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Things NOT to Do and we all do it!
This is so interesting. I can’t believe it actually.
My whole world is turning 180 degrees in these last few years and that is weird.
All the so called “Truths” are crumbling; and I am asking how come when they are sold to me as “THE Truths”?
Nowadays eating ‘all my lollies at once’ is good and ‘worrying about the future’ is sooo not done.
All that stuff drummed into me from childhood that was bad is now good.
But I have trouble making the difference feel right.
Eating all my lollies at once still feels bad and being relaxed about the future feels like sheer insanity.
Can you see what I am talking about?
Wasn’t I from a young age encouraged to work hard to have lots of money so I would be respected and be seen as successful?
It would make me independent so I was secure and safe to look after myself.
I got; “Worry about the future, be prepared for the worst, don’t count on anybody; make it happen all by yourself, baby. . . . and hoard!”
So, here I am working my butt off, worrying, dreading a future in which things always go wrong and hoarding as much property, possessions and things as possible and then . . . . .
I find myself instead of secure, safe, independent and happy. . . . . burdened by so many ’structures’ in my life, maybe with diseases because of the worry, in a polluted world and lonely because I didn’t have any time for the humans.
What now?
I can see that change is required here, but what and how to change.
The things I do are invisible and lurk in my bones, my psyche, and in my feelings.
What are some of these lurking ‘NOT to DO’ things that are drummed into you & me,
that we all do, that are connected to our feelings and thus feel unnatural and hard to change?
- Don’t do busy and gather so many things. Cull the structures in your life.
Do less, have less and make your life simpler.
Take a look at what you do, have and how all those things make your life chaotic.
Is there an obvious ‘too much’ in some areas?
Can you see that keeping all the balls in the air is a big task?
Create some vacuums in your life. Keep only the things you can pay attention to and you love. Don’t hoard and store the rest, let them flow into someone else’s life.
Now look if this makes sense and see how this feels.
If you have trouble with letting go and all this feels hard, you are normal.
All you need is practice, lots of practice amongst like minded people, believe me!
Courses, books, tapes and friends will do it, but not overnight. - Don’t do independent and going it alone.
Learn to ask and to make requests?!
Ha, I am sure that one got most of you, it sure gets me. Asking, making requests?
Don’t even know how to do it and it sure doesn’t feel good.
It feels awkward and mostly I expect a “no”.
Does this sound familiar:
“I don’t think you have time for this and I feel really bad asking you, and I do understand if you say “no” and I don’t think you can help me out this Saturday????
Sure, what a powerful request, right?
Okay, again you need a new understanding of the concept ‘asking and making requests’.
You need practice to get this new one to lurk in your bones and the same applies, courses, books, tapes whatever, ‘Ask and it is Given’ by Esther and Jeremy Hicks is a good one and LOTS OF practice. - Don’t do worrying thoughts about the future. Instead visualize, dream and plan and then know it will happen.
If this doesn’t feel right, and for most of us it doesn’t, don’t fight your feelings and thoughts: have other more prosperous thoughts shout louder.
You can override your thoughts with thoughts.
Your mind cannot ‘multi think’, it can only deal with one thought at the time.
Try it. Although thoughts can change very fast, there is still only one at the time.
If changing thoughts doesn’t work for you do something.
I have to get up and clean, go for a walk or do other physical things.
Do anything but DO NOT DWELL ON WORRYING THOUGHTS, how bad or weird that might feel.
I guarantee you that the first few times you stop ‘doing worry’, it makes you feel bad, bad, bad but just DO IT with the help of you guessed it; courses, books, tapes or whatever else takes your fancy.
Please don’t tell me you are all already doing it all differently and I am the only one on the planet left with these lurking old fashioned doings and feelings.
Ahum, I am stopping this thought and will start cooking dinner.
13 Comments to “Things NOT to Do and we all do it!”
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“The things I do are invisible and lurk in my bones, my psyche, and in my feelings.”
I think you could *do* poetry !
You’re not alone. Worked all my life to free myself from the traps of a culture I’ve never liked. Gets to ya well before anyone can think it through. At 62 I’m making a bit of headway on the Sea of My Dreams…
~ Alex
p.s. Love your new header image !!!
@`Alex. ‘doing’ poetry is a thought…. and yes it takes some doing to making headway in your own directions.
But at least you are doing it and now you will keep going…
and taking others along and that is all we can do, and it is very important.
Love Wilma and yes I like the new pictures too.
Hi Wilma,
A timely reminder for me about structures – they need constant monitoring. Whilst I’ve culled many structures over the past 2 years and left a vacuum I am discovering that much of this vacuum has now been filled with more “time filling” structures that don’t really serve me very well.
So, I wonder how do you keep a vacuum? Is it possible to keep a vacuum? And even more alarming is when you have a vacuum, what do you do now? This last question smacked me in the face a couple of weekends ago when I had nothing that needed immediate attention, the world was mone to choose what I wished and I struggled to make this day enjoyable. Sure there were moments of happiness but reflecting on the day as a whole is was rather lame. I thought this was rather sad – but I have no answer yet, imagine if I have another free day this weekend, what to do?
Hi, Love the new header. Has more emotional depth, and the moody, romantic lighting enriches the ‘team’ symbolism of you and John on the rock. Isn’t it funny how a photo isn’t just a photo.
About moving thoughts, A-H is great. Reach for a thought that feels a little bit better, then another, … Don’t try to leap all at once. I find that incredibly helpful.
Big hug and love, Kath
john is with you and that is all you need…how poignant that photo….evoked tears….he is present for you….you are loved my friend …get that …..Pat
@Daniel. Noticing vacuums, creating vacuums, then knowing what to do with vacuums, all the do’s with a detached, un- alligned feeling. Could it be that practice and noticing and sharing and talking about it and keep paying attention will eventually make for a new world where vacuums are common place in which you connect, think, smell the roses and find yourself maybe. . . . . ?
Great comment, Daniel. BTW your son will fill up your vacuums for now, won’t he.
@Kath. Hey Buddy, I still think I have to eat the elephant in one gulp and then I wonder why I feel incompetent or overwhelmed. Do faster, quicker or whatever than you actually can and feel yuk. . . thanks for the reminder, I will slow down. Talk to you soon, love back, Wilma
@Pat. . . . .what can I say, thanks from the bottom of my heart and I have you and lots of others too. . . I will never foget that either. . . . .
Thanks Wilma. You are right about noticing, sharing and paying attention to structures as such a concept/perspective never existed a few years ago. So perhaps my awareness is greater today. Does this make me feel better? Do I feel I have more purpose? One thing that is for certain hanging out with Luke allows me to “be” in my vacuum moments – that’s special.
@ Daniel, I am sure your awareness is greater today and how it makes you feel comes with awareness and practive too. For me the structures conversation has given me language to express better what is going on and what I want to be going on. And purpose comes along with what you want to feel in life. Funny, I never thought feelings could be steered. I like that though and children are very good for us as you and Claire too might have noticed.
Hugs for you all, Wilma
Wilma that was succinctly explained and I liked it. Your efforts are always appreciated. Love Daniel
Wow – talk about synchronicity – I have just had a 45 minute telephone conversation talking about some of the things you have expressed so beautifully! I was talking to Christine, my spiritual mentor about my journey and the fact that I am finding myself more and more being drawn to the teachings of Jesus. I was talking in particular about the message Jesus has for us when he talks about children and was wondering if what he is saying is that we need to start to view the world through the eyes of a child – with detachment and wonder and not in a fear based way. It seems to me that this is what Jesus is talking about in terms of being “born again”. We discussed this and the tendency we all have to put up protective layers around ourselves – based upon the meaning we have given to our life experience and Christine told me that one way to clear away the baggage of the past is to start again (to be reborn) – to go back through our childhood, starting with our earliest childhood memories and to work forwards, listing everything that happened up to say age 15 – and to note the emotion we attached to each memory. The next step is to review each of these “lessons” and what you learnt from that experience – does it serve you or hinder you ie does it result in a fear based approach to the world –if it is not positive, let it go.
Wilma – I love your suggestion that we need to “crumble away” one by one our so called “truths” – stuff that we have made up and then use as terms of reference to shape our beings and form the template for the way we see life. This is what Christine and I were talking about as well – and it is so true.
In terms of rest of your blog – again there is guidance to be found in the words of Jesus. In Matthew 6 – 7 he says “ Do not store up for yourselves treasure on earth where it grows rusty and moth eaten, and thieves try to steal it….Look at the birds of the air – they do not sow and reap and store in barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. You are worth more than the birds! Is there a man of you who by anxious thought can add a foot to his height? ….So do not be anxious about tomorrow; tomorrow will look after itself. Each day has troubles enough of its own”
I never thought I would see the day when I was quoting the bible – however more and more I am starting to see the simple truth in the words of Jesus. It’s a great journey we are all on – thank you for sharing your journey as in so doing you are helping the rest of us.
With love,
g
@Graham. I know what you say about never expecting to quote the bible. I threw God away with the religeous bathwater for a long time to my own detriment.
I think it is beautiful how we are on a journey to come into our own again, as the great beings that we are, being provided for and un-become the fearful, pathetic hoarding creatures we now resemble.
It will also reflect on how we relate to each other and how we get on as people, at home and everywhere. Wouldn’t that be cool.
Look at the pictures on my blog, the world is so beautiful and most of the time we don’t even see it, grumping our way through life.
Graham, you rock too.