it’s that, more often than not, it requires courage, to take risks from a person we choose not to control.
But no risk, no benefit, true?
Buenos Dias Miguel, we have been taught a lot of things that are not serving us.
When reading the Helen Keller book it shows how her being protected from this careless instruction by all and sundry has made her this pure and extra ordinary thinker and self expressed person. She had no control but it did not harm her one bit, granted that she also had a wonderful teacher.
Courage is indeed to let go of a path that is known, but once you know that that certain path is actually not serving either taking the becomes easier.
Wilma,
Beautiful photo, stunning in landscape, as well as love and support for each other. I love the title of sponsorship. It signifies investment and chance. Often times, an equal partnership is created, when in fact, it’s not equal at all. 100% investment not 50/50 is what it takes. I am happy you found that through his completion and your journey to open yourself to true giving and receiving of love. Thank you for sharing your heart.
Hi Angelia.
New Zealand is indeed a stunning place and the coast line is just magnificent.
You are right, when we say 50/50, that is still holding back, good point.
What I also have noticed is that we both so benefit from this, having both your resources work together has a tremendous cumulative effect and is not just a matter of 1+1=2, it makes far more than just 2.
I was stunned to notice how far off the game I had become and when I look around how much off the game most of us are.
Even at work it is all about team, but who really does play team in the sense that we all win and we all pull all our resources together freely and lovingly?
There is a lot of holding back going on and then we wonder why we live in scarcity.
Well, lets see if we can get to 100% most of the time adn enjoy the results. Thanks for sharing your 50/50 point
Hey buddy. Sponsorship throws an entirely different spin on how I relate to others. I could definitely see myself in your post; bickering, fighting for the limelight, in competition with each other and for what? It certainly doesn’t serve the other person or me and nobody gets to shine brightly. Wow what a waste of energy. Sometimes I am so ‘in the thick of it’ that I just can’t see it for what it is.
Sponsorship is full belief and trust, it’s a wonderful way to be with those who are important to us in our lives.
Jeez Wilma I do find it challenging at times to operate at this level with some people, however I have you as my sponsor to keep me on track. Hugs to you
Hi Ann-Marie
Welcome back, it is great to have you back in the flesh again.
Yep, this whole sponsorship has blown my mind away too, let me tell you.
What bugs me is that we are so not equiped to live life in a way that will make us shine. We have been made in fearful, going it alone little bunnies, as you say fighting for every scrap we can find and what a waste of life is THAT.
Imagine all the resources we have access to when we all understand sponsorship and we all generously give from our heart. There will be no scarcity, there will be no fear because we know we are cared for. Then when we can do it here we can do it with the bigger players as well.
However before that will happen there still needs to be a lot of learning going on with a lot of sponsorship.
BTW I cannot wait to see all your Irish adventures in writing, I know you will have a lot to share about what a different trip you had this time with your knowledge about intergrity and base camp.
Hugs to you and little Molly, xox
relating to others is a matter of being honest and realising that if we treat them with a controlling spirit no one benefits.
But it is a hard thing to do and its also a big job to sift through all the different schools of thought out there and to find one that suits us and we believe in our heart.
Hi Brigid.
Good point you are making!
There is a lot of information that we can now choose to believe or not. For me the benchmark is to see if it is useful and if it resonates with my heart and let me live in a way that let me be in integrity. And if it does I take it on until it no longer serves me.
That puts all the responsibility on me and that was scary at first because I was doubtful if I actually had the ability to choose wisely.
Now I do trust myself to discern what is useful and it works a treat.
Good that you have brought up this point, love Wilma
Hi Wilma,
That’s an amazing word, sponsorship. I’ve learned, with stillness and letting go, to see relationships as my opportunity to see my reflection in someone else. We find relationships so complicating and confusing but it is usually because of fear. When fear is released, it takes on whole different flow.
I can always learn and I always learn when I come to your site. Thanks!
love and peace,
k
Hi Kaushik.
To absorb with stillness and openess what is in front of us is very valuable indeed and doing that in relationships will reveal all sort of things. The different things we see then are wonderful additions to the flow of life and being love in action.
Love Wilma
Another excellent post Wilma – I really appreciate your inspiration and these thought provoking articles.
g
Thanks Graham, I do so appreciate your acknowledgment. Love Wilma
I love this idea, and am embracing it more in this phase of my life. Like you, I used to guard against anyone getting too close. I was suspicious of everyone’s intentions, and didn’t let people help – or sponsor – me.
Your realization for yourself has become a broader realization for me. We all need to offer and accept support in our lives. As someone once said, “It takes a village…” (Not just to raise a child, either!)
Someone told me earlier this year that it’s the year of partnerships — of coming together with self first, and then with others, to realize our greatest potential.
What a lovely post!
Hi Megan.
Isn’t it interesting to see sponsorship happening in certain areas but not in the one closest to us, our relationships with friends, families and partners.
Imagine how the world would be if sponsorship amongst everybody was our first concern. Fear would be gone because you would feel safe and connected wherever you would go.
I now feel so safe in this relationship and that is such a great feeling AND it also allows us to do so many things and live life so differently from how it used to be.
It makes life awesome and I wish you the best sponsorship ever for always. Big hug to you, Wilma xox
Interesting word ’sponsorship’ and one that I have never seen used in this connection. Perhaps that is why it also sticks so well. To be able to truly behave this way in each and every (well, at least most) relationships would mean a great step forward for the vast majority of us.
It’s easy to talk about, but difficult to do. We spend so much time ‘wanting’ so much ourselves and because of that we often fail to see that we can have everything if we only start paying attention to others and begin supporting them in getting what they want.
Giving and taking and providing each other with the basis for growth. Wonderful concept.
Hi Lisa.
Touche, we CAN have everything if only we would focus on making everybody around us abundant rather than focusing on just making ourselves abundant.
If that penny would drop, the world could be such a different place and it becomes how it is envisioned it to be by God.
We are here to add value to everything and everyone, what good does it do us when we are abundant and our neighbors are not?
All these different explanations are so in contrast with what we have been told that indeed it seems hard to get our head and mind around it.
For me it is in the practice and being lovingly encouraged and supported, indeed being sponsored that I get to experience this.
I loved that you emphasized the good for all of us, because that in the end counts. Love Wilma
Wilma, this is a wonderful way to describe what I have said a few times in my posts: “I will be the best partner to Donald by being the best partner to myself.” This is like making myself a strong base camp and being Donald’s sponsor. The images that popped into my head as I read your post were comforting and inspiring. I can see where I want to be and how to get there. Thank you for sharing this.
Hey Daphne, isn’t that great that we are on the same page.
What I love about this image too is that it makes it so clear to me and it is really easy to keep in my mind when I tend to default back to old ways.
I bet you and Donald do show how it works in the results you are creating in your life. Thanks for saying that it resonates, it is time to rock the world with different way, love Wilma
I love this Wilma. Sponsorship implies taking responsibility in a relationship. If both parties are doing that, how can you loose? Find joy and blessings each day of your sponsorship!
Hi Erin.
Responsibility indeed and a full 100% commitment as Angelia said.
Playing for win/win sure makes a difference in how we enjoy the game and to our sense of well being and return on our investment.
So often I have seen people losing in relationships or at least saying that they felt they were losing and how sad is that?
And then as a result spreading negative energy around too, no win/win for the world either.
If we want a better world, it is useful to begin with your won little one first.
May you too find joy and blessings, love Wilma
As a “newbie” in the whole marriage world, thus post gave me wonderful insight, as my husband and I are on the extreme end when it comes to competition.
Hi Jessica.
I have found it fascinating to unravel these invisible ways we interact with each other and see the consequences. Yes, competition has its place on the sportsfield but when it comes to coordinating action in daily life it can become very tiresome.
Once we become aware of different options at least we have a choice rather than blindly doings things a certain way and being annoyed with the results. Well, now it is your choice what to do with this insight, and make it a useful one I’d say.
Good to see you and have you see where you are at as a newbie to the marriage game, go Jessica go.
Love this! You describe so well what happens when we fully open our hearts to others and give from our fullness. We DO receive back. I am so happy to hear your process of how you opened yourself up to more–to yourself and others in a new way. We can all be sponsors and we can be humbled to BE sponsored too. I mentor others and am so very grateful when my mentors offer me a portion of themselves, as well. We are all graced…
Hi Jan.
It sure has been a process to come to all these realization and then to practice to change my thinking AND my actions around this.
I find it amazing to notice how ingrained certain beliefs are and how these ingrained beliefs have NOT been serving me arggh.
It is humbling and it is lovely to be a full partner in a sponsorship exchange and as you so beautifully say, Jan, then we are all graced.
Love Wilma
Well, I am late to this one, but another very helpful post for me, again because of the detail you provide about how you have worked with this in your own life. I could recognize your mental patterns from my own relationship at times, when you were describing your initial reaction to your husband wanting to take that trip with his Dad. And your sudden recognition that he was not the one that had ever stopped you from visiting your daughters. I think that pattern in particular is a tough one to see…we women so often marytr ourselves but then it never works because we blame others for ‘making us do it’…Thx again!
Hi Lisa
You are never too late to comment as we recently agreed on Barbara Swafford’s blog.
Oh Lisa, isn’t it an eye opener to see this martyrdom behavior play itself out in front of your very own eyes. It was for me!
I cannot believe how I have caused a mess and struggle in my life because of this adopted way of doing things that absolutely did NOT serve anybody.
It did not serve me and others as well.
How can I go on to attain a higher level when I cannot even get my daily life sorted in the here and now. I too am so pleased about the clarity I am gaining AND that with this clarity I also gained a know how about HOW to do things differently.
So often I was struggling with no actual know how to change the things I did not like. Now I do and it makes a huge diffference AND I can verbalize what I am doing different.
Thank YOU for understanding, I am so loving it that you get what I am on about, love Wilma.
I like Nadia had to learn how to allow love in. I’ve got the positive partner and I can dance with him. However it’s other friends I still hold back on. I could get more support from friends if I allowed it. I think you’ve got me working on something too Wilma!
Hey Tess.
Isn’t it wonderful to experience that value adding support from a partner who is capable of sponsorship. It is obviously by the way you both fly through life and how you are clear when you are faced with hard decisions in life.
I love seeing people like you as they are so role modeling how life can be.
As for extending your sponsorship network amongst friends, that is an interesting one.
I personally can see how many untapped resources there are out there. If only we all could let got of coming from competition and protecting our resources because we still think that supply is limited, how fear would disappear and how we ALL would fly.
It requires boldness and it requires a lot of unlearning, slowly changing our core beliefs and practicing, practicing while being encouraged and supported by sponsors.
I feel you are one, so thanks Tess for being your bold, generous self. Love Wilma
Wilma,
I had to really think about this one and ask myself how open I could be to “sponsorship” both in the giving and the receiving. It was a good cogitation, however because I realized how closed and guarded I am. I don’t trust easily, which means I’m not as open to giving of myself either.
I’m now with a very supportive partner — hey, he reads ALL my posts and loves each one as I do — what more could you want:~) I’m learning to be more open to him and less afraid to “sponsor” him…it’s a slow process, but the rewards are well worth it.
Thanks for this post:~)
Hi Sara. Great to see you here and yes this has taken me a while too to really get the importance of support and then allowing it. You know, it is all so easy in theory but when to actually live with someone and then letting them in, phew.
I too was sooo closed and I even thought that was a good thing and never ever thought of that as stingy. I thought I wa sgenerous to always give other the lime light and kep quiet myself. Oh, the misconception that grow in us unnoticed.
Oh, I am so happy for you that you have chosen a good partner, it makes all the difference doesn’t it and even reading your posts
AND as you say it takes time and practice and observing and correcting and on and on it goes but the rewards when they show up are divine.
Thank YOU for your input, together we will conquer.
Hi Wilma! I love the honesty and thought that went into this post! It’s funny, when I first started reading this, I thought wow, my husband and I have that! We’re sponsors of one another, what a great “name” to give it! But then as I read on, I recognized myself in the reaction you had towards John when he wanted to go on that trip. I know my very first instinctive reaction to anything my husband (and sometimes my kids) bring up is one of suspicion and dread–like oh no, how is this going to adversley affect me??? and it’s only when I take that two seconds to acknowledge those thoughts and brush them aside, and like you wrote, take “an interest rather than automatically judging something I [have] no idea about” that I then turn into a sponsor. So I guess at this point I’m straddling the fence! But I’m working hard to make those conscious choices that show me to always be a “sponsor” in my marriage (and parenting) both to myself and to my husband/family. It’s a great concept. My husband does it naturally, I need work (I had similar training to Nadia and Tess above). This is all coming full circle, as I think about how I want my boys raised in a house that helps them become sponsors. Thank you, Wilma!!!
Hi Jodi.
I too first thought I was a generous and giving person, after all I am a people pleaser. However when I observed with honesty the picture changed all right. However I could only observe with honesty because John is not judging, he allows for a honest observation. If he would have made me wrong about these observations about myself, I know I would have gone into a defensive mode and missed the opportunity to observe and correct. I am also noticing that I am less and less judging myself and as a consequence I am less hard on myself as well.
That makes a differnce too as with a more loving and accepting attitude I am far more willing to be open to see what is going on than with a judging one.
Oh, I too love that by having these words we can pass these observations and explanations on to our children and eventually that will get all of us a different world.
Jodi, thank YOU for getting what I am on about here, we all contribute to creating a tipping point, love Wilma.
Wilma, thank you for the comment back! xoxoxo, jodi
First–I love the beautiful spot in your picture!
Sponsorship– I call it encouraging each other to fly. Comes easily when I mother my children– I want them to fly, to soar as high as they can. I know I won’t “lose” them as they find themselves and revel in their own power and joy. I am happy for them when are so happy they are bursting….what fun! Don’t think I’ve ever had this in a relationship–the only one I briefly experienced it in, I got afraid because it was new and overwhelming to me, and that created such distance….I promised myself if I am ever given such an opportunity again I will savor every moment and stay right in it:) As for friendships, my closest friends and I sometimes sponsor, but I find lately that I aspire to so much that I would often clip my wings to remain where I am instead of test the air current to see how far I can go. I understand part of that is sponsorship often comes from people/sources that are not in my direct circle so I’m trusting in that when it is offerend and allowing change to take place.
I love reading your essays because you are so honest about your steps and have such joy in your relationship and life; I love that and am glad you share so openly!
Joy, your sea eyes spotted the beauty of a wild West Coast beach and the mist is the sea spray. It is dangerous and NOT good for layaking or sailing, but beautiful in its wildness.
Sponsoring children is the best and you certainly do that and they lap it up, bless them. And then us, oh Joy, it is hard to receive such generous contribution when all you had before were downers, however observing what is going on is a start.
Yes, when we are up to something, we hold back and we do not see, accept or trust others.
Allowing support and going for it, these are all things that are not encouraged as you can see from all the other comments as well.
I so wonder what has happened to us as a collective, what would be more wonderful than to help each other to fly than this holding back and competition.
There is no actual reason why we have to compete or have to be stingy, there always will be enough when we all move forward and reach for the skys. When I sponsor you, I get to bask in your glory and visa versa, what could be more joyful than that and yet . . .
I am seeking too, Joy, I am so determined to observe and to make sense of what is going on and finding out how it could be.
I owe it to myself, to my daughters and to everybody I love and who loves me, all of you included.
I am very grateful for all the sharing back as that is sponsorship too. Love Wilma
Hi WIlma .. that was a lovely story .. but is a truly wonderful ongoing positive story. It’s great how as we get older we appreciate others so much more, and can just accept things as they are – not always easy. How friends can help us – or we can learn from them .. being single, I perhaps don’t reciprocate – but I can appreciate where friends are coming from – and that generosity of spirit, will then be passed on from me at some stage.
Sponsorship – lovely new definition of the word.
Thanks – enjoy yourselves!
Hilary Melton-Butcher
Positive Letters Inspirational Stories
Oh Hilary, you are the biggest sponsor of all and that is amazing and very joyous to witness.
Sponsorship is never linear, you can allow sponsorship that is freely given by your friends as that allows you to give so generously and freely to your mother and uncle.
Hilary, I think that the feeling of love that comes from sponsorship, given AND received, will help to reach a tipping point where this sponsoring of everybody becomes the norm, instead of this hoarding and competitive way of relating to each other AND to this wonderful planet.
Everything counts and what you are doing counts big time.
Love to you, Wilma