Last week I bravely tackled *unbending intent* and I’ve been questioning intent ever since.
Is there a significant difference when intent shows up or not?
Yes, there is.
An event where clear desire and *unbending intent* definitely didn’t show up was at my wedding.
In those years, I had no idea what I wanted, I was confused and couldn’t deal with my deepest desires.
I was torn between wanting not to be seen as middle class and my suppressed desire to be a princess for a day.
I had no idea how to handle that tension and developed a *wedding phobia* instead.
All I wanted was for it to be over and me to be as inconspicuous as was possible for a bride.
In the end I wore a plain dress, the ceremony became one of those meaningless affairs, the party was ho hum and the whole wedding ended up being a drag.
Once I got over the whole wedding ceremony phobia -years later- I could kick myself when I realized what I missed out on.
Needless to say that the marriage also lacked intent and ended up leaving me with a feeling that something was missing.
It was with my clear desire to get out of overcrowded Holland to a place of nature, New Zealand that I managed real intent.
I was all focused action and confidently going for it.
At work they made a big fuss of my leaving and I lapped it up.
No attention phobia there.
Interesting, now I come to think of it.
Getting a job in New Zealand in my field of career counseling, while everybody said that was not possible, was also done with clear desire and intent.
I didn’t want to give up on a job that I so loved.
I swapped children with a friend one day a week and went to volunteer at a high school as part of getting into the system.
At some point they offered me a paid job as a teacher aid, but although the money at the time was very tempting, I knew I had to keep going and avoid getting stuck in a paid job that wasn’t getting me anywhere.
I was so clear.
And indeed, those moves with unbending intent coming from a clear desire got me my job, with some help from the universe no doubt.
I felt so powerful when I scored that job.
Another event when I lacked intent was when I traveled home to my dying mum.
I was shocked when I heard that she was that ill, but that is no excuse for my lack of intent.
What I lacked was an intent to bring about my desire to have a very special time with her and share my feelings and thoughts and gratitude.
I could not bring myself to have enough intent to have that happen.
Over time I had become very shut down, couldn’t express my inner thoughts and feelings and thus created a *speaking from the heart* phobia.
Instead of having a wonderful last few weeks, I ended up with regret and a yearning for how it could have been.
After I realized what we both missed out on, it took me a while to forgive myself.
Oh, if I could have accessed intention then.
What I now question is;
Does that mean that living life without clear desire and intent will lead to regret, bitterness, cynicism or resignation.
The chances are it will.
Clear intent driven by clear desires are necessary to make life interesting, fluid, honest and vibrant.
There was nothing fun about my wedding that I can recall, nothing to be proud off.
But all has not been for nothing.
There is a lot of intent in my relationship with John.
After my failings I have *unbending intent* to apply what I have gained about intent over the years and make my life with John a joyful one.
I have a clear desire and intent to make our relationship supportive so we bring the best out of each other and go beyond the *what is in it for me* intent.
The intent is to create a great partnership, so we have abundance.
In our abundance we can share what we have, within our community, with the planet and thus create a better place to live in.
How does intent make a difference?
By going beyond my own smallness, when my feelings want to run the show.
This week was a beaut example.
I was told to stick to systems and that got me.
I don’t like systems which is a hangover from my time dealing with cumbersome and seldom helpful corporate systems
And I don’t like being ‘told off’.
That day was a particular busy day and I felt that I was the only one who was working hard.
Shows I am still not perfect and it gets worse.
As a result I decided I could buck the system and blow the consequences.
Dare to challenge me!
Of course I got challenged and that really set me off.
I felt hard done by and wanted to wallow in the unfairness of it all until I got hold of my intent.
My intent pulled me up.
My intent effectively and quickly got me beyond my own little agenda and got me back to the ‘for the sake of what’ am I playing here.
Am I playing for my own drama or for something more important.
That is what clear desire and unbending intent does to me.
It lets me play a big game.
With intent all my relationships are awesome!
With intent my life is awesome!
And that is how far I’ve come!
Oh, how I love having arrived in my Garden of Eden.
When I declared at the beginning of the year that I wanted to eat flowers and move from the city to a rural property with a bigger garden and a wonderful house, I had every intent to make that happen.
I was determined and very sure that that was what I wanted.
Even if it looked touch and go for a while when we didn’t sell our house; sure enough we did arrive at this current wonderful property, which we are now renting for one year.
It was one of the first times in my life that I so intentionally worked with intent and since then I have started to pay it more attention.
After once again reading the Carlos Castaneda books, I got to see even more that intent is the most important driver behind getting your desires happening.
In these series of books Carlos describes his time as an apprentice with a traditional ‘Man of Knowledge’, a Yaqui Indian, who is a hard task master and constantly points out that Carlos is hopelessly ineffective and very sloppy in his behaviors and actions.
He constantly hammers Carlos about unbending intent and powerful actions and he shows Carlos that actions without intent are wasteful and very seldom effective or very productive.
Intent, let alone unbending intent is not an easily understood concept, at least not by me and I got painfully aware of my lack of skills with intent this weekend.
Fright fantastic, brilliant and awesome?
Yes and you know what!
Failing to embrace fright and its brilliance has locked you and me into predictability, has you and me being risk averse and living boring predictable lives if we are not careful!
Instead of accepting fright as being part of facing the unknown, embracing learning and doing new things; instead of seeing its brilliance, we have been taught to avoid fright and worse we have collapsed fright into fear.
And that is the worst thing we could do with fright, collapsing it with fear!
Don’t you love it when all of a sudden you get an insight.
For years I wondered why certain relationships work and others don’t.
Why with certain people I get on like a house on fire and with others I don’t.
Why my marriage didn’t work and with John I have a blast.
Recently as part of talking about the topic ‘Completion’ on Life Leverage I clearly saw that ‘contributing’ and ‘receiving’ has got something to do with the fact why certain people are so much easier to have relationships with than others.
I discovered that there is one group that are the contributors, the givers in life and the other group are the receivers, the takers in life.
I am not saying one is better than the other, we need both of them.
It is about how we balance ‘being a giver’ and ‘being a receiver’ .
The balance effects the quality of our relationships and the level at which we get things done and the speed we complete things with.
Bad hair day? Well, we are camping in wilderness.
Even now I have my wonderful life there are still bad hair days.
Oh how I wish on those days that somebody just told me what to do and at the end of the day would send me home telling me I have done enough and I could happily relax, feeling very good about myself.
But no, with an interesting life comes responsibility and choices and that sometimes makes me so tired and confused.
I then notice that I am still an apprentice, learning how to carry all that responsibility for having a good life.
On those days I observe how little I have learned to cope with freedom of choice.
And on those days I feel there is so much to learn and when will I finally be perfect?
Now it is no wonder that I feel that way when trying to map out my own life according to my desires and creating a balanced and productive life.
We are not trained to do so.
Fairy tales not true?
Well, don’t be too quick with your opinion.
Once upon a time a little soul prepared to go to earth, eagerly making plans to have the time of her life.
While waiting her turn, the little soul dreamt of beautiful gardens, woman friendly sailing yachts in tropical waters and a blissful life with a prince; imagining that together they would make the planet a joyful and prosperous place.
After her arrival the little soul was lovingly received and fussed over by an older sister and three brothers.
For years life was good.
She was a delightful little soul, trustingly holding on to her dream, being totally and fully self expressed.
Just as she imagined it would be before her arrival on earth.
But little did she know then that there was a ‘very big web’ waiting for her.
All was not well in paradise this week.
After a fantastic first few weeks and lots of fun I woke up on Monday quite sick!
I felt nauseous and increasingly uncomfortable with a funny pain in my stomach, which I’d noticed before but been ignoring for a while.
Now, being ill is not something I do well.
I find it a personal affront, I get upset and quite agitated.
So on top of not feeling well physically, I start an enormous mental fight that of course is taking me nowhere and has all the hallmarks of making the whole condition even worse.
How do some people find their way so quickly in a new phenomenon such as blogging, online marketing or cyberspace in general?
While I carefully move around one step at the time, trying to make sense of it all and thinking more than twice before acting, it is fascinating to see the ones who have the audacity to act in this new environment.
It was a post on one of my stomping grounds in cyberspace called Problogger written by Skellie that addressed audacity and how it helps successful bloggers to do what they do, that got my attention.
I might have an above average IQ, but the garbage my mind has come up with is astounding!
This so called ‘intelligent mind’ sabotages my life, it ruins my day, my life and relationships if I let it and it should be stopped!
Watch this mind and heart playing their respective parts in these scenarios.
See who you’d rather follow!
Here is heart having a good time wishing to live in a pretty house in a very sheltered private spot away from city lights and city noises, dreaming and drooling.
We have unpacked all the boxes and after sorting the numerous telecommunication hitches, we are back on line and lving here!
And in the beginning I wasn’t so sure if that was a good thing!
I started to freak out.
Relationships, love them or hate them.
Most of us have one, had one or want one AND I think it is fair to say that relationships can give the most joy and the most grief in life.
Relationships are important and make life wonderful when they work and are an asset.
If the whole manifesting business is all about aligning thoughts and desires with how I feel and vibrate,
how do I manifest when I have relationships in which I am not aligned, where everything and everyone is at odds and my good vibration is constantly going out of the window?
That means we need to pay attention to the vibration of our relationship, right?
But I think that we don’t know how to do great relationships.
Weeeeell, this is what I wrote 2 weeks ago;
“Now we’ve got the house, the Universe, John and I are going to manifest great tenants.
John and I have been preparing the house so it is ready for good people.
(He is even putting insulation in so it is really nice and snug, now we are moving!)
It is up on Trade-me and so far our job is done, although I keep it nice and tidy for when people want to have a look.
As we have done all we could, it is now up to the Universe to find those lovely tenants.
I cannot wait to see who the Universe is coming up with.”
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