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Asking questions?
We all know how the terrible two year olds “Why?” questions get on our nerves, but you don’t expect adults to ask ‘wear me down’ questions. And surely we don’t….. or do we?
See for yourself.
John and I had a weekend away on a fantastic yacht that is on the market for over a million dollars. We were sailing in the lap of luxury and John could see that he could contribute to selling the boat.
In the car coming home I carelessly fired these questions:
- Why did you offer to help them, what do you know about selling luxury boats?
- How are you going to sell it, WE don’t know anybody who can buy it, do we?
- Where do you squeeze in the time to give it a good shot?
You might not belief that I asked these questions but I did throw them in amongst our talk about the lovely weekend.
I now see these questions were not going anywhere. They were actually real downers and a waste of breath.
These questions were asked from my feelings of disbelief, from a past where a million dollar boat had no place and where you never do anything you are not ‘properly’ trained for.
Do you recognize these uninspiring questions which contribute so little? I had no idea what was going on in John’s mind and my nagging questions were certainly not making me any the wiser.
They were just busy showing what was going on in my mind and no way did they try to find anything out from John.
Once I observed what I was doing I changed tack and started asking questions aimed at understanding what was behind John’s offer; valuable questions that were based on seeing a wonderful opportunity right in front of my nose. My next questions teased out his strategy and how I could help.
It was also interesting to notice how the mood changed by asking different questions. The prevailing mood with the nagging questions was irritation, disbelief and annoyance. The prevailing mood present with the valuable questions was excitement, trust and togetherness – yes, we can do it.
At home these questions were tabled while fully present:
- How will selling this boat gets us closer to our goal of building our own boat?
- You offered your support with the sale; can you tell me what you have in mind?
- As I know you like to work in a team, who do you have in mind to team up with?
- What is your planned time frame and how does that fit in with our other commitments?
- You told me before that not only the boat’s specs but also the sailing stories and woman friendliness will sell the boat. What role do you see for me in selling the yacht?
Do you get the drift? These questions contributed and were coming from a real focus to find things out. And asking them felt good.
The mood the questions generate is an indicator of the intentions behind the questions and where they are going. Observe your questions and the mood they leave you with. Observe where your questions are taking you.
Here is a question: “Do your questions generate a mood of feeling excited/positive/exhilarated about the possibility of something great happening?”
7 Comments to “Asking questions?”
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My telephone company with whom I am a Rep. has taught me that rather than asking myself a question as I wake to greet the day, I say, and quite firmly: Its gonna be a great day!
Having developed a habit of dealing much more positively with myself, I just know it IS gonna be a great day. And are they getting a helluver lot better !
Bestest,
Beth.
Yeah, the pitfalls of questions. However if used with good purpose, as is the case with everything that comes out of our mouth actually, they can contribute hugely.
However early in the morning what is there more to ask then; “John is the coffee ready?” or just stick to what you do, Beth and greet the day lovingly and keep questions abay till they serve a purpose.
Wilma
I have a three year old who asks a million questions a day and the other night when I was reading to him, I couldn’t even get past the first page because of his questions. We both got frustrated, me because he wouldn’t listen to the story and him because he wanted his questions answered. Eventually we compromised and were both satisfied. However I noticed about myself that sometimes I ask so many questions, but often don’t stop to listen to the answers or I ask questions with the answers already in my mind, therefore I miss out on valuable learning. I will now be far more mindful of listening and asking positive questions, thanks Wilma.
I think we might need to invent another word that really covers the meaning of enquiring. I get to see that most of the time we use questions to express our impatience (like Amanda’s 3 years old) or our own mind. Seldom I see myself asking questions that enrich me.
I agree questions are really powerful, as is how we ask them. I use questions as part of my creative thinking time… instead of just staring into space or doodling in my journal, I ask myself a meaningful question to ‘jump start’ my thinking process. And you’re right, asking something like ‘how can I increase my profitability’ is more energising than ‘why are we broke?’
Great comment Fiona, good example how careful languaging can make a difference.
Now that was great insight and positive input!!! Yes, as we become more aware of being in the moment, and being aware of what emotions are being triggered we can: stop and wait to respond or ask questions until we are coming from a positive, productive and loving place. I am also now becoming more and more aware of not continuing to pursue goodness with those that are not interested or care about: integrity, honesty, good for everyone involved, and basically on the same path as me. I know now that I can just move on from those relationships and know, trust, feel and believe that those relationships will be replaced by those that are in a similar frequency.