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Ann-Marie on Acceptance of What Is So
This week’s post Only acceptance has you do things differently questioned acceptance and our perception of it.
And by using an example that is familiar to most people it brought home how our acceptance of a given situation can lead us to doing things differently by creating solutions that work for us.
Joy’s take on this was; “sometimes our thoughts around certain issues have become so automated we don’t even realize it, and always *always* when you start from scratch an insight pops in. Far different from your original thought.”
Now that’s what we’re on about Joy, coming up with a creative and conscious way to proceed instead of the usual reactive default way.
I thought I was accepting ‘what was so’ with my wee girl, however it wasn’t until Wilma and I tore it apart that I got to see how I was NOT doing acceptance whatsoever.
Without acceptance I was still in struggle mode, keeping the problem alive and totally incapable of finding a way out.
By taking the time to get to the core of ‘what was so’, eventually lead to acceptance and everything else along the way was just plain old denial. Phew I’m relieved we sorted it out and I so appreciate and value all your generous and heartfelt responses. Thank You.
To accept can only be simple as Jodi says “when we are ready for it“, but taking the actual steps can seem so challenging. The simplicity of it all can be easily disguised when it comes to the DO-ing of acceptance and BE-ing of acceptance.
However given your responses we all appear to be making some headway with it.
Erin reiterated so brilliantly why the ongoing conversation in the comments are so valuable to each and every one of us as we strive to incorporate these topics and learnings into our everyday lives;
This is a thinking woman’s blog and it is why I return week after week. No whining here. We are intelligent, and creative, so let’s think and figure it out.
And figure things out we did…
Lisa could clearly see “how the ego creeps in and resists acceptance with its projections and ideas”…with Jodi adding these sentiments; “our automatic, ego-driven response to life’s events is usually to fix what is outside of us. And, isn’t it wonderful when the only thing that we must change is our attitude or approach”
Zeenat’s mother’s advice to her, as a new mother herself, was to; “Buck up and face the issue not the reaction to the issue” which set her up to see acceptance in almost all situations and says that; “without it I don’t think I would be able to handle any situation.”
Nadia followed on with an insightful observation that “a lot of human issues are rooted in just not accepting the reality of the situation. We so much want to blame external factors as if blaming will change things. Blaming never does any good and just keeps us stuck where we are. Took me years to figure that one out!”
“Acceptance is NOT that simple” exclaimed Wilma.
We can be inconsistent with acceptance, we accept one thing but not another or we accept one person’s behavior or opinion but not anothers.
Our ego can play havoc with it, it can interpret acceptance as giving in, losing your ground or compromising thus we dig our heels in and resist it even more.
The word acceptance has had negative connotations attached to it, connotations that keep us stuck with no foreseeable possibility.
However Daphne certainly turned things around with this comment;
This (acceptance) is definitely something I’ve been working on lately. I think it ties in directly with the idea of “should”. Donald often says “It shouldn’t be that way” or “That’s the way it’s supposed to be”. He has very strong ideas of what is right and wrong and although I encourage him to see that perhaps what is right and wrong for him is not for everyone, I also have to accept that this is part of who he is…You cannot change someone else. You can only change yourself
By taking an honest look at what it is that you can and cannot change and then assessing your willingness to accept this leads to acceptance, it is the access point for us to have awesome relationships in life.
To embody acceptance and demonstrate it, to feel it coarse through our veins, to BE acceptance is to fulfill beautifully on the purpose that the Creator intends for us.
Peggy’s comment on accepting What IS, is heart warming indeed. It is a wonderful example of just how significant acceptance is in our daily lives, how it plays a vital role in having us do life differently.
My stepson just returned home from spending a week with his mom. In the past, transitions were awful. I was cranky because I no longer had my husband to myself and Junior was cranky because he was back to the land of rules and discipline. He and I both fought what IS.
And then one day, after applying Bryon Katie to all that I could think of – all my “should” and “should nots,” I applied it to our transition period.
Junior and I both need SPACE when he comes home. I accepted this reality and once I did that, I was better able to come up with a creative solution.
As Junior settles back into the routine at home and I settle back into the job of stepmom of a seventeen year old young man, I decided the best course of action would be not to be rigid and demanding of our rules and how we run our home. We both need the time. And with me more relaxed and him less anxious, transitions go a lot smoother and we reconnect”
And Wilma’s response showed us how much effort is required in order to do acceptance.
It is about daring to be honest and being capable to see WHAT IS SO. THAT is what is also required, to really see what is going on, from both sides and to notice when you are coming from your own ego self centered drama driven perspective. Once you find a solution that really works and brings out the best in each other and brings back love, you know that what you saw and accepted was WHAT WAS SO, honestly looking at both sides without premature judging”.
Acceptance is a tricky topic to come to grips with, our understanding of it has become so distorted.
Our ability to accept and see ‘what is so’ is not a well practiced skill in this day and age, to go to this level daily is profound.
Awareness and observation are the first steps.
That is why our context and the conversations we are having are so useful as we create a life that is different from the status quo.
So keep these conversations going and your acceptance radar on full alert…
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14 Comments to “Ann-Marie on Acceptance of What Is So”
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Oh Ann-Marie, this acceptance sure had all of us chewing the fat, if that is the right saying.I am still amazed how applying all this knowledge in daily life takes some doing. There is always more to discover and it shows how hidden and invisible and unaccessible all this innate knowledge has become by our way of living in this noisy and busy world.
I reminds me of the movie Karate Kid, and the scene when he gets told to keep practicing wax on and wax off while cleaning his master’s car, and all he wants is to get on with the real stuff, practicing karate.
I too sometimes desire to get on with the real stuff, to live life differently NOW,to have the awesome creator -I supposedly am- showing up now instead of having to put up with this fumbling and stumbling practicing.
But of course I have to accept that THIS IS IT, us being the awesome creators at work right now, when we are working dilligently to make sense of these Mondays with Molly.
So another great practice for me right now is to accept that we are work in progress and I am very grateful that I can practice in this context and with this wonderful group of friends.
Thanks buddy and everyone for hanging in there, it makes a difference. xoxo Wilma
You’re spot on my friend; this is a topic that can be challenging to pin down. In our daily lives we have very few role models as examples of how to do acceptance and we are given so many mixed signals as to what acceptance is, its true meaning becomes disguised. And yes it still astonishes me too just how much it takes to actually do and be acceptance.
However we are peeling back the layers and discovering more each day that guides us towards a better understanding to do life differently. And it doesn’t happen overnight for sure; we have lots more wax on wax off ahead of us! And after that there is the next stage – paint the fence, paint the fence!!!!
The beauty of these conversations and context is that we are all a work in progress, exploring ourselves and bringing the wonderful creations that we are to the forefront of our lives. And that rocks!
Acceptance is a personal revelation. As long as we let ourselves be clouded by our limited understanding, there’s a little chance for us to see the truth. The only way we can find some answers is to experience what is presented before us–no resistance, no complaints, just the pure agony of it.
Hi Walter
Acceptance is a must when there’s commitment to living life differently. It takes self responsibility and honesty. It may seem challenging to go there however it can be done with a willingness to enquire and seek new explanations and a willingness to stay in the conversation until acceptance is reached. At the end of the day it is personal, only we can choose if we want more of the same old same old or something different that has our life work at an extraordinary level!
Hugs to you
Hi Wilma and Ann-Marie – Such an eloquent discussion of acceptance. You and your readers have written so beautifully about it, and I love these excerpts from comments. I can’t think of anything to add, so may I share one of my favorite quotes about acceptance and recognizing that “this is it,” this is life, right here, right now? It’s from Alfred D’Souza:
“For a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin – real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way. Something to be got through first, some unfinished business, time to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.”
Patty – Why Not Start Now?´s last blog ..Old Newsletters and Silt
Hi Patty
The comments have such gold in them, we can learn so much from each other.
Great quote Patty. It captured what we are talking about.
Doesn’t it almost sound absurd to be waiting around for life to begin?
However there are millions of people out there this minute doing just that.
No acceptance of what is so there, that’s for sure!
This ‘dawning’ is such a revelation, it is the platform from which we can then begin to play the game of life in a different way, one that has us really fly. Just think of what can be achieved as more and more people wake up to this. Mass acceptance, and with that anything is possible. xxx
Ann Marie,
Thank you for this conversation! While I was reading today I came across this passage I’d like to share with you (from Deepak Chopra’s “Twenty Spiritual Lessons for Creating the Life that You Want”) …”in the simplest act of seeing an ordinary thing..this experience demonstrates that innocence cannot be lost, it can only be covered over. The secret to seeing innocently is seeing from a new viewpoint *one that is not conditional by what you expect to see*”
I absolutely love that lesson. And I need to be most mindful to apply it. Lots of new magnificent things have manifested in my life, and that’s the key to processing them all–to look at them as the new beautiful treats that they are and not “judge” them by my past experiences.
Joy
Joy, creating and manifesting from a blank canvas does produce magnificent things that has us soar to incredible heights.
To generate this canvas takes an incredible amount of enquiry into the “what is so” and then there’s the willingness to accept it and that in itself is another massive undertaking.
The enquiry is worth it though; ‘to see from a new viewpoint’ with no preconceived ideas, no expectations, no auto pilot is an honest place to stand and live ones life authentically.
Joy you are doing that, your openness and willingness to explore and ’see’ what is so results in beautiful treats entering your world on a daily basis. May they be abundant!
Thank you for the passage from Deepak Chopra, it contributes to this conversation x
it’s great how your deepen the discussion by processing our comments in this way
Lisa (mommymystic)´s last blog ..December Month in Review
Hi Lisa.
The contributions from you fabulous women add such value and do bring the conversation to another level, to a place where we can see ourselves in each other, where we can resonate, grow and evolve, a place where love shows up and we become one.
This shared intimacy is rare and I for one feel completely blessed to have it in my daily life. Thank You Lisa for being a big part of this. xxx
Hi Ann-Marie .. a really interesting post .. we don’t rethink our ways do we – we settle into that habit. Certainly it is easier to accept things and just adapt to them .. but people who don’t change (especially family) are so difficult to come to terms with. We almost have to lead two lives. I guess I’m in a more difficult or challenging position, because I don’t have kids and so my family is very small – and that’s the way they are. It’s an interesting world – I know I’m not perfect, but some movement from them would help sometimes .. c’est la vie – and I get on with my life most of the time .. but as family we have to be together some of the time.
Your posts are great and it’s wonderful how you and Wilma work together ..
Enjoy your wee angel! and have a brilliant 2010 ..
Hilary Melton-Butcher
Positive Letters Inspirational Stories
Hilary´s last blog ..Start of weather forecasting, some stats and memories …
Hi Hilary
Rethink our ways… huuum. Well for me the auto pilot light has been on far too often for my liking, whether it be in relation to the people in my life, my routines or the things I’m doing.
And it does take courage to scrutinize this, to become fully conscious of what it is we are thinking about and the resulting actions.
To remain in this conversation until we get to the crux of what is really going on, to see situatuions for what they really are IS the access point to acceptance; to honest acceptance of ”what is so’ in our realtionships and actions.
At the end of the day acceptance brings us peace – acceptance of family how they are and how they are not. However getting to this point requires great effort on our part.
It is indeed wonderful how we can all work together to work things out and Hilary I wish you every peace with your family for 2010. x x x
Hi Ann marie,
It so lovely to see all our thoughts presented in such a beautiful conversation. Makes our discussions that much more meaningful and revealing. This way we can see all the thoughts on the topic and take advantage of everyones wisdom…all in one post! Awesome!
Much Love,
Z~
Hi Z~
I agree, the collective conversation is such a contribution to us all so long as we actually use it daily in our lives. To learn from each other and to see ourselves in others situations is so valuable, there is much gold there.
As I said to Lisa, this level of intimacy is rare and yet so necessary to have us do things differently in life.
I’m grateful that you are here with us, Z~
Much love to you too, Ann-Marie