Fear is killing me. 3 Reasons why to go for fright.

Fright fantastic, brilliant and awesome?

Yes and you know what!

Failing to embrace fright and its brilliance has locked you and me into predictability, has you and me being risk averse and living boring predictable lives if we are not careful!
Instead of accepting fright as being part of facing the unknown, embracing learning and doing new things; instead of seeing its brilliance, we have been taught to avoid fright and worse we have collapsed fright into fear and being very stressful.

And that is the worst thing we could do with fright, collapsing it with fear and stress!

Fear is totally bad for us, it paralyzes us, keeps us from venturing out, keeps us from doing what we really like and keeps us like cry babies crying for security.
Fright on the other hand makes me vibrant and bold, courageous and adventurous, alive and awesomely unique.

Don’t believe me?

Well, I didn’t believe it at first either, but look at this.

Once we mentioned in Holland that we had plans to migrate to New Zealand I remember these reactions.
“Do you know what you are doing, why are you going that far, do you know that so and so came back after a year and lost a lot of money, why don’t you just change jobs?”
Mostly these fearful reactions came from fearful people who considered going on holiday to France a courageous act.
However I was determined to leave Holland, living in an apartment was NOT my idea of paradise and I was more fearful of staying in Holland then of leaving.
Thank goodness.

I carried on, got rid of our stuff, I quit my good job, said goodbye to everyone and then when I entered the plane;
Fright hit me so hard I nearly keeled over.

At that moment the impact of what I had done hit me; I realized there was no turning back, I had burned all my bridges and the thought that I was on my way to the big unknown terrified me.
It took me all my efforts to calm down and I distinctly remember thinking “if this plane crashes I don’t care.”
I also remember distinctly that as soon as I thought “I don’t care if I die now” my fright disappeared and I became determined to make my new life happen.
I got up, talked to people waiting in front of the toilets, when stretching my legs, all in order to find out who lived in New Zealand and ask them questions.
This was something I normally would never do.

That was fright having me be awesome.

The brilliance of fright got me into action and got me being determined, focused and vibrant.

My issue here is why are we giving fright such a bad press?
In hindsight my frights have never been bad and always left me with a great experience and a great story to tell.

Why have most of us become so averse to frights and worst still how come that we have collapsed fright with fear and stress, to be avoided?

Fear is far more dangerous, stressful and debilitating to life than fright.
Fright is healthy and short lived, but fear is very unhealthy, gripping and long lasting.
Fear stops us in our tracks, gives us heart attacks, bad health and makes you feel weak and depressed; fright gives us strength, makes your heart beat strong, is healthy and makes you feel proud and vibrant.

I will explain the difference with another story about sea kayaking.

For our summer holiday we go camping and sea kayaking.
We normally love to go to very isolated beaches that are only accessible via the sea.
This time we found one that looked beautiful but the bay had lots of rocks.
Needless to say that not a lot of people venture near that beach.
On top of having rocks, that beach is on the coast where the surf is usually up which makes landing quite tricky.
The first time we went there, I was relatively new to kayaking and I had not developed a fearful anticipation for rocky shores with surf.
But going into the bay I all of a sudden saw the breaking waves and the rocks and I got a big fright.
I got very scared . . . . but as there was no going back as John was already making his way in, the fright gave me a boost, had me ‘radar sharp’ focused and had me paddle like a demon.
With a dramatic somersault a wave threw me out of the kayak, having me land on the beach, with the kayak in tow which John caught before it went on the rocks . . . and all was well.

That was fright.

However during our stay on that beach, I started to watch the waves and in my eyes they got bigger and bigger by the day and I developed fearful thoughts about going through that surf again.
Instead of relaxing and enjoying body surfing the waves, I eyed these waves crashing on the rocks with increasing anxiety and animosity, building up worry, stress and fear.

On the day we had to leave I was decidedly afraid and not at all looking forward to leaving.
However there was no turning back, we had to leave and of course the surf was up.
With a thumping heart and weak knees I got into the kayak with the most fearful thoughts making me weak in the stomach as well.
However as I said, I had no choice.
So I went into the water and of course as soon as I was a little bit off shore, I saw this huge wave coming right at me and I knew I was in trouble.
Then fear vanished and fright set in.
I had no time to think, fright gave me focus and strength and I paddled straight through the breaking wave ending up on the other side and with enough desperate strength to avoid the next one and arrived safely in calmer waters beyond the breakers.

That was fright for me.

Fright gave me strength to cope with what presented itself.
I was confronted with an unexpected situation , fright set in, had me focus and in action before I could say “No”.

The elation afterward is wonderful and so are the results.

Fright is to be heralded as part of adventures, as part of life and is NOT to be treated like something that is to be avoided at all cost.
Fright happens when we venture into the unknown, when we get confronted with new situations we have not seen before.

So let’s have a look what is going on?

Do we like frights to happen unexpectedly in our life?
No!

Do we like controlled frights like with fire walking, roller coaster rides, scary movies, bungy jumping, abseiling?
Yes!

Do we appreciate that unexpected frights are unavoidable when we want to do something unknown, something new in real life and life becomes even more wonderful and exciting and worthwhile?
Not really!

Do we like to insure ourselves against frights in real life and have the best of both world, excitement and safety?
Yes!

And all this is part of the problem.

Fear and fright are two different animals and while fear is to be curtailed as best as we can, fright is to be embraced and seen as brilliant and it is okay that is unpredictable and unavoidable.

Have a look at these 3 reasons why to prefer fright above fear.

• We think having fearful thoughts will guarantee us predictability, will prepare us for the scary bits in life and will give a safe path into the unknown.
  By fearfully thinking up the worst scenarios we think we can rehearse the fright, so it won’t hit us that hard.
  And so we live in a constant heightened bodily fright condition we call stress, that of course wears our mind and body out. No wonder we have heart attacks, drinking problems or don’t sleep and feel unwell.
• Fright only exists in the moment when something scary or unexpected actually is showing up.
  Fright has me going for it and my actions become very focused and effective. Once I am in action the fright stopped and after the fright I feel strong, and vibrant and afterwards when telling the story I feel soo good.
  Notice the difference? How do you and I feel after a fearful day? Not well, I can tell you that for sure.
• Fright happens to you. You are NOT making it up yourself. You cannot give yourself a fright.
  Fear doesn’t happen to us, we make fear up a 100%, fearful thinking BECOMES A BAD HABIT, a way of living and makes our life hell.
  However as with all habits, you cannot immediately stop the habit of making up fearful thoughts, the habit of worrying. The ‘web’, the world around you and me is not very helpful in encouraging fright and stopping the fear.
  We are NOT encouraged to go for it, when we cannot tell exactly how we are going to do it or where we will end up.
  When we show any sign of taking a risk the whole world shouts “no” to us.
  Every bad news story is adding to our fear.
  What you and I can do to combat that dreaded fear is to catch the fearful thoughts.
  Then ask; “Right now, in this moment is there something happening that is giving me a fright?”
  Of course the answer is “no”, and I deliberately make myself think of something else.
  Luckily our mind cannot multi task, so if I distract it by thinking about dinner or doing something, I can usually stop being fearful.
  If fearful thoughts persist and sometimes they do, I talk about my fear with someone who is NOT inclined to indulge in fearful conversations.
  In these moments you need your friends, the fearless, courageous friends, the encouraging friends!

Now after this I ask you?
What would you rather experience in your life?

Fright or Fear?
Do you know the difference?
Have you experienced wonderful frights?

Let’s tell the world about our magic moments of fright and how fright has given us the times of being fantastic, brilliant, exhilarated and courageous.