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I am freaking myself out. 3 ways to overcome daunting.
We have unpacked all the boxes and after sorting the numerous telecommunication hitches, we are back on line and lving here!
And in the beginning I wasn’t so sure if that was a good thing!
I started to freak out.
While the whole move with 7 days off line hasn’t daunted me; seeing the marketing and social networking blog posts as soon as I opened the computer, did.
The thought I had to wade through all those blogs again; thinking how to process all that information, got me straight between the eyes.
I freaked out, afraid to waste my time without getting a sense of what I am doing or that it is getting me anywhere.
All of a sudden a load landed on my shoulders and affected the joy I felt of getting our new home in order.
The feeling was strong enough to investigate.
What is that ‘daunting’ feeling that freaks me out and where does it come from?
What freaks me out is that I think I have to sort this whole online internet business on my own, TODAY, while I have no clue how to tackle that problem.
Somehow my mind has taken on board that it is all far too much and that I cannot do it.
The weird bits are that I have no idea where my mind got that idea from and that until now my mind has not even bothered to check this out.
However this daunting feeling is mostly invisible and is causing these freak outs!
It certainly doesn’t let me relax.
It all comes back to the fact that I cannot rest until the whole elephant is eaten.
I cannot rest until I know the solutions to the problem AND know that they will work TODAY.
That is of course an impossible intention that is getting me nowhere; it just gets me tired, wired, frustrated and takes me away from living in the moment.
During my talking about this ‘daunting’, John announced that some people -like him- don’t have those daunting feelings anymore.
They see themselves on a journey of daily intentions on the way to a bigger intent, solving things as they appear.
So I had to ask him; “Come again?”
“What do you mean you are not daunted by big projects. Isn’t everybody daunted?”
And “No”, not everybody is daunted, because you cannot have big intentions if you are paralyzed and freaked out by being daunted.
He seldom wastes time on thinking about problems that might appear; he does his daily tasks and tackles things as they come along.
Daunting means you only see the whole elephant, it means you want to solve not yet existing problems and you want to know all the dreaded ‘hows’ in advance.
And when the hiccups do come up along the way, you cannot deal with them because you are freaked out and paralyzed.
Checkmate!
I did notice that when I feel a problem can’t be solved, I do little to solve it.
This did show me that I am not very skilled (yet) with progressing my big intentions when they are out of my comfort zone.
And that was a very interesting observation.
If you want to play big, you need to solve problems when they come along but not make ones up when there aren’t any.
That was a hard one because here I went;
“But what about if the internet goes down again like we had for a whole week?”
John; “We will again sort it when it happens until then keep writing.”
Me; “But don’t you have to have a plan in place for when it happens again, this seems a bit reckless!”
John; “What would you suggest?”
Me; “I don’t know, but something.”
And here I would waste a lot of anxiety, time and effort to solve an insolvable non existing problem, feeling helpless and frustrated and ineffective.
Another aspect of feeling daunted is that there needs to be a clear intent about what I am doing.
My intent with my blog is to capture readers’ attention.
And my intent today while writing this is NOT to eat the whole internet elephant, it is enough that I am writing to the best of my ability so you get a good read.
That made the task for today manageable, I feel I am doing something towards the big intention AND it replaces the daunting feeling.
So what to do with those daunting feelings?
- Become aware you have them, as they are sneaky and invisible. If you feel wired and uneasy and have trouble relaxing and you never feel you have done enough, check if you want to solve non existing problems or the ‘hows’ of some big intentions in your life.
- Check your intentions. Keep the bigger intent in mind but focus your daily doing on clear manageable tasks and know that little steps are enough.
- Solve the problems completely when they arrive and don’t procrastinate. If you are daunted you often feel paralyzed and sit on problems failing to find ways to solve them. If so, notice you are diddling and find somebody to talk to or solve them for you. This one is an important one for me. As said, although I love inventing problems, I am not good at dealing with them if one actually arrives.
This all gave me a great insight in who is freaking out whom here.
It will be interesting to hear if you recognize this daunting business and how it comes up for you.
18 Comments to “I am freaking myself out. 3 ways to overcome daunting.”
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Do you think it is possible that there sometimes is something in the air?? And we all get a dose of it?
Remember my journey with the GOAT? – Don’t sweat the small stuff – It is ALL small stuff!
I am still having …. present to get the ‘Gift of the Goat” I have come to see that deep down in my recesses is the old paradigm of conquering. Which means I set myself up to constatly be climbing a mountain…which then by implication there are the valleys. The imbalance of big and therefore littleblah blah..Even goal setting automatically has this equation for me.
I think the new paradigm is about BEING which means standing in our power the inner source, and when we do that – there are no mountains. We are POWERFUL. Full of the souce of all Power.
Would love to hear what you and John think about this.
My guess is John is doing this???
Mary
ps Glad you are back online.
@ Wilma Congratulations on recognizing that you don’t solve problems very well, especially tricky problems. You are not alone in this, I observe most people as not very good at SOLVING problems. We have all kinds of (mostly invisible) strategies to get others to solve or manage our problems, or just hide from them all together.
I agree with you Wilma, that failing to be skilled at solving your own problems does leave you feeling daunted and helpless. Problems are the fun of life, a delightful challenge that “makes life worth living”
Ahh WIlma, another great post to enlighten and enhance my life.
I have that daunting feeling all the time, but I now call it the “little Kim” in me taking control and trying to hold me back from playing a big game and going for what I really want. The great thing is that once I became aware of that daunting feeling and how it rears its ugly head, it is easier I think to go “Ok that is just little Kim talking, so let’s go right ahead and do it anyway!”. This of course doen’t mean it is easy to push through that feeling and fear, but once you do you will have grown as a person and it will feel so good! That is my experience of it anyway.
Thanks Wilma.
)
“…you cannot have big intentions if you are paralyzed and freaked out by being daunted.”
Awesome !!!
~ Alex
I heard recently “it is easy to do something, but even easier to do nothing”. I find this to be true when I am in a state of complete overwhelm. I have no idea where to start, so I tend not to. I find that if I stop stressing out and really take a look at what I need to achieve, it often becomes very obvious what my first step is. My disempowering story is that I am not creative enough to solve problems, but I often surprise myself – I believe we can all be problem solvers if we just stop and take a look
@Mary. I know that we are powerful beyond belief, but boy as you say once in the valley you look up to that mountain and think “no way”.
It might be because we are still surrounded by fear and still seldom see in our world the power we have. I don’t know but it still astounds me to find myself in this place sometimes.
I also think in the doing and who you are being when you are doing it lies the gold.
Just keep going and get encouraged by loving people, like you Mary.
Thanks for your comment, as always.
@ John. Oh the joy of knowing I can hide . . . . and then the fear of knowing I didn’t use my power and then turbulance.
All interesting and yes I am learning and are allowed to learn.
I am not there yet that problems are fun . . . however I still have you
@ Kim. That is a lovely way of seeing yourself doing fearful and a lovley way to overcome it.
Thanks Kim, I keep that in mind, just put little wilma back in the playpen for now . . .
@ Alex, I love it when you pick out these lines.
Thanks Alex.
Wilma, overwhelm is my biggest nasty. Loved “if you want to play big, you have to solve problems as they come along, not make them up ..” If I can structure my approach to keep nibbling at the elephant, I find this helps. But I think you’ve hit on the root – fear of being ‘wrong’. It’s just a story we tell ourselves .. Big hug.
Great to see you guys back online. I missed your emails. I can relate on many levels especially around the computer as my graphics card in my hard drive needed replacing. The funniest part was that my screen was becoming pixelated and that was life’s warning sign to me which I chose to ignore. Two weeks ago it crashed and I could not use it to trade. I got a horrible reminder that a large proportion of my white elephant IS my computer and everything on it. It was now a dead elephant, and I was the one that shot it lol. This sent me into a panic. Things are all ok now and can be laughed at in hindsight. I have found something that has helped me.
I used to despise key performance indicators (KPI’s) at work but I have come to enjoy them in my own day to day business operation. It consists of all the weekly tasks that involve me trading. It doesn’t say do dishes, take a shower, check the weather or shave the cat lol. The point is it has helped me to see where I am up to for the week and what needs more emphasis. Providing I have coloured all my squares in for the week I know I am moving forward and learning and engaged in what matters during work hours.
I find it works very well because I soon as I recognise that overwhelm thought where everything rushes in at once I refer to my KPI structure. With this I have ten actions that need to be taken to move my business forward daily, my brain on the other hand tells me I have ten thousand, most of which have nothing to do with progress.
The key thing to remember I believe is noticing that key moment where everything floods in at once right before you react. Then follow steps 2 and 3 as you have written above.
The amusing thing for me is if I ignore step 3 and procrastinate I end up going into overwhelm about the 10 things on my KPI list lol! And my silly brain always arrives early at that party. Repeat step 1 hehe.
Great to have you guys back.
Great sharing of the unnecessary overwhelm and how to keep it in check. Thank you all for your comments!
As I train for my first half marathon (at a mature age!) I am constantly reminded of taking one bite of the elephant at a time. Some days the elephant seems to grow over night! I have come to realise that most runners go up and down that mountain and working through the challenges and staying committed is hugely satisfying. I have learnt that it is best to talk to other runners or sports people when I start to feel the overwhelm come on, put it all in prespective, pat myself on the back for how far I have come and be thankful for a healthy body that can rise to the challenge of building up those kilometres. Recognising the onset of overwhelm helps so much…here it comes … keep focussed, enjoy the process of taking worthwhile steps to get where you are going and don’t be dominated by fear of failure.
There are so many inspiring stories out there!
@ Blair. Interesting that thing about KPIs. Isn’t that an example of when a system serves you, you will adhere to it.
Great story about how to keep on top of things and how it can not happen.
Wonderful read, Blair and yes we are glad to be back again too.
@ Nicola. You are a legend Nic, with what you are doing and how you recognize what is going on. Asking for help is a fantastic way to keep on top of that elephant.
Great blog Wilma. I so needed to read this right now as I looked at my bank account and looked at my up coming bookings. Was sitting here feeling daunted. But now I shall get on with my day and leave daunted to take care of itself.
Thanks.
@Lorraine. You are very welcome and I am so pleased I am now able to put words to my upsets and share them.
This way we all might be released from the fear demon.
Take care and do your adventures of heart you are so good at.
Love wilma
Wilma, THANK YOU for providing a way out of this madness. What I have come to realise is that I am the biggest problem creator of ALL, I even make some up just for good measure …I create a monster that’s so much bigger than the “impossible” problem itself that overwhelm is inevitable. From overwhelm comes denial and I just hide out. I find that a hard pill to swallow, however you held up the mirror to my face so gently yet forceful enough for me to take a good long look…THANK YOU. I’m so relieved … I just choose not to create the problem in the first place. Stamp out the procrastination. ;0) Now that feels good.
@Ann-Marie, Oh isn’t it lovely to know we are not alone