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The benefits of doing completion.
Completion! I am wrapping the presents and deliver them in the weekend.
“The concept of ‘completion’ can seem disarmingly simple, but for all its obviousness it is rarely well practiced.
This is to our detriment as not only does completion achieve the obvious of getting things done and done well, but it brings harmony to our lives, better relationships and a feeling of being in control and the master of our destiny.
Completion is both a habit and a skill that has far reaching beneficial consequences.”
(WomenLikeMe on Time and Completion)
Oh don’t I know it.
I am not a completion machine and I am becoming aware that I am missing out on the benefits, big time. In some areas, it’s obvious that I am not highly productive, as I do not experience steady results that satisfy.
My resistance to doing completions has me do drama and upset instead, has me deliver mucky results AND on my very, very bad days I even blame others in the process.
All in all NOT a very good look. On a recent very bad day I nearly blamed my eldest daughter and her love of presents for my completion breakdown, as I didn’t have a present for her on the actual day of her birthday.
Fortunately I caught myself and stopped this train of thought right there and then.
It had nothing to do with her.
I know she loves presents and of course I know when her birthday is.
Armed with these important factors I could have easily delivered a present to her on the day leaving us both feeling prosperous.
But this didn’t happen and as a consequence I did feel bad about myself and the whole birthday episode. Hmm.
So how come I didn’t have a present?
Because I mucked up as a consequence of resisting completion.
I also noticed that I had to resist the urge to launch into a drama story to defend myself on why I could not get a present to her on time. This is something I would normally do.
With charm I would dilute the consequences of my muck ups and sometimes I would twist it in such a way that I even came out of the whole situation smelling of roses and the other party would end up taking the blame.
Oh, life has taught me some crafty tricks all right.
While these tricks worked most of the time, I must admit that they didn’t leave me with feelings of self respect, harmony or confidence. Nor did I feel like a master of my own destiny.
This was all before I understood the power of completion.
Now I am able to observe what’s happening and I am learning how to take corrective actions.
What happened was this.
I know my daughter loves presents so I always pay attention when she mentions that she wants something.
Not so long ago she lived in a very small apartment and she often went without things, as she didn’t have the space for them.
One day she told me that somebody had given her flowers and that she didn’t have a vase to put them in.
I cleverly stored this information for later on when she would move into a bigger apartment.
Shortly after this she rang to tell me she had found a bigger flat and the move would be a few weeks before her birthday.
Well, that was perfect timing on her part.
I had an idea for a present AND I could buy it as she now had a place to put it.
All I needed to do was to action the thought, buy a vase and I would be sweet.
But it was not to be and the whole thing around her birthday present came crashing down with all the mental agony of guilt and self blame to boot.
And all because I did NOT take action. I did not buy her a vase when I was in town doing my errands and grocery shopping.
I got into trouble because I did NOT complete on the thought when I was in town and had the opportunity to.
I could have gone into one more shop to buy that thing and had it all sorted.
But no, I gave in to my resistance to shop.
I gave in to my desire to go home as soon as I could and to skip that last item on my shopping list.
I resisted to that one more step and hoped that I’d get away with it. I put it in the ‘I’ll do it later’ basket.
And somehow when I resist ’doing things now’ and resort to doing them later, I always seem to get into trouble.
. . . Because later never comes.
On the day of my daughter’s birthday we had planned to go to lunch.
Great! That would leave me the morning to drive the 2 hours to town, pick up the vase, wrap it and be ready. Phew! Saved at the last minute.
Not quite!
What happened was that the day before Ann-Marie asked if we could change our Skype meeting to the next day and I said ”Yes” instead of “No, I have to buy a birthday present” and as a result I got myself well and truly into trouble.
I told myself that I would still have a small window of opportunity if everything worked in my favor, such as traffic and an empty shop but when my daughter rang to ask if we could have an early lunch I was dead in the water; my chance was gone.
This whole string of events left me high and dry with no satisfying result and certainly no harmony.
I felt horrible about the whole thing AND I had to clean it up with my daughter.
And how to do that?
Do I say that her mother was slack for not having a present even though she knows how much her daughter loves presents?
Oh, all the agony and ill feeling for simply not completing a shopping trip! Arggh.
I cannot but say that indeed “Completion is both a habit and a skill and when well practiced has far reaching beneficial consequences”.
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29 Comments to “The benefits of doing completion.”
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Hey Wilma
Yes, the old trick of leaving things to the last minute gets me every time. What is it about doing a task to 90% and thinking that the job is done? Will the fairies come and complete the other 10% or am I expecting somebody else to carry the can and do it for me? And when things don’t work out I have the audacity to be upset and I too can look to blame others. As I write this I can see just how ludicrous this is, yet I have been doing it for years. Seeing completion as a skill and a habit, one that I can focus on and improve on with time really works for me. I am up for anything that results in less drama, less upset and more peace in my life. Wilma I thought that your situation with your daughter illustrated this brilliantly. Thanks Buddy. Hugs to you.
OH Ann-Marie, blow if I know why we do this. There is an underlying thing to have things NOT work out but whatever it is, in the end it is all about just going and completing that last mile in style.
However observing my role in all this has been priceless as it allowed me to see what was going on AND it made me open for honestly looking how I can prevent all this carrying on in the future.
I am also open for correction of my behavior and to learn these skills. Before this I would have bitten your head off if you would have dared to indicate my responsibility for the muck up. “Was it not you who changed the meeting, who made it impossible for me to buy presents”, I would have responded back to make you take the blame!
And what would that have done to our relationship and friendship.
Oh, the consequences of incompletions are huge alright as are the benefits.
However we are up to it to do completions from now on, hey Buddy.
Hugs to you back, Wilma.
Wilma,
First I love your photo! Completion…I’m a lot better than I used to be. When I find myself in this position it’s usually my ego telling me I don’t have to do a thing. I have plenty of time. And of course I fall for it.
It would also cause me to double book engagements. . Since I’ve slowed my life down it rarely happens anymore. Of course, now that I stated that I will be tested soon!
I’m going to post your article on Wednesday. You can visit my blog and comment as you wish. This gives you a heads up so you can comment and have fun. Does Wed. work for you?
I decided not to edit a thing. That way you will shine through.
Tess
Wilma,
I just reread my comment and of course it’s mixed up so I decided to comment again for completion!I didn’t think I’d be tested this fast!
I meant to say I’ll be posting your article on Wed. Will that work for you? It’s a head’s up since I know your a day ahead of me.
Hi Tess.
Yes, double bookings are a nightmare, the problems those cause.
Slowing down, not having too many balls in the air, it all comes down to doing your life in a way that can be in integrity and in a way that things can be completed.
I really think that life can be this down to earth and then beautiful. In the end when we all act like this there will be peace.
Completion is making me authentic, honest, respectful and great to be with.
And that will eventually lead to a higher attainment in life.
I love practical and doing, at least I feel I am honest.
PS
Thanks for publishing the guest post on Wednesday on your blog and yes the time zones can be an issue and I am learning the consequences and how to work with them.
Love Wilma
Oh goodness, I resonate with this post. I have the best intentions at times, but don’t always follow through. Sometimes that’s all right, but like you, there are days when I think, “I’ll do it later,” but later might not come!
When I was in my early 20’s, I used to boast about my ability to make excuses for absolutely anything. I liked to say I had an excuse rolodex in my head. Today? I rarely give excuses. If I’m late, I say I’m sorry. If they ask why, I’ll tell them, but usually the answer is, “Because I left the house too late and didn’t give myself enough time to get to you.” If I forget a birthday, I apologize and then try to make it up with a belated card or gift.
I like your honesty here, Wilma, and really related to what you wrote. I’m glad to have read it!
Oh Megan, I too thought I was crafty and yet what were we doing?
In these little things that have crept into our lives lie the invisible saboteurs that stops us from living a life in a way it could be lived.
I had to laugh as you are spot on with recognizing what we were doing wiht our rolodex. That was a start and now that we are cleaning up our act I am sure people around us are liking that a lot better.
I feel better and you obviously do too.
Cool to hear that I am not alone, I honestly did not feel good about my role here but what a relief that I now can obsere and correct it.
Thanks for standing by me, saying how it was for you and that we can get out of those habits. You are a pal, hugs Wilma.
Well doesn’t this strike a cord! Oh Wilma, completion of ANYthing makes me want to break out the champagne! I have quilts in various stages, paintings in various stages, writing projects – ah huh, various stages. I know I DO complete things, but creatively I have that constant gnawing of undoneness!
Suzen, I too can complete in certain areas but in others I am a totally dragging the chain and causing myself grief.
It is the grief causing to me and to others that bothers me and how it is affecting life that is the driver for change.
Well, how much do you love champagne, it is worth finishing that quilt???
However great to hear that we are not alone although I am not using that as an excuse, I am not using that as an excuse, I am not using that as an excuse.
Love Wilma.
Hi Wilma,
Reading your story sure makes me feel better. Although I’m fairly good about keeping appointments on time, some of those special dates can come and go and totally slip my mind. But when that happens I just wish a “happy belated…”. My excuse of “I simply forgot” sounds so lame, I don’t even try.
As for completing projects, I’ve given up on a lot of them. In fact, when I was decluttering over the past year I ended up getting rid of a lot of crafts I had started or had good intentions for. I now know myself well enough to know I won’t complete them.
Little by little I am decreasing the amount of stuff that is on my plate and that will hopefully open my memory back up to remembering and handling the important details on time.
Wish me luck!
Barbara, of course I wish you luck and it is interesting what lies behind our incompletions and how just seeing them lying around can drag us down. And those incompletions which involve people are soo painful.
.
You say it well; it is all about emptying your plate so you can have that satisfaction of completing things and a clean slate.
Completion for me is like being ready to take off, ready to fly in life.
And with your intentions you actually do not need good luck, I know you will handle it all beautifully
Love to you, Wilma
I am happy to have found your blog and recognize many of the commenters here. My life could be summed up by Mark Twain’s quote, “Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow”.
I think I go put the trim up in the bathroom that has been sitting in the garage for the last two months.
Namaste
Haha Roger, what I find so unnerving is there is so much wisdom in our language and yet the meaning of those old quotes and sayings are totally overlooked as something to value and apply when it is useful.
It is so interesting that common sense things in life have been lost and how the lack of common sense comes back to bite us.
Good on you to put the trim up in the bathroom. Love Wilma
Hi Wilma and AnneMarie – completion .. it is so satisfying when it happens .. I usually finish one thing – but then of course I’m late or behind, or never achieve some of the things I should!
Roger’s quote – about never putting off til tomorrow what you can do today .. is so true.
Completion – yes please! Just not an option at the moment – it will be in due time .. elderly first.
all the best – Hilary Melton-Butcher
Positive Letters Inspirational Stories
Hi Hilary, yes completion is very satisfying.
As you say, completion is also looking what your priorities are at any moment in time and accepting what is not complete because your care taking is your priority right now. THAT is a completion in itself.
It is the nagging space it takes up in our mind and not doing anything with it, that is the waste and is slowing us down.
You are amazing Hilary to make the time to do what you are doing taking care of your uncle and mother.
Best wishes and love, Wilma
I’ve found that for mem completion and prioritization have to work hand in hand. I’m OK with not completing some things, but not others…
Hi Paul, prioritization is an act of completion. It means you are dealing with what is incomplete. Completion does not mean finishing everything, completion is dealing with incomplete things so you have reached a peace of mind or a result or a decision that is satisfactorily dealing with what is on your mind as incomplete.
Either striking them off this week’s list list and putting them on next week’s list or deciding to abandon the project all together are acts of completion. Completion deals with taking the matters that are on your mind or need to be dealt with and preventing unwanted consequences as a result of neglect.
And sure some incompletions are not on our mind so can be left at the bottom of the list and do not warrant any attention.
It is about noticing how neglect of incomplete issues, things or projects can create havoc with our minds and in our lives.
Paul, great to have you here and add another distinction to completion,
Oh my goodness can I ever relate to this post. I am constantly full of good intentions but many times do not complete what I intend to do. It leaves me feeling horrible and useless later on. I think completion is definitely something I will have to focus more of my efforts on. I have decided that some of this solution will come from not promising so much. I am only one person and, although my intentions may be good, I can only handle so much!
Hey Caity, you are right on the button. Promising too much will get you into trouble with completion and will leave you feeling horrible.
Now I have this language I can say to people, I cannot promise this as I know I do not have the time to complete what you want me to do. As I still need to justify my saying ‘no’, this is an honest assessment of my situation and makes it a lot easier to say a straight ‘no’.
I also have learned the consequences of NOT completing important things and the price I have paid I no longer want to pay. This is a good enough reason for me to want to learn that skill of completion and to look at how I can stay complete in my life.
I can tell you, it is worth it. You are young enough to have the benefits for a long long time. So go for it Caity.
Thanks for this Wilma. It’s funny, I was recently thinking about someone I worked with who had difficulty completing projects, and when we took a serious look at the reasons, she realized that when she was about to finish something she experienced the same sad feeling she got when she was about to leave her best friend’s house as a kid. It’s interesting how deep the roots of these behaviors we usually just label as “procrastination” can go.
Hi Chris. Interesting isn’t it and yet by doing things we get to find those things out.
That is what I love about doing things, the experience is the only way to learn about what is going on and to correct things AND having others to observe and to mirror things is priceless as you demonstrated with your story. That is why we love to learn in the WomenLikeMe community and why Ann-Marie and I are so chuffed to learn together.
Your contribution to the person you were working with is so valuable and shows too what a treasure other people can be in regards to our learning.
Chris, that was a good story and that contribution keeps adding value like here on this post!
Hi Wilma,
Completion. Hmmm…yes, when it doesn’t happen, the results are not usually what we wanted. And really, it becomes a matter of just doing it. Whatever “it” is. Some things, those which I enjoy – are easier to complete. Those which aren’t so easy, not so easy to complete either. And sometimes, it’s because I just don’t know…so I hold back. And that’s a big one, I think. When we don’t take the steps our heart is speaking to us, when we hold back and don’t complete what it’s saying…that’s where we’re really missing out. That’s one where I’m at right now…and I’ve started down the path…now I just have to keep working toward completion. So good to read this today…
Hi Lance.
Completion has many levels. There is completion of projects and daily activities and there is completion such as forgiveness and letting go.
I pick up two different things in your comment.
One is about what you said here; “And sometimes, it’s because I just don’t know…so I hold back.”
That is alright and the completion then would be to acknowledge that you cannot complete yet and that you are working on it. Completion means that you are NOT in denial about what is incomplete is incomplete and then have it fester in your mind and heart.
The other thing you mentioned about completion is this; “When we don’t take the steps our heart is speaking to us, when we hold back and don’t complete what it’s saying…that’s where we’re really missing out.”
That IS indeed an incompletion that sure will fester and will give you huge regrets and will NOT let you die in peace.
Starting with these very practical steps to develop this very useful habit has been so good for me and I notice it does spread to other levels in my life like forgiveness and letting go.
The next post is about that.
I do appreciate your further inquiry Lance, it all brings us closer to how to live life in a way we were meant to be.
Love Wilma.
Wilma, This is a great post! I never thought that completion had to do with lack of harmony! Wow, what an eye-opener! this was so helpful for me! Thanks for sharing! Have a lovely weekend!
Blessings! ~Jen
Hi Jen, yes completion is a real contribution to having your life clean and tidy and working out.
There is already so much mess around us, it is great to have ways to keep your own life in order.
Thanks for visiting and commenting, Love Wilma
Hey everyone,
I must admit that I have really been present to areas of my life where completion is needed lately. Funny how the email pops up during this process. I have a relatively organised life in terms of my physical external environment, but what you said in your comments to Lance about those completions like forgiveness and letting go really hit home.
For me, I get present to how hard I have been on myself and there are many things that I could let go of. Time to look deeper for a while.
Hey Blair, yes there are always more layers to peel off.
Never be hard on yourself Blair, let the world do that, they are very good at that. You be gentle on yourself while you look deeper.
I know you will come up for air with some goodies, I am sure.
Love as always, Wilma
I so relate… leaving projects unfinished has been my m.o. for most of my life. Through much journaling, I have discovered that fear is always at the core of my behavior.
Why fear of completion? well… I have discovered a glaring five that apply to my life. Maybe there are more, but for now, these are in place.
1) if I finish the project, then I’ll have to take responsibility for what
might be next in my life. I’ll have to make new decisions. New choices. Am I prepared to do that? Sometimes, but usually not. When the gut tightens up, I’m usually not prepared to move forward. Procrastination seems reasonable. This project on the back-burner is familiar. I know exactly what awaits me. I am in control. Fear of success – if I don’t complete it, I don’t fail.
2) speaking of control… when I was a kid, my mother was the ultimate controller. Absolutely hated it! Still do… she left this earth in 1976. Do you figure she’s still part of my psyche?
My question is meant to be facetious. If you haven’t guessed, the answer is a resounding hell yes! Which for me resolves the question — why do some things feel like directives, even though it was my idea? I suspect, deep within somewhere is a “should” (a mama waiting) followed by major resistance. Fear of losing control.
3) The missing role model. I found it takes a lot of courage to move forward in uncharted waters. Sure, millions before me have succeeded, but not one in my family… My point is, if one hasn’t observed success within the family structure, or from close associates while growing up, then the “you can do anything” adage is simply that. An adage, a concept, but never downloaded, never internalized. Fear of failure.
4) Speaking of internalized… Most of us know that our childhood experiences have formed most of our concepts today. In my journey of inquiry, I have discovered that motivation can be either intrinsic or extrinsic in nature. For most, it’s a healthy balance of both. For me it was about approval, an unbalanced extrinsic need. When a child is not valued for who they are, the tendency is to perform. Performance is about gaining acceptance. i.e. I will do this to make you happy… It has been my experience that unless there is a major shift in this perception, one will bring this core belief into adulthood. The question then becomes, who am I trying to please? Is my choice based on a personal (intrinsic) decision, or on the past, i.e. my need to please others (extrinsic)? Enter fear of not measuring up.
5) My love/hate relationship with structure. I love structure — I hate structure. If you give me structure, I know what to do. But then again — why are you telling me what to do? But wait! Without structure I feel lost. Really? Could it merely be fear of the unknown? Fear of making a decision? Fear of being wrong? Of making a mistake?
As I mentioned above, through the process of journaling, I discovered the above five regarding unfinished projects and/or procrastination. Is an unfinished project the same as procrastination? I think so… Are these five constantly present in my life? No way, generally speaking I’m a reasonably productive woman. But make no mistake, for me the mighty five are always lurking.
My current journey is about finding compassion in everything. To lovingly, and without judgment, acknowledge these vulnerable parts that have been with me throughout this life time. What’s been most rewarding is my understanding that these parts have actually helped me survive and evolve. Neurotic as they often appear, they are gifts. I chose to accept and embrace each one of them. As you have suggested Wilma, more layers will no doubt present themselves.
Hi Donna, oh that is what journaling can do.
You describe a beautiful gifted journey here, I hear what you are saying and what a discoveries you have made.
Oh Donna, there is so much in your comment here, I have read it several times and I am so loving your insights and oh how I can relate with some of them.
Your writing is so clear, and I know the lurking kind of things all too well.
Your current journey is beautiful and reading this brings joy to my heart; ” To lovingly, and without judgment, acknowledge these vulnerable parts that have been with me throughout this life time. What’s been most rewarding is my understanding that these parts have actually helped me survive and evolve.”
Oh Donna, they are not neurotic, they were just part of life AND you dealt with them in such a healing way. THAT is awesome, sheer magic and above all a recognition of who YOU ARE, letting go of the past.
THAT is who you are, sheer genius to rise above that.
You can see I am so touched by what you wrote here and I can see the value of journaling. Thank you so much Donna, your generosity is great. Love Wilma