No is an acceptable response to a request
Thanks guys for playing with us and sharing your examples with making requests and your issues with saying and hearing ‘no’.
I think we probably can identify with Tess and her picking up her husbands shoes. As she shared
For the first 5 years of our marriage I requested and commanded he pick up his shoes. Of course he didn’t. So I picked them up for him but I griped loudly the entire time.
A few years went by and I no longer griped but I had the victim “attitude.” Yet I kept picking them up.
Then after another few years I noticed one day I was picking up his shoes and did it matter of factly. No longer upset by his not taking care of his shoes.
Then one day I became grateful that I had the opportunity to pick up his shoes and I became grateful that he was in my life.
The bottom line for me concerning the shoes was “Do I want to be happy or right?”
I decided happy!
Ann-Marie, George mentioned in last week's post as the master of requests, guide dog Georgie and Wilma.
Writing about making requests has proven hard and really shows me I am severely lacking in this skill.
Last week’s post took me several attempts and this one has taken a long time too.
To be honest, I wish I had kept my mouth shut about making requests. All they do is confuse me and just writing about them makes me cranky.
I know that solving this request issue is valuable as I do see that I need this skill if I want to spread my wings and yet my aversion to tackle this issue is huge.
Requests for me are big scary beasts.
After all my aborted attempts to write sensibly about this topic, I have now decided to let all my emotional stuff around requests simmer for a while to see if I can unravel this issue one small step at the time. So this time I am going for a semantic approach.
Mulling over making a request? Just do it!
Who’s Jumping?
This week Wilma & I had a lengthy chat about living life differently, about making sustainable change to have our lives completely work for us.
And once again we came back to and talked about the chasm that exists between knowing what to do and actually taking the steps to do it, to get it done.
During our conversation we spoke about the comments that you guys are leaving on the blog.
The openness, the depth of knowledge, the courage and most of all the expressions of love and support for each other are extraordinary.
One thing’s for sure, we are never ever alone in our concerns and fears about life.
A clear request.
This little baby bird in its nest beside our front door is totally dependant on others for her survival and she knows it. There is no doubt about that when you see this beak and its clear request for food!
She goes for it, no hesitation.
When MY survival is at stake, I am no different from that baby bird.
When I really need to, I can make those requests too.
Thank goodness I have not been in many desperate situations; however in the few times that I have had my back up against the wall, I was very capable of making requests.
When push came to shove, believe you me I asked. I asked for things I never imagined I could ever ask for.
BUT … and this is the killer, as soon as the crisis was over I would immediately forgo my ability to make requests. I’d return as quickly as I could to my independence and I’d try to forget the instance as fast as I possibly could.
In my judgment, having to ask is horrible, horrible, horrible.
I HATE it!
I cringe when I think back on those times when I was dependant on others, I cringe about how helpless and powerless I felt.
And I vouch never to go there again, not if I can help it.
Thus requests have had an unjustifiably negative reputation in my book.
And it could have been so different.
Instead I could have looked back on those times that I needed to make requests, with gratitude and joy. I could have looked at the fact that my requests were indeed granted and that there were people who granted them so lovingly.
I never realized that requests are a superb safety net and are a tremendous way of accessing resources that could make my life amazing beyond belief.
John being encouraged by Wilma.
In last week’s post I wrote; “Great base camps understand sponsorship.”
Bringing up that whole idea of sponsorship and making ’ME’ - base camp – a prosperous structure has unlocked something huge in me.
I never considered that any personal relationship could have a sponsorship theme as well.
If I look back, most relationships, be it with partners, relatives, friends or with works colleagues have been one of limited possibilities because of that.
As I went through life, I have learned to look after myself, not to expect too much, to keep score so I would not become a doormat or a victim and to compete for mostly everything from attention and love to promotion and opportunities.
Most of my adult life I have been going it alone, I relied on myself and in my previous marriage I never considered my needs.
Now when I look at sponsorship, I get a whole new view on how a relationship could be.
I could become the sponsored one as well as a sponsor AND have everyone in the relationship fly.
John making me a wealthy base camp by lovingly making me a beautiful wooden kitchen bench.
I loved that the post, I am base camp resonated so strongly with so many of you who have read it.
And given the comments from some of you on your own reluctance to look after yourself, it certainly looks like I am not alone here.
Isn’t it amazing that when you look at yourself in a different light and see yourself as a structure, see yourself as base camp, how this reluctance just doesn’t make sense anymore?
It all of a sudden seems ludicrous NOT to look after yourself, NOT to keep base camp well maintained and prosperous, especially when you can see that the expedition called your life totally depends on it.
I can talk about the good life, spirituality and enjoying myself until the cows come home but that’s all just ‘hot air’ if I DON’T keep ME in great shape.
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