Honest living restores beauty in our lives AND in nature.
My daughters like clothes shopping with me; they feel safe because I am honest. I used to cringe every time they said that; most of my life I could hardly ever be called honest and I felt that my dishonesty had made me more treacherous than safe.
Dishonesty is not completely a personal flaw, it is a fully accepted practice in today’s world. Nobody really expects politicians, news reporters, even parents and friends to tell the truth and nothing but the truth.
I, like everybody else, was taught not to blurt out what I saw, felt or thought but rather tell polite platitudes. Thus at 21 years old I entered my first marriage well versed in never letting on what I thought. I was no longer capable of sharing or even facing my own innermost thoughts or doubts and always kept my cards close to my chest.
Their ego-thoughts are not preventing them from loving the piano. Not yet anyway.
As always many thanks to everyone who commented on the Monday post; ‘What are your issues with migrating to Heaven on Earth?’
It is a challenging post.
It is one thing to read about ‘Heaven on Earth’ in spiritual texts but it is quite different to actually aspire taking such a huge step in daily life.
And as for migrating there, well Angelia Sims was honest enough to say what was so for her;
I haven’t really stepped out of my southern Oklahoma/Texas culture comfort zone.
And then she went on to say what else was so, with stepping out of her comfort zone;
Hanging out with inhabitants of 'Heaven on Earth', an Oyster Catcher family.
Currently we live in ‘Ego-land’ where ego culture shapes our lives and dictates our behavior. Behavior that attacks, competes, has us being inauthentic and creates a world of lack, defensiveness and fear. Some of us are paying enough attention to notice the destructive culture we live in, a culture that leaves us feeling fearful and oppressed; some of us notice enough to long for a more attractive ‘country’ to live in.
Some of us notice that there is an enticing new ‘country’ appearing. Eckhart Tolle calls it ‘A New Earth‘, I like the name ‘Heaven on Earth‘, a land where ego-type thoughts have no place.
The natives of ‘Heaven on Earth’ have banished their ego and instead they come from love while co-creating dreams based on win/win for all as their life’s purpose.
On the road to an unknown future.
This Monday’s post; ‘We are looking for our new home the WomenLikeMe way’ was a little different from usual. I took the opportunity to report on how John and I are getting on with living our daily life differently.
It seems like a straight forward exercise, reporting; I’ve written lots of reports on people’s lives in my former work as a Careers Consultant.
But I notice that it is not easy at all to report what is going on for me behind the scenes, about the bumps and hurdles I experience along the way, especially as I have not yet safely reached the harbor yet and I have certainly not reached all the wisdom of hindsight yet either. I am still in the middle of the storm so to speak, oscillating between feeling confident and being totally freaked out. I did notice while writing the post that fortunately my confidence is becoming stronger by the day.
However it is still so delightful to have your comments support me in this as you too are honestly addressing your ‘behind the scene’ dilemmas and hurdles.
Joy opened up the inquiry with;
My question of the day to God/the Universe is: where is the love?…
Traffic in Vietnam makes you pay attention.
There was a wide range of comments to this Monday’s post; Do you Pay Attention?
My simple example of dragging the kayaks through the mud when the tide was out was to demonstrate that failing to pay attention has consequences and one of them is that we fail to see what there is to prepare for to have life work out. There are many more consequences when we fail to pay attention and although some comments touched on preparation only, it was not preparation I wanted to draw your attention to, the point of this post was about ‘pay attention to paying attention’.
Aysel could certainly see the issues when she explained how it is for her;
I don’t pay enough attention to what’s happening around me because I am too preoccupied with all the thoughts and ideas inside my head, all the ‘why?’ and “how?’ and ‘what it means?’ questions… Sometimes I get annoyed when I am distracted from this thinking process, even if it’s by son who is asking for some attention. But I switch my mind and dive into the daily routine; before I know it all those very “important” questions shed their significance, they fade away. Maybe instead of thinking too hard, I could live “harder”? I fear that a lot of precious moments are lost because I was too absorbed in my own thinking.
John paying attention to the tide.
Paying attention, being alert and performing at our best only happens when something is at stake, like in a crisis or getting safely home from a sailing trip. You too probably know the feeling, eyes see, ears hear, you are on full alert; you are awake and performing brilliantly, you are alive!
Does that mean that somehow in our daily life we do not pay attention, be alert and fully alive?
Yes, that is exactly what I mean! Marianne Williamson agrees as she keeps reminding us over and over again that we are not paying attention to the fact that we all have the ability to always perform like the brilliant, gorgeous, talented basecamps we all in principle are.
She often exasperates at how we are not taking ourselves seriously enough, how we are not working hard enough to be who we truly are, amazing capable beings who live brilliant wonderful lives and have glorious relationships.
Ouch, the halo seems to escape us . . . again!
I think she has a point and a big one at that.
When I met John I thought he was too serious. He did a lot of interesting things but everything he did, he did with intent. He paid attention to me, to what was going on around him and he always prepared whatever he did. My ego had a lot to say about that. I found him pedantic and anal and I thought I was actually more flexible and relaxed? Was I?
When egos are quiet we can live happily ever after.
The comments flowed abundantly this week on Monday’s post; ‘Your ego can’t collaborate’ with Megan sharing a fine example of what many of us could identify with, the ego in action;
My ego got the better of me this weekend – yesterday and today, actually. You’re right that it definitely does NOT want to collaborate! Ego wants what it wants, and I noticed it was willing to invent stories (otherwise known as projection) to suit its flimsy desires today. I actually had to say aloud a bit earlier, “Please help me be clear! Please help me know the real truth!” Ego was clouding everything up and I decided I wanted to reverse that trend. Like an unwanted house guest…
Yes I agree, the ego sure is like an unwanted house guest.
Then on the subject of collaboration, Lisa exposed that there was more to collaboration than what we generally think;
… so much more important than I used to give it credit for. I really used to think of collaboration as more of a strategic skill, a way of combining strengths, learning to compromise etc. But it is so much more than that, and I hadn’t really clicked into realizing that until reading your post. It IS about ego, and whether or not two people can get beyond relating at the level of ego and connect and interact at a deeper level.
In Vietnam I did see collaboration, the ego had no choice.
Full of expectations, we marry, we work in teams, we build partnership and yet we fail in most of them.
Oh it might not look like we failed; most of us present well and sure know how to look good.
But underneath the surface we are either; martyrs, manipulators, whiners, complainers or passive aggressors, in short we are often unhappy people feeling lonely, because we never learned to collaborate.
Over ten years ago, I looked fine too.
But when you lifted the veil of my charming successful veneer, you could see a different Wilma.
I was a complainer, working in a job I learned to hate.
I had chosen to be rather stuck with the devil I knew, than leave a marriage we were both very unhappy in.
In the end I could have died as stupid as I had become.
I paint a totally different picture of my current life since I have learned to collaborate with people who matter.
And belief you me, collaboration is a totally new ball game you and I have very seldom played.
I am not kidding; this is what the ‘urban dictionary’ has to say about collaboration;
An unnatural act practiced by nonconsenting adults. Worker A: We have no common interests, we don’t like each other, and it irritates us to work together. But we were told by management to engage in collaboration.
Worker B: What a waste of time.
Hmm, does this not resemble marriage and most families as well?
George still going strong, uplifting and willing to play, showing us his old tractor.
At the end of this Monday’s post; Does the way your talk destruct or create? I invited you to “Notice your own destructive talk when you complain, blame and also watch your tone of voice and your facial expression”. I also said “when you notice it, stop even in mid sentence and apologize.”
What did you notice?
Did you play along? Could you catch yourself, did you notice it at all?
Observing yourself in the midst of daily flurry and emotions is one of the hardest things to do.
Why is it so hard to notice and observe?
Because how we talk and react is automatic, it is how we have always done it and we know no other way.
So I invited you to notice something a little less tricky, to notice when another person talks to you in a way that is destructive.
But what about when people and the way they talk, lifts you up.
The kitchen renovation happened peacefully and joyfully as a result of our conversations.
John and I celebrated our 10th anniversary. It was good to acknowledge how great we are together. I give my advanced skills in creative conversation a lot of credit for allowing us to do so many wonderful things with so much peace and joy between us.
Conversations make or break how your life goes, conversations create!
I have recently had a chance to see how far I have come.
We have been selling our house again. We tried before and on the very day our house went on the market the whole economy collapsed. Nice! Recently we tried to sell it again.
I must admit that I was a bit apprehensive. I had to work hard to keep my troublesome Little Voice’s destructive conversations in rein. You can imagine our delight when the house sold within two weeks to two women who loved the house just as much as we did. We once again created a win/win result peacefully and joyfully.
Until a phone call from the solicitor.
There was a problem and the house was NOT yet sold unconditionally. Yikes.
THAT was when my calm bubble broke, panic struck and my Little Voice’s destructive conversation DID win.
My brother's granddaughter Tessa supporting a younger bridesmaid.
I have a dream. I dream that we women support each other’s self-care so we become strong basecamps. From being a strong basecamp we then can co-create a new earth where we joyfully embrace each and every day in peace and harmony.
In this Monday’s post; Let other women take care of your self-care, I shared an aspect of that dream which was the regular coming together as we once did at the village *well* to share and receive guidance for our daily troubles and challenges. I lamented that with no longer doing the laundry at the village *well* many of us have lost the intimate connection and shared wisdom that such frequent coming together provided. Instead we are tending to live isolated and distracted lives, with at best superficial connections happening at work and in social contexts.
On the other hand I was heartened to read in your comments that some of you do currently receive support in a variety of places. Belinda recognized that;
I am fortunate to have a strong circle of wise women in my work — women who are intuitively caring, nurturing, accepting and understanding. These wise women around me are like a balm for the figurative cuts and bruises that I sustain every now and then.
Thanks to support with my 'self care' I am now harvesting these pears AND my happiness.
Last week I talked on Peggy Nolan’s The Stepmom’s Toolbox Radio Show about martyrdom. I have included the link as all her and co-host Erin’s radio shows are available for downloads so you can still listen to them. That is a great win as they cover heaps of issues every woman struggles with.
What hit home afterwards was that we have become so isolated, so alone in our quest for a way out of our misery. It is sad to see how little support we are getting. We all seem to be yearning for guidance and wisdom from other women we love and trust to make sense of the things in life that do not seem to be right. Like never being acknowledged, not knowing where to put our love as it often gets thrown back into our faces or misused and last but not least we do not even know how to take care of ourselves.
Has it ever been different? Were there times when we had access to wise women who could help us out?
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