Rotterdam, past city life that now only exists in my thoughts.
This Monday’s post; ‘Giving myself a second chance in life‘ was one of the most interesting posts I’ve written. Interesting because the idea that the past does not exist, the idea that it only exists as thoughts in our heads and nothing more, flies in the face of what we have always been taught, what seems to be as obvious as the world is round. So you can imagine my joy, not only at your comprehension but that you deepened this inquiry still further.
SuZen gave us a very clear example of what her life would look like if her past was still living on as thoughts in her daily life when she said:
I was abused as a child, had a VERY heartbreaking succession of gut wrenching sagas. To cling to ANY of that – in any way – does me absolutely NO good, not physically, mentally or emotionally. The thoughts of those stories can fester for decades, all the while depriving us of being who were are meant to be and short changing some relationships. I am SO blessed to have packed the stories up and abandoned them as having any connection to me and my life today.
Mothers and daughters having fun. I work on a future possibility to have this happen more often.
From writing the last few posts I can see how important it is to take myself seriously.
I can see how it changes my role as a mother and how it makes me proudly accept that I am a woman creating change.
I even dare to acknowledge what the Dalai Lama has said about us, Western Women; how we will save the world.
I am a Western Women and so are my daughters.
I am absolutely certain that I want to give them a new earth, I do want them to live life differently. I want them to have a chance to be one of those women who create change.
And to have that happen, I am prepared to learn like crazy all the things I now know that I need to learn, unlearn and relearn.
One of those things I have learned is letting go of the past so I can role model that to my daughters.
But in families and relationships it is difficult to let go of the past and start afresh.
As you know by now, my relationship with one of my daughters is colored by past stories.
She feels I have failed as a mother during the divorce and she firmly believes I owe her for that time of suffering.
She has taken on the victim role and the victim status her stories provides.
My sister's grandson safely playing with a doll. Will she tease him when he is older?
Your acknowledgements give me the courage to say to anyone who has not read Monday’s post; ‘Integrity, accountability; what is NOT going on’ to read it not once but twice.
With ‘accountable sharing of useful information’, I’m not referring to whether we talk a lot or not.
I’m certainly not suggesting we should share more gossip, blame, excuses, opinions, advice or tell more stories.
I’m referring to a very specific form of communication called ‘being accountable’. In the original post I defined it as:
accountable in this context meaning freely keeping people informed to whom that information is useful.
My sisters granddaughter. Will she be a confident woman living in a changing world?
This morning I woke up, savoring the dawn, deeply grateful that I have become the woman I love.
I love how I think about myself, I am delighted about how I treat myself.
I adore my growing confidence in leading my family and guiding my two daughters.
I love how I no longer slink through life, no longer confused and burdened by guilt from mistakes.
I AM moving forward to indigenous wisdom that allow me to handle people and situations in a way that I can be proud of.
I am finally reclaiming my role as a woman and mother.
I AM showing up; I AM confident and authentic.
I AM whole by being in-integrity and accountable.
Part of integrity is being accountable; accountable in this context meaning freely keeping people informed to whom that information is useful.
Nobody is actually well trained in freely sharing useful information to create functional relationships.
In our current hierarchical way of operating, information is not respected and often misused to control, start a fight or hold against us.
If you are like me you too will tend to keep your cards close to your chest.
Family Dinner in Holland.
This week’s post ‘Me and my out-of-integrity family members’ touched on a couple of sacred cows; integrity and families.
However it was more than that, it was a post where I declared one of the ultimate examples of ’The Emperor with no clothes’.
I said; “We live in society that is mostly out-of-integrity most of the time and nobody makes a big deal about it or notices how it complicates life. Dealing with out-of-integrity behavior is draining us and is giving us grief big time.”
I chose the example of me and my daughter because we women if we do not have daughters of our own at least we are all daughters with family dynamics to negotiate our way through. Sure enough your comments reflected how you could see my example in your own lives.
The most common emotion it brought up was ‘frustrated’ though stronger words such as ‘infuriating’ were thrown around. Frustration is certainly an indicator that things are getting complicated.
My daughter's first taste of a snowy Holland.
I am proud of myself. I am resembling more and more the woman I desire to be.
A woman who can lead a family, a woman who gracefully yet purposefully handles life and the humans in it.
Let’s face it, that is what most of us want to achieve isn’t it?
Getting out of a muddle concerning our loved ones and how to organize our lives.
Being in-integrity plays a big part in achieving that and I am chuffed that I recently passed an integrity test with flying colors while dealing with a very out-of-integrity family member, my own daughter.
Now I am not picking on my daughter here, all people are out-of-integrity and family members are no exception.
In fact the whole world consistently slides into out-of-integrity most of the time and nobody makes a big deal about it or notices how it complicates life.
Birds hate interruptions too. John will you leave them alone!
Your comments to this week’s post; ‘Interrupted thinking creates half-baked Me’ certainly deepened my thinking about this epidemic of constant daily interruptions.
I want to start by emphasizing that interruptions of themselves are not inherently bad, a modest amount of interruptions are great and a fact of life. This is not the issue at all. The issue is the constant stream of them and our lack of vigilance in recognizing the insidious consequences to our quality of life and quality thinking because of constant interruptions.
So what is the cost of lots of interruptions?
The look of my current blissful uninterrupted life.
Ever opened the oven door and thus interrupted the baking?
Of course you have and so have I with dire consequences.
My interruptions have caused many potentially beautiful creations come to an early death. Before they had a chance to rise, many cakes have fallen flat on their face so to speak.
Okay, so I have ruined some baking, I can live with that.
But what if interruptions are being the death of my heart-centered creations?
What if interruptions are so plentiful in my life that my creative self never has a chance to fully express itself, that its thoughts never have a chance to rise?
Can I be so casual about that, can I live with that?
Hmmm.
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