No prolonged martyrdom here. After 17 days baby left home!
Despite my great mom I have been a martyr.
The first time I really got to see how ugly and stupid my martyrdom really was, I was in a state of shock.
I could not stop crying.
Real martyrs are effective and courageous while being a stand for a cause they firmly believe in.
True I did believe in a cause, a happy, close knit family but instead of a courageous fighter, I saw that I was a whimpering doormat, suffering to arouse sympathy with my feeble and ineffective attempts.
Oh to see that hard cold truth was incredibly confronting. Seeing I was an ineffective whimpering doormat shook me to the core.
I hate to say this, but most of us are whimpering doormats instead of courageous martyrs taking a firm stand for a happy family.
A family can only be guided to happiness by a strong happy basecamp.
I as a surrogate martyr – a doormat- only ‘keeps the peace’ at all cost, MY costs at MY expense.
‘ Keeping the peace’ is not about happiness but indicates a state of war and is about adversary.
Adversary drains us as just as much as living in a war zone does, so no wonder martyrs are tired.
Think about that!
Rotterdam, past city life that now only exists in my thoughts.
This Monday’s post; ‘Giving myself a second chance in life‘ was one of the most interesting posts I’ve written. Interesting because the idea that the past does not exist, the idea that it only exists as thoughts in our heads and nothing more, flies in the face of what we have always been taught, what seems to be as obvious as the world is round. So you can imagine my joy, not only at your comprehension but that you deepened this inquiry still further.
SuZen gave us a very clear example of what her life would look like if her past was still living on as thoughts in her daily life when she said:
I was abused as a child, had a VERY heartbreaking succession of gut wrenching sagas. To cling to ANY of that – in any way – does me absolutely NO good, not physically, mentally or emotionally. The thoughts of those stories can fester for decades, all the while depriving us of being who were are meant to be and short changing some relationships. I am SO blessed to have packed the stories up and abandoned them as having any connection to me and my life today.
Mothers and daughters having fun. I work on a future possibility to have this happen more often.
From writing the last few posts I can see how important it is to take myself seriously.
I can see how it changes my role as a mother and how it makes me proudly accept that I am a woman creating change.
I even dare to acknowledge what the Dalai Lama has said about us, Western Women; how we will save the world.
I am a Western Women and so are my daughters.
I am absolutely certain that I want to give them a new earth, I do want them to live life differently. I want them to have a chance to be one of those women who create change.
And to have that happen, I am prepared to learn like crazy all the things I now know that I need to learn, unlearn and relearn.
One of those things I have learned is letting go of the past so I can role model that to my daughters.
But in families and relationships it is difficult to let go of the past and start afresh.
As you know by now, my relationship with one of my daughters is colored by past stories.
She feels I have failed as a mother during the divorce and she firmly believes I owe her for that time of suffering.
She has taken on the victim role and the victim status her stories provides.
Completion; John's Dad being showered with love.
“Completion brings harmony to your life and to relationships.
Completion is a great way to unclutter your world and your mind.
It’s worth your while to observe where your weaknesses are with completion.
(WomenLikeMe on Completion)
Completion relating to relationships refers to things such as wanting to say thanks to somebody but never getting around to doing it.
Oh, how this aspect of completion struck a cord with me! It hit a nerve big time.
Completion! I am wrapping the presents and deliver them in the weekend.
“The concept of ‘completion’ can seem disarmingly simple, but for all its obviousness it is rarely well practiced.
This is to our detriment as not only does completion achieve the obvious of getting things done and done well, but it brings harmony to our lives, better relationships and a feeling of being in control and the master of our destiny.
Completion is both a habit and a skill that has far reaching beneficial consequences.”
(WomenLikeMe on Time and Completion)
Oh don’t I know it.
I am not a completion machine and I am becoming aware that I am missing out on the benefits, big time.