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Exciting and tough; this learning to play a totally different game.
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. After all, it seemed to be such a no brainer; replace a fear filled, limited life with a joyful life that I would absolutely adore. However I omitted to realize the vast scale of this turnaround that I am asking of myself, my mind and my heart. |
 Learning a new skill in a new game, walking besides the rice paddies and yes I did slip. |
I got to see that it does not serve me to underestimate how big the change is when you choose to live from love instead of fear.
I never knew how big this step was.
It is huge to change this complex life coming from force and overwhelm into a simple life in which I peacefully come from love.
My biggest fear was that simple meant boring and that I would lose out on exciting things.
Now simple carries a different meaning and stands for having an extraordinary life operating from love, knowing there is always enough and being proud of who I am.
I am realizing that learning to play this game which has a totally different set of rules requires an enormous amount of effort, support and practice and this has been a total oversight on my part. Simply acknowledging this has made me feel a whole lot better; I now understand why it is taking so much.
Using sports by way of explanation has helped me.
Imagine that you’re well used to playing patience on the computer, day in day out, by yourself, snug and warm inside your house. Then one day you’re inspired to play ice hockey.
You’ve sure set yourself up for an interesting time, haven’t you?
Just look at the change in skill and mindset this new game would require!
Of course you’d expect plenty of frustration and confusion, lots of getting over yourself, a dose of healthy fright and many hours practice. You’d practice and practice as you’d move from being a great card player to being a competent ice hockey player.
Well now, the same has been going on for me, I too set myself up for an interesting time.
Having realized this, it has finally allowed me to be realistic with my expectations, to expect a bruise here and there and to accept that all that practice was needed before I got it. And that was okay. Because let me tell you, to educate yourself to live without fear and to come from trust doing what your heart desires takes one heck of an amount of doing.
I tried to make it easy for myself by running from course to course looking for ”Give me the answer quick; teach me how to play a different game in 2 days please. And don’t make it too hard, thanks. Don’t get too personal either and only have me do things that create instant results.”
I tried books as well.
But how could I be taught something so new and unfamiliar in a few measly days and by just reading books?
So I have arrived at a new place. I now accept what it takes to have me live simply and peacefully coming from love and being proud of who I am.
That doesn’t stop me from getting tired and wanting to throw in the towel when the going gets tough.
Sometimes reverting back to the same old, same old looks much more appealing than concentrating on getting my head around this unfamiliar play.
There are times when I want to pray;
. . . Please let me return to fretting about survival issues instead of learning to trust that I am winning this bigger and far more interesting game.
. . . Please let me go back to living in my house in the noisy city rather than learning how to make possibilities happen by teaching me to stay in this peaceful place, which I adore but only has a lease for 1 year.
. . . Please let me crawl back to struggle, that at least is familiar, rather than have me continue to walk on this delightful but unknown path with zero visibility.
. . . Please don’t let me make a fool of myself by playing a game I don’t know much about and I am not trained in.
In these moments I feel like the lion in the Wizard of OZ, totally lacking the courage to keep going and I need John, Ann-Marie and my buddies to carry me along, just as the lion was carried along by Dorothy and her mates.
But the bigger game keeps beckoning.
I am at the point of no return; the stakes are getting higher and higher.
I am also hugely encouraged by the rising popularity of this game; many more people are showing interest in playing like this as well and that helps enormously.
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16 Comments to “Exciting and tough; this learning to play a totally different game.”
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I can relate to what you’ve written here, and let me say that in time, it all gets infinitely “easier.” There are still lessons, but they don’t feel quite as tough. At least, that’s been my experience!
I love your candor about how you have days when you just want to throw in the towel. Last year, I hit a low point that I didn’t think was possible. I naively thought once I’d traversed this spiritual path of mine for eight years, I’d be free and clear where certain fears and old programs were concerned. Boy was I wrong! I found myself sinking deeper and deeper into what felt like a bottomless pit. The great thing was, though, that even though the pit felt horribly dark and deep at the time, I instinctively knew I’d bounce back from it. Before I started on this path, if I hit a low point like that, I would have considered some not-so-pleasant escapism alternatives.
Everything you’re feeling and experiencing is authentic, which is beautiful from where I’m sitting. I * bow * to you, my friend, as you continue on your journey. You have millions of souls – seen and unseen – cheering you on.
@Megan, your acknowledgment of our journey means a lot! I know what you mean that knowing does not make us immune to what life throws at us. In the book ‘Love Without End’ Jesus explains that like this, there are still traces of old things set in motion ages ago that have to be played out. However when you are the Love that you are, you will see beyond them.” It looks that you can do that now when life is happening in its for us unpredictable way. That takes a lot, so it is amazing that you now have the strength to do that. And I love that we connect this way, thank you too, my friend.
Embracing simplicity, having just enough, beginning a new way of who to be…who could ever get bored doing all of those beautiful things? I think it is admirable.
Karen
Oh Karen, thank you. Simplicity is indeed about having things around you that are beautiful and that you can love and that is never boring as doing things for things you don’t actually like cause boredom. My ego loves that you find it admirable, my heart cannot do it any other way anymore.
Hey doll, I really hear you about wanting to throw a tantrum. I think there’s something to be said for spitting the dummy in a conscious way, taking notes and having a mini-break. A baby-spit. Then, back into it. We’re not machines. But I start laughing at myself. After all, what are the options? Back into stress, fear, turmoil and depression? I don’t THINK so! Much love, Kath
Hi Kath, yeah having a baby spit is good, especially when friends are around. You are right, we are not machines and yes who wants to go back. No, you and are trucking forward, spitting together sometimes maybe, but going forward.
Big hug, Wilma
I love your analogy with sports. And I’m happy to in the game with love over powering my fear. I believe there are more people in than I’ve ever realized. That’s been one of the best things I’ve learned from the internet! I’m glad to be on your team!
Hi Wilma,
You very artfully describe a path we are all on. I love your openness and I think your sports metaphor is perfect–especially since we’ve all been conditioned to stick it out with sports. The advice I tell myself when I am experiencing similar anxst is to just take one day, or one moment, at a time. You can do this! Best to you, Jodi
My dear Wilma, I just love this post. You are soooooo amazing. So honest and “tell it like it is.” You’re like a breath of fresh air. You aren’t trying to be something or push something or teach something or even BE something. You’re just BEing what you already ARE, and it is SO beautiful and filled with life, courage, vulnerability, beauty, doubt, trust, joy and all the things that a REALLY alive person feels…. and feels without restraint. I so admire you.
I’ve been here a few times lately reading and I thought the other day what is it about Wilma that is SO dynamic? And I realize today that part of it is that you are just fully being YOU. I so so like this. I can’t tell you how much.
Often many of us feel that the only face we can present the world is one that is all polished and “together” and perfect. So the rest of the people look at this face and say, “Geez, she looks so perfect, I better not show my human vulnerability or doubt or mistakes or failings. I better paint a really “together” image here.” And when we do that….ALL is lost. We ourselves lose and those around us lose. Humanity loses. So I stand and exuberantly cheer you for simply being you. You inspire me to do the same. It is an honor to share with you. Hugs to you, Robin.
@Tess. Isn’t it delightful to indeed find that we are not alone in finding a different path to walk along. Tess, I too love that we are teaming up.
@Jodi. I love seeing children on the street when they are fully self expressed being superman, a fairy or a princess. They dress up, they act the part and they are loving playing out their dream. That is what I keep in mind when I am backing off from expressing my desire and when I feel I am losing it.
And having loving encouraging people around like you, that means a lot, so thank you.
Oh Robin. All I want to do right now is give you a huge hug back and letting you FEEL how much your comment means to me coming from you, my nature hero.
There is no way that I could look altoghether, nature does not do that either and yet it is.
I so hear you and I so would love for all of us to relax into who we ARE, not who we think we should be. Thinking who I should be is a game I will always lose and I am so grateful that I now realize that.
However I cannot deny either where I am at.
I have very astute daughters who won’t let me get away with fake, so I better be authentic if I want to set a role model for them.
But as the road we travel on is so unknown and unfamiliar I do sooo love the support and encouragement from adorable woman like you. Robin, lots of love to you too, my friend.
I love your honesty in these last two posts. I think this is the most helpful kind of sharing, because so much growth and spiritual writing doesn’t address the real issues of what we face when trying to change. Change takes time – we have to rewire ourselves, emotionally, mentally, even physically. We are literally trying to create new neural-networks in our brain, new thought patterns and outlooks. So while the impulse towards change can be this sudden, beautiful, moment of insight and power, the execution of that often requires circling back, and doubting, and all of that. I commend you for sharing all of that with us. – lisa
Dear Lisa, it sure is a big task to change and it so does not serve us to underestimate the do-ing that is involved to change your ways. Therefore I so appreciate that we can support each other because I know how much encouragement means to me. So thank you for you comment, it is a gift I appreciate very much.
Wilma, I loved this pots!! This part especially resonated with me:
“There are times when I want to pray;
. . . Please let me return to fretting about survival issues instead of learning to trust that I am winning this bigger and far more interesting game.
But the bigger game keeps beckoning.
I am at the point of no return; the stakes are getting higher and higher.”
Your lovely site is such a blessing! May you be blessed today in Love!
Namaste! ~Jen
Hi jen.
I really appreciate your encouraging comment.
Thanks so much for visiting and having your say.
Love Wilma