I am playing the game the wrong way.

What do you know?
After years of struggling with the whole Christmas mayhem I found out that I can actually turn the Christmas and New Year mayhem into fun if I so choose to.
If this sounds interesting, read on.
It is double interesting if you realize that this interesting statement is coming from somebody who always has been battling with Christmas.

Before I reinvented how to do Christmas, this period felt like war.
Fighting to get a parking space in the malls, aggression from ‘other’ people in the shops, the mad end of year business rush, headaches about presents and who to visit or to invite; I’d given up that Christmas was ever going to be fun.

But guess what; all this is just a game AND I can play this game any way I like and change it from a war zone into fun.

‘How I choose to play the game’ is making all the difference in the world.
Fancy that!

Instead of a battle ground;

Photo courtesy of violinsoldier

I can go for a relaxed pace;

The field;
December, a major month in New Zealand
Christmas craze AND
the end of the year business madness AND
the end of the school year AND
getting ready for the big summer holiday

The players and how I normally choose to play with them;
Children . . . Get out of my way; no I don’t have time to pay any attention to you. Don’t be so ungrateful, I am busy and all this so you can have a good Christmas.
Parents . . . Who wants them in this time of year, when are we going to see whom?
Shop assistants . . . Why do I always choose the slowest, she is doing it on purpose, well if I just glare at her she might hurry up.
Other shoppers . . . Gheeze, are there only nasty and stupid people on this world.
People in traffic. . . How do these people ever got their license, look at this one, I just have to cut him off.
People in carparks. . . yeah, that one is going to steal my car park, what did I tell you? Many bad karmas to you too, my dear.

The rules and how I have chosen to play by them;
Keep the intent/goal/purpose firmly in sight . . . let everybody know how hard I am working to make you all happy.
Play team . . .  no way, they cannot be trusted. They expect me to do it all anyway as that is what good mothers do. Playing team is not for me, not now.
Agree on the rules . . . what rules, only mine count and I make them up as I go.
Communicate . . . yeah, to tell everybody how they have an easy life and how hard I am working.
Don’t blame . . . what, can I not tell that everybody is making my life hard? How about all the other shoppers who are in my way, the person who stole my car park?
Don’t complain . . . what, I love complaining.
Have fun . . . you are kidding me right?

Commentary on how I have played this game many times.
I sit in my office tensely working hard.
John gets up to make a cup of tea and invites me to sit in the sun too.
I drag myself away from the computer, sit down with a big sigh and complain how much I still have to do.
After two minutes I get up, saying that sitting in the sun is good for some and go back to the computer in the meantime leaving John sitting in a toxic cloud of negative energy that blocks his sun.
During our pre-dinner drink John enthusiastically talks about the upcoming holidays and how he looks forward to kayaking around the coast in this area.
I just sigh, tell him that I am no position to look forward to any holidays yet and this time I do my hardest to inflate all his holiday anticipation.

And if the game is over?
What would I have won?
Would the other players have had fun?
Would I feel great about the results and how I played the game?

Well, now let’s see what happens when I change the way I choose to play the game.

The players and how I am going to choose to relate to them this time;
Children . . . Yes, of course you can talk to me and after that could you do something for me?
Parents . . . Let’s see if we can talk to them and make it work so everybody will have a good time in a way it suits them and us. Let’s go for that outcome anyway and see what is possible.
Shop assistants . . . Hm, they must be getting pretty tired, working so hard and having all these stressed out people to deal with. I will ask how she is doing and really show I appreciate her.
Other shoppers . . . My, are we stressed or not, I better not add to the fray and be agitated too, just be unconditional love
People in traffic. . . Okay, that was not such a clever move, however I saw it coming and could prevent some mayhem. Good for us.
People in carparks. . . yeah, that one is going to steal my car park, well let her have it, there is a better one for me just around the corner.

Commentary on how it looks when I am playing this game differently.
After recognizing that playing the game the way I have done is not very constructive for having a great life or a great relationship, I talk with John about what I think I have to get the end of year stuff ready.
We discuss if everything I think I have to do is necessary and maybe I can scrap certain tasks off my list.
That makes a big difference. Some things can wait till after the holidays.
I sit less tense at the computer, feel much better and I don’t rush around grumpy, creating dust and toxic clouds.
I even had a relaxed morning tea in the sun.

Hmm, you can see what it is doing to me now that I am becoming more and more aware that I can actually choose to play the game differently.

I have no idea how I have made up those old rules I have played the game by for so long.
However I am ever so pleased with the different rules and such different outcomes.

And that is the end of my *old battle attitude* around Christmas.

Any comments on your *attitude* and how you are going to play the Christmas and end of year game this time?