John and I working towards our desire to be warm.
On the Monday’s post; ‘She has no desires only goals‘ I described how my daughter is typical of so many of us; she has been taught to be goal focused, is achieving goals and yet lives an unfulfilling life where her unique personal desire and passion are missing. I too was once doing just the same, appearing successful but failing to love my life, until now that is.
Why might we choose ’safe’ goals over ‘unknown’ desires? Jenn shared her own experience of how her desires did not go to plan;
I stopped desiring things after an incident in my past where I made plans (full-out passionate plans) and then it got turned on me… I didn’t want to believe, and hope and desire again to that fullness… because I assumed it would be taken away again, and that was a lot of wasted good quality energy.
We all have seen our desires come to grief and leave us thinking we won’t do that again; lets play small instead. Little Voice then has the chance to come up with all kinds of justifications such as Jenn went on to share;
Nature and me, both here on my blog and on Robin's blog, desiring real food.
I have a guest post today on Robin Easton’s blog and it fits beautifully with all the posts on intimacy and LOVE and what it means when I observe that my daughter doesn’t have a life.
It means my daughter is pursuing goal after goal with no real desire where to take her life. She is missing out on a life that is rich with diverse experiences and LOVE and she is fooled into thinking that distractions like holidays and material things are her desires.
I know how hollow life is that follows a predictable pattern, I once lived like that too and I was as Peggy Nolan said in her comment “a rat running around in a cage going nowhere“ until it finally dawned on me;
But damn it, I am NOT a rat, I am a creative being with a purpose who should follow her growing personal desires with actions of Love.
Within purpose I can achieve goals, but goals on their own are like dead end railroad tracks, useless for expansive travel plans.
When I was thirty I had it all but was bored. Ironically I worked in career counseling assisting people to find their desires and how to make them come true. How ironic indeed.
In this Monday’s post; Ego rejects love and intimacy I began by sharing my reaction to hearing that my brother was reading my blog. I then went on to share my inner thoughts and observations of my relationship with my daughter and how intimacy so easily vanishes as ego dominates our conversation and activities -or the lack of it- with its fears and primary need to protect it’s own agenda.
We all know the story of the emperor with no clothes on, a story which so beautifully shows how our egos go to great length to keep up appearances and how avoidance of intimate sharing out of fear can keep a ridiculous situation in place. That fairy story sounds unbelievable but is it really?
Your comments, especially Tess, Peggy and Mark all echoed Jannie Funster’s assertion that;
The ego and love and intimacy do not mix.
This wonderful intimacy is soon to be rejected by ego.
My brother recently confessed that he ‘secretly‘ reads my blog?!
WHAT?! However I ’secretly’ thought straight away; “O hell, did I write anything compromising?”
WHAT?!
NO wonder that our closest friends and family do NOT read our blogs, when it solicits these reactions. I panicked and my brother obviously felt as if he has done a dirty deed AND that when nobody did anything wrong. Having got over my first fright I love having my brother read my blog; “hi Peter, I love seeing you here!”
But what was going on?
What went on is the result of the fact that the ego hates intimacy and resists it at all cost. THAT was what happened.
I’d say the ego is doing that for a good reason though.
Intimacy is Love-in-action.
Love makes you pay attention, love has you being present to whom is in front of you and the ego knows that intimacy means someone is getting too close for comfort.
The ego knows it is in danger of having its cover blown, having its underlying selfish, dishonest agenda exposed and therefore the ego resists love and intimacy.
Learning to be a captain can be tiring.
On this Monday’s post; Allow yourself to be lovable and shine I argued the case for us to become strong basecamps and how important it is that we captain our own Life first and then we can become a leader for our family. Being captain is no longer the prerogative of men, times are changing and with that the need for everyone, women and men alike to accept the responsibility of being our own captains on our own life voyage. We need to start learning to think and act from our own inner indigenous power.
This is easy to say, but as Dorothy shared very challenging to embrace in daily life. Dorothy’s experience was one of;
Let us strong women captain our boat, we can do it!
Since I have become a strong basecamp, my relationships are flourishing and so am I.
My children no longer can give me grief even if they still do not behave greatly under my ex-husband’s disruptive influence.
I am no longer bending over backwards, taking all the blame and responsibility feeling everything is my fault. I am no longer confused and at the mercy of circumstances; I have seen my martyrdom behavior for what it is – manipulative and ineffective – and thus I AM free to love myself, be lovable and shine.
I worked hard to be able to behave this way and it has been worth every penny and every minute.
I learned that equipping myself and giving up misguided behavior like martyrdom was the biggest favor I could have done to myself and anybody else in my life, my erratic ex included, although he may never realize this.
John being Love-in-action because I am lovable of course.
What a glorious abundant love-in-action flowed from your comments on this Monday’s post; Are we lovable enough to attract love?
I absolutely adored the level of honesty that shone through in your comments. It is only through honesty that we get closer to the wholesome ‘what is so’ of our lives. Your honesty is such a loving contribution as we all get a chance to reflect on our own wholesome ’what is so’ when we read each other’s comments.
In particular I’m acknowledging the honesty of Dorothy and Joyce who echoed Michaele’s observation of how difficult it is to be love-in-action;
it can be hard to remember in the thick of things… and easy to forget.. and sometimes I find myself wondering how to *be* love-able in my current situation.
The honesty didn’t stop there as Tess shared;
as soon as I’m off kilter I find myself attacking hubs for no reason at all.
With Chris Edgar following up with a telling observation of human beings;
Are they lovable enough to attract Love?
Living in nature, in this Garden of Eden is a bit ironic and quite confronting for me at the moment. The abundance, the Love it offers is in very sharp contrast with how I experience Ego-land, the world of humans.
All I see is hunger for nutritious, honest food, hunger for a purpose and the worst hunger of all, the lack of Love.
Let’s face it, who feels totally loved today? Because if we did, we would all be living in ‘Heaven on Earth’ as Love is the key.
To live in ‘Heaven on Earth’ we need to do as the Romans do when in Rome, which is to be lovable, to be Love-in-Action and attract through love.
That brings me back to my migration metaphor, are we acting like the Romans when in Rome?
Can we do Love-in-action? Are we lovable?
Tess what do you think of my hair? Honestly?
My heart sang with the honest sharing in this Monday’s post; ‘How I got to Honesty‘. YOU shine!
It sang to me because you too felt the need to be honest with yourself first and in particular with your feelings.
Chris Edgar gave a fine example of honesty by paying attention to what he is actually feeling;
the first and biggest step toward honesty for me has been actually paying attention to what I’m feeling, rather than what I’m “supposed” to feel in a given situation
He went on to say that feeling angry when being cut off while driving is a learned, ’supposed to have’ feeling, especially for males. Chris’ honesty had him realize that he did not feel anger and I’ll agree; not feeling angry does not take away maleness and it sure is time we all get that! Go Chris go.
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