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One thing I didn’t do at my own peril.
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For most of my life I handled major events in a very casual manner. As a consequence I rarely look back on these major events as a fantastic memory. If I’d known back then just how crucial completions and celebrations were, I would not have thrown rituals and ceremonies out with the bathwater. But I did, as they reminded me too much of religion.
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 I am so pleased we insisted on doing the birthday cake ritual in Vietnam, my daughter and me. |
If only I would have embraced ceremonies and rituals earlier in life, I am sure that I would have enjoyed my wedding day a whole lot more. Instead I wished it to be over quickly.
All the attention embarrassed me and I had no idea how to fully make the most of this experience.
I would have allowed myself to experience the births of my daughters in a totally different way. I kept it all very low key and I missed out on celebrating the wonder of it all.
I could have had said a proper goodbye to my mum when she was dying. My visit to her would have been full of wonderful moments to treasure. Instead I pretended nothing was going on and I never said how much I loved her.
I despised them for years, rituals, ceremonies and religion, they were all one and the same thing for me!
A joke, and one not to be taken seriously at all cost.
That negative attitude has cost me dearly.
Life is ever changing and rituals and ceremonies have a purpose, they maximize the energy in the flow of life; they take major changes in life and turn them into wonderful experiences instead of emotional disturbances that zap all the energy and leave regrets.
In particular I’m talking about ceremonies and rituals that take care of completing the old and celebrating the new. These hugely contribute to enjoyment and having the best flow of life.
Looking back I can’t believe how ignorant I was.
I just trucked on without acknowledging something major was happening, handling everything in a most casual manner and suppressing the whole experience.
As a result the energy in the flow of life became all but a trickle.
If I’d known back then, I would have enjoyed important events so much more.
Instead I was heaping experience onto experience, like a garage gathering junk, becoming more cluttered as the years went by and never finding a proper place to store all that I had accumulated.
All this just left me with feelings that I couldn’t do much with; so they just sat in my mental garage cluttering things up, minimizing the flow.
The births of my daughters could have been such a wonderful experience, instead the whole pregnancy and birth was nearly a non event.
I worked as far as I could up to the birth and I didn’t dare to openly share how I enjoyed this growing miracle inside me.
I didn’t know how to give it any attention and whom to share it all with, except with my husband who wasn’t any the wiser either, I am afraid to say.
After my baby arrived I had no idea how to mark the occasion and celebrate the arrival of our wonderful wee little girl with other people.
All I knew to do was to get back to business as usual and that was that.
I have now read wonderful stories about how women can experience the miracle of birth, none of that was for me. I was alone in my room after a very clinical birth and wondering what the heck had happened.
Today with my different attitude and having rediscovered the value of rituals and ceremonies I can now embrace and acknowledge change, complete the process and feel the energy along the way.
It’s about honoring what is happening, making the most of it in a very positive way and rejoicing in it all, moving gracefully with the flow.
I finally can begin to enjoy and embrace these experiences, let my ‘heart’ be fully present.
I intend to store all my events from now in my mental garage, under G for Good Times.
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9 Comments to “One thing I didn’t do at my own peril.”
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Wilma, you are so blessed to realize this now, when you still have so much life to live; so many rituals and rites of passage to share and create. This road to inner knowing is such a fabulous journey, isn’t it?
Thorne, indeed it is and isn’t it great we can share this journey with each other on our blogs?
Wilma,
Don’t beat yourself up too much about not realzing the importance of ceremony. Perhaps the realization is just something that happens to all of us as time goes on and we “get older” ! Now you can be thankful that from this point on you’ll be able to embrace every event and create wonderful memories along the way! Have a great Mother’s Day (another opportunity to create and embrace a ceremony)!
Thanks Cindy and yes I am very thankful that at least I have some years left to do it differently. I can already see that my conversations with my daughters have deepened considerably since all these revelations. And you too have a great Mothers Day
Hi Wilma, yes ceremonies and rituals are something I too have stepped over in the past, too caught up in the detail and looking good to really stop, savour the moment and treasure the memory for always. Luckily I too have recognised their importance and can now say to rituals …. bring it on, I’m ready for ya and I’m going to enjoy it. Thanks Wilma ;0)
@Ann-Marie. It is astounding when you observe the status quo and are able to let your heart speak, what you come up with. I love how it shows where I can advance and how it supports the ‘ME’ to show up in my life.
But…you’re being too hard on that earlier self, who is still within you. For whatever reason, you learned to be secret. You didn’t want the Universe to have your events as hostage. It’s the same thing as “knock wood” after expressing a hope. “The day will be sunny, knock wood.” Maybe I’m wrong, but I don’t see that as devaluing the importance of things, but as hiding them. I see a difference.
Sure, it’s an expression of fear. It might be unnecessary in your life. But if you think of it as the lines that are printed to keep primer letters straight, it’s easier to see why you’ve grown beyond them.
Oh, and hello. Happy Thursday.
@Brooke. Thanks for bringing up to be gentle to oneself and to accept that I did what I did because I just didn’t know any better then. All I know is that I couldn’t handle placing anything about myself in the limelight, being secret is one way to describe it, and make the event and my place in it something to celebrate.
I am so glad that I now see how lovely it is to acknowledge myself and my community around events that are important to me.
Yeah hiding it was, fear of judgment and that hiding out of fear is doing a lot of damage.
No more hiding for me Brooke, I can face judgment now too and happy Friday to you today.