How I dig my own grave. All was not well in Paradise.

All was not well in paradise this week.

After a fantastic first few weeks and lots of fun I woke up on Monday quite sick!

I felt nauseous and increasingly uncomfortable with a funny pain in my stomach, which I’d noticed before but been ignoring for a while.
Now, being ill is not something I do well. 
I find it a personal affront, I get upset and quite agitated.

So on top of not feeling well physically, I start an enormous mental fight that of course is taking me nowhere and has all the hallmarks of making the whole condition even worse.

Instead of staying calm and assessing the situation, I create emotional turmoil.
Instead of solution focused I become problem focused.
The problem becomes bigger and bigger, drives a solution further and further away as I become more and more agitated.

I start to fret that I don’t trust doctors and their pills.
I start to fret about how to find at least a reaonable good doctor and not knowing anyone to ask as we are new in the area.

I go in denial that there could be a solution.
I deny anybody can help me because if I don’t know what is wrong, why should anybody else? 
I get angry with the thought why now and why me.
I feel helpless as I don’t know what to do and how to solve it and I lose confidence.
I start to fret about not being able to do my work and before I know it I have landed in a dark hole.
And this is the same dark hole I end up in, time and time again whenever I am not well.

As you notice there is not one thought about a solution anywhere, but I certainly can come up with a few problems.
I then feel I am becoming a nuisance and thus I insist on staying independent, refusing all help.
So I keep going, totally in the wrong direction of course; pretending that nothing can be done to resolve my state of unwellness.

Fortunately this time, I saw my own performance and instead took control and started to aim for a solution.

Well, that definitely was a first; LOOKING for and then ACCEPTING John and a friend’s support was unheard of until now.  

Eventually with John and Jilleen’s encouragement I trot off to this unknown doctor, though on the way I am still mumbling my old mantra; “What am I doing this for, if I don’t know, nobody -even doctors- won’t know either.”
However the doctor is sweet and even admits he cannot tell what is going on after establishing that I live a healthy life and am not psychotic. 
He does the usual things, sends me for blood  tests, tells me to wait for the results and in the meantime I should keep monitoring what is going on and come back when things get worse.

When home, not feeling much better, and suppressing an unproductive “I told you so”, John and Jilleen encourage me to try another tack and keep looking for solutions. 

So here is the big change!

At this point I not only have overcome my sabotaging needs to be problem focused and do it my way, I also faced my denial by saying; “No, actually I am not alright and let’s see what I can do about it with your help”.

So as part of the now openly declared quest for a solution and my willingness to actually do something constructive, I ring around to find my way to a herbalist, here in our own tiny Waipu.
There I got told that maybe an intolerance to gluten could be the cause and that the rolled oats in my muesli and other gluten foods most certainly are adding to the mayhem inside and the nausea and upsets that I am experiencing.

WHAT???

ME????

Jumping on the bandwagon of food intolerance? 

Whoops and with one foul sweep my lifelong denial that I could have some health weaknesses got exposed.
All my years of believing I am above weaknesses got taken to the cleaners.

For years I might have been putting the wrong fuel in my engine until it finally blew up.  

Me, who secretly was so proud of this body that could take in anything.
Oh, what a constraint, thinking that you are above something.

However with all this going on, you can see the journey of self discovery that was presented to me and how my limiting constraints were coming up.
Being able to get over this denial and seeing how I make the problems even worse than they are with my way, my problem focused way, has been a real God send.

And I can see that I do that with most hiccups in life.
I go to drama, make the problems bigger than they are, denying there is a solution to be had and before I know it, I have created a mighty problem and feel awful, physically and mentally.

This is the scenario;
My constraints stop me from being solution focused when life happens and as a result stop me living my dream!

I have wasted a lot of time in my life by not going for a solution straight away.
 
I have now experienced that doing it another way has been great.
I immediately cut all gluten and the rolled oats and in one day the nausea, the retched feeling and shaking stopped.  

And what else did I cut out besides gluten? 

• Denial.
  For years I was in denial that there are solutions for health problems or any problems for that matter.
  Denying stopped me from going for a solution and that could have resulted in a life full of complaints and problems instead of enjoyment and going for it.
  When life happens, stop sweeping things under the carpet. Face what is going on,  and get people to support you in your quest for a satisfying solution.

• Being problem focused.
  When this happened, I was totally problem focused. I never gave a solution a thought.
  Be aware of problem focused behavior and that the whole world is urging you to go to problems; the news is full of them.
  Think about solutions and deliberately take your mind off the problem.
  Even say out loud; “What could be a  solution?” until your mind has learnt to go there more quickly.  

.

• I do it my way.
  This is a great way to prevent people contributing to you and eventually will cause you to be alone and NOT going for solutions.
  When I let go of ‘doing it my way’, I was surprised how quickly a solution was found and how quickly I could go on with things.
  Before I have wasted a lot of time looking for solutions ‘my way’.
  If you are like me you close down when there is an issue.
  Instead make an effort to talk about it and ask for assistance. Notice your resistance to listening to suggestions and notice your tendency to interrupt and give your view.

From now on I keep a healthy diet in more ways than one.  

Do you have any problem focused friends like me, who are in denial about doing what it takes to access health and wellness solutions?
Then feel free to pass this blog on to them.

Let’s stop all that unwellness in paradise.
Once I had my solution, I was back playing with John.